那些無(wú)法抗拒的名篇21: Letter from an Unknown Woman一個(gè)陌生女人的來(lái)信(節(jié)選)

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Woman

21 一個(gè)陌生女人的來(lái)信

You took me in your arms. Again I stayed with you for the whole of one glorious night. But even then you did not recognise me. While I thrilled to your caresses, it was plain to me that your passion knew no difference between a loving mistress and a meretrix, that your spendthrift affections were wholly concentrated in their own expression. To me，the stranger picked up at a dancing一hall, you were at once affectionate and courteous. You would not treat me lightly, and yet you were full of an enthralling ardour. Dizry with the old happiness, I was again aware of the two-sidedness of your nature, of that strange mingling of intellectual passion with sensual, which had already enslaved me to you in my childhood. In no other man have I ever known such complete surrender to the sweetness of the moment. No other has for the time being given himself so utterly as did you who, when the hour was past, were to relapse into an interminable and almost inhuman forgetfulness. But I，too, forgot myself. Who was I，lying in the darkness beside you? Was I the impassioned child of former days, was I the mother of your son; was I a stranger? Everything in this wonderful night was at one and the same time entrancingly familiar and entrancingly new. I prayed that the joy might last forever.

你把我摟在懷里。我又在你那兒過(guò)了一個(gè)銷(xiāo)魂之夜。可是在我赤身露體的時(shí)候，你仍沒(méi)認(rèn)出我來(lái)。我幸福地接受你那嫻熟的溫情和愛(ài)撫，我發(fā)現(xiàn)，你的激情對(duì)情人和對(duì)妓女都是一樣的，沒(méi)有區(qū)別。你恣意放縱自己的情欲，不加節(jié)制，不假思索地?fù)]霍你的元?dú)?。你?duì)我這個(gè)從交際場(chǎng)里帶回來(lái)的女人是那么的溫柔，那么優(yōu)雅親切而充滿敬意;同時(shí)，你在享受女人方面又是如此的激情四溢;我陶醉在過(guò)去的幸福之中，又一次感覺(jué)到你本性上那獨(dú)特的兩重性，肉欲的沸騰中含著智慧與精神的激情，而這激情在當(dāng)年就已使我這個(gè)小姑娘成了你的奴隸，對(duì)你百依百順。我從來(lái)沒(méi)有見(jiàn)過(guò)一個(gè)男人在溫情愛(ài)撫之際這樣貪圖享受片刻的歡愉，這樣縱情，將自己的內(nèi)心深處展露無(wú)遺—而事后，一切都似如煙往事般散去了，全都飄到了遺忘的角落，忘得那么無(wú)影、那么徹底，無(wú)情得令人心痛。可在當(dāng)時(shí)我也忘乎所以了:黑暗中躺在你身旁的這個(gè)我究竟是誰(shuí)啊?是從前那個(gè)急切而熾烈的小姑娘嗎?是你孩子的母親或只是一個(gè)陌生的女人?啊，在這個(gè)激情之夜，一切是如此的親切，如此的熟悉，而又是如此異乎尋常的新鮮。我禱告上蒼，但愿這一夜能永遠(yuǎn)延續(xù)下去。

But morning came. It was late when we rose, and you asked me to stay to breakfast. Over the tea, which an unseen hand had discreetly served in the dining—room，we talked quietly. As of old, you displayed a cordial frankness, and, as of old, there were no tactless questions, there was no curiosity about myself. You did not ask my name, nor where}lived. To you I was, as before, a casual adventure, a nameless woman，an ardent hour which leaves no trace when it is over. You told me that you were about to start on a long journey, that you were going to spend two or three months in Northern Africa. The words broke in upon my happiness like a knell: "Past, past, past and forgotten!" I longed to throw myself at your feet, crying，"Take me with you, that you may at length came to know me, at length after all these years!" But I was timid,cowardly,slavish,weak. All I could say was,"What a pity." You looked at me with a smile, "Are you really sorry?"

