埃里克?坎通納：從球星到演員

Sometime between the potato gratin going cold and my guest refusing coffee, the main section of the Commune Social tapas bar in Shanghai falls silent. It is tempting to imagine that the whole city has done the same.

在芝士焗土豆變冷和我的客人不要咖啡之間的某個時刻，位于上海的西班牙小食餐廳食社(Commune Social)的主用餐區(qū)靜了下來，讓人忍不住想象整個城市也安靜了。

Eric Cantona — the actor and philosophical sketch artist perhaps better known as one the finest and most combustible footballers in history — closes his eyes and starts whistling Edith Piaf’s “Hymne à l’amour”.

埃里克•坎通納(Eric Cantona)閉上眼，吹起了埃迪特•皮亞夫(Edith Piaf)的那首《愛的贊歌》(Hymne à l’amour)的口哨。他是一名演員、一位富有哲理的畫家，他更被人熟知的身份是歷史上極為優(yōu)秀且富有激情的足球運動員。

It is somehow unsurprising. This is exactly why Britain fell in love with Cantona in the 1990s and why his years at Manchester United were the centrepiece of one of the most thrilling epochs in the beautiful game. It takes only moments of meeting the 51-year-old Frenchman to discover that he remains, first and foremost, a performer. On the field, in his pomp, he could electrify tens of thousands of fans every time he made contact with the ball. Off the pitch the performance was even more audacious — a scene-stealing role as the French pseud surrounded by barbaric Brits.

這在某種程度上并不那么令人意外。這就是為什么英國在上世紀90年代愛上坎通納的原因，也正因如此，他在曼聯(lián)(Manchester United)的日子成為足球運動一個極為激動人心的時代的重頭戲。在見到這位51歲的法國人后，不出片刻，我就發(fā)現(xiàn)他(首先也是最重要的)仍是一名表演者。在足球場上，在他的鼎盛時期，他每次碰球都能點燃無數(shù)球迷的熱情。在足球場外，他的表演甚至更為大膽——他扮演著一群野蠻英國人中的法國偽哲學家這個搶鏡的角色。

His reign defined not just the stunning success of a dream team that featured David Beckham, Roy Keane and Ryan Giggs, but the tectonic shifts — led by huge TV deals — that reshaped English football. There was a swagger that infused the era, and Cantona’s was the biggest and most brazen. The game was then in the throes of becoming a global, televised circus. His superstardom, he says, arose in part because “I understood before the others what the circus was”.

他的鼎盛時期定義了一只改變了英國足球面貌的夢幻球隊(該隊球員包括大衛(wèi)•貝克漢姆(David Beckham)、羅伊•基恩(Roy Keane)和瑞安•吉格斯(Ryan Giggs))令人矚目的成功(由大筆電視協(xié)議推動)。不僅如此，那個時代還被注入了一種趾高氣揚的感覺，坎通納是其中最突出也是最無所顧忌的。當時，足球運動正在痛苦地轉(zhuǎn)型為一場全球電視直播的馬戲表演。如今他說，他當時之所以成為超級巨星，在一定程度上是因為他“先于其他人理解了這場馬戲表演是什么”。

When the whistling comes to an end, 32 seconds later, the Frenchman’s expression is unmistakable: that defiant, imperious flare of entitlement that accompanied every sublime goal, every telepathic pass, every thoroughly deserved red card and every enigmatic pronouncement flicked towards the media. Two decades since his retirement from the professional game, and even with his once trademark upturned collar neatly turned down, he could still ignite a stadium.

吹完32秒的口哨之后，這位法國人臉上再次露出那個讓人不可能看錯的表情：桀驁不馴、目空一切——他每次絕妙進球、每次心有靈犀地傳球、每次絕對罪有應得地被罰紅牌以及每次向媒體拋出謎一般的聲明時，都是這種表情。他退出職業(yè)賽事已有20年，即便他曾經(jīng)標志性的上翻的衣領(lǐng)如今服帖地翻了下來，他仍可以讓一個體育場嗨起來。

“The whistling? My kids used to like it. Nowadays they tell me to stop,” he shrugs, convinced of its brilliance but acknowledging, as one dad to another, that we can sometimes be embarrassing to our children. He asks whether I would also like to hear a more piercing whistle he uses to summon dogs. I don’t, but he does it anyway. It is quite fabulously piercing. Heads around the restaurant jerk to attention. No dogs appear.

