第九季:第4集 謝爾頓尋找完美室友(上)

What a wonderful day, thank you.

Oh, we're glad you had fun.

Blue Icees and a trip to The Container Store?

It's like I died and went to the postmortem,neuroninduced hallucination commonly mistaken as heaven.

I still don't understand why you bought that pillcaddie.You're a young man.

Age is a state of mind, Leonard.In here I'm 90.

Why are you taking your bins over there?

That's just where I need them. You know, she doesn'thave a lot of closet space.

What's wrong with your closet?

Well, honey, you know, now that Leonard and I aremarried, it kind of makes sense that we actually live together.

So that's all this day was? A plan to butter me up before delivering badnews?Come on, buddy.

No, I thought we were friends.You asked for a sip ofmy Icee.

If you had your own straw, I might've said yes.

Sheldon, please, we already feel bad about this.

You know what they don't sell at The ContainerStore?Something large enough to contain my disappointment.

Although, if anyone did,it would be them.

Thank you for letting me come speak with you.Ofcourse.

As my relationships with Penny and Amy are currentlystrained,I'm turning to you for female comfort and encouragement.

I'm honored.I tried reaching out to my mother,but shewas in Bible study.Leonard's mother is on a book tour.

My MeeMaw was taking a nap, and after a while Siristarted repeating her answers.So, I'm your seventh choice.

Yeah, I know, top ten, pretty exciting.

How can I help you?

Well, in addition to Amy leaving me, Leonard's movingin with Penny. It's difficult not to feel abandoned.

Well, why don't you look at this as an opportunity?Youhad other roommates before Leonard.Maybe this is a chance to find someone new.

Perhaps I could find someone better thanLeonard.Someone I can rub in his face.

Chris Pratt's all the rage right now.I wonder how he'dfeel about taking the smaller bedroom.

You know who would be the perfect roommate?Gandalf,but he's a smoker.

Stuart.He's been living with us for a while now. I'msure he'd love to get us out of his hair.

Nope, couldn't be happier.

Well, Sheldon's looking for a...Nope.

He'll think about it. No I won't!

Have you seen this Archie comic? It's actually Archieversus Predator.

How could Archie defeat Predator?

I don't know.Maybe Jughead's a Terminator.

Hey, Stuart.Do you guys know any musicians?Why?

I was thinking it might be cool to have live musichere a few nights a week. You know, give this place more of a "staying inbusiness" vibe.

What kind of music are you thinking of?

I like all kinds of music,but my favorite genre isfree.

Hey, we've always talked about playing together.

Well, it could be fun to try a little acoustic thing.Oh, we could play "filk" music.

What's that? It's been around for years.It's like folkmusic, but with a scifi/fantasy theme.

I like it.It sounds exactly like something I shouldn'tbe expected to pay for.

Dude, if we do this, we're gonna need a cool bandname.

You know, I've actually had one I've been sitting onfor years. Really?

It was for this power trio I tried to put together injunior high, but I was short two friends.

What is it? Footprints on the Moon. I just got chills.So did I. Me, too.

But I-I might have Lyme Disease.

Just a few more signatures, and we'll be finished.Initialhere to acknowledge that you've returned your key.Okay.

As my future neighbor,I'd like you to have a key.

Initial here to acknowledge you received it.I'm proudof you. You're taking this really well.

Well, it's not like I'm never going to see you twoagain.

Which brings us to article 23 subsection C pleasecheck here to reserve your spot at the ten year roommate reunion.

Do I really have to do that now?

No, but if you want chicken and get stuck with thefish, that's on you.All right.

Oh, and lastly, please initial here to confirm thatownership of the living room couch is hereby transferred to me

in perpetuity all throughout the universe and allalternate universes except for those universes where owning a couch isforbidden by the hive queen.

In which case, all glory to the hive queen. All right,now all that's left is for us to sign and date the document, and we willofficially no longer be roommates.

What's the matter? It's harder than I thought. Let mehelp you. Leon...That helped.

So I have an idea for a filk song.

Kind of a, a power ballad, superhero crossover tale ofepic proportions.

Is it cold in here, 'cause, oh, my.

Okay, so it's a, it's a David and Goliath story. It'sabout man against God.

It's called "Hammer and Whip: The Untold Story ofThor versus Indiana Jones."

Thor versus Indiana Jones? You just blew my filkingmind.

Okay, I don't have it all worked out yet,but I wasthinking something like, um...

Oh, Indy, Oh, Indy, The skies are so windy, Is that aflying man with a killer bod? Wait, that's no man It's a Norse god.

Oh yes, definitely. Hang on. Thunder clapped as Thor raised his mighty hammer,Indy rapped,

That-that is so good! Right? Mammajamma just came tome.Okay, and here's the hook.

Thor and Dr. Jonesm,Thor and Dr. Jones, one plays withlightning ,the other plays with bones

Oh, man, that rocks.Hey, remember The Ark of theCovenant? Yeah?

That's how much we're gonna melt people's faces off.

I appreciate your interest in the apartment.I justneed to ask you a few standard questions. Sure.

It says here you're a chemist. Which element on theperiodic table do you feel is too big for its britches?

Is that supposed to be a joke?

Looks like argon's not the only one with an attitudeproblem.

In general, would you say that you smell better, worseor the same as you do right now?

I was going to ask you what is the best fruit, butthen I realized what I want to ask you is why is there a BandAid on yourforearm,

but then I realized what I really want to ask you isjust can you just go?

You're healthy. You have a job in the sciences. I'vegot to say, if this credit report comes back good, you're the frontrunner.

I'm not gonna be your roommate, Sheldon.

But I met with 11 people, and they all walked out. Andthat Hollywood phony Chris Pratt never tweeted me back.

I'm sure you'll find somebody else.

I suppose. What happened to me, Amy? Years ago I wascompletely disengaged from my feelings.

I'd say it was a happier time, but I was disengagedfrom my feelings, so who can tell?

I don't know how to help you.You know, feelings are apart of life.

They didn't used to be. You and Leonard and Penny,youall poisoned me with emotions.

I was like the Tin Man, perfectly content until thatevil Wizard gave him a heart.

I don't think that was the point of the movie.

Fine, then I was like Pinocchio before that jerkGeppetto went and made him a real boy.There you go.