英語美文:Voice from the past

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　　It was the kind of voice that you never forget. Deep. Warm. Melodic. Soothing， yet with a hint of laughter hidden in those depths. The kind of voice that sends a pulse racing.

　　And that's exactly the effect it had when I heard it again， after five years. But then， it always had.

　　My first serious love. But dreams don't last， do they？

　　It was early evening when the phone rang. I was sitting outside， breathing in the scent of roses and lavender1）。 A fragrant mixture that always calmed me at the end of a long day. "Katy？"His voice. Just as it used to be. For a moment， I couldn't reply， and when I did it was only a whisper. "Ben？"I could imagine his smile. That wide mouth tilting2）。 The corners of his eyes crinkling. The deep cleft in his cheek he refused to call a dimple. "You remember me， then？"I laughed softly. "Oh yes， Ben. I remember you. "And love you， I wanted to add. "Despite. . . "He paused. "Where are you？"I asked him， trying to recognise the background noise. "Gatwick. Just landed. Can we meet up， Katy？"He was here in England. So close. But to meet？No. Not now. Not ever. "Please， Katy. "The sheer desperation in his words throbbed right through me twisting my heart. My teeth bit into my lips， trying to steady them enough to reply. "No， Ben. "Silence hung between us. I remembered the pain in his eyes the last time we'd met. The way they had changed from blue to slate3）。 Lifeless and dead. All laughter gone. Were they like that now？

　　"Ben？"There was a rustle of sound. The cuff4） of his jacket maybe， brushing the receiver. "I'm still here. "His voice was flat， toneless. The way I'd heard it once before. "And I'm determined to see you， whatever you may say， this time. I need you， Katy. "Oh， Ben， if you only knew. I wanted desperately to be with you again. To touch your face， your hair. Feel your warm kiss. Memories ached through me. "I love you， Katy. I always have. Always will. "And I love you. The words beat in my brain， but I couldn't let them loose. If I did. . . "I'll be there in an hour. ""No， Ben. You mustn't. "The phone had already clicked down， leaving a faint buzz. I sat， the receiver pressed against my ear， listening to the noise. Willing Ben's voice to continue. It was over. It had to be. I'd made that decision five years before.

　　Five years. Was that all it was？It see med so long ago now. Until then， everything had been good. Too good. We'd met at a TV comedy show. You know the sort——where there's a live audience. The girl I shared an office with had tickets， but at the last minute her boyfriend went down with a tummy5） bug， so she asked me instead. Ben was in the seat next to mine. The show was so hilarious6） that I lost one of my contact lenses with all the laughing. Panic. Then Ben produced one of those mini torches7） and found it on my sleeve.

　　After the show， we went to a coffee bar. A year later， we were still together――and then everything went wrong. Promotion in his job meant that Ben had to work abroad. At first， it was just for a week or two at a time. I dreaded him being away. I found it really scary in the flat without him. I started getting tense headaches. Wearing my contact lenses seemed to make them worse. I decided to have them checked. They were like a good-luck charm to me. Without them， I'd never have met Ben. Then――the bombshell. A new contract in Finland meant that Ben was to work there until it was completed. "It could take several years， Katy. We'll get married straight away so you can come with me. ""No. ""But it's the only way. . . ""I'm not coming with you， Ben. I've been trying to tell you for a while now. . . It's over between us. And this is an ideal opportunity to end it. "I hated the expression on his face. Stunned. All colour draining away. It was as though I'd sliced into him with a knife. Nothing he said could change my mind. It had to be this way.

　　And now he was back here in England again， coming to see me. I couldn't let that happen. All I had to do was not open the door. The bell almost shattered my jangled nerves. Then the rattle on the knocker. I sat， fingers taut round the arms of the wooden seat， trying to breathe in the balm of roses and lavender. I heard the click of the garden gate， then his voice close beside me. Deep. Melodious8）。 Soothing. Gentle.

　　"Katy， why didn't you tell me？All this time. If I'd only known， I would never have gone away. "His kiss was warm as his lips brushed against my cheek. Slowly， I reached up， tracing the outline of his face. Touching the softness of his hair. Remembering. Wishing desperately that I could see him again. "Oh， Katy， Katy. This was the reason？You knew？""It wouldn't have been fair. I loved you too much. . . "His lips halted my words. "And doubted that I could love you enough if you were blind？Oh， Katy."

　　All I would ever know now was his voice. A voice that revealed so much――his love， his understanding， his strength.

　　I didn't need to see his expression. All I had to do was listen.

