伍迪單口相聲精選 第23期:在南方Down South

I went in my underwear shorts, and I have varicoseveins. I went as a roadmap.

我穿著短褲就去了，因?yàn)槲矣徐o脈曲張，我去的時(shí)候就用它作為路線圖。

I figure, what the hell, it's Halloween, I'll go as a ghost.

我想，管它呢，反正是萬圣節(jié)，我打扮成鬼的樣子去好了。

I take a sheet off the bed and I throw it over my head, and I go to the party.

我從床上扯下床單，蒙在我頭上就去參加舞會(huì)。

And you have to get the picture, I'm walking down the street in a deep southern town, I have awhite sheet over my head.

你們應(yīng)該想象一下這樣一幅圖像：我走在南方腹地某個(gè)小鎮(zhèn)的大街上，頭上蒙著一張白床單。

And a car pulls up and three guys with white sheets say "Get in".

一輛小車靠過來停下，三個(gè)也是蒙著白單子的家伙對我說：“上車吧。”

So I figure there's guys going to the party, as ghosts, and I get into the car, and I see werenot going to the party, and I tell them.

于是我想這幾個(gè)家伙也是去參加舞會(huì)的，扮成鬼樣。我上了車，我發(fā)覺他們不是去參加舞會(huì)，我問他們這是去哪兒。

They say "Well, we have to go pick up the Grand Dragon".

他們說：“我們得去接一下‘大龍’【1】。”

All of a sudden it hits me, down south, white sheets, the Grand Dragon, I put two and twotogether.

突然間我想起來了，南方腹地、白色單子、大龍，我根據(jù)這些事實(shí)推斷。

I figure there's a guy going to the party dressed as a dragon.

我推斷出有個(gè)家伙要化妝成一條龍去參加舞會(huì)。

All of a sudden a big guy enters the car, and I'm sitting there between four clansmen, four big-armed men, and the door's locked, and I'm petrified, I'm trying to pass desperately, y'know,I'm saying "Y'all" and "Grits", y'know, I must have said "grits" fifty times, y'know.

突然一個(gè)彪形大漢也上了車，我就坐在四個(gè)黨徒中間，四個(gè)肌肉發(fā)達(dá)的壯漢當(dāng)中。他們鎖上了車門，我立馬嚇呆了。我拼著命想逃脫，我說：“你們大家”還有“玉米糊”【2】，我一口氣說了50個(gè)“玉米糊”。

They ask me a question, and I say "Oh, grits, grits".

他們問我一個(gè)問題，我就說：“噢，玉米糊，玉米糊。”

And next to me is the leader of the...you can tell he is the leader, 'cause he's the one wearingcontour sheets, y'know.

我旁邊就坐著他們的黨魁，你可以看出來他就是頭頭，因?yàn)橹挥兴┑氖菐в兴删o收邊的單子。

And they drive me to an empty field, and I gave myself away, 'cause they asked for donations,and everybody there gave cash.

他們開著車帶我來到一片空曠地，是我自己把自己暴露了，因?yàn)樗麄冊诰杩?，每個(gè)人都掏出了現(xiàn)金。

When it came to me, I said "I pledge fifty dollars".

只有問到我時(shí)，我說：“我認(rèn)捐五十美元。”

They knew immediately. They took my hood off and threw a rope around my neck, and theydecided to hang me.

他們即刻識(shí)破了我。他們揭下我的頭巾，在我脖子上套了根繩索，他們決定絞死我。

And suddenly my whole life passed before my eyes.

突然地，我整個(gè)一生在我眼前閃過。

I saw myself as a kid again, in Kansas, going to school, swimming at the swimming hole, andfishing, frying up a mess-o-catfish, going down to the general store, getting a piece of ginghamfor Emmy-Lou. And I realise it's not my life.

我又看見了小時(shí)候的自己，在堪薩斯，我去上學(xué)，去溪流中游泳，釣魚，煎一大鍋鯰魚，上雜貨店買東西，給艾米露買了塊格子棉布。我意識(shí)到這并不是我的生活。

They're gonna hang me in two minutes, the wrong life is passing before my eyes.

他們兩分鐘后就要絞死我了，可我眼前閃現(xiàn)的卻是別人的生活。

And I spoke to them, and I was really eloquent, I said "Fellas, this country can't survive,unless we love one another regardless of race, creed or colour".

我對他們說，我的話情真意切，我說：“伙計(jì)們，這個(gè)國家將會(huì)走向滅亡，除非我們能彼此關(guān)愛，不分種族、信仰、或膚色。”

And they were so moved by my words, not only did they cut me down and let me go, but thatnight, I sold them two thousand dollars worth of Israel Bonds.

他們被我的言語深深打動(dòng)，他們不僅割斷了繩索放走了我，那天晚上，我還賣給他們價(jià)值兩千美元的以色列債券。