《柯南脫口秀》第24期:安全是第一要務

Fresh haircut before the show,before I left. 上節(jié)目前剪了個頭發(fā) 我離開之前

I said to the barber,somewhere between a new wedding D.J and department of homeland security. 我跟理發(fā)師說 介于新澤西州婚禮DJ 和國土安全部官員的發(fā)型

I'll be honest with you.He nailed it.He did a great job. 我說實話 他搞定了他做得很好

So I want you to be entertained but I want you to feel safe. 我想讓你們開心 也想讓你們安全

Safety is my up here. 安全是我的第一要務

As a volunteer firefighter,I see a lot of things that are unsafe in society. 作為一個志愿消防隊員 我在社會上看到了很多不安全的事

I see this father walking around with a baby in attached to the front of his body, 我看著一位父親走來走去 他的身前掛著一個育兒袋

which is so cocky.which says,look,I get women pregnant,I make them have the baby,then I wear the women as . 這太炫耀了 意思是 瞧 我讓女人懷孕了 我讓她生下孩子 我把孩子當首飾一樣戴

I say sir,please remove the baby.That's not safe.I'm a volunteer firefighter. 我說先生 請放下孩子 這不安全 我是志愿消防隊員

You know,he said to me,I'm an actual firefighter.why don't you get out of my face? 他對我說 我是個真正的消防隊員 你別煩我了行嗎

I said maybe you don't hear what I said,bro.volunteer firefighter. 我說也許你沒聽到我說的話 哥們 志愿消防隊員

That means I could do your entire job in my spare time.Thank you. 那就是說我業(yè)余時間里 能做你的所有工作 謝謝

Then I stopped,dropped and rolled my way out of the conversation. 然后我停了下來 不再跟他繼續(xù)交談

Proving that I'm a volunteer firefighter. 證明我是個志愿消防隊員

I fly a lot.I don't mind if it's first class on the plane. 我經常坐飛機 我不介意坐的是不是頭等艙

I don't want to have to walk through it to get to my seat.I sit in zone three. 我不想走過頭等艙 才能到達我的位置 因為我坐在第三區(qū)

And when I walk through first class,I see a lot of things that make me angry. 我走過頭等艙時 我看到了很多 讓我憤怒的事情

They have a lot of extra leg room.eating a five course meal. 他們的腿部空間大得多 吃著五道菜的正餐

Drinking mimosas.I'm not on the plane yet.That's disrespect. 喝著含羞草酒 我還沒上飛機呢 這很不尊重