人生不設(shè)限·我最愛眼神接觸

MAKING CONNECTIONS

小時候，媽媽常帶我去逛街，或者去其他公共場所。當(dāng)她去忙自己的事情時，我就坐在輪椅上看著人來人往，觀察每個人的臉，一待就是幾小時。當(dāng)人們經(jīng)過我身旁時，我會研究他們，試著猜測他們靠什么為生，個性怎么樣。當(dāng)然了，我不知道自己的直覺對不對，但我在研究肢體語言、面部表情和讀人術(shù)等等方面的確變得很認真。

When I was a boy, my mum often took me shopping or to other public places, and while she went about her business, I'd spend hours observing faces in the crowd from my wheelchair. I'd study them as they passed by and try to guess what they did for a living and what their personalities were like. Of course, I never knew whether my instant profiles were correct, but I did become a serious student of body language, facial expressions, and reading people in general.

當(dāng)時那只是我下意識的行為，但是回過頭看，我才發(fā)現(xiàn)那時自己正出于本能地發(fā)展重要技巧。因為我沒有手可以保護自己，也沒有腿可以逃跑，所以快速評估某個人值不值得信任這件事對我非常重要。這不是說我常常擔(dān)心自己受到攻擊，但我的確比大多數(shù)人容易受傷害，所以變得對人的敏銳度比較高一些。

This was mostly a subconscious process, but when I look back and reflect, I realize I was instinctively developing some very important skills. Since I lack the arms to defend myself, or the legs to run, it was important for me to quickly assess whether I could trust someone or not. It's not that I consciously worried about being attacked, but I was more vulnerable than most, and so I became more "people aware" than most.

我對周遭人的心情、情緒和聲音很敏感。聽起來可能有點奇怪，但我的“天線”接收能力精細到如果有人把手放在我輪椅的扶手上，就好像跟我握手一樣，我會奇妙地感受到跟對方有實質(zhì)上的聯(lián)結(jié)，仿佛我們真的握住了彼此的手。每當(dāng)家人或朋友把手放上我的輪椅，我就會感受到這份溫暖與接納。

I'm sensitive to the moods, emotions, and sounds of those around me. This may sound a little strange, but my antennae are so finely tuned that when someone puts a hand on my wheelchair armrest, it's almost like we are holding hands. I get this weird feeling that a physical connection has been made, just as if we were shaking or holding hands. Whenever my friends or family members put their hands on my chair, I feel this warmth and acceptance.

我缺少四肢這件事影響到我演講時跟人互動的方式。我沒有多數(shù)演講者的煩惱之一——手不知道要放哪里。我把重點放在通過臉部表情溝通，尤其是眼睛，而不是雙手。我無法憑借手勢強調(diào)重點或傳達情緒，而是利用眼睛寬度和臉部表情的變化來傳達情感，并吸引聽眾的注意。

My lack of limbs has affected the way I relate to people as a professional speaker. I don't have to worry about one of the primary concerns of most speakers—what to do with my hands. I've worked on communicating with my facial expressions, and especially my eyes, rather than my hands. I can't make gestures to emphasize points or convey emotion. I worked at varying the width of my eyes and changing my facial expressions to convey emotions, and to hold the attention of my audiences.

妹妹蜜雪兒最近逗我說：“力克，你真的很喜歡眼神接觸呢。當(dāng)你跟某個人說話時，你會深深地望進他的眼睛里，就是這樣。”

My sister recently teased me: "Nick, you really do love eye contact. When you speak to someone, you look into their eyes with this intensity. That's the only way I can describe it."

知我者蜜雪兒也。我之所以喜歡眼神接觸，喜歡深深地看進人們的眼里，是因為眼睛是靈魂之窗。我欣賞人們的美，而我常常在人的雙眼里發(fā)現(xiàn)它。我們都可能看見別人不好或不完美之處，但我選擇去看他們內(nèi)在的黃金。

Michelle knows me well. I look into the eyes of other people because they are windows to the soul. I love eye contact. I admire the beauty of people, and I find it, often, in their eyes. We can all find something bad or imperfect in others, but I choose to look at the gold within them.

“這也是你讓對話保持真實且誠懇的方式，”我的小妹說，“從你跟我朋友的談話中就可以看得出來。你直接深入對方的內(nèi)在，捕捉他們的注意力，因此他們會吸收你說的每個字。”

"It's also your way of keeping the conversation real and sincere," my little sister said. "I can see it when you talk to my friends. You get straight to the core of the person, and you capture their attention so that they soak up every word you tell them."

我學(xué)會通過看進對方眼里，以及憑借問問題或發(fā)表意見，找出彼此的共同點，來快速進入狀況。在背痛限制我的擁抱能力之前，我最喜歡的破冰方式是跟人家說：“來，給我個擁抱吧!”

I've learned to engage quickly by looking into the eyes of the people I meet and asking questions or making comments to find a common ground. Before back pains limited my huggability, one of my favorite ice breakers was to say, "Come and give me a hug."

我希望借此邀請人們靠近我、接觸我，讓他們跟我相處起來更自在。去接觸人、與之聯(lián)結(jié)、找到共通點，這些是每個人都該掌握的人際關(guān)系技巧，因為這些技巧決定了我們跟周遭人的互動可以有多好。

By inviting people to come close and make contact, I hoped to make them feel comfortable with me. Reaching out to others, bonding with them, finding a common ground are relationship skills that everyone should master. They determine how well we interact with those around us.