No. How does it work? You just say, uh, "Hey, Siri, what time is it?"
The time is 6:37 P.M. So now anyone can control your phone?
Hey, Siri, show me pictures of naked grandma butts.
Nice try. It only recognizes my voice.
Oh. Cool. Hey, Siri, show me pictures of naked grandma butts.
I don't sound like that.
Here are some images of naked grandma butts.
Hey. Good news, everybody. Now that I'm no longer with Amy, I have an extra ticket to the annual Thanksgiving lunch buffet at the aquarium cafeteria. Who wants it?
Well, you realize you won't be going alone, I'll be there the whole time. Providing fish and pilgrim facts. Can you people hear me?
Well, we're having everyone over.
Yeah, Leonard and I are gonna be cooking all day. Otherwise we'd love to. But we can't. Yeah, poor us.
And Raj and I are volunteering at the soup kitchen, feeding food to the homeless.
Oh...I can't. I'm going to the soup kitchen, too.
You said that sounded like the worst thing ever.
Hi, Sheldon. What's up?
Well, I'm calling because Thanksgiving is coming up, and I wanted to offer you the aquarium tickets.
No. They'd rather spend the holiday with each other than find out if this is the year I finally touch a starfish.
Anyway, I wouldn't want the tickets to go to waste, so take whomever you'd like. Okay. Thank you.
And feel free to tell your guest that the Myanmar catfish is also known as the pilgrim fish.
In case the turkey's dry and you need something juicy.
Sheldon... I can tell you want to go, so if you'd be comfortable with it, maybe we could go as friends.
Well... it is Thanksgiving in an aquarium cafeteria, so I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say yes.
感恩節(jié)在水族館飯?zhí)美锍燥垼也聭撌菚擂伟?/div>
But if you mean between us...I think it'll be fine.
但如果你是說我倆之間,我不覺得會尷尬
Very well, then. I'll see you on Thanksgiving morning. See you then.
那行,感恩節(jié)早上見吧,到時見
Oh, and forget what I said about the Myanmar catfish. My list of marinethemed pilgrim facts is pretty short.
先忘了我剛說的緬甸鯰魚小知識吧,我的海洋主題移民小知識列表還挺短的
Did you know they served shellfish and eel at the very first Thanksgiving? And there goes my list.
你知道史上第一次過感恩節(jié)的時候上桌的菜還有貝類跟鰻魚嗎,小知識列表到此完畢了
So, how does this work?
所以這是怎么個運作方式
The soup kitchen manager assigns the jobs, and the shifts are six hours.
粥棚經(jīng)理會給我們分配工作,一個班次是六小時
Six hours? Oh, God, I don't want to complain for that long.
要六小時啊,天啊,人家不想哇哇叫這么長時間啊
Do you ever do anything for anyone else?
你這輩子有為別人付出過嗎
I happen to be a giving and generous lover.
小爺恰好是一位樂于"奉獻"的愛人
Are you and I close enough for me to say that's creepy?
我跟你的關(guān)系好到可以說他很變態(tài)了嗎
We are, and I believe the word you're looking for is... yech!
可以,而且我覺得你想說的字眼應該是"惡"
Uh, can I help you? Hi. We'd like to volunteer.
有什么能幫忙的嗎,你好,我們想來當志愿者
Oh, I appreciate you guys coming down, but we already have enough people. Any other day, please, come back. Oh. Okay.
很謝謝你們特地跑一趟過來,但我們已經(jīng)夠人手了,平常任何時候,歡迎你們來,好吧
Wipe that smug smile off your face.
收起你臉上欠扁的笑容
Maybe I'm happy that so many people turned up to help the less fortunate.
我只是因為聽到很多人來幫助不幸的人們,心中樂開了花而已啊
Are you and I close enough for me to say...
我跟你的關(guān)系好到可以說他...
That he's an ass? He beat you to it.
是個賤人嗎,他已經(jīng)搶先證明了
I was wrong. A large group had to cancel.
我說錯了,有一大批人來不了了
Oh, great. We'd love to help.
太好了,我們很樂意幫忙
Wipe that smug smile off your face. I can't!
收起你臉上欠扁的笑容,臣妾做不到啊
Look at us! Our first Thanksgiving as husband and wife.
