第九季:第2集 挽救婚姻的方法(上)
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Why are you up?
你怎么還不睡
How am I supposed to sleep? I've been married less than 24 hours, and my wife isn't speaking to me.
我怎么睡得著，我結婚還不到24小時，我的老婆就跟我冷戰(zhàn)了
Perhaps you can think of this in a more positive light.In one day, you've managed to do what it takes many couples decades to achieve.
或許你可以用更積極的態(tài)度看待這件事。你只用了短短一天就達到許多夫妻花了幾十年才達到的境界
You couldn't sleep either? Of course not.
你也睡不著嗎？當然啦
Me neither. But I just had a tickle in my throat. Not profound marital problems.
我也睡不著，但我只是喉嚨癢，不是什么深刻的婚姻問題
What are we gonna do? I don't know. Please, tell me how I can fix it.
我們該怎么辦？我也不知道。求你告訴我，我該怎么補救
Glad you asked. As I see it, there's a simple solution. Your lips had a dalliance with the lips of another woman.
就怕你不問，在我看來，有一個簡單的解決方法，你的嘴唇與別女人的嘴唇廝混過
It seems only logical that to restore balance to the relationship, you should find another man and dally with him.
如果想重修舊好，唯一合理的辦法就是你也找別的男人耳鬢廝磨
And by dally, I mean some hardcore mouthonmouth action.
我說耳鬢廝磨，是使出渾身解數(shù)狂吻一番
Okay, that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
這是我聽過最蠢的一件事了
Actually, I think he's onto something.
其實我覺得他說的不無道理
Y-You can't be serious. 'Cause I messed up and made out with a girl, you're gonna do the same with a random guy?
你不會是認真的吧，就因為我一時糊涂跟別的女人親熱了，所以你也要隨便跟別的男人親熱嗎
I'm currently single. That's true. You are. What is happening?!
我目前正好單身。的確，你單身。這是要鬧哪樣
I will tell you what is happening. I am saving my best friend's marriage.
我來告訴你是要鬧哪樣？我要以身拯救我死黨的婚姻
Sheldon, I don't think you understand how being broken up works. The only way I can sort through my feelings is if there is space between us.
謝爾頓，看來你不太懂分手應該怎么樣。唯一能讓我理清情緒的方法就是我們之間要保持距離
Every time I see you, it retraumatizes me. I go through the pain all over again.
每次見到你，都會讓我心靈再次受創(chuàng)，一遍又一遍經(jīng)歷那些傷痛
Well, hello to you, too. What do you want?
我也向你問好。你想干嘛
I understand we're no longer a couple, but I would like to remind you that we made a baby together. What baby?
我知道我們已經(jīng)不是一對了，但我想提醒你，我們還有愛的結晶。什么愛的結晶
A precocious little Internet show known as "Fun With Flags."
一個網(wǎng)絡節(jié)目，人稱《有趣的旗幟》
I'm hanging up. Great. See you in about half an hour.
我要掛電話了。好的，咱們半小時后見
Sheldon, I am not doing "Fun With Flags" with you. Why not? Because we're broken up.
謝爾頓，我才不要跟你錄那個節(jié)目。為啥不要？因為我們分手了
Sonny and Cher made it work. Their variety show kept going long after the divorce, and here we are still talking about them.
索尼與雪兒就做到啦，他們的綜藝節(jié)目在離婚后還維持了很久，直到現(xiàn)在還被我們聊起
No one's talking about Sonny and Cher.
沒人聊索尼與雪兒好嗎
You must be thinking about Donny and Marie, 'cause you and I are clearly talking about Sonny and Cher.
你一定是想到了唐尼與瑪麗，因為我跟你絕對是在聊索尼與雪兒
Sheldon, this has to stop. I know it's hard. It's hard for me, too.
謝爾頓，到此為止吧。我知道這很困難，這對我也不容易
But I've seen and talked to you more in the two days we've been broken up than in the last two months that we were together.
但分手后的這兩天我們見面與說話的量遠遠勝過我們分手前兩個月的總和
Well, if you want to see less of me, maybe we should go out again.
如果你想少見到我一點，那或許我們應該重修舊好
I can't believe you made out with Mandy Chao.
真不敢相信你跟曼蒂·周親熱過
Trust me, I wish it never happened.
相信我，我希望這事從未發(fā)生過
And you knew about this this whole time? I did. And you didn't think to tell me?
而你一直以來都知道這事。是的。而你沒想過告訴我嗎
Leonard asked me to keep it to myself.
萊納德要我保密
Let's leave Leonard out of this for the moment. This is about you and me.
現(xiàn)在這事跟萊納德沒關系，這是我跟你之間的事
Wait, wait, wait, how is my dayold marriage falling apart becoming about you two?