“口哨?我的孩子們曾經(jīng)喜歡這個。如今，他們讓我別吹了。”他聳了聳肩說。這是在承認，盡管自信于自己吹得很好，但作父親的人總有一些時候會讓孩子為我們感到尷尬。他問我想不想聽他用來喚狗的更響亮的口哨。我不想聽，但他還是吹了。口哨相當響亮。整個餐廳的人都猛地轉(zhuǎn)過頭來。一條狗也沒有出現(xiàn)。

Cantona, the Marseille-born son of a nurse and a dressmaker, did not need to whistle to be the centre of attention. An hour and a half earlier, he had arrived, rather late, at the Commune Social to find me halfway into a Bloody Mary. He does not accept the offer of something similar, opting instead for a mug of hot water, a gesture towards his larynx and a display of his professionalism as an actor. There is no point arguing: after appearing in more than 25 films since 1997, Cantona now takes his acting as seriously as he once took his football.

坎通納在馬賽出生，是護士和裁縫的兒子。換作以前，他可不需要用吹口哨來吸引旁人的關(guān)注。一個半小時之前，他抵達食社，有些來遲，看到我已喝了半杯的“血腥瑪麗”(Bloody Mary)。我勸他點酒，他沒有聽，而是點了一杯熱水，他指了指自己的喉嚨，顯示出了他作為一位演員的專業(yè)性。我們沒有理由爭辯：自1997年出演超過25部影片后，坎通納現(xiàn)在對表演跟他當年對足球一樣認真。

Asked whether he would ever consider a return to the game, he replies immediately. “No. Only to manage Manchester United . . . They won’t ask me. Maybe that’s why they didn’t win the Premier League. Only I could have made them succeed [after Sir Alex Ferguson’s retirement]. Nobody else. Only me.”

在被問及他是否考慮重返足球界時，他馬上回答。“不。除非是做曼聯(lián)的老板......他們不會請我的。或許這就是他們沒有贏得英超聯(lián)賽(Premier League)的原因。只有我才能讓他們贏(在亞歷克斯•弗格森爵士(Sir Alex Ferguson)退休后)。沒有其他人。只有我。”

We are meeting at a friendly, higher-end Shanghai brunching spot beloved of expats — cramped and informal enough that one of the three bankers at the next table is cheerfully earwigging our conversation. Various people, including one of the bankers and several Chinese kitchen staff, interrupt our lunch for selfies. The restaurant, built into the brickwork confines of a former police prison cell, has been recommended to me by a British diplomat as Cantona enters the final days of a two-month film shoot in China. It is a Franco-Chinese production called Magic, about which Cantona is tight on details — he says he will play “a nice man, but when you see him you won’t think that”.

我們見面的地點是一個溫馨、比較高端的上海早午餐場所，這里深受外籍人士的喜愛，它狹小、不正式，鄰桌的3名銀行家中的一位一直在興致勃勃地偷聽我們的談話。各式各樣的人來到我們的餐桌前自拍，有那位銀行家，還有幾名餐廳的中國工作人員。餐廳打造成四面磚墻的隔間，仿佛以前的警察局監(jiān)獄;這家餐廳是一位英國外交官向我推薦的。坎通納在中國為期兩個月的電影拍攝已進入尾聲。這是一部法中合拍電影，影片名字是《Magic》，坎通納對電影具體內(nèi)容三緘其口，他說，他演的是“一個好人，但當你看到他時你不會這么認為”。

For the most recent stretch of the project he has been in Turpan, a beautiful but remote city in the country’s north-western deserts. The various noises of appreciation — “magnifique!” and “parfait!” — that later punctuate our lunch suggest that the restaurant’s meaty, comforting, Mediterranean spread is stuff that he has missed.

他最近一個階段的拍攝是在吐魯番，中國西北沙漠中一個美麗但偏遠的城市。午餐后半段，他不時發(fā)出“太好吃了”、“完美”等贊美聲，看樣子他很久沒有吃過這間餐廳里這種扎實、撫慰心脾的地中海式菜肴了。

After retiring from United in 1997, Cantona left football altogether rather than seeing out his thirties in one of several countries with “a lot of money but no history of football”. He took up acting and has appeared in what is now a decent list of films (Elizabeth, as well as an assortment of French dramas and comedies). To British audiences, his most famous post-football work is Ken Loach’s Looking For Eric, a 2009 film in which Cantona plays a hallucination of his Man Utd-era self experienced by a football-obsessed postman. The film brims with lines of soulful machismo (“I am not a man, I am Cantona”) that would not be unexpected coming straight-faced from him now, and he reveals, proudly, that he made important contributions to the script.

