生活大爆炸 第五季:第18集 謝爾頓理發(fā)風(fēng)波(上)
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I'm just gonna run to the store and get a few things. I'll pick you up when you're done.
我要去商店買點(diǎn)東西，你完事后我來接你
Okay. I like it a little better when you stay, but all right.
好吧，你留這兒陪我會更好點(diǎn)，但沒關(guān)系啦
Hey, Sheldon. Hello.
嘿，謝爾頓。你好
I'm here for my haircut with Mr.D'Onofrio.
我想讓多諾弗里奧先生給我剪頭
I'm sorry, Uncle Tony's in the hospital. He's pretty sick. Oh, dear, Mr.D'Onofrio's in the hospital.
抱歉，托尼叔叔住院了。他病得很嚴(yán)重。天啊，多諾弗里奧先生住院了
Why do these things always happen to me?
我咋總碰到這種倒霉事呢?
I can cut it for you.
我可以給你剪呀
You're not Mr.D'Onofrio.
你不是多諾弗里奧先生
I get my hair cut by Mr.D'Onofrio.
我只讓多諾弗里奧先生給我剪
You believe this guy?
這人簡直是不可理喻
Excuse us for a second.
我倆單獨(dú)聊下
Sheldon, it's okay, he can do it. He's a barber.
謝爾頓，有啥的，他也可以剪啊，他是理發(fā)師。
He's not a barber, he's the nephew.
他才不是理發(fā)師，他是他侄子
He's an example of the kind of nepotism that runs rampant in the barbering industry.
他就是典型靠親戚上位的那類人，這在理發(fā)行業(yè)中很常見
Besides, Mr.D'Onofrio knows exactly how I like my hair done because he has all my haircut records from my barber in Texas.
況且，多諾弗里奧先生知道，我想剪啥樣的，因?yàn)樗形以诘驴怂_斯的理發(fā)記錄
What are you talking about?
你在說啥呢?
When I first moved here, I was nervous about finding a new barber, so my mother had all my haircut records sent here to Mr.D'Onofrio.
我剛搬到這兒時，很害怕找新的理發(fā)師，所以我媽把我的理發(fā)記錄，都寄給了多諾弗里奧先生
There's no such thing as haircut records. Yes, there are.
根本就沒有理發(fā)記錄這回事兒。有的
Have you ever seen them?
你見過嗎?
No, but my mother assured me they were sent here, and I'll bet you dollars to donuts that this one doesn't have them.
沒，但我媽向我保證送來了，而且我敢打賭，這人肯定沒有
Uh, excuse me. Do you have access to my haircut records?
打擾下。你有我的理發(fā)記錄嗎?
Your what? To paraphrase T.S. Eliot, this is the way the world ends--not with a bang but with a nephew.
你的啥?套用艾略特（20世紀(jì)影響最大的詩人）的話，這就是世界終結(jié)的方式，并非一聲巨響，而是一個侄子
Sheldon, you're a grown man, he's a professional, and your haircut is number three on that poster from 1946.
謝爾頓，你不是小孩子了，他是專業(yè)的，再說你的發(fā)型就是，那1946年海報上的三號發(fā)型
Just sit down and let him do it.
快坐下讓他剪吧
Fine, but if I come out of this looking like a dork, it's on you.
好吧，但我要剪完像個白癡，全賴你
So my kid said the funniest thing today. Nope.
我孩子今天說了個超有趣的事兒。不行
When you tell this story later, the word we usually use is quirky.
你等會兒要講這事的話，我們一般用"怪咖"來形容他
What are you doing?
好的你在干啥?
I'm trying to get the hair out of my eyes.
我頭發(fā)快要擋住我眼睛了
Sheldon, you are one day late for your haircut.
謝爾頓，你只是遲了一天剪頭
Thank you for captioning my nightmare.
謝謝你提醒我那場噩夢
Lookie here, I got my travel orders.
快看，我收到調(diào)令了
Payload Specialist Howard Wolowitz is requested to report to the NASA Johnson Space Center, Houston, Texas, for astronaut training Monday 8:00 a.m.
美航局要求負(fù)載專家霍華德·沃洛維茨，于周一上午8:00前去...德克薩斯州，休斯頓市的，約翰遜航天中心報到參與宇航員培訓(xùn)
Yeah, but it's from NASA, so it's 0800.
這是美航局發(fā)的，應(yīng)該念0800
But it says 8:00 a.m
但它寫的是上午8:00啊
You read it as 0800.
你要讀成0800
It doesn't have an O in front of it.
前面又也沒有0
You know what does have an oh in front of it? Oh, my God, I'm an astronaut, and you're dying of jealousy.
這兒確實(shí)是有個噢。噢，天啊，我是宇航員，你快嫉妒死了
So, what kind of things are they...? Will you stop that?
所以他們都...?你能歇會兒嗎?
I can't help it, I feel like a teen heartthrob.