等等，我一天就快散的婚姻怎么變成你們的問題了
Hang on. What do I need to do to make you trust me?
你等等，我該怎么做才能讓你信任我
You think it's hard having one wife, try having two.
你覺得有一個老婆就很辛苦了嗎？你試試有兩個
I bet you told Bernadette all about he was screwing around with Mandy Chao.
你肯定告訴伯納黛特他跟曼蒂·周胡搞瞎搞的事情
Oh, we didn't screw around. We just got drunk and made out.
我們才沒有胡搞瞎搞，我們只是喝醉酒，打個啵兒
Whatever. It would have been nice to hear it from you.
隨便啦，我更希望這話從你口中聽到
What are you doing here?
你來干嘛
I'm here to return your belongings. That's what people who've broken up do.
我來把你的東西還給你，情侶分手都這么做
And you didn't do your compulsive knocking ritual so I would open the door.
而你故意不用你強迫癥式的敲門方式好讓我沒戒心就開門
On the contrary, you no longer get to enjoy my charming eccentricities. We're not friends with benefits.
那你就錯了，你現(xiàn)在沒資格享受我可愛的小怪癖。我們不再是有"福利"的朋友
Just give me the box.
把箱子給我吧
W-Wait. Don't you want to go through it to make sure I haven't forgotten anything?
等等，你不想過一遍里面的東西嗎？以免有東西我給忘拿了
Fine. My old scarf.
好吧，我的舊時圍巾
You wore it the night we went iceskating. Remember?
我們?nèi)チ锉哪莻€晚上你圍著它，還記得嗎
You mean the night that I went iceskating, and you stood at the rail googling the symptoms of hypothermia?
你是指我一個人溜冰，而你在一邊扶著扶手一邊網(wǎng)上搜失溫癥的癥狀那晚嗎
We made one heck of a team, huh?
我們倆真是天造地設的一對啊
Whose bra is this? It's not yours?
這是誰的胸罩?不是你的嗎?
Oh, my. How embarrassing for both of us. It's Penny's.
老天,這下咱倆都尷尬了。這是佩妮的吧
Hey, you broke up with me. It is none of your business whose naked bosom I'm smooshing around like pizza dough. Goodbye.
咱倆分手了，我把誰的咪咪像披薩面團那樣搓揉，都不關你的事。再見
Amy. Amy. Amy. Tables work, too. Good to know.
艾米 ，艾米，艾米。敲桌子也行，學到新知識
Ooh, brownies for girls' night!
閨蜜之夜的巧克力蛋糕
Hands off. I'm mad at you.
手拿開，我在生你的氣呢
Look, I know it's a lot of money, but the guy at the store said in five to seven years, it'll pay for itself.
我知道那是一大筆錢，但那個店員說五到七年內(nèi)，就能收回成本
What will pay for itself?
什么東西收回成本
Doesn't matter. What are you mad about?
沒什么，那你在氣什么呀
I'm mad at you for blabbing to me what Leonard did on the North Sea, and I'm mad that I've had to hide this from Penny for two years.
我氣你告訴我萊納德在北海的所作所為，我還氣你讓我瞞了佩妮整整兩年
And you have every right to be mad about those things. So, why don't you let me handle the credit card bill this month
你完全有權對這些事情生氣，不如這個月的信用卡賬單我來處理
huh? I mean, don't even look at it.
怎么樣? 你別管了，連看都不用看
I mean, if Penny finds out I've known all this time and haven't told her, she's gonna think I'm a terrible friend.
如果佩妮發(fā)現(xiàn)我一直都知道卻沒有告訴她，她肯定會認為我是一個壞朋友
I wish you never told me. And I wish Leonard never told me. He's the bad guy here.
真希望你從未告訴我，我也希望萊納德從未告訴我，他才是最壞的那個
I guess that's true. And you let Penny marry him.
的確是，而你還讓佩妮嫁給他
Compared to that, who cares if I bought a George Clooney limited edition manscaping kit?
比起這個，我買的喬治·克魯尼限量版的體毛修剪套裝根本不值得一提
Hi. I'm calling about your marriage counseling services and was curious what your rate is.
你好，我想預約你們的婚姻咨詢服務，請問一般怎么收費
Really? Um, okay. Is there any kind of discount for length of marriage? 'Cause we're just talking hours here.
不是吧，好吧，能根據(jù)婚姻的長短打折嗎？我說的是以小時計算的婚姻
Hi. Call you back. Can we talk? I would love that.
在呀，等會打給你。我們能聊聊嗎？我十分樂意
All right, look, I'm sorry I said I was okay with everything before we got married. I hate that we're going through this, but I don't know what to do.