　　那是一個讓人難以忘懷的聲音：深沉而富有熱情， 優(yōu)美且讓人寬慰， 深沉中還隱含著笑意。那是種讓人怦然心動的聲音。

　　當我再次聽到這個聲音我正是這種感覺。盡管已事隔5年， 當它再次在我耳邊響起時， 它仍和以往一樣讓我動情。

　　那是我第一次真正戀愛。但是好夢總是不長久， 不是嗎？

　　一天黃昏時分， 電話響了。當時我正在屋外呼吸玫瑰和熏衣草的芳香。漫長的一天過后這兩種花草的混合香氣總讓我心曠神怡。"凱蒂？"是他的聲音。沒有一絲一毫的改變。一時間我無言以對。而后我只低語道："本？"我可以想像出他的笑容。寬寬的嘴巴向上翹著。眼角皺起。臉頰上露出他拒絕稱作酒窩的深紋。"那么你還記得我？"我輕聲笑了。"哦， 是的， 本， 我記得你。"我愛你， 我想補上一句。"盡管……"他欲言又止。"你在哪兒？"我問他， 并竭力辨別背景噪音。"蓋特委克。剛下飛機。我們能見見面嗎， 凱蒂？"他回來了， 在英國。離我這么近?？墒且娒?？不， 現(xiàn)在不行， 永遠也不行。"求求你， 凱蒂。"他話語中深深的絕望震撼著我， 撕裂著我的心。我緊咬著嘴唇， 努力保持鎮(zhèn)靜以做出答復， "不， 本。"我們陷入沉默。我想起我們最后一次見面時他眼中的痛苦。我還記得他的眼睛是如何從湛藍變成灰藍， 然后是死一般地毫無生氣。所有的笑容都蕩然無存。此刻又是如此嗎？

　　"本？"傳來一陣習習簌簌聲。也許是他的上衣袖口摩擦話筒的聲音。"我在聽著呢。"他的語氣很平淡， 聽不出任何感情色彩。這種語氣我以前也聽過一次。"這一次我一定要見你， 不管你說什么。我需要你， 凱蒂。"哦， 本， 你可知道， 我多么想再和你在一起：撫摩你的臉、你的頭發(fā)， 感受你熱烈的親吻。往事一幕幕， 讓我痛苦不已。"我愛你， 凱蒂， 我一直愛著你， 我將永遠愛你。"我也愛你。這句話在我腦海里反復轟鳴， 可我得控制自己不讓它溜出口。如果我說出來的話……"我一小時后到你那兒。""不行， 本， 你不能來。"電話已經(jīng)掛了， 只有微弱的嗡嗡聲。我愣坐著， 話筒仍按在耳旁， 聽著話筒里的嗡嗡聲， 多希望能再聽聽本的聲音?？梢呀?jīng)結束了， 只能這樣。5年前我就做出了這樣的決定。

　　5年前？才短短的5年嗎？在我卻有恍如隔世的感覺。在那時， 一切都那么美好， 太美好了。我們是在一個電視喜劇節(jié)目的演播室里相識的。你知道那種節(jié)目都需要一些現(xiàn)場觀眾。和我同辦公室的女孩有兩張票， 可最后她的男朋友因為肚子疼沒法去， 所以她請我去。本就坐在我的鄰座。節(jié)目太好笑了， 在開懷大笑時， 我的隱形眼鏡掉了一只。我嚇壞了。本拿出一把微型電筒， 幫我找到了掉在我袖子上的眼鏡片。

　　看完節(jié)目后， 我們?nèi)チ艘患铱Х瑞^。一年后我們?nèi)栽谝黄??？赏蝗灰磺卸甲兊貌豁樞牧?。他晉升后必須去國外工作。開始， 一次只去一兩個星期。我很怕他走。我感到屋子里沒有他就顯得很可怕。我還開始患上劇烈的頭痛。戴隱形眼鏡似乎更加劇頭痛。我決定去檢查一下眼鏡。它們對我來說就像是好運護身符。要不是因為它們， 我可能根本不會遇見本。之后是一聲晴天霹靂。芬蘭的一份新合同要求本一直呆在那兒， 直到工作完成。"這可能要花上好幾年時間， 凱蒂。我們得馬上結婚， 這樣你就可以隨我一塊兒走。""不。""可只有這樣……""我不想跟你去， 本。我早就想告訴你……我們之間已經(jīng)結束了。這是結束我們之間關系的最佳時機。"我不忍看他臉上的表情。目瞪口呆， 面如死灰， 好像我向他捅了一刀似的。他說什么都無法讓我回心轉意， 沒有別的選擇。

　　現(xiàn)在他又回到了英國， 要來看我。我不能讓他來——只要我不開門就行了。我本已心亂如麻， 門鈴聲幾乎要將我擊倒。之后是連續(xù)的叩門聲。我坐著一動不動， 手指緊摳著木椅的扶手， 竭力讓自己呼吸玫瑰和熏衣草的芳香。我聽到花園門開的吱啞聲， 隨后他的聲音在我耳邊響起， 那么深沉、優(yōu)美， 給人慰藉又充滿柔情。

　　"凱蒂， 你為什么不早告訴我？這么長時間。如果我知道， 我絕不會離開你。"他的親吻還是那么熱烈， 他的雙唇碰觸我的臉頰時， 我慢慢伸出雙手， 一邊撫摩他臉的輪廓、他柔軟的頭發(fā)， 一邊回憶著往事。多希望我能再看看他。"噢， 凱蒂， 就是因為這個嗎？你當時就知道了？""這對你太不公平了。我是那么愛你……"他用嘴唇阻斷了我要說的話。"你懷疑你失明后我會不會全心全意愛你？噢， 凱蒂。"

　　現(xiàn)在我所知道的只有他的聲音。一個極富表現(xiàn)力的聲音——他的愛、他的理解、他的力量。

　　我無需看他的表情。我只需聆聽他的聲音。

　　注釋：

　　1. lavender n. [植]熏衣草花

　　2. tilt v. （使）傾斜， （使）翹起

　　3. slate adj. 暗藍灰色的

　　4. cuff n. 袖口

　　5. tummy n. 胃， 肚子

　　6. hilarious adj. 歡鬧的

　　7. torch n. 手電筒

　　8. melodious adj. 音調優(yōu)美的