人生不設(shè)限·與人和諧互動(dòng)的能力

為了掌握這些人際關(guān)系能力，你必須把自己的利益、顧慮和意圖擱在一旁，融入周遭的人之中。這不是說你要成為大家注目的焦點(diǎn)，或是屋子里最好笑的那個(gè)人，而是指當(dāng)你跟人打交道時(shí)，要站在對(duì)方的立場(chǎng)，讓他們覺得跟你在一起很自在，因而愿意邀請(qǐng)你進(jìn)入他們的生活中。

To master these people skills, you must place your own self-interests, concerns, and agendas on hold and dial in to those around you. It's not about being the center of attention or the funniest person in the room; it's about engaging with other people on their terms and making them comfortable enough to invite you into their lives.

我們跟他人的關(guān)系，有短暫接觸的(店員、服務(wù)生、郵差、飛機(jī)上坐在你旁邊的人)，有那種常常碰面的(鄰居、同事、客戶)，另外就是那些跟我們的生活有很大關(guān)聯(lián)的(最要好的朋友、伴侶和家人)。每個(gè)層級(jí)的關(guān)系需要的人際能力不盡相同。

The depth of our relationships varies from those we engage with briefly (store clerks, waitresses, the mailman, the guy next to you on the plane) to those we interact with regularly (neighbors, coworkers, customers, and clients), and finally to people who are a big part of our lives (our best friends, spouses, and family members). Each level requires people skills of some sort, the ability to relate to and interact in harmony with others.

學(xué)著向人求助

Helping Hands

還有一種人際關(guān)系能力常常被蔑視或忽略，我卻相當(dāng)熟悉，那就是：當(dāng)你需要幫助時(shí)，愿意以謙卑的心向他人求助。耶穌——上帝之子——在地上時(shí)很少是獨(dú)行俠，通常會(huì)有幾個(gè)門徒陪著他。所以，你不要認(rèn)為自己必須單打獨(dú)斗。開口求助并非示弱，而是力量的顯現(xiàn)。《圣經(jīng)》上說：“你們祈求，就給你們;尋找，就尋見;叩門，就給你們開門。因?yàn)榉财砬蟮?，就得?尋找的，就尋見;叩門的，就給他開門。”[24]

There is one more people skill that is often disdained or overlooked, but one I'm quite familiar with: the willingness and the humility to ask for help when you need it. Jesus, the son of God, rarely walked alone on this earth. He was usually in the company of one or more of his disciples. You should never feel that you have to go it alone. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength. The Bible says, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door shall be opened."

因?yàn)槲业穆眯杏?jì)劃實(shí)在排得太緊湊，所以幾年前，我決定重新聘請(qǐng)看護(hù)幫我的忙。其實(shí)很長一段時(shí)間我都避免這么做，因?yàn)槟昙o(jì)比較輕時(shí)，我總想證明自己可以不必依賴別人過日子，所以獨(dú)立對(duì)我來說非常重要。為了心靈的平靜和自尊，我得確定一件事：如果有必要，我可以靠自己過活。

A few years ago my heavy travel schedule led me to decide to return to using caregivers, which is something I tried to avoid for a long time. When I was younger, I wanted to prove that I could survive day by day without depending on other people. Being independent was important to me. I needed to know, for my own peace of mind and my self-esteem, that I could live on my own if necessary.

但是展開演講生涯之后，世界各地的邀約紛至沓來，而在許多不同的地方對(duì)著那么多人演講，是非常需要全神貫注的，如果要自己照顧自己，會(huì)耗費(fèi)我太多精力，特別是在旅途中。因此，我又重新聘用看護(hù)，但我仍然期待將來有一天我會(huì)有妻兒相伴，并再次回到獨(dú)立的生活中。

But as my public speaking career took off and invitations to speak came from all over the globe, I realized that I was burning up too much energy taking care of myself, especially on the road. To speak to as many people in as many different places as I do, you have to be fully engaged and full of energy. I went back to employing caregivers even though someday, down the road, I hope to have a wife and family and again be independent.

