《四季隨筆》節(jié)選 - 冬 16

《四季隨筆》是吉辛的散文代表作。其中對隱士賴克羅夫特醉心于書籍、自然景色與回憶過去生活的描述，其實(shí)是吉辛的自述，作者以此來抒發(fā)自己的情感，因而本書是一部富有自傳色彩的小品文集。

吉辛窮困的一生，對文學(xué)名著的愛好與追求，以及對大自然恬靜生活的向往，在書中均有充分的反映。本書分為春、夏、秋、冬四個部分，文筆優(yōu)美，行文流暢，是英國文學(xué)中小品文的珍品之一。

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I have been dull to-day, haunted by the thought of how much there is that I would fain know, and how little I can hope to learn. The scope of knowledge has become so vast. I put aside nearly all physical investigation; to me it is naught, or only, at moments, a matter of idle curiosity. This would seem to be a considerable clearing of the field; but it leaves what is practically the infinite. To run over a list of only my favourite subjects, those to which, all my life long, I have more or less applied myself, studies which hold in my mind the place of hobbies, is to open vistas of intellectual despair. In an old note-book I jotted down such a list—"things I hope to know, and to know well." I was then four and twenty. Reading it with the eyes of fifty-four, I must needs laugh. There appear such modest items as "The history of the Christian Church up to the Reformation"—"all Greek poetry"—"The field of Mediaeval Romance"—“German literature from Lessing6 to Heine”—"Dante!" Not one of these shall I ever "know, and know well"; not any one of them. Yet here I am buying books which lead me into endless paths of new temptation. What have I to do with Egypt? Yet I have been beguiled by Flinders Petrie7 and by Maspero8. How can I pretend to meddle with the ancient geography of Asia Minor? Yet here have I bought Prof. Ramsay9's astonishing book, and have even read with a sort of troubled enjoyment a good many pages of it; troubled, because I have but to reflect a moment, and I see that all this kind of thing is mere futile effort of the intellect when the time for serious intellectual effort is over.

今天我情緒低落，一直被一個想法所折磨，那就是，我想知道的東西那么多，而有望學(xué)到的卻那么少。知識的領(lǐng)地已變得如此廣闊，我放棄了幾乎所有身體力行的探索。對我來說，它無足輕重，有時只是一種無聊的好奇。這樣似乎清出了相當(dāng)大的一塊空地，而留下的卻幾乎是無限。僅來盤點(diǎn)一下我最愛的研究題目——它們是我一生中多多少少曾研究過的，在我的心目中占據(jù)著愛好的地位——我便看到了絕望的學(xué)海無涯的遠(yuǎn)景。在一本舊筆記上，我草草記下了一個清單——“我希望了解，并且是非常了解的事物”。當(dāng)時我二十四歲。用現(xiàn)在五十四歲的眼睛看來，我忍不住要大笑。清單里有一些較小的項(xiàng)目，如“從基督教會到宗教改革的歷史”、“所有希臘詩歌”、“中世紀(jì)的傳奇”、“從萊辛到海涅的德國文學(xué)”，“但丁！”。其中沒有一個我會“了解，而且非常了解”，沒有任何一個。但是我又在買一些書把自己引領(lǐng)到新知誘惑的無盡道路。埃及跟我有什么關(guān)系呢？但我卻被弗林德斯·皮特里和馬伯樂深深吸引住了。我怎能逞強(qiáng)過問古代小亞細(xì)亞的地理呢？但是我買了拉姆齊教授讓人嘖嘖驚奇的書，我?guī)е环N不安的享受閱讀了其中許多頁；不安是因?yàn)橹灰砸凰妓?，我就會明白，在我鄭重努力探究學(xué)問的時代結(jié)束以后，所有這些都不過是智力所做的無用功而已。

It all means, of course, that, owing to defective opportunity, owing, still more perhaps, to lack of method and persistence, a possibility that was in me has been wasted, lost. My life has been merely tentative, a broken series of false starts and hopeless new beginnings. If I allowed myself to indulge that mood, I could revolt against the ordinance which allows me no second chance. O mihi praeteritos referat si Jupiter annos! If I could but start again, with only the experience there gained! I mean, make a new beginning of my intellectual life; nothing else, O heaven! Nothing else. Even amid poverty, I could do so much better; keeping before my eyes some definite, some not unattainable, good; sternly dismissing the impracticable, the wasteful.

當(dāng)然，它也意味著：因?yàn)闀r機(jī)不佳，也許更因?yàn)榉椒ê秃阈牡娜狈Γ疑砩弦环N可能性被浪費(fèi)掉了，丟失了。我的生活一直以來都只是嘗試性的，一連串失敗的開始和無望的新開端。如果放縱自己沉浸在那種情緒中，我會反抗那不給我第二次機(jī)會的自然法則?！鞍?，如果朱庇特能將過去的歲月帶回給我！”如果我能夠帶著從那里獲得的經(jīng)驗(yàn)再次開始！我是說，讓我的學(xué)術(shù)生活有一個嶄新的開端；別得什么都不要，噢，上天哪，別得都不要。即使身陷貧窮，我也可以取得大得多的成就；在我面前設(shè)立某個確定的、并非遙不可及的目標(biāo)，堅(jiān)決摒棄不可行的和浪費(fèi)時光的事情。

And, in doing so, become perhaps an owl-eyed pedant, to whom would be for ever dead the possibility of such enjoyment as I know in these final years. Who can say? Perhaps the sole condition of my progress to this state of mind and heart which make my happiness was that very stumbling and erring which I so regret.

這樣做，我也許會成為一位有貓頭鷹般眼睛的書呆子，也就永遠(yuǎn)不可能得到我在晚年的這些享受。誰能說得準(zhǔn)呢？也許正是因?yàn)槲椰F(xiàn)在如此懊悔的跌跌撞撞和屢屢犯錯，我才能進(jìn)步并取得今天這樣一種愉快的身心狀態(tài)。