尊重自己：學(xué)會(huì)說(shuō)不懂得拒絕

After I had my second child, I wanted to show my boss I could handle anything. I said yes to coming back too soon and working the overnight shift! I was so beat, I fell down the stairs holding my baby — she spent eight weeks in a body cast. She's fine now, but that was an excruciating price to pay for not being able to say no.

在我第二個(gè)孩子出生以后，我想向老板證明自己能搞定所有事情。于是，我過(guò)早地答應(yīng)了回去上班，而且還是上夜班!這讓我累壞了，以至于抱著孩子從樓梯上摔了下來(lái)——因此她全身打了八周的石膏。她現(xiàn)在康復(fù)了，但是因?yàn)椴欢镁芙^而付出這樣的代價(jià)是令人痛苦至極的。

Since then, I've trusted that I'm good enough that saying no won't hurt my prospects. Actually, being direct about what you want — without second-guessing or excuses — shows you value yourself. Power through awkward moments like these and you'll get to your yes.

從那以后，我一直相信自己足夠優(yōu)秀，因而拒絕一些事并不會(huì)影響我的前途。事實(shí)上，不帶任何揣測(cè)或借口，直率地表達(dá)內(nèi)心所求，正能表現(xiàn)出你對(duì)自己的珍視。戰(zhàn)勝這些難以應(yīng)付的時(shí)刻，你會(huì)得到自己的內(nèi)心所求。

1. The I-Do-Not-Need-That No

對(duì)不需要的事物說(shuō)不

You find the perfect dress for your friend's bachelorette. Then the saleswoman starts insisting you get this belt and those earrings too.

你選中了一條完美的裙子去參加朋友的單身派對(duì)，這時(shí)導(dǎo)購(gòu)小姐便開(kāi)始抓住你不放，給你推銷(xiāo)各式各樣的腰帶和耳環(huán)來(lái)搭配。

"I love that, but I'm not going to get it today." The sales assistant is just doing her job — she doesn't take a no personally and you shouldn't either. You're wasting her time by acting like you'redeliberating or putting something on hold just for show. Say no, be lovely about it ... and leave.

“我很喜歡它們，但是今天不打算買(mǎi)。”導(dǎo)購(gòu)員只是在做她的本職工作——她不會(huì)把你的拒絕當(dāng)做針對(duì)她個(gè)人的，并且你也不應(yīng)該這么覺(jué)得。你假裝考慮或者故作遲疑都是在浪費(fèi)她的時(shí)間。你只需友好地拒絕，然后離開(kāi)。

2. The Parent-Trap No

對(duì)“父母束縛”說(shuō)不

Mom and Dad invite you on a cruise. You get only two weeks off and think this would be an awful way to spend one of them.

父母邀你一同游輪度假。你只有兩周的休息時(shí)間，而且覺(jué)得要花其中一周和他們?cè)谝黄饘?shí)在是個(gè)糟糕的主意。

"I love you and that's so generous, but I can't. How about a weekend visit?" Time with you may be more important to them than the plan. Be quick and sweet, and don't make up a story. They knew when you were lying at age 8; they'll know now. P.S. Don't get guilted! You're an adult!

“我愛(ài)你們，請(qǐng)我去度假實(shí)在是太好了，但我沒(méi)辦法去。我周末去看你們?cè)趺礃?”對(duì)于他們來(lái)說(shuō)，和你在一起的時(shí)光，或許比度假計(jì)劃重要得多。果斷貼心地回答，而不要撒謊。你8歲時(shí)的謊言就瞞不過(guò)他們的眼睛，現(xiàn)在依然如此。另外，別為此心懷內(nèi)疚!你已經(jīng)是個(gè)大人了!

3. The "U Up?" No

對(duì)不良約會(huì)說(shuō)不

The Guy You Want to Date says, "Let's hang Saturday." At 1 a.m., he finally texts, indicating his interest in, ahem, hanging. Nuh-uh.

你心儀的男神說(shuō)：“周六一起出去吧。”結(jié)果到半夜1點(diǎn)，他終于來(lái)短信，暗示他想的……咳咳……不止是出去而已。

Text, "No thanks." Wait a beat. Then, "But dinner Wednesday?" If you want more, don't take less for fear he'll disappear. Forget about jumping like it's the president calling! You'll save yourself months of pain by being clear with him and sticking to your decision.

短信回復(fù)：”還是不了，謝謝。“等一下，再接著回：”周三一起吃晚飯?jiān)趺礃?“如果你想要他全心全意，就不能因?yàn)楹ε率ニ笕?。千萬(wàn)不要高興得跳起來(lái)，好像是總統(tǒng)給你打的電話(huà)。和他說(shuō)清楚，并且堅(jiān)持你的想法，這會(huì)使自己免受數(shù)月的煎熬。

4. The Weekend-Work No

對(duì)周末加班說(shuō)不

Your boss asks you to work on Saturday, but your cousin is getting married.

上司讓你周六加班，但是你的表親這周結(jié)婚。

"I would love to work on that with you, but I have a big family event. What if I stayed late Friday night?" Apologizing or going into an absurd amount of detail seems weak. Be calm and make eye contact and she'll respect what you're saying. Then follow up with an alternative solution if you can, so everyone wins.”

我很想跟著你加班，但是我這周家里有件大事。不如我周五加個(gè)晚班怎樣?“道歉或者解釋一大堆荒唐的細(xì)枝末節(jié)顯得太無(wú)力。冷靜地采用眼神交流，她會(huì)尊重你的決定。接著，如果可以的話(huà)，提出一個(gè)變通的方案，這樣就能雙贏了。

5. The Kickstarter No

對(duì)籌資活動(dòng)說(shuō)不

Your friend has a great idea for a vegan-snack-sample-delivery business, but you do not have thedough.

你的朋友想辦一個(gè)素食小點(diǎn)心的派送活動(dòng)，但你并沒(méi)有這個(gè)閑錢(qián)。

"I just gave to another friend's charity race, so I'm tapped out. Can I help by making an intro for you instead?" Little white lies can be okay. You don't have to share details about your finances with friends. Value the work you did to earn your money, and donate only to causes that move you.

“我剛剛捐助了另一位朋友的慈善活動(dòng)，現(xiàn)在手頭有點(diǎn)緊。不如我?guī)湍阈麄饕幌?”小小的善意謊言沒(méi)有多大問(wèn)題。你并不需要和朋友公開(kāi)經(jīng)濟(jì)狀況的細(xì)節(jié)。珍惜你辛苦工作掙得的錢(qián)，捐助給真正打動(dòng)你的那些活動(dòng)。