當(dāng)你有了看護(hù)，就不能沒有人際關(guān)系能力。就算你提供不錯(cuò)的待遇，你還是不能期待一個(gè)不喜歡你的人會(huì)喂你吃飯、跟著你到處跑、替你刮胡子、幫你穿衣服，有時(shí)還得抱著你。幸好，我跟看護(hù)的關(guān)系一直不錯(cuò)——雖然他們有時(shí)候會(huì)面臨考驗(yàn)了。

When you have a caregiver, lacking people skills is not an option. Even if their pay is good, you can't expect someone to feed you, travel with you, shave you, dress you, and sometimes carry you around if they don't like you. Luckily, I've always had good relationships with mine—though they've sometimes been put to the test. I did not have a full-time caregiver until 2005, when Craig Blackburn, who'd been inspired by my speaking and testimony in church, contacted me. He offered to work as my caregiver, driver, and coordinator for a three-week speaking tour along the sunny Queensland coast. I was a little nervous about doing the tour with someone I didn't know well, but I prayed on it, checked his credentials, and decided I could trust him. Craig proved to be very helpful, allowing me to save my energies for my speaking and other duties.

我選擇演講這種需要大量旅行的工作，又堅(jiān)定地想要證明自己的獨(dú)立性，所以曾經(jīng)驕傲到不愿開口求助，即使求助比較合理。你不應(yīng)該犯同樣的錯(cuò)，要知道自己的極限，在有需要時(shí)向外求助。不過請(qǐng)記住，除非你表現(xiàn)出對(duì)他們的關(guān)懷與體貼，否則光是向朋友或同事要求些什么，是很沒有禮貌的，人家可沒欠你。

In my determined effort to prove my independence while also building a career that required intense travel, I'd been too proud to ask for help, even when it made sense to do so. You shouldn't make the same mistake. Know your limitations. Protect your health and sanity by doing what is only human: reaching out when conditions call for it. But remember, to ask something of friends or co-workers is rude unless you've shown interest and consideration for them. No one owes you anything more than you have given to them.

過去幾年，我的看護(hù)有時(shí)候是由朋友、家人和義工擔(dān)任，不過我大部分是找領(lǐng)薪的助手，因?yàn)槲业男谐淌志o湊，看護(hù)的工作量很大。

A few of my caregivers have been friends, family members, and volunteers over the years, but most are paid to assist me because the job is demanding, given my hectic schedule. I began using caregivers more and more while traveling in the United States in 2006. A fellow named George had volunteered to serve as my driver and caregiver on that tour, but he showed up driving a wreck of a little car that was loud and stinky and, to my astonishment, had a gaping hole in the floor! It was a bit of a shock. I had visions of falling through and being flattened by a trailing truck. I never felt entirely safe in that car, but George proved to be a loyal supporter and a great caregiver.

我目前的看護(hù)之一——布萊恩——在我2008年夏天到歐洲巡回演講時(shí)，就面臨了終極考驗(yàn)。有一天晚上，我們抵達(dá)了羅馬尼亞的提米索拉，在這之前，我們已經(jīng)不眠不休地旅行了一個(gè)星期，所以我真的累癱了，而這一晚是這個(gè)漫長行程中我第一次可以好好休息的機(jī)會(huì)。但因?yàn)槲蚁騺硭貌缓?，所以布萊恩給了我一顆褪黑激素，它可以幫助人體處理時(shí)差問題。

One of my current caregivers, Bryan, was put to the ultimate test during my European speaking tour in the summer of 2008. We'd been traveling nonstop for about a week when we arrived for a one-night stay at a hotel in Timisoara, Romania. Dead tired from lack of sleep, I was too weary to fret. This was the first night on the long tour where I was scheduled to catch some serious rest. Since I'd been having trouble sleeping, Bryan offered me a melatonin capsule, which is supposed to help your body deal with jet lag.

