伍迪單口相聲精選 第12期:歐洲之旅European Trip

I have been in Europe for the last six monthsmaking a film called What's New Pussycat,starring Peter O'Toole and Peter Sellers andmyself, in that order.

過去六個月里，我一直在歐洲拍一部叫《怎么了貓咪》【1】的電影，由彼得·奧圖爾、彼得·賽勒斯和我主演，按這個順序。

And it's the first time in my life, that I ever acted in anything like that. I have acted before, butI don't count it, many many years ago I was the nursery school play, when I was a child.

對我來說是生平第一次，以前我還從沒像那樣表演過。我以前也有表演，但那不能算，很多很多年以前，在我小時候，我在幼兒園里表演過。

I played the part of Stanley Kowalski in the school play of A Streetcar Named Desire, and I wasone of the great five years old Stanleys.

我出演過幼兒園排的《欲望號街車》里的斯坦利·科瓦爾斯基一角【2】，在最棒的五歲斯坦利當中，有我一個。

And I wrote the film, and it's an autobiographically movie. It's based on the experiences of agreat ladies man and I...you're laughing?

我寫了這電影，這是一部自傳體的電影，取材于某位大情圣的經歷，還有我……你們笑什么?

It so happens, on my honeymoon night my wife stopped in the middle of everything to give mea standing ovation.

這些都發(fā)生過，在我的蜜月之夜，我妻子跟我做到一半，就對我長時間起立鼓掌。

Yes, as a matter of fact, you should know the etymology of how I got to Europe in the firstplace, which is fascinating.

是的，事實上你們的確應該先了解一下這事的來龍去脈，我是如何去的歐洲，這真的很有意思。

I was appearing in Greenwich Village at a coffee house in Bleeker street called the IntegrationBagle Shop and Flea Parlor.

我當時現(xiàn)身于格林尼治村布里克街上的一家咖啡屋，名叫“大融合百吉餅屋及寵物跳蚤店”【3】。

I was the master of ceremonies on the bed, y'know, and I was on with real Greenwich Villageacts, y'know, myself and an eskimo vocalist, who sang Night and Day six months at a time.

我是床上儀式的專家，我做地道的格林尼治村式的表演，由我和一位愛斯基摩聲樂家合作，他每隔六個月演唱一次《日日夜夜》【4】。

A little blond girl with a child by a future marriage, y'know, adorable, and in walks one nightmr. Feldman, our producer, and he just adored me on sight.

還有個金發(fā)姑娘和一個未來婚姻帶給她的孩子，非常可愛。有天晚上我們的制片人費爾德曼先生走了進來，他一看見我就喜歡上了我。

He thought I was attractive and sensual and good-looking, y'know, and just made for motionpictures.

他認為我很有吸引力，性感又英俊，天生就是拍電影的料。

He is a little short man with red hair and glasses.

他是個小矮個兒，紅色頭發(fā)，戴副眼鏡【5】。

He asked me if I ever wrote anything before, and I have been a television writer for years, and Iwrote a three-act versed tragedy about a veterinarian faith healer, who restored speech to aparrot, y'know.

他問我以前有沒有寫過什么東西。我已經為電視節(jié)目寫了很多年，我用詩體寫過一部三幕悲劇，講的是一個信心理療獸醫(yī)，他使一只鸚鵡恢復了說話本領。

And I also wrote a short story about my first year of marriage, which Alfred Hitchcock showedinterest in for a while.

我也寫過有關我婚姻第一年生活的一個短篇，有一陣子引起了阿爾弗雷德·希區(qū)柯克的興趣。

And he flies me out to Europe, absolutely all expenses paid, TWA flight, y'know, movie on theflight and everything.

他讓我飛到歐洲去，所有費用絕對都由他出，環(huán)球航空公司的航班，飛機上還可以看電影等等。

Irene Dunne in The Life of Emelia Earhart, y'know,...sitting shaking on the plane, y'know.

放的是艾琳·鄧恩主演的《阿米莉婭·艾爾哈特傳》【6】，看得我在飛機上直打哆嗦。

And I meet a girl at my European analyst's. I have to explain this: I was going to a Europeananalyst, that meant a European boy can see my analyst for six months, y'know. The neuroticexchange program.

我在我的歐洲精神分析師那里認識了一個女孩。這個我需要解釋一下：我去看一位歐洲的精神分析師，這意味著一個歐洲男孩可以去看我的精神分析師，為期六個月，這叫神經病交換項目。

And I invite her up to my hotel. I get all ready for our dinner date, y'know, I anoint myselfcompletely, I beat my body with auto wrenches.

我邀請她去我住的旅館。我為我們的晚餐約會做了充分的準備，我渾身上下都抹了油，并用自動扳手抽打我的身體【7】。

I throw an ample light on me, to make me look really effective.

我給自己打上充足的光線，使我看上去效果極強。

Two little backlights to give me the illusion of three dimensions, a baby spot to pick out thebrown in my eyes, and I put on my mood music records, y'know, my Arthur Godfrey Hawaiianmusic.