1997年從曼聯(lián)退役后，坎通納完全告別足球，而沒有去一個“有很多錢但沒有足球歷史”的國家度過他剩余的三字頭歲月。他開始演戲，現(xiàn)在他出演過的電影已經(jīng)不少了(有《伊麗莎白》(Elizabeth)，還有不少法國戲劇和喜劇)。對于英國觀眾而言，他在告別足球界后最著名的作品是肯•洛克(Ken Loach)的《尋找埃里克》(Looking For Eric)，在這部2009年的電影中，坎通納扮演了片中那位迷戀足球的郵差想象中的曼聯(lián)球員坎通納。影片很多臺詞體現(xiàn)出深沉的男子氣概(“我不是一個人，我是坎通納”)，即便他現(xiàn)在一本正經(jīng)地說出這些臺詞，也不會讓人意外;他還驕傲地透露，他為劇本做出了重要貢獻。

Loach, and Ferguson, he says, were geniuses who had a similar impact on his life. “Director. Manager. Football. Film. It’s just a different game, but still play, play, play,” he says, embarking on a more general thesis about work hierarchies. “I think the boss has a bad image,” he says, after an uncharacteristically long pause.

他說，洛克和弗格森是天才，兩人對他的生活有著類似的影響。“導演。俱樂部老板。足球。電影。這只是不同的比賽，但仍然是在場上拼搏。”他說，他提出了一個有關(guān)工作等級關(guān)系的更一般性論題。“我認為這個老板的形象不好。”在不同尋常地停頓了很長時間之后，他說。

“In the media we need to make a good image for businessmen. Some of them are nice. Some are very creative . . . but if you ask the person on the street about the boss, he says ‘he’s shit’. Why? Because we all say that.” I note that Cantona did, in fact, say that of Henri Michel, the former manager of the French national team who, in 1988, Cantona publicly described as a “bag of shit” in a TV interview. The window is small, but I see an open goal. What about his own relationship with managers?

“在媒體上，我們需要為商人塑造良好形象。其中一些不錯，還有些非常有創(chuàng)意……但是如果你在街上向人們打聽老板，人們會說‘他是個混蛋’。為什么呢?因為我們都這么說。”我注意到，實際上坎通納的確是這樣說法國國家隊前教練亨利•米歇爾(Henri Michel)的——1988年，坎通納在一次電視采訪中公開將他稱為 “一包屎”。我抓住這個稍縱即逝的機會問坎通納：你自己和教練的關(guān)系如何?

“I respect the boss. I loved some of my bosses,” says Cantona, weaving out of danger. “That was the secret of Alex Ferguson. We loved him and we respected him. That is the job of the boss — to be loved and respected.”

坎通納的回答盡量打安全牌：“我尊重老板。我喜歡我的某些老板……這是亞歷克斯•弗格森(Alex Ferguson)的訣竅。我們喜歡他，我們尊重他。這是老板的工作——受人喜歡和尊重。”

And how about Guy Roux? I ask, speaking of the manager of Auxerre who gave Cantona his first job in professional football, but had to deal with his protégé punching a teammate in the face.

那么居伊•魯(Guy Roux)呢?我問道，我指的是歐塞爾足球俱樂部(Auxerre)的教練，坎通納職業(yè)足球生涯的第一份工作就是他給的，但這位教練不得不處理坎通納給隊友照臉一拳的事件。

“Yes, I was like a son. We had a very strong father-son relationship. That doesn’t mean everything was nice. No. I was like a teenager. He was like a father and we had a lot of fighting together but in the end we loved each other.”

“是的，我就像個兒子。我們的關(guān)系很像父子。這并不意味著一切都融洽，不是這樣的。我就像一個十幾歲的孩子，而他像一個父親，我們發(fā)生了很多沖突，但最后我們?nèi)员舜藧壑鴮Ψ健?rdquo;

But, I begin to say . . . 