起先，我跟他說我最好不要服用，因?yàn)槲殷w重很輕，有時(shí)對(duì)營養(yǎng)品會(huì)產(chǎn)生奇怪的反應(yīng)，但布萊恩說這很安全。不過，為了安全起見，我只吃了半顆——幸好我沒有整顆吞下去，因?yàn)槌粤酥?，我馬上進(jìn)入深沉的睡眠。

At first, I told him I'd better not take it. Because of my low body weight, I sometimes have strange reactions to supplements. Bryan convinced me it was safe, and just to be cautious, I took only a half-dose. Luckily I didn't swallow the entire capsule. I fell into a deep sleep right away.

在某些巡回演講中，我會(huì)變得過度疲勞，而且盡管在床上坐起來對(duì)我而言非常費(fèi)力，我還是會(huì)在睡夢(mèng)中坐起，然后開始演講，仿佛眼前真的有聽眾。而這天晚上，我把隔壁房間的布萊恩吵醒了，因?yàn)槲揖尤辉谥v道，而且是用塞爾維亞語!

On some tours I become overtired, and despite the tremendous effort it takes for me to sit up in bed, I'll do just that in my sleep, and then I'll begin speaking as if I'm addressing an audience. On this night I woke up Bryan in the next room because I was preaching! In Serbian!

在我的“夢(mèng)中布道”把整個(gè)羅馬尼亞吵醒之前，布萊恩叫醒了我。我們兩個(gè)都發(fā)現(xiàn)自己汗如雨下，仿佛在這夏夜的熱氣中被煮了一頓，因?yàn)槲覀円凰?，空調(diào)就停了。我們很自然地打開窗，讓一些新鮮空氣流進(jìn)來，然后累到骨子里的兩人又回去睡了。

Bryan woke me up before I roused all of Romania with my sleep-sermonizing, and we both realized then that we were sweating like crazy. We'd been cooking in the summer heat because while we slept, the room air conditioner had shut down. Naturally, we opened the windows to allow some fresh air to flow into our rooms. Then, bone-tired, we returned to our beds.

大概一個(gè)小時(shí)之后，我們又醒了，這次是被巨大的羅馬尼亞蚊子(至少我們希望那是蚊子)給“生吞”了。那個(gè)時(shí)候，我真的已經(jīng)累死、熱死、全身癢死了——而且，我還沒有道具可以抓癢，這簡直是酷刑!

An hour later we again were awakened; this time we were being eaten alive by huge Transylvanian mosquitoes. (At least we hoped they were mosquitoes!) At that point I was dead tired, overheated, itching all over my body, and—a special bonus—lacking the usual scratching tools. It was torture!

布萊恩建議我沖個(gè)澡止癢，然后他在我被蚊子叮的腫包上噴了一些止癢的急救藥。我又回到床上去睡，但是十分鐘后，我又再度大叫布萊恩，因?yàn)槲铱蓱z的身體像著了火一樣!我對(duì)剛剛那個(gè)止癢噴劑過敏了!

At Bryan's suggestion, I took a shower to relieve the itching. Then he sprayed my swollen bug bites with an anti-itching first aid remedy. I returned to my bed, but ten minutes later I was hollering for Bryan again. My poor body was on fire! I'd had an allergic reaction to the anti-itching spray.

我的看護(hù)再次匆匆忙忙地把我拖進(jìn)浴室沖洗，而在這個(gè)過程中，他滑倒了，頭撞到馬桶，差點(diǎn)沒撞昏。精疲力竭的我們只想睡覺，但這恐怖的一夜還沒結(jié)束。因?yàn)榭照{(diào)壞了，房間里實(shí)在太熱，這個(gè)時(shí)候我已經(jīng)快瘋了，所以跟布萊恩借了枕頭。

He scrambled to haul me into the shower again, and in the process he slipped, fell, and banged his head on the toilet, nearly knocking himself out! Exhausted, we just wanted to sleep, but our night of horrors was not yet over. With the air conditioner out, the room was just too hot. By this time I wasn't thinking like a sane person, so I told Bryan to lend me a pillow.

“走廊上的空調(diào)沒壞，我要去那里睡!”我跟已經(jīng)沒轍的看護(hù)說。

"The air conditioner is working in the hallway, so I'm sleeping out there," I told my baffled caregiver.

