傷心的時(shí)候，你最想聽到什么？一則故事告訴你

Why care about empathy?

為什么要關(guān)注同理心?

The practice of empathy builds trust and increases safety in your family and work environments. It supports the social fabric required for communication and shared activities. A world with empathy is nurturing and supportive – it creates an environment where people can be creative and take risks.

同理心可以增強(qiáng)人們?cè)诩胰酥g和員工之間的信任和安全感。支持社會(huì)結(jié)構(gòu)，促進(jìn)人們之間的交流和共享。一個(gè)擁有同理心的世界，是一個(gè)有活力，相互扶持的世界，生活在這樣世界里的人們創(chuàng)新，有冒險(xiǎn)精神。

Empathy Traps (Anti-patterns)

同理心陷阱(反面教材)

Trap #1: Even Worse – the basic idea here is to compare the persons’s problem with someone else’s problem that is even much bigger. On the surface this may seem like we’re helping them. What we are really doing is that we are saying that their problem and feelings are invalid or unworthy.

陷阱1：事情本來可以更糟——本意是想把一個(gè)人的問題和別人的更壞的問題比較。表面上看我們似乎是在幫他們。可實(shí)際上，我們一直在說他們遇到的問題和感受不重要，不值得擔(dān)心。

Trap #2: Look on the Bright Side – When we focus on the positive, rather than acknowledge a person’s feelings, we ignore and dismiss them as unimportant. The net result is that we invalidate the other person.

陷阱2：看事情好的一面：我們把注意力集中在想事情好的一面，而不是放在人的感受上。這樣做，不經(jīng)意間，我們忽視了其實(shí)最重要的是人，讓別人誤以為他們?cè)趧e人心中不重要。最終的結(jié)果就是我們讓別人很受傷。

Trap #3: Problem Solving – Typically, we start by assuming the person has invited us to solve their problem by telling us about their situation. (Why else would they tell us?) With this trap, we avoid acknowledging or recognizing the emotion and keep it just to the facts of the situation.

陷阱3：解決問題——我們預(yù)設(shè)別人向我們傾訴自己的遭遇，理解為就是邀請(qǐng)我們幫助解決問題。(不然他們?yōu)槭裁锤嬖V我們?)在這個(gè)陷阱中的，我們忽視了他們的感受，只是在從這件事的角度看問題。

What to do about this?

萬一一不小心掉近陷阱了，怎么辦?

1. Notice when you are running these anti-patterns and STOP TALKING. Saying nothing is much better than falling in these traps. Rewind the conversation if you need to. It’s never too late to go back.

意識(shí)到自己掉進(jìn)陷阱，就不要再說了。什么都不說也不比說錯(cuò)強(qiáng)。有必要的話，把話頭倒回去。浪子回頭金不換嘛。

2. Be kind to yourself. You are human like the rest of us. You’ve probably been running these patterns for years and years – it’ll take time to get better.

對(duì)自己好一些。我們都一樣，可能過去的日子里，你一直都在用這些錯(cuò)誤的技巧勸人，但是慢慢地，你會(huì)做好的。

3. Take a deep breath and practice your empathy muscles. Yes! You can learn these skills.

深呼吸，進(jìn)行自己的同理心實(shí)踐應(yīng)用。加油!你能學(xué)會(huì)!

What can be done to turn around this empathy decline? Fortunately, a good deal. And we can start by learning the four elements of empathy.

同理心滑坡，我們?cè)撛趺崔k?幸運(yùn)的是，有很多辦法可以做出改變。 先從同理心的四個(gè)特點(diǎn)開始吧，看看能給我們什么啟示。

Four Elements of Empathy-Teresa Wiseman

同理心的四個(gè)特點(diǎn)

Teresa Wiseman is a nursing scholar, whostudied professions—very diverse professions where empathy is relevant, and came up with four qualities of empathy:

Teresa Wiseman是名護(hù)理學(xué)者，她研究職業(yè)--與同理心相關(guān)、非常不同的職業(yè)，并提出四種同理心的特性：

Perspective taking (the ability to take the perspective of another person, or recognize their perspectives as their truth), staying out of judgment (not easy when you enjoy this as much as most of us do), recognizing emotion of another people, and then communicating that.

接受觀點(diǎn)(接受他人觀點(diǎn)的能力，或是認(rèn)同他們的觀點(diǎn)為他們的事實(shí))、不加評(píng)論(這不容易，當(dāng)你跟我們大多數(shù)人一樣喜歡評(píng)論他人時(shí))、看出他人的情緒、并接著與那交流。
 

【額外福利】視頻英文原文：

So what is empathy? And why is it very different than sympathy?

Empathy fuels connection. Sympathy drives disconnection. Empathy is very interesting.

Teresa Wiseman is a nursing scholar, whostudied professions—very diverse professions where empathy is relevant, and came up with four qualities of empathy:

Perspective taking (the ability to takethe perspective of another person, or recognize their perspectives as theirtruth), staying out of judgment (not easy when you enjoy this as much as mostof us do), recognizing emotion of another people, and then communicating that.

Empathy is feeling with people. And to me,I always think of empathy as this kind of sacred space when someone's kind ofin a deep hole, and they shout out from the bottom and they say, "I'm stuck. It's dark. I'm overwhelmed." And then we look and we say,"Hey," and climb down, "I know what it's like down here, andyou're not alone."

Sympathy is, "Woo! It's bad, ahuh?Now, you want a sandwich?"

Empathy is a choice. And it's a vulnerable choice because in order to connect with you, I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling. Rarely, if ever, does an empathic response begin with "at least."

I had a...yeah, and we do it all the time,because, you know what, someone just shares something with us that's incrediblypainful, and we're trying to silver lining that. I don't think that's a verb,but I'm using it as one.

We're trying to put this silver lining around it, so "I had a miscarriage."

"At least, you know you can getpregnant."

"I think my marriage is fallingapart."

"At least, you have a marriage."

"John's getting kicked out ofschool."

"At least, Sarah, he's anA-student."

But one of the things we do sometimes inthe face of very difficult conversations is we try to make things better.

If I share something with you that's very difficult, I'd rather you say, "I don't even know what to say right now.I'm just so glad you told me," because the truth is rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better is connection.