我沒辦法，我現(xiàn)在就像個青春偶像
You know, Sheldon, I used to cut my brother's hair. I could do it for you.
謝爾頓，我給我兄弟剪過頭發(fā)，我可以幫你剪呀
Penny, I know you mean well, offering the skills of the hill folk, but, um,
佩妮，我知道你是好意，想為我剪村里兒的發(fā)型，但...
here in town, we don't churn our own butter, we don't make dresses out of gunny sacks,
這是城里，我們不自己做黃油，我們不穿麻布袋做的衣服
and, uh, we sure as shootin' don't get our hair cut by bottle-blonde... Sheldon, be nice.
而且我們也肯定不會讓，染黃毛的人給你...謝爾頓，友善點(diǎn)
I'm sorry, it's the bad boy attitude that comes with this hair.
抱歉，都是這發(fā)型惹的禍
You could go to my guy.
你可以去找我的理發(fā)師
He's at Juan-Juan in Beverly Hills.
他在比弗利山的Juan-Juan店
They bring you a cup of tea, they'll massage your scalp.
他們會為你上茶，按摩頭皮
It's about $200, but sometimes you look in the next chair and you see a superstar like Tony Danza.
要花200美元，但有時你旁邊會坐著，像托尼·丹澤那樣的巨星
Quick question here: Have we actually changed the conversation from, I'm going to astronaut training to Sheldon can't get a haircut?
問一下，咱們真要從，我要接受宇航員培訓(xùn)這個話題轉(zhuǎn)到謝爾頓不能剪頭?
Now who's dying of jealousy? Oh, it's you.
現(xiàn)在是誰嫉妒死了?噢，是你啊
I'm a cowboy On a steel horse I ride I'm wanted, I'm wanted, Wanted Dead or alive.
我是個牛仔，胯下騎著威武鐵馬，通緝令上都是我，都是我，都是我呀，死活均可
Sheldon, you're ruining girlfriend- boyfriend sing-along night.
謝爾頓，你破壞了情侶合唱之夜。
I'm sorry. I'm looking for a barber and I'm running out of time.
抱歉,我在找理發(fā)師，時間緊迫
My hair is growing at the rate of 4.6 yoctometers per femtosecond.
我的頭發(fā)正在以每飛秒，4.6攸米的速度生長
if you're quiet, you can hear it.
如果你安靜點(diǎn)，都能聽到
What about Supercuts? I tried once.
"超級剪"（連鎖理發(fā)店）怎么樣?我去過一次
They do men's and women's hair in the same room at the same time. It's like Sodom and Gomorrah with mousse.
他們在一間屋子里，同時給男性和女性理發(fā)，就像配有摩絲的所多瑪和蛾摩拉（圣經(jīng)中兩座罪惡之城）
Well, this isn't a crisis. Why don't you just let your hair grow out a little?
這又不是什么大事，就讓頭發(fā)長點(diǎn)唄
Why don't I let my hair grow out?
為什么?
Um, why don't I start wearing Birkenstocks and seeking validation of my opinions by asking Can you dig it?
那我不如直接穿上勃肯涼鞋，然后問一句，"你喜歡不"來驗(yàn)證我的選擇
Well, I don't know. I think you might look sexy with long hair.
我不知道，我覺得你留長發(fā)會更性感
The kind that flows down to your shoulders and blows back while riding on a horse.
長發(fā)披肩，騎馬時飄逸在后的感覺
Bareback and bare-chested.
光著脊梁，騎在無鞍馬背上
I'm gonna go brush my teeth; it might take a while
我去刷個牙，可能時間會久一點(diǎn)
Hi, sweetie. I miss you. I miss you, too.
嗨，親愛的。我想你了，我也是
So tell me all about your first day.
跟我說說你第一天是怎么過的
Oh, wow, where do I even start?
噢，從哪里開始好呢
I got to experience zero gravity.
我體驗(yàn)了失重的感覺
Cool. How do they do that? It's pretty neat.
真好，他們是怎么做到的，挺簡單的
You get in this plane that goes almost straight up for, like, 20 seconds,
先坐進(jìn)一架飛機(jī)，它大概向上沖20秒
and then straight back down like it's going to crash, and they do it over and over again,
然后又像墜毀一樣筆直向下沖，他們這樣反復(fù)好幾遍
you know, no matter how many times you throw up.
也不管你吐了多少次
You threw up? Yeah... and the craziest part is, because there's no gravity, the throw-up kind of floats there...
你吐了?恩...最瘋狂的是，由于失重，嘔吐物會飄在那兒
in a little ball, and if your mouth is open because you're screaming... sometimes it just floats right back in.
聚成個小球，如果你張嘴，因?yàn)橐饨新?，有時，它可能會飄回你嘴里
Boy, does everyone laugh at you when that happens.
如果這樣的話，大家都會笑你的
That sounds mean.
