(雙語)月亮和六便士 第48章(1)

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Chapter 48

第四十八章

It is here that I purposed to end my book. My first idea was to begin it with the account of Strickland's last years in Tahiti and with his horrible death, and then to go back and relate what I knew of his beginnings. This I meant to do, not from wilfulness, but because I wished to leave Strickland setting out with I know not what fancies in his lonely soul for the unknown islands which fired his imagination. I liked the picture of him starting at the age of forty-seven, when most men have already settled comfortably in a groove, for a new world. I saw him, the sea gray under the mistral and foam-flecked, watching the vanishing coast of France, which he was destined never to see again; and I thought there was something gallant in his bearing and dauntless in his soul. I wished so to end on a note of hope. It seemed to emphasise the unconquerable spirit of man. But I could not manage it. Somehow I could not get into my story, and after trying once or twice I had to give it up; I started from the beginning in the usual way, and made up my mind I could only tell what I knew of Strickland's life in the order in which I learnt the facts.

這本書我本來準(zhǔn)備就寫到這里為止。我最初的計(jì)劃是首先敘述一下思特里克蘭德一生中最后幾年是怎樣在塔希提度過的，以及他悲慘的死亡，然后再回頭來描寫我所了解的他早年的生活。我預(yù)備這樣做倒不是由于我的任性，而是因?yàn)橄氚阉继乩锟颂m德啟程遠(yuǎn)航作為這本書的收尾；他那孤獨(dú)的靈魂中懷著種種奇思遐想，終于向點(diǎn)燃起自己豐富想象的陌生的荒島出發(fā)了。我喜歡這樣一個畫面：他活到四十七歲（到了這個年紀(jì)大多數(shù)人早已掉進(jìn)舒適的生活溝槽里了）動身到天涯海角去尋找一個新世界；大海在凜冽的北風(fēng)中一片灰蒙蒙，白沫四濺，他迷茫地盯視著逐漸消失、再也無法重見的法國海岸。我想他的這一行為含有某種豪邁的精神，他的靈魂里具有大無畏的勇氣。我本來想讓這本書結(jié)束的時候給人一線希望。我覺得這樣也許能夠突出思特里克蘭德的不可征服的精神。但是我卻寫不好；不知為什么我不能把這些寫下來，在試了一兩次之后我還是放棄這樣一個結(jié)構(gòu)了。我走的還是老路子——從頭兒開始。我決定按照我了解到的事實(shí)以先后順序記敘我所知道的思特里克蘭德的生平。