但是，我開始說……

The waiter, who is French and crimson with excitement, materialises at the table and I realise we haven’t ordered. There is a brief to and fro, during which Cantona rapidly agrees to all the waiter’s recommendations, before steering conversation to the evils of mobile phones and why he bans his children (aged four and eight, by his second marriage) from going near them. “I don’t want to live in the world of phones,” he says, suddenly sniffing at the air like a deer and tasting some imaginary food plucked from the forest floor, “I want my senses to be always activated. I want to feel nature. I want to focus on smells, nature, the sound of words, the sound of birds . . . ” — he runs out of inspiration and glares at the table — “ . . . a fork . . . ”

侍者出現(xiàn)在桌子旁，他是一位法國人，激動得臉色發(fā)紅，我意識到我們還沒有點菜。在簡短的一來一回中，坎通納迅速同意了侍者所有的建議，然后將話題轉(zhuǎn)向手機的弊端以及為什么他禁止自己的孩子(他與第二任妻子生的兩個孩子，一個4歲，另一個8歲)接觸手機。他說：“我不想生活在一個有手機的世界里。”然后他突然像一只鹿一樣嗅了嗅，假裝品嘗從林間地上采摘的一些食物：“我希望我的感官總是處于激活狀態(tài)，我想感受大自然，我想專注于氣味、自然、說話聲、鳥鳴聲……”——這時他沒了靈感，干瞪著桌子：“……叉子碰擊聲……”

The food — all sharing plates — conveniently starts arriving and suddenly, the flinty professionalism behind this digital debunking dawns. Cantona has just released a book called My Notebook that shows off some of the thousands of sketches he makes, as a constant hobby, in a Moleskine. He archly suggests this habit is the anti­thesis of the mobile phone — a pen-and-ink engagement with the world, rather than the seditious virtuality of the screen.

食物——所有食物都裝在分享盤里——很快送了上來，突然間，我想起，他對數(shù)字時代的大力批判是有專業(yè)性作支撐的?？餐{剛剛出版了一本名為 《我的筆記本》(My Notebook)的書——他喜歡畫畫，在Moleskine記事本上畫了數(shù)千張，這本書出版了其中的一些。他詼諧地表示，這種習慣正好跟手機對著干——用筆和墨水跟這個世界打交道、而不是沉迷于手機屏幕上帶有煽動性的虛擬內(nèi)容。

Cantona historians will surely identify in this artistic oeuvre echoes of the press conference he delivered in 1995 at the end of an eight-month ban from the game, the result of the inglorious night at Crystal Palace when he aimed a flying kick at a racist fan. As he now recounts it, he didn’t want to say anything. The rules (in this case Manchester United’s lawyers) required something, however. “They said I should just say anything, so I said anything,” he says.

坎通納在1995年曾被禁賽8個月，那是因為有一天晚上，在水晶宮(Crystal Palace)比賽時，他飛起一腳踹了一個種族主義球迷。禁賽結(jié)束后，他舉行了新聞發(fā)布會。他剛剛出版的這本書肯定會讓長期關(guān)注坎通納的人們想起他那次新聞發(fā)布會。如今他這樣描述當時的情形：他什么也不想說，然而，規(guī)則(具體來說，是曼聯(lián)的律師)要求他必須說些什么。他說：“他們說我應該說些話，所以我說了一些話。”

His 21-word response (“When the seagulls follow the trawler, it’s because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea. Thank you very much”) remains among the most memorable lines ever uttered by a footballer, and sealed Cantona’s image as a Gallic pseud in shorts. He remains sniffily unsure how many of the journalists in the room understood that they were the seagulls in question.

這就是他給出的簡短回應：“當海鷗跟著拖網(wǎng)漁船，那是因為它們認為船上的人會往海里扔沙丁魚。非常感謝。”直到如今，這依然是出自足球運動員之口的最令人印象深刻的一段話之一，坎通納的形象也就此確立為穿著短褲的法國偽哲學家。他到現(xiàn)在依然輕蔑地認為房間里可能沒有多少記者聽懂了他們就是他所說的海鷗。

I induce him to explain, with 20 years of hindsight, what drove his career. “I was just someone who always, totally wanted to give everything to the game all the time. That’s it. And to be on the field with everyone who wants the same — that is unity. That is beauty. The outperformance of the individual in service of the team. It is the most exceptional education,” he says, forking scrambled egg and salmon towards his plate after checking that I have had my fill.