可惜黎明終于還是到來(lái)了，我們起得很晚，你請(qǐng)我與你共進(jìn)早餐。不知道是哪位侍者早已謹(jǐn)慎地?cái)[好了餐室里的茶點(diǎn)，我們一起喝著茶，閑聊。你又用你那誠(chéng)摯坦率、親呢和善的態(tài)度跟我說(shuō)話，絕不會(huì)提任何不適宜的問(wèn)題，也絕不探問(wèn)關(guān)于我個(gè)人的任何情況。你沒(méi)有問(wèn)我姓誰(shuí)名誰(shuí)，也沒(méi)有問(wèn)我家住何處:對(duì)你來(lái)說(shuō)，我不過(guò)只是又一次艷遇罷了，一個(gè)無(wú)名的女人，一段熱情的燃燒，最后在遺忘的煙霧中消失得無(wú)影無(wú)蹤。你告訴我說(shuō)，你現(xiàn)在又要出遠(yuǎn)門(mén)，到北非呆兩三個(gè)月;我在幸福之中又戰(zhàn)栗起來(lái)，因?yàn)槲业亩呌洲Z轟地響起這樣的聲音:完了，完了，他忘記了!我恨不得撲倒在你的腳下，大喊道:“帶我一起走吧，這樣你最終會(huì)認(rèn)出我來(lái)的，過(guò)了這么多年，你終于會(huì)認(rèn)出我是誰(shuí)!”可我在你面前是如此羞怯、膽小，奴性十足，性格十分懦弱。我只能說(shuō)一句:“多遺憾啊!”你微笑地望著我說(shuō):“你真的覺(jué)得遺憾嗎?”

For a moment l was as if frenzied. I stood up and looked at you fixedly. Then I said, "The man I love has always gone on a journey." I looked you straight in the eyes. "Now, now," I thought, "now he will recognise me!" You only smiled, and said consolingly, "One comes back after a time." I answered，"Yes, one comes back, but one has forgotten by then."

此時(shí)一股突發(fā)的力量慫恿了我。我站起身來(lái)，久久地、聚精會(huì)神地盯著你看。然后我說(shuō)道:“我曾愛(ài)的那個(gè)男人也跟你一樣，總是去旅行。”我凝視著你。“現(xiàn)在，現(xiàn)在他就要認(rèn)出我來(lái)了!”可是你微笑著，安慰我說(shuō)“他會(huì)回來(lái)的。”“是的，”我回答道，“會(huì)回來(lái)的，可是回來(lái)就什么都忘了。”

I must have spoken with strong feeling, for my tone moved you. You, too, rose, and looked at me wonderingly and tenderly. You put your hands on my shoulders，"Good things are not forgotten，and I shall not forget you." Your eyes studied me attentively, as if you wished to form an enduring image of me in your mind. When I felt this penetrating glance，this exploration of my whole being,[could not but fancy that the spell of your blindness would at last be broken. "He will recognise me! He will recognise me!”My soul trembled with expectation.

我說(shuō)話的腔調(diào)一定有一些特殊，一定有些激烈的東西蘊(yùn)藏其中。因?yàn)槟阋舱玖似饋?lái)，盯著我，那神情不勝驚訝，但又滿懷關(guān)切。你抓住我的雙肩，說(shuō)道:“美好的東西是不會(huì)被遺忘的，我永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)忘記你。”說(shuō)著，你的目光直穿入我的內(nèi)心深處，仿佛是想把我的樣子牢牢地印在腦海中似的。我感到這道目光一直穿透我的身體，在里面探索、感覺(jué)、吮吸著我整個(gè)生命，這時(shí)我相信，盲人重見(jiàn)光明。他就要認(rèn)出我來(lái)了，他就要認(rèn)出我來(lái)了!這個(gè)念頭撼動(dòng)了我的整個(gè)靈魂。