他們真壞
No. Yeah, I would have laughed, too, but I didn't want the vomit to come back out.
還好啦，其實(shí)我也想笑，但我不想讓嘔吐物再出來
Anyway... Oh, could you do me a favor and overnight me some more underwear? Sure, why?
隨便了...你能幫忙，趕緊再寄些內(nèi)褲給我嗎?可以啊，怎么了?
I got a look at the centrifuge they're going to spin me around in tomorrow, and I have a hunch I packed a little light.
因?yàn)槲颐魈煲ルx心機(jī)里瘋轉(zhuǎn)，我有預(yù)感，我?guī)У膬?nèi)褲有點(diǎn)少
Mr.D'Onofrio? It's me, Sheldon.
多諾弗里奧先生?是我，謝爾頓
They didn't have anything barber-themed in the gift shop, so I got you this.
禮品店沒有理發(fā)師主題的禮物，所以我給你買了這個
I don't know if you can read his little T-shirt. It says, um, Get well bear-y soon.
你可能看不到這件T恤，上面寫著，盡快"熊"起
Trust me, if you were even a little conscious right now, you'd be laughing.
相信我，要是你現(xiàn)在有意識，你肯定會笑的
Anyway... There's new studies that show, people in comas are aware of everything going on around them.
算了...新的研究表明，昏迷中的人能感知到，周圍發(fā)生的事
With that in mind, if you can hear me, move away from the light and toward the sound of these scissors.
考慮到這一點(diǎn)，如果你聽到我說話，就到剪刀這邊來
Can I help you?
有什么要幫忙嗎?
Yes. Do you have something I could use as a cape?
是的，有啥能讓我披的嗎?
Oh, dear, did we spit out our pills, slip out of the ninth floor, and go on a little adventure?
天啊，你是不是把藥吐了，然后從九樓溜到這里探險呢
Oh, no, no, I'm just here to get my hair cut.
不，我只是來這里理發(fā)的
I-I see. J-Jus-Just wait here one moment. Security!
我知道了就，就，就在這里等一下。保安!
I got to run. But not with scissors-- that would be unsafe.
我得跑了。但不能拿著剪刀，太不安全了
So, if I move my horsey here... isn't that checkmate and I win?
如果我的小馬走到這兒...是不是就將軍，然后贏了?
Well, is it or isn't it?
是不是啊?
You know, I think this is a good stopping point.
我覺得咱就玩到這兒吧
Uh, it's your first real game. I threw a lot of information at you.
這是你第一次玩，我給你講的規(guī)則太多了
Well, no, I mean, your king is trapped. He can't go here because of my lighthouse,
不，你的王被困住了啊，他不能走這邊，我這里有燈塔（其實(shí)是城堡，即"車"），
and... he can't go here because of my pointy-head guy.
然后...他也不能走這邊，這有我的尖頭小人，（主教，即"象"）
Like I said, complicated game.
我說了嘛，這很復(fù)雜
So did I win or not?
那我到底贏了沒啊?
Did you have fun?
你玩得開心嗎?
Because if you had fun, then you are, you are a winner.
要是你玩得開心，你就贏了
That's, that-that's what chess is all about.
這就是象棋的意義所在
Hello. Sorry, Sheldon, I'll move. Eh, why?
你們好。抱歉，謝爾頓，我馬上換。干嗎換?
My spot, your spot-- what difference does it make?
我的位子，你的位子，有什么區(qū)別?
Okay, what just happened? I don't know.
剛剛發(fā)生了什么?不知道
Between you playing chess like Bobby Fischer and Sheldon being okay with you in his spot,
你能像鮑比·菲舍爾（前國際象棋冠軍）一樣下棋，謝爾頓也不介意你坐在他的位子上
I'm guessing someone went back in time, stepped on a bug, and changed the course of human events.
我猜是有人回到了過去，踩死了個蟲子，然后改變了人類世界的進(jìn)程（出自"蝴蝶效應(yīng)"）
Uh, sweetie, are you all right?
親愛的，你還好嗎?
No, I'm not all right.
不，我不好
It's been six days since I was supposed to get a haircut and nothing horrible has happened.
我頭發(fā)已經(jīng)晚剪六天了，居然也沒發(fā)生什么可怕的事
Okay, I'm sorry, I don't understand.
抱歉，我不明白你的意思
Leonard, explain it to her. Oh, uh, he's crazy.
萊納德，給她解釋一下。他瘋了
I have spent my whole life trying to bring order to the universe by carefully planning every moment of every day.
我一生都希望借由精心計(jì)劃，來使世界秩序井然
But all my efforts-- our dinner schedule, my pajama rotation, my bowel movement spreadsheet...
但我所有的努力我們的晚餐計(jì)劃，我的睡衣輪換表，排便估算表...
it's clear now, I've been wasting my time.
我終于明白了，我是在浪費(fèi)時間