我誘導他解釋，從20年后的今天來看，當初他對足球的職業(yè)熱情源自哪里。他說：“我就是一個什么時候都總想把竭盡全力去踢好球的人。就是這樣。與所有同樣只想踢好球的人在球場上踢球，這就是團結(jié)，這就是美。個人為了團隊而盡力表現(xiàn)。這是最非凡的教育。”在確認我已經(jīng)吃好了之后，他把炒雞蛋和三文魚叉到了自己的盤子里。

“But at Manchester, even that was different. That is why I have always said it was like going home. A different energy. More energy. You have more passion for football in England than in France. I felt that immediately. Of course the game is loved everywhere, but in England it is real passion,” he says, pausing to check whether this is profound enough. “You can buy everything except passion,” he ends, just to be sure.

他說：“但在曼聯(lián)，甚至這也是不同的。這就是為什么我總是說在曼聯(lián)我就好像回家了一樣。一種不同的能量。更多的能量。英國對足球比法國更有激情。我馬上感覺到了這一點，當然，足球在任何地方都受到喜愛，但在英格蘭，人們對足球是真的有激情。”他停下想了想自己說的是否足夠深刻。他決定再最后總結(jié)一句：“所有東西都可以買，只有激情買不到。”

This leads neatly to his thoughts on the transfer of Brazilian star Neymar from Barcelona to Paris Saint-Germain for €222m — the biggest in history. It is an insult, as Cantona sees it, against the argument he has just outlined, and an excuse to trash the passionless French league. How, he asks with a look of straight-backed horror, can a player like Neymar go to the French championship?

這順理成章地讓他想起了巴西球星內(nèi)馬爾(Neymar)以2.22億歐元從巴塞羅那(Barcelona)轉(zhuǎn)會到巴黎圣日耳曼(Paris Saint-Germain)，創(chuàng)下史上最貴轉(zhuǎn)會?？餐{認為，按照他剛陳述過的論點，這是一次羞辱，也為糟蹋毫無激情的法甲提供了借口。他痛心疾首地問，一個像內(nèi)馬爾這樣的球員怎么能去法甲?

“He will be playing games against [lowly] Lorient and [even more lowly] Guingamp. How is it possible? To be a great player and go . . . somewhere . . . just . . . ”. He groans, temporarily speechless. “How old is he? Twenty-five? From Brazil to Barcelona to the French championship. It disappoints me so much.”

“他會跟洛里昂(Lorient)和甘岡(Lorient)那樣(比較次的)足球俱樂部對陣。這怎么行?身為一名偉大的球員，卻去那樣的……地方……”他嘆息著，一時沒找到恰當?shù)脑~語，“他多大了?25歲?從巴西到巴塞羅那，再到法甲。這件事讓我失望極了。”

He builds from this fury into a more full-bodied assault on the way that the monetisation and consumption of football evolved so dramatically during his time in Manchester. The system in which Neymar has made this disastrous choice, he argues, forces players into a permanent, painful contest between their undiluted passion for the game (which he wholeheartedly believes most players have) and the mindset of commoditisation into which they are forced by the money sloshing around the industry. He sees the root of this malefaction in the very innovation that propelled Cantona’s superstardom — televised availability of all matches.

由這一憤怒起頭，他開始猛烈抨擊起從他在曼聯(lián)那段時期開始的一種急劇發(fā)展的趨勢：把足球當做賺錢工具，消費足球。他認為，正是這個讓內(nèi)馬爾作出災難性選擇的體制，迫使球員內(nèi)心不斷地天人交戰(zhàn)——是保持對足球的純粹熱情(坎通納真心相信大多數(shù)球員都有)，還是采取一種做買賣的心態(tài)(充斥于足球產(chǎn)業(yè)中的金錢迫使他們形成這種心態(tài))。他認為這種罪惡體制的根源，正是將坎通納推上了超級巨星舞臺的一項創(chuàng)新：電視轉(zhuǎn)播所有比賽。

“We kill the desire. I think so,” he starts, sphinx-like on whether this is a wind-up. “We killed the desire to watch a game. When I was young, when the only game was the cup final or the national team games, that was it. On Sunday night we had to wait all the way through the programme to see five goals from other countries like England and Italy. Now, they have everything. Kids need frustration . . . if you give everything to everyone, they don’t learn frustration. I’m talking about football, but it is the same with everything.”