看看我們倆,我倆第一次以夫妻身份過感恩節(jié)
I know. I feel so grown up.
對啊,感覺自己是個大人
Sweetie, you are grown up.
親愛的,你本來就是大人
Really? How many grownups do you know who have Mr. Spock oven mitts?
真的嗎,有多少大人擁有史波克的烤箱手套呢
Hey, the recipes are on my iPad. Will you pull 'em up? Yep.
菜譜在我的iPad里,幫我點開,好
What's the code? My birthday. It's not working.
鎖屏密碼,我的生日,不對啊
It's just the four digits month and day. Nope.
就四位數(shù)字而已,月份加日期,不對啊
Let me see. Yeah, there. What number were you putting in? You don't know my birthday, do you?
我看看,可以啊,你輸入的數(shù)字是多少,你不知道我生日,對吧
Yes, I do. Well, what is it? May. May what?
我當然知道,那你說說,5月,5月幾號
I'm not gonna say your password out loud. That is not secure.
大庭廣眾之下我怎么可以說出來,太不安全了
You don't know your own husband's birthday.
你居然不知道你老公的生日
Well...you don't know everything about me.
你也不知道我的所有事情啊
Your birthday is December 2, you grew up on Perkins Street, the last four digits of your social are 7621, and the odds of me letting you forget this are zero.
你的生日是12月2號,你小時候的家在珀金斯街上,你的社保號碼尾四位數(shù)是7621,想讓我放過你不提這件事的幾率是0
Oh, look at us. Our last Thanksgiving as husband and wife.
快瞧我們倆,最后一次以夫妻身份過感恩節(jié)
Hello.Hi. Ready for the aquarium?
你好啊,你好,準備好要去水族館了嗎
I am. You know, and in an effort to reduce awkwardness as we learn how to function as friends, I printed out a list of safe topics for polite conversation.
當然,對了,為了要減少尷尬,我們還得練習以朋友關(guān)系相處,我特意打了一張不會觸碰地雷的聊天話題
If that makes you more comfortable.
這樣你會好受點的話,那行吧
If there were a list of things that make me more comfortable, lists would be on the top of that list.
如果真有"能讓我好受的事情"的列表,列表上的第一件就會是"列表"
Okay, now... Oh. "Since last we spoke, have you acquired any pets?"
好了,我看看,"我們最后一次交談后,你有開始養(yǎng)寵物嗎"
No. You? No.Um, "Since last we spoke, have you planned or gone on any vacations?"
沒有,你呢,沒有,我們上次交談后,你有計劃要去或已經(jīng)去哪里度假了嗎"
I might go visit my aunt next week.
我可能下周會去探視我阿姨
Mm. Your aunt in Modesto?
你在莫德斯托市的那個阿姨嗎
No, the one in Bakersfield.
不是,是住在貝克斯菲爾德市的那位
Bakersfield. I see. Where has this list been all my life?
貝克斯菲爾德市,了解,這張列表怎么才出現(xiàn)在我的人生中
We're gonna have you washing dishes. Uh, aprons and rubber gloves are here just...scrape, wash and stack. If you need me, I'll be around.
你們今天就負責洗碗,圍裙跟橡膠手套在這里,就...刷,洗,疊就對了,有事就叫我,我會過來
So we don't even get to be up front where the action is?
我們連戰(zhàn)場前線都去不了嗎
What difference does it make?
有什么差別啊
I don't know. I was hoping some poor kid would come up to me and say, Please, sir, I want some more.
不知道,我還希望會有可憐兮兮的小孩走到我面前跟我說,先生,求求你,再多給我點兒吧
You're in a soup kitchen, not a production of Oliver!
你丫是在粥棚工作,不是在《霧都孤兒》音樂劇現(xiàn)場
It's not like I'm expecting them to sing.
我又不指望他們會唱出來
...and then the next day was 73 degrees, and the day after that was 72, and then it was 72 again...
然后隔天是73度,再之后一天是72度,再往后又是72度
uh, then it was 74, and that brings us to today, at... I'd wear shorts if I had a pair 78.
再后來是74度,接著就到今天了,是...如果我有短褲我肯定穿的78度(25.5攝氏度)
Are we done discussing the weather?
我們討論完天氣了嗎
I don't know if I'd call it "discussing". You kind of sat back and let me do all the work.