聽著，很抱歉在結婚之前我說我不介意。我討厭我們現(xiàn)在有這矛盾，但我不知道該怎么做
If you don't mind waiting for a Groupon, we can try marriage counseling.
如果你不介意等團購劵出來，我們可以試試婚姻咨詢
Hello. Hey, uh, buddy, can we have some privacy?
你們在呀，伙計，你能回避一下嗎
Oh, of course. Wouldn't want to intrude. This is yours.
當然可以，我也不想打擾你們。這是你的
Okay, when I'm done with him, I'm gonna need more information.
等我跟他談完，咱倆再好好聊聊
Nothing odd. I just wanted to rub Amy's nose in it.
沒什么不妥的，我就拿來讓艾米難堪而已
Okay, look, I might be overreacting, but how am I supposed to get past this when I know tomorrow you're gonna go to work and see this woman?
聽著，我可能是反應過度了，但我怎么可能明知道你明天去上班就會見到她，我怎么不介意會見到這個女人
Forgive me for eavesdropping, but as I see it, there's a simple solution.
原諒我偷聽了，但在我看來，有一個簡單的解決辦法
Wake up, wake up, wake up. Bring Penny to meet Mandy. What? Why?
醒醒，快醒醒，帶佩妮去見曼蒂。為什么
Well, right now, Penny's imagination is running wild, but if they meet, that will eliminate the mystery and alleviate her fears.
現(xiàn)在佩妮的胡思亂想根本停不下來，但如果她們見面了，就能消除曼蒂的神秘感，減輕佩妮的恐懼感
Like when that Sparkletts guy let me look under his eye patch.
就像那個獨眼龍揭了眼罩讓我看
Uh, first of all, you made that guy cry. And we learned that you don't need an eyeball to do that.
首先，你把人家弄哭了，而我們學到了，沒有眼珠也能哭
Secondly, I can't think of a more horrible idea than Penny meeting Mandy.
其次，帶佩妮去見曼蒂這個主意糟透了
Really? Why is that? What, you actually want to meet her?
是嗎，怎么說？怎么，你還真想見她
No, but now that you're being weird about it, maybe I should.
不啊，但現(xiàn)在看你對此反應異常，或許我真該去
I'm not being weird. Am I being weird?
我才沒有反應異常，我有反應異常嗎
Yes. And that's coming from me.
有啊，連我這種怪咖都這么覺得
Fine, you want to meet her?
好吧，你想見她嗎
No, I just want to know that when you're at work, there's nothing going on.
不，我只想知道你們倆上班時不會發(fā)生任何越軌的事
How many times do I have to tell you? I have no interest in this woman.
我得說多少遍你才信，我對這個女人一點興趣都沒有
Yeah, well, maybe she has interest in you.
或許人家對你有興趣呢
In Leonard? Oh, even the Sparkletts guy could see that's unlikely.
對萊納德嗎？就連獨眼龍都看得出沒可能好嗎
I guess my big problem is I never saw Leonard as the kind of guy who woulde do something like this.
我想我最在意的點就是我從來沒想過萊納德也會做這種事
Anybody can make a mistake in a weak moment. What do you think?
人容易在脆弱的時候犯錯。你覺得呢
Oh, I don't know what to think. But then again, I just found out about it.
我完全沒有想法，再重申一次，我是剛剛才知道這事
You know, I fell in love with Leonard because he wasn't anything like the guys I was used to dating.
我之所以愛上萊納德是因為他和我曾經(jīng)交往過的其他人不同
I mean, I knew those guys weren't above cheating because that's usually how we met.
我知道那些渣男都喜歡出軌，因為我就是他們的小三
Come on, you know Leonard's not like that.
你知道萊納德不是那樣的人
I want to believe you. I really do. Am I being naive?
我很想相信你，真的。是我好傻好天真了嗎
Oh, I don't know. This is all so new to me. I'm still processing.
我不知道，第一次聽到這事，我還在努力消化中
You know, he never would've done this when we first met. He's cockier now.
我們剛認識時，他根本不可能做這種事。他現(xiàn)在可能耐了
That's because you made him more confident. You know, if you think about it, without you, he never would've grown into the person he is now.
那是因為你讓他變得自信了，你仔細想想，如果沒有你，怎么可能有現(xiàn)在意氣風發(fā)的他
I mean, sure, more women might notice him, but I think it's better to have a guy be with you
雖然他現(xiàn)在受歡迎了，但他愿意放棄弱水三千
because he wants to be and not because he thinks he doesn't have any other choice.
與你相守，總好過他覺得自己沒人愛，只好巴著你啊
I never thought about it like that.
我還從沒這樣想過
Oh, me neither, not until just now.
我也沒有，這是剛想到的
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