“我們殺死了那種欲望，我是這么認為的。”他神秘莫測的樣子讓我不確定他是不是在逗我，“我們殺死了觀看比賽的欲望。我年輕那會兒，能看到的比賽只有足總杯決賽或是國家隊比賽，就這些。周日晚上我們得一直守到節(jié)目最后，才能看到英超和意甲等五大聯(lián)賽?，F(xiàn)在他們什么都能看到。小孩子需要得不到某樣東西帶來的挫折感……如果你讓每個人都應有盡有，他們就無法從挫折中成長。雖然我談論的是足球，不過凡事皆如此。”

A discourse on the football manager as father figure — “do you respect him because you love him, or do you love him because you respect him?” — switches abruptly into a stream of consciousness, partly fuelled by an excellent beef cheek empanada, on the mysterious phenomenon whereby children who share the same father can turn out completely differently. “The viewpoints are different,” he says, pointing to the windowsill and a small candle in his line of sight, “I will remember a candle in a window. You will remember me.”

我們本來在聊那個像父親一樣的足球教練：“你是因為愛他所以尊敬他，還是因為尊敬他所以愛他?”不知怎么的(一部分原因是牛頰肉餡餅太好吃了)，我們突然轉(zhuǎn)而漫無邊際地談論起同一個父親的幾個孩子長大后卻完全不一樣這種神秘現(xiàn)象。“視角不同。”他說道，指著窗臺上他視線范圍內(nèi)的一小截蠟燭，“我會記得窗中的一根蠟燭。你會記得我。”

Worried that he has at last clocked me as a trawler-following seagull, I ask him what has troubled me all along — whether he has any regrets about a career that, despite the astonishing things it has delivered, could have delivered so much more without a long list of lunacy, topped by that flying kick.

由于擔心他最后把我當成了“追著拖網(wǎng)漁船的海鷗”，我向他提出了一個長久以來一直困擾我的問題：他對自己的職業(yè)生涯是否有任何遺憾，盡管這段生涯實現(xiàn)了許多驚人成就，但如果沒有一長串瘋狂行徑——排在首位的是那腳飛踹——他可能實現(xiàn)更多。

“I would change nothing. You know why? Because I am very optimistic. All the roads you take, even when they have barriers and difficulties, they lead somewhere better. Everything that I lived through, good and bad, pleasures and traumas — if I were unhappy now then I would regret parts of this, but I don’t. I drew this [he shows one of the pictures from My Notebook depicting two arrows facing in opposite directions]. I called it ‘evolution’. Yes, I had a bad time, but I decided to use it . . . like a painter or director or writer. You use trauma to make a work . . . so no, I don’t regret anything.”

“我什么都不會改變。你知道為什么嗎?因為我是個非常樂觀的人。你走的每條路，哪怕路上遇到阻礙和困難，它們都會通向更好的地方。我經(jīng)歷的每一件事，好與壞，快樂與痛苦 ……如果我現(xiàn)在不快樂，那么我會為過去的一些事感到后悔，但我現(xiàn)在并非不快樂。我畫了這個(他打開《我的筆記本》，給我看里面的一張畫，畫的是兩個朝向相反的箭頭)。我稱之為‘進化’。是的，我有過糟糕的日子，但我決定利用這段經(jīng)歷……就像一個畫家，或是導演、作家。人們從創(chuàng)傷中汲取創(chuàng)作的養(yǎng)料……所以不，我對任何事都不后悔。”

In Looking For Eric, Cantona reveals that in fact he used his eight months of suspension to learn to play the trumpet. I ask if he has kept it up, and he replies that he hasn’t — but that he now has another musical passion in his life. That is when the whistling starts.

坎通納在《尋找埃里克》里透露，實際上他用了禁賽的那8個月時間去學了吹小號。我問他是否還在吹，他回答說沒有，但現(xiàn)在他的生活里燃起了另一種音樂激情——接著他就吹起了口哨。

Just as he is rising to leave, he has another stab at my question about regret. “You know, the circus. Either you endure it, you suffer from it, or you use it. I used it. I had fun.”

就在他起身要離開時，他又一次回答了我那個關(guān)于后悔的問題。“你知道，馬戲團這件事。你要么忍受它，為它所苦，要么你就利用它。我利用了它，我很開心。”