那些年媽媽放過的狠話，簡(jiǎn)直讓我笑掉頭…

社交網(wǎng)站推特有一個(gè)熱門話題叫做

#Funny Things Moms Say#

(媽媽說過的那些搞笑的話)。

一起來聽聽看別人家的媽媽是什么畫風(fēng)

1

You may do whatever you want but not while you are living under my roof.

你想干嘛都可以，但只要住在我眼皮子底下一天，就不行。

2

Because I said so!

因?yàn)槭俏艺f噠!

3

My mom used to scare me with this one: “Put on clean underwear! If you get hit by a bus, all the nurses will see those dirty ones!”. Always wondered which situation would have been worse.

我媽以前會(huì)這么說來嚇唬我：“給我穿條干凈內(nèi)褲!不穿的話想想要是你被公交車撞了，護(hù)士們就會(huì)看到你的臟內(nèi)褲。” 這估計(jì)是最糟糕的狀況了吧。

4

My mom told me: “All you had to do was drink water. Water will be the cure for anything. If your head hurt, if you got a cold, if you are two inches away from dying …”

我媽跟我說：“喝水就好啦。喝水治百病。頭疼喝水，感冒喝水，離死亡只差兩英寸也……”

5

Have you lost your cotton-picking mind!

你腦子壞掉啦!

6

If you fall out of that tree and break both legs, don’t come running to me.

要是你從樹上掉下來摔斷兩條腿，別跑過來找我。

7

Don't look at me in that tone!

別用那種口氣看著我!

8

I should have swallowed you!

當(dāng)初就該把你塞回去!

9

80% kids will get this one: “Don’t sit too close to the TV, you’ll ruin your eyes!”

很多小孩兒都聽過這句話：“離電視遠(yuǎn)點(diǎn)兒!眼睛會(huì)搞瞎!”

⑩

“Don’t turn the light on while I’m driving, or I’ll get in a car accident.”

“我開車的時(shí)候別開燈!想讓我出事故嗎!”

This was a lot. My mom made me feel like a criminal every time I turn on that car light.

這句話她說得超頻繁。每次我把車?yán)锏臒舸蜷_，我媽就會(huì)讓我覺得自己是個(gè)犯人。

?

I was about 9 or 10 when mom told me: “You’d better learn to wipe your butt better or do your own laundry. No woman wants to live with a man who has dirty draws.”

那時(shí)候我才9歲10歲吧，我媽跟我說：“你要么學(xué)會(huì)擦屁股，要么就自己洗衣服。沒有哪個(gè)女人會(huì)跟內(nèi)褲上有粑粑印的男人生活。”

?

If I can carry you for 9 months, you can carry those groceries from the car to the house.

我的肚子能馱著你9個(gè)月，你就不能把這些菜從車上搬到家里?

?

My siblings name when she’s addressing me.

我媽叫我的時(shí)候老是喊成我姐妹的名字。

?

“I won’t get mad if you just tell me.” That is the biggest lie moms ever say.

“你早跟我說，我會(huì)生氣嗎?” 這估計(jì)是媽媽們最大的謊言。

?

Why do you still live in my house? You are 35.

你為什么還住在我家?你35歲啦。

?

Wait until your dad gets home.

等你爸回家有你好看。

?

Wait until you have children.

等你有孩子你就知道了。

?

“Don’t make me turn this car around!” We all know she’s not going to turn the car around.

“別逼我掉頭打道回府!” 其實(shí)我們都知道她不會(huì)掉頭的。

?

Mummy’s just having grape juice like you are. (pouring wine into her wineglass)

和你一樣,媽咪只是在喝果汁啦(倒紅酒)。

?

Don’t you roll your eyes at me! I’ll take you out and make another one who looks just like you.

你再敢跟我翻白眼!我把你轟出去然后再生一個(gè)跟你長(zhǎng)得一模一樣的。

21

Mom: What’s my passcode again?

Me: Same as your phone number.

Mom: What’s my phone number again?

媽：“我密碼是多少來著?”

我：“你手機(jī)號(hào)”

媽：“我手機(jī)號(hào)是多少來著?”

22

Mom: “Who did this?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

Mom: “I didn’t ask WHO did it, I am telling you to pick it up!”

媽：“誰弄的!”

我：“我不知道。”

媽：“我沒問你是誰弄的，我是叫你給我撿起來!”

23

“I love my children equally”. And we all know that’s a lie.

“我對(duì)孩子們一視同仁。” 其實(shí)我們都知道是假的。

24

I brought you into this world and I can TAKE YOU OUT.

我可以把你帶到這個(gè)世界上，我也可以把你轟出去。

25

You better not ever start a fight. But if someone starts one with you, YOU BETTER FINISH IT!”

人不犯你你不犯人，人若犯你你最好給我把TA打趴下。

26

“You are beautiful and people will love you.” — Where are those people momma?

“你很漂亮啦，會(huì)有人愛你的” —— 老媽，這些人在哪?

27

If you don’t eat your carrots, you won’t be able to see in the dark.

要是你不吃胡蘿卜，晚上你就會(huì)瞎掉。

28

This isn’t a hotel, you know.

家里不是酒店，你知道吧。

29

Having to say everything twice, having to say everything twice.

每句話都要說兩遍!真的每句話都要說兩遍!

30

“Don’t you call my first name!”

“你再敢直呼我名字!”

I guess every family is different but if I ever call my mom by her first name, her hand print will still be on my cheek.

我感覺每個(gè)家里都不一樣，但是要是我直呼我媽的名字，估計(jì)我臉上就會(huì)留下她的巴掌印。

31

Close the door. We are not cooling the whole neighborhood.

把門關(guān)上!我們不是在給整個(gè)街區(qū)制冷!

32

Me and two brothers and two sisters: “Mom, who do you love most?”

Mom: “You know, I never wanted children.”

我、兩個(gè)哥哥還有兩個(gè)姐姐問媽媽：“媽，你最愛哪一個(gè)啊?”

媽：“那個(gè)嗯……我之前就沒想生小孩來著。”

33

If you don’t clean the gaps between your toes properly, you’ll start growing potatoes out of them.

你要是不認(rèn)認(rèn)真真洗腳指頭中間那塊兒，就會(huì)有土豆從那兒長(zhǎng)出來。

34

Dad is a millionaire – in the least worth currency in the world.

你爸其實(shí)是個(gè)百萬富翁——以世界上最便宜的貨幣算。

35

You kids are the reason mommy drinks.

你們這幫熊孩子就是媽媽喝酒的原因。

你的媽媽都說過哪些讓你捧腹不已的話呢?