兩盞小小的后景燈使我變成了三維的幻象，小型聚光燈突出了我褐色的眼睛。我還放上輕柔音樂的唱片，我的亞瑟·戈弗雷【8】夏威夷音樂。

She had invited me over to her place, but I didn't want to log the lights and everything,y'know, so...and...oh!

她之前邀請過我去她的地方，但是我不想搬運那些燈之類的東西，所以??噢!

I didn't dress properly, this was partially my fault, I know how to dress better now, but I wasnot a good dresser a short while ago.

我穿得不太合適，某種程度上那是我的錯，現(xiàn)在我知道如何更得體地穿著了，但不久之前我還不怎么會。

You don't wear argyle with dark blue. I had on dark blue socks and an argyle suit.

你不能用多色菱形花紋來配暗藍色，可我穿著暗藍色的襪子和多色菱形花紋的套裝。

I looked like a farmer, y'know, and my radiator breaks and the hotel room is absolutelyfreezing, and I'm ashamed, y'know, because she is going to come into a cold room.

看上去像個鄉(xiāng)巴佬。我的暖氣片裂了，旅館房間里凍得要死，我很不好意思，因為她一過來會覺得房間里很冷。

So I go into the bathroom and I turn on the hot water in the shower, which is an old Brooklyntrick to heat the apartment.

于是我走到衛(wèi)生間，把淋浴器的熱水打開，這是布魯克林人加熱住所用的老訣竅。

And hot water comes down and billows of steam come into the living room.

熱水流淌、熱浪滾滾，蒸汽涌進了客廳。

And ice cold air is seeping in under the windowsill and the two fronts meet in the living room,and it starts to rain in my hotel room.

冰冷的空氣從窗沿下滲透進來，冷熱鋒在客廳里遭遇，在我旅館的房間里下開了雨。

I'm standing there in the rain, and I did not do well with the girl.

我就站在雨里，和姑娘的約會也泡湯了。

Europe for me, as a matter of fact, was a series of near misses.

事實上，歐洲對我來說就是一系列的死里逃生。

I was at a cast party with our cast, and I was in the corner and I was playing the vibes, verysexy like a jazz musician - up and down.

我參加了有我們劇組演員的聚會，我在角落里演奏著振蕩琴【9】，非常性感，像個爵士音樂家那樣，一上一下。

And a great girl comes up behind me, really elaborate, and she says to me "You play vibes?"

有個很棒的女孩走到我后面，真的很精致，她對我說：“你會玩振蕩琴【10】?”

I say, "Yeah, it helps me sublimate me sexual tensions."

我說：“是啊，有助于升華我的性焦慮。”

She says "Why don't you let me help you sublimate your sexual tensions.", so I figured "Great",y'know, "here's a girl who plays vibes."

她說：“為什么不讓我來幫助你升華你的性焦慮呢?”我想：“太好了。”你知道，“這下有個女孩會玩振蕩器了。”

I turned quickly and asked her out for a date, but Peter O'Toole, who's in the movie, asked herout first - aces me out, y'know - and she was a beautiful girl, so I said to her "Could you bring asister for me?", and she did: Sister Maria Teresa.

我馬上轉身約她和我一起出去，但是彼得·奧圖爾，他也在劇組里，已經先約了她——搶占了先機——她是個漂亮姑娘，所以我對她說：“你能給我介紹個姐妹嗎?”她介紹了：瑪麗亞·特麗莎嬤嬤。

It was a very slow night, y'know. We discussed the New Testament, y'know.

這是極其漫長的一夜，我們討論了《新約全書》【11】。

We agreed that He was extremely well adjusted, for an only child.

我們都同意對于一個獨生孩子來說，他(耶穌·基督)相當有出息。

【1】由伍迪·艾倫編劇、克萊夫·唐納和理查德·塔爾馬吉導演，是伍迪的銀幕處女秀(1965年)。[qh]

【2】田納西·威廉斯的戲劇，在同名電影中的這個角色由馬龍·白蘭度飾演。[qh]

【3】“integration”有將不同種族和宗教信仰的人融合在一起、消除種族間的歧視的意思，而百吉餅是猶太人的傳統(tǒng)食物;“寵物跳蚤店”可能是暗諷該店的衛(wèi)生狀況。

【4】《日日夜夜》是科爾·波特創(chuàng)作的最著名流行歌曲之一，寫于1932年。處于北極圈內的愛斯基摩人有半年是白天、半年是黑夜。

【5】在說他自己。

【6】阿米莉婭·瑪麗·艾爾哈特，美國著名的女航空先驅和作家，她創(chuàng)造了單人飛越大西洋等的許多飛行記錄，1937年做環(huán)球飛行時在太平洋豪蘭島附近失蹤。顯然電影是伍迪杜撰的。

【7】可能想模擬受難儀式。

【8】亞瑟·莫頓·利奧·戈弗雷美國五六十年代著名的電臺和電視臺節(jié)目主播。

【9】爵士樂里經常用的打擊樂器，形狀像木琴或鐘琴，但用的是金屬片，還有共振器用來產生顫音。

【10】又可以理解為振蕩器。

【11】不被猶太人接受的《圣經》部分。