他其實沒那么喜歡你 第59期:想要結婚的想法

Here's Why This One is Hard, by Liz

這就是為何如此艱難的原因，莉茲

A lot of people think marriage is bullshit.

很多人認為婚姻是瞎扯淡。

A lot of women, men, philosophers, anthropologists,psychologists, feminists, and scientists all think, fordifferent reasons, that marriage is a deeply flawed,outdated institution built for failure.

很多女性、男性、哲學家、人類學家、心理學家、女權主義者和科學家都認為，出于不同的原因，婚姻是一種有嚴重缺陷的、過時的失敗制度構建。

Toss a quarter anywhere and it will hit someone who'll be happy to tell you something badabout marriage.

在任意地點投擲一枚硬幣，它都會擊中一個樂意告訴你婚姻的不幸之處的人。

So there's all that. But is that what we're really talking about here? I don't think so.

事實就是如此。但是這真的是我們要討論的東西么?我認為不是這樣。

I think that sometimes men want you to think that's what the debate is about.

我覺得有時候男人想讓你思考一下這場爭論是關于什么的。

But let's be clear. The question at hand is only this: Is he making lame transparent excusesabout marriage to cover for the fact that he really doesn't ever see a future with you?

但讓我們把話講清楚。手頭的問題只是這一點：他是否捏造了一個關于婚姻的透明借口以掩蓋他其實不曾考慮過與你的未來?

That's the hard question.

這個問題很難。

And women are smart. If they really got quiet and stopped listening to the excuses, orbelieving what they wanted to be true and what they hope he's really saying, and just got allcentered about it, I think women would always know.

女人很聰明。如果他們真的安靜下來了，不再聽借口，或者不再相信她們渴望成真的東西和希望男人們真正想表達的含義，并且以此為中心，我認為女人總是會明白的。

They'll always know the difference between a man who truly has issues with marriage but isdeeply committed to the relationship and them, and a guy who's just being a weenie.

她們總是能區(qū)分一個真正有婚姻問題但是對愛情和對方有所承諾的男人，以及一個慫包。

But this is what's hard about this one. It's very easy to feel stupid about wanting to getmarried, particularly when you're with someone who doesn't.

但是這就是此事的難處所在。想要結婚的想法總感覺很愚蠢，尤其是在對方不想結婚的情況下。

I mean, you two are so happy together—why rock the boat?

我是說，既然你倆在一起很愉快——為什么要去破壞它呢?

It's just like you're married, so what's the big deal?

就像是既然你已經結婚了，有什么大不了的呢?

What do you care what your family thinks—are they living with you?

為什么要在意你家里人的想法呢?——難道他們會跟你住么?

Just because all your friends are getting married, does that mean you have to?

就因為你所有的朋友都結婚了，意味著你一定也得結婚?

Jeez, it sounds like you don't care who you marry. You just want to be married.

天了嚕，聽起來你都不在意結婚的對象，你只是想把婚結了而已。

These are really good points. And let's face it, marriage hasn't gotten a lot of good press in thepast four decades.

這些都說的很對。讓我們面對它，在過去40年里關于婚姻并沒有什么好的報道。

And some women, frankly, really don't care who they marry and just want to be married.

一些女人們，坦白來講，她們真的不在乎結婚的對象，她們只是想結婚而已。

But again, that's not what we're talking about.

但是，這并非我們想要討論的。

Before you enter into the sociopolitical-anthropological debate about marriage as anantiquated financial contract, blah, blah, blah, ask yourself some very serious questions.

你進入社會政治人類學關于婚姻作為一種古老的財務契約的爭論前，等等，等等，等等，問自己一些很嚴肅的問題。