布萊恩沒力氣跟我爭辯。他倒在床上，我則在房間外面的走廊直接躺下，房門打開，這樣當(dāng)我需要幫忙時(shí)，布萊恩就可以聽到。我們就這樣小睡了一兩個(gè)鐘頭吧，然后有個(gè)陌生人從我上方跨過去，直接走進(jìn)房里，用破英文大聲斥責(zé)可憐的布萊恩。

Bryan didn't have the strength to argue with me. He collapsed on his bed, and I crashed just outside the room, leaving the door open so he could hear me if I needed help. We snoozed like that for an hour or two before a total stranger stepped over me, marched into the room, and berated poor Bryan in broken English.

他在那里氣沖沖地罵了幾分鐘后，我們才搞清楚這位路人甲以為布萊恩把我丟到走廊上去睡，氣得不得了。我們花了好長一段時(shí)間說服這位想要成為“好撒馬利亞人”[25]的男士，讓他知道我是自愿去睡走廊的。

He ranted on for several minutes before we figured out that our intruder was furious because he thought Bryan had thrown me out in the hallway to sleep on the floor! We had a tough time convincing this would-be Good Samaritan that I was sleeping in the corridor by choice.

這位陌生人離開后，我爬回我的床，布萊恩回到他的床上。但是當(dāng)我們終于慢慢進(jìn)入夢(mèng)鄉(xiāng)時(shí)，布萊恩的手機(jī)響了。他接起電話，一陣狂罵灌進(jìn)他耳朵里，原來是我們這次巡回演講的協(xié)調(diào)人。顯然剛剛那位好心的路人甲并沒有被我們說服，跑去跟飯店的安全人員說我整晚都被丟在走廊上，飯店就對(duì)我們的協(xié)調(diào)人發(fā)火，然后那位協(xié)調(diào)人就氣得打電話來威脅可憐的布萊恩，說要對(duì)他動(dòng)用私刑!

Once the stranger left, I crawled back into my bed. Bryan returned to his. But just as we finally drifted off to sleep, Bryan's cell phone rang. When he answered, a verbal blast pounded his ear. It was the coordinator of our speaking tour. Evidently our well-meaning intruder had not been convinced. He'd reported to hotel security that I'd been left in the hallway all night, and they'd raised heck with our coordinator, who was threatening to have poor Bryan tarred and feathered.

現(xiàn)在你知道為什么我通常得請(qǐng)三個(gè)看護(hù)輪流照顧我了吧。布萊恩和我現(xiàn)在可以對(duì)我們的羅馬尼亞夢(mèng)魘一笑置之，但那時(shí)我們可是經(jīng)過幾個(gè)舒爽涼快、沒有蚊子打擾的好眠之夜后，才回過神來。

Now you can see why I normally employ three caregivers who rotate on shifts seven days a week. Bryan and I can laugh about our nightmarish night in Transylvania now, but it took several nights of sleeping in cool rooms, without bugs, to get over it.

年輕的時(shí)候，我必須學(xué)習(xí)的功課之一就是向人求助是沒有關(guān)系的。無論你的身體零件是不是配備齊全，有時(shí)候，你就是沒辦法一個(gè)人搞定某些事。沒錯(cuò)，謙虛是一項(xiàng)人際關(guān)系能力，也是上帝所賜的禮物。

One of the lessons I had to learn early in life was that it's okay to ask for help. Whether you've got all the standard body parts or not, there will be times when you simply can't go it alone. Yes, humility is a people skill and a God-given gift.

向人求助時(shí)要謙卑，無論你求助的對(duì)象是看護(hù)、良師益友、人生典范或家人。假如你向外求援時(shí)夠謙卑，大多數(shù)人都會(huì)愿意抽空幫你。但如果你表現(xiàn)得好像自己無所不知，根本不需要?jiǎng)e人，那就真的不太可能得到援助了。

You have to be humble to ask others for help, whether it's a caregiver, a mentor, a role model, or a family member. When someone is humble enough to reach out for assistance, most people respond by giving of themselves and their time. If you act as though you have all the answers and don't need anyone else, you are less likely to attract support.