(雙語(yǔ))月亮和六便士 第41章(5)

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I do not know what there was in the way he told me this that extraordinarily suggested the violence of his desire. It was disconcerting and rather horrible. His life was strangely divorced from material things, and it was as though his body at times wreaked a fearful revenge on his spirit. The satyr in him suddenly took possession, and he was powerless in the grip of an instinct which had all the strength of the primitive forces of nature. It was an obsession so complete that there was no room in his soul for prudence or gratitude.

在他給我講這件事的語(yǔ)氣里，我不知道有一種什么東西，非常奇特地表示出他當(dāng)時(shí)的強(qiáng)烈的欲望。它令人感到驚措不安，或者甚至可以說(shuō)非常恐怖。他平日的生活方式很奇特，根本不注意身體的需求。但是有些時(shí)候他的肉體卻好象要對(duì)他的精神進(jìn)行一次可怕的報(bào)復(fù)。他內(nèi)心深處的那個(gè)半人半獸的東西把他捉到手里，在這種具有大自然的原始力量的天性的掌心里他完全無(wú)能為力。他被牢牢地抓住，什么謹(jǐn)慎啊，感恩啊，在他的靈魂里都一點(diǎn)兒地位也沒(méi)有了。

"But why did you want to take her away with you?" I asked.

“但是你為什么要把她拐走呢？”我問(wèn)。

"I didn't," he answered, frowning. "When she said she was coming I was nearly as surprised as Stroeve. I told her that when I'd had enough of her she'd have to go, and she said she'd risk that." He paused a little. "She had a wonderful body, and I wanted to paint a nude. When I'd finished my picture I took no more interest in her."

“我沒(méi)有，”他皺了皺眉頭說(shuō)，“當(dāng)她說(shuō)她要跟著我的時(shí)候，我差不多同施特略夫一樣吃驚。我告訴她當(dāng)我不再需要她的時(shí)候，她就非走開(kāi)不可，她說(shuō)她愿意冒這個(gè)險(xiǎn)?！彼继乩锟颂m德停了一會(huì)?！八纳眢w非常美，我正需要畫(huà)一幅裸體畫(huà)。等我把畫(huà)畫(huà)完了以后，我對(duì)她也就沒(méi)有興趣了。”

"And she loved you with all her heart."

“她可是全心地愛(ài)著你啊?！?/p>

He sprang to his feet and walked up and down the small room.

他從座位上跳起來(lái)，在我的小屋子里走來(lái)走去。

"I don't want love. I haven't time for it. It's weakness. I am a man, and sometimes I want a woman. When I've satisfied my passion I'm ready for other things. I can't overcome my desire, but I hate it; it imprisons my spirit; I look forward to the time when I shall be free from all desire and can give myself without hindrance to my work. Because women can do nothing except love, they've given it a ridiculous importance. They want to persuade us that it's the whole of life. It's an insignificant part. I know lust. That's normal and healthy. Love is a disease. Women are the instruments of my pleasure; I have no patience with their claim to be helpmates, partners, companions."

“我不需要愛(ài)情。我沒(méi)有時(shí)間搞戀愛(ài)。這是人性的一個(gè)弱點(diǎn)。我是個(gè)男人，有時(shí)候我需要一個(gè)女性。但是一旦我的情欲得到了滿(mǎn)足，我就準(zhǔn)備做別的事了。我無(wú)法克服自己的欲望，我恨它，它囚禁著我的精神。我希望將來(lái)能有一天，我會(huì)不再受欲望的支配，不再受任何阻礙地全心投到我的工作上去。因?yàn)榕顺苏勄檎f(shuō)愛(ài)不會(huì)干別的，所以她們把愛(ài)情看得非常重要，簡(jiǎn)直到了可笑的地步。她們還想說(shuō)服我們，叫我們也相信人的全部生活就是愛(ài)情。實(shí)際上愛(ài)情是生活中無(wú)足輕重的一部分。我只懂得情欲。這是正常的，健康的。愛(ài)情是一種疾病。女人是我享樂(lè)的工具，我對(duì)她們提出什么事業(yè)的助手、生活的侶伴這些要求非常討厭。”