我覺得我們這稱不上"討論"啊,你就光坐在那,全都是我在論
Let's see what's next on the list.
看看列表上的下一項
Oh, here. Uh, "Do you whittle, and if so, what kind of knife do you..."
來, "你會木雕嗎,如果會,你都是用哪種刀呢"
Sheldon. We've known each other a long time. We are perfectly capable of having a conversation without relying on a list off the Internet.
謝爾頓,我們已經(jīng)認識彼此很多年了,我們絕對能正常地談天說地,不用靠網(wǎng)上的某張列表
All right. Well, what should we talk about?
好吧,那我們應該聊什么
I don't know. Just ask me whatever comes to mind.
不知道,你想到什么就問什么吧
Very well. I know you've been seeing other men. Have you had coitus with any of them?
好的,我知道你有跟別的男人約會,你跟他們之中任何一人交媾過了嗎
Man, I walked right into that one.
靠,我真是挖坑給自己跳
Next we need a teaspoon of pepper, which, I believe, was also the name of your childhood dog.
接下來我們需要一茶匙的胡椒,你小時候養(yǎng)的狗也正好叫胡椒
Fine. You think you know so much. Who's my favorite Spice Girl? Baby.
行,你覺得你知道很多是吧,我最喜歡辣妹組合中哪位辣妹,寶貝辣妹
Who's my favorite member of NSYNC? Justin.
"超級男孩"中我最喜歡哪一位,賈斯汀
Who's my favorite Backstreet Boy?
那我最喜歡的"后街男孩"成員是
Nice try. NSYNC forever. Damn it!
陷阱題,超級男孩一生推,靠
Face it, you can't stump me, I am the king of husbands.
你不服都不行,你碾壓不了我,我就是丈夫之王
I know that you don't like the lingerie that I got you on Valentine's Day. I know you hate the word "moist". I know...
我還知道你不喜歡我情人節(jié)送你的那套內(nèi)衣,我還知道你討厭"濕潤"這個詞
Hang on. Wait, wait. Why don't I like the lingerie you got me?
等等,等等,我為什么會不喜歡你送我的內(nèi)衣
Because it's orange and you think it makes you look like a slutty carrot.
因為它是橘色的,你覺得自己穿起來時像淫蕩的胡蘿卜
Interesting. I never told you that. Sure you did.
有意思,我從沒告訴過你這件事,你當然說過
No. I never told anyone that. But I did write it in my journal.
并沒有,我從沒跟任何人說過,但我有寫在我的日記里
What? I didn't know you had a journal.
什么,我都不知道你有日記
I also know your voice gets higher when you're lying. No, it doesn't.
我還知道你撒謊時音調(diào)就變高,人家才沒有呢
You know, this reminds me of high school. You worked in a restaurant?
這讓我想起了我高中時代,你在餐廳打工過嗎
No, I was in India it was humid and smelled funny.
不,我當時還在印度,又潮味兒又大
All right, I think I'm getting into a groove here.
我好像開始進入狀態(tài)了
This isn't so bad. Only five hours and 40 minutes to go.
其實也不壞嘛,再過5個小時40分鐘就結(jié)束了
We've only been doing this 20 minutes?!
剛才洗這么久了,才過了20分鐘嗎
You know, I read that washing dishes can be an excellent form of meditation.
我在哪里讀過洗碗也能是一種很好的冥想方式
The key is that while washing the dishes one should only be... washing the dishes.
重點在于當你在洗碗時,身心靈該關(guān)注于... 洗碗
Just because you have that accent doesn't mean what you say isn't stupid.
雖然你有那異國東方口音,但不代表你說的話聽起來就不傻逼
No, seriously. It's about being present in the moment, focusing on the feeling of the warm water, the smell of the detergent,
不,說真的,重點是活在當下,用心去感受水的溫熱,洗潔精的味道
the sound of the dishes squeaking, and following your own breath. It's about... it's about simply being. Okay. I'll try it.
盤子的磨蹭聲,跟隨自己的呼吸,天地之間,活在當下,好吧,我試試
I need three people out front.
外面需要三個人幫忙
I'll do it! Me! Right here!
我去,我去,馬上來
No fair! I was meditating!
不公平,人家剛在冥想呢