But you did not recognise me. No, you did not recognise me. Never had I been more of a stranger to you than I was at that moment, for had it been otherwise you could not possibly have done what you did a few minutes later. You had kissed me again, had kissed me passionately. My hair had been ruffled，and I had to tidy it once more. Standing at the glass, I saw in it—and as I saw, I was overcome with shame and horror—that you were surreptitiously slipping a couple of banknotes into my muff. I could hardly refrain from crying out; I could hardly refrain from slapping your face. You were paying me for the night I had spent with you, me who had loved you since childhood，me the mother of your son. To you I was only a prostitute picked up at a dancing-hall. It was not enough that you should forget me, you had to pay me, and to debase me by doing so.

可是，你沒(méi)有認(rèn)出我來(lái)。沒(méi)有，你根本沒(méi)有認(rèn)出我來(lái)。對(duì)你來(lái)說(shuō)，我從來(lái)也沒(méi)有像此刻這么陌生，要不然—你絕不會(huì)做出幾分鐘之后做的事情。你吻了我，又一次熱情的狂吻。頭發(fā)都給弄亂了，我只好再梳理一下，我剛好站在鏡子前面，從鏡子里我看到—我簡(jiǎn)直又驚訝又羞愧，幾乎要跌倒在地上—我看到你正在非常小心地將幾張大鈔票塞進(jìn)我的暖手筒。此時(shí)此刻，在這種境況下，我怎么會(huì)沒(méi)有驚叫起來(lái)呢，怎么會(huì)沒(méi)有扇你一個(gè)耳光呢!我從小就愛(ài)你，并且是你兒子的母親，可你卻為我們的這一夜付錢(qián)!對(duì)你來(lái)說(shuō)，我只不過(guò)是交際場(chǎng)上的一個(gè)妓女，僅此而已。你竟然付錢(qián)給我!被你遺忘還不夠，居然還受到這樣的侮辱。

I hastily gathered up my belongings, that I might escape as quickly as possible;the pain was too great. I looked round for my hat. There it was, on the writing-table, beside the vase with the white roses, my roses. I had an irresistible desire to make a last effort to awaken your memory. "Will you give me one of your white roses?" "Of course,"you answered, lifting them all out of the vase. "But perhaps they were given you by a woman, a woman who loves you?" "Maybe," you replied, "I don't know. They were a present, but I don't know who sent them, that's why I'm so fond of them." I looked at you intently: "Perhaps they were sent you by a woman whom you have forgotten!" You were surprised. I looked at you yet more intently. "Recognise me, only recognise me at last!" was the clamour of my eyes. But your smile, though cordial, had no recognition in it. You kissed me yet again, but you did not recognise me.

我急忙收拾好東西，我要走，馬上離開(kāi)。我的心都傷透了。我抓起擱在書(shū)桌上的帽子，它旁邊就是那只插著白玫瑰、插著我的玫瑰的花瓶。突然我心里又產(chǎn)生一個(gè)強(qiáng)烈而無(wú)法抗拒的愿望，我想再次嘗試來(lái)喚醒你的記憶:“你愿意送我一朵你的白玫瑰嗎?”“非常樂(lè)意。”你說(shuō)著馬上就抽出一朵。“可這些花也許是一個(gè)女人、一個(gè)愛(ài)你的女人送給你的吧?”我說(shuō)道。“也許吧，”你說(shuō)，“我也不知道，是別人送我的，我不清楚是誰(shuí)送的;正因?yàn)槿绱宋也胚@么喜歡這些花。”我盯著你看。 “沒(méi)準(zhǔn)兒也是一個(gè)被你遺忘的女人送來(lái)的!”當(dāng)時(shí)你臉上露出一副驚愕的神情。我仍目不轉(zhuǎn)睛地盯著你:“認(rèn)出我來(lái)，快認(rèn)出我來(lái)吧!”我的目光在吶喊著?？墒悄愕难劬ξ⑿χ?，親切但卻一無(wú)所知。你又吻了我一下，可是你仍舊沒(méi)認(rèn)出我來(lái)。

