心理學(xué)家才知道的一些秘密

What are some things that psychologists know, but most people don't?

有哪些事心理學(xué)家知道但大多數(shù)人不知道?

獲得371.8k好評(píng)的回答@Kevin Luo：

On those rare days that you’re running late for something due to a legitimate reason, it’s better to genuinely praise the other person for their patience than to apologize for your tardiness.

你偶爾由于正當(dāng)理由遲到時(shí)，最好真誠(chéng)地稱贊對(duì)方的耐心，而不是為自己的遲到道歉。

The problem with apologizing is that, by attributing the negative feelings and associations of “sorriness” to yourself, you have now shifted all the negative spotlight onto you. Your boss is more likely to be psychologically programmed to think “Yeah, you better be sorry for being late! You made me wait 5 minutes - who do you think you are? You’re a terrible employee who doesn’t respect my time.”

道歉的問題在于會(huì)把消極的感覺和“抱歉”的聯(lián)想都攬到自己身上，使所有消極的矛頭都指向自己。老板的心理活動(dòng)更有可能是“對(duì)，你最好為遲到感到抱歉，你讓我等了5分鐘，你以為自己是誰呀?你這個(gè)員工真差勁，不尊重我的時(shí)間。”

The benefit of praising is that, by showering your boss with positive praise on his or her patience, your boss is more inclined to think positively of him or herself, rather than think negatively of you. He or she will think to themself “Yeah, I am a patient person, aren’t I? In fact, it’s one of my proudest traits as a good boss and an understanding person - after all, it’s good to show my employees that I’m a patient individual.”

稱贊對(duì)方的好處是通過多加稱贊老板的耐心，使老板更傾向于對(duì)自己進(jìn)行積極的評(píng)價(jià)，而不是對(duì)你產(chǎn)生消極的看法。他/她會(huì)對(duì)自己說：“對(duì)，我是個(gè)有耐心的人，不是嗎?其實(shí)這是我作為好老板和善解人意的人最自豪的一個(gè)品質(zhì)。畢竟向員工展示我有耐心這個(gè)優(yōu)點(diǎn)也不錯(cuò)。”

Extra, extra, extra emphasis on the idea that one uses this on rare occurrences of being late - it is not meant to be for everyday use.

重點(diǎn)、重點(diǎn)、重點(diǎn)強(qiáng)調(diào)一下這只適合偶爾遲到的場(chǎng)合，不是每天都能用。

For those who are curious, this is Kevin Luo’s real-life example of using this:

有些人很好奇，下面就講一個(gè)我自己運(yùn)用這一技巧的實(shí)例：

A few months ago, I was late to a meeting with my manager for the first time due to someone dropping onto the tracks of the public train in Chicago. As such, the trains were paused from operating for a lengthy period of time that morning.

幾個(gè)月前我跟經(jīng)理開會(huì)第一次遲到，因?yàn)橹ゼ痈缬腥说艋疖嚨郎狭?，?dǎo)致那天早上火車中斷了很久。

August 15th, 2017: A man’s body was found on the CTA tracks, pausing all CTA operations.

2017年8月15日：芝加哥捷運(yùn)鐵路上發(fā)現(xiàn)了一具男尸，中斷了芝加哥交通管理局所有交通。

This happened 1 month after I had just started working at the office full-time. As you might imagine, it’s extremely important to have a good reputation as a punctual employee.

那時(shí)我剛開始全職辦公室生活1個(gè)月，你能想到作為一名員工維護(hù)守時(shí)的形象極其重要。

When I arrived ~10 minutes late (which felt terrible, since it was my first time and only 1 month into the job), I did NOT say “Hey, sorry I’m late, something happened this morning.”

我遲到了10分鐘(感覺很糟糕，因?yàn)槭堑谝淮芜t到，而且剛?cè)肼氁粋€(gè)月)，我沒有說：“抱歉我遲到了，早上遇到點(diǎn)事。”

Instead, I said something like “Hey, really appreciate your patience on this one - something happened this morning.”

相反，我這樣說的：“真感謝您此時(shí)的耐心，早上遇到點(diǎn)事。”

Her response: “I heard - no worries.”

她回答說：“我聽說了，沒關(guān)系。”

This was a win-win move. I avoided the negative spotlight for something out of my control and shifted the positive spotlight on my manager’s character as a patient individual.

這是雙贏的做法，既避免將消極的矛頭指向我無法控制的事，又將積極的關(guān)注點(diǎn)指向了經(jīng)理有耐心的品格。