I hurried away, for my eyes were filling with tears，and I did not want you to see. In the entry, as I precipitated myself from the room，I almost cannoned into John，your servant.Embarrassed but zealous，he got out of my way, and opened the front door for me. Then, in this fugitive instant, as I looked at him through my tears, a light suddenly flooded the old man's face. In this fugitive instant, I tell you, he recognised me, the man who had never seen me since my childhood. I was so grateful，that I could have kneeled before him and kissed his hands. I tore from my muff the banknotes with which you had scourged me, and thrust them upon him. He glanced at me in alarm—for in this instant l think he understood more of me than you have understood in your whole life. Everyone，everyone，has been eager to spoil me; everyone has loaded me with kindness. But you, only you, forgot me. You，only you, never recognised me.

我疾步走向門(mén)口，因?yàn)槲业难蹨I馬上就要奪眶而出，可我不能讓你看見(jiàn)。我急忙沖了出去，很急。在前屋我?guī)缀鹾湍愕钠腿思s翰撞了個(gè)滿懷。他膽怯地，連忙躲到一邊，一把拉開(kāi)了走廊門(mén)，讓我出去。就在這一秒鐘里，你聽(tīng)見(jiàn)了嗎?就在我正噙著眼淚與這位面容枯搞的老人正面相覷的一剎那，他的眼睛突然一亮，就在這一秒鐘，你聽(tīng)見(jiàn)了嗎?就在這一瞬間老人認(rèn)出了我，盡管他從我童年時(shí)代起就沒(méi)再見(jiàn)過(guò)我了。他認(rèn)出了我，我恨不得跪倒在他面前，親吻他的雙手。我只是把你用來(lái)打發(fā)我的鈔票從暖手筒里掏出來(lái)，塞到了他的手里。他哆嗦著，驚慌而詫異地看著我—在這一瞬間，他對(duì)我的了解比你這一輩子對(duì)我的了解還要多。所有的人都嬌縱我，寵愛(ài)我，大家對(duì)我都很好—只有你，只有你把我忘得一干二凈，只有你從來(lái)沒(méi)認(rèn)出我來(lái)!

作者介紹:

斯蒂芬·茨威格(1881-1942)，奧地利著名作家、小說(shuō)家、傳記作家。他善于運(yùn)用各種體裁，寫(xiě)過(guò)詩(shī)、小說(shuō)、戲劇、文論、傳記，還從事過(guò)文學(xué)翻譯。他在詩(shī)、小說(shuō)、戲劇和人物傳記等寫(xiě)作方面均有過(guò)人的造詣，但他的作品中尤以小說(shuō)和人物傳記最為著稱。其代表作有小說(shuō)《最初的經(jīng)歷》、《馬來(lái)狂人》、《恐懼》、《感覺(jué)的混亂》、《人的命運(yùn)轉(zhuǎn)折點(diǎn)》《一個(gè)陌生女人的來(lái)信》等;回憶錄《昨日的世界》;傳記《異端的權(quán)利》、《麥哲倫航海紀(jì)》、《斷頭王后》、《人類(lèi)群星閃耀的時(shí)刻》等。

《一個(gè)陌生女人的來(lái)信》是一個(gè)對(duì)愛(ài)情忠貞不貳的癡情少女的絕筆。一個(gè)十三歲的少女喜歡上了她的鄰居—一個(gè)青年作家，而她由于母親的再婚不得不離開(kāi)這里。五年后她重返維也納，每天到他窗下等候，一心只想委身于他。直到他倆的愛(ài)情結(jié)晶得病夭折，她自己也身患重病即將辭世，才寫(xiě)下這封沒(méi)有具名的長(zhǎng)信。