那些無法抗拒的名篇19: Gone With the Wind 飄(節(jié)選)

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19 飄

She sat down，the harsh gas light falling on her white bewildered face. She looked into the eyes she knew so well—and knew so little—listened to his quiet voice saying words which at first meant nothing. This was the first time he had ever talked to her in this manner, as one human being to another, talked as other people talked, without flippancy, mockery or riddles.

她坐下來，刺眼的燈光打在她那蒼白困惑的臉上。她望著他的眼睛，熟悉但卻讀不懂，她聽著他平靜地說著一些起初讓她聽不懂的話。這是他第一次用這種方式和她談話，就像旁人一樣的談話，沒有了尖刻，沒有了嘲弄，也沒有了晦澀費解的話。

"Did it ever occur to you that I loved you as much as a man can love a woman? Loved you for years before I finally got you? During the war I’d go away and try to forget you, but I couldn’t and I always had to come back. After the war I risked arrest, just to come back and find you. I cared so much I believe I would have killed Frank Kennedy if he hadn't died when he did. I loved you but I couldn't let you know it. You' re so brutal to those who love you, Scarlett. You take their love and hold it over their heads like a whip."

“你有沒有想過，我是懷著一個男人對一個女人的愛所能達到的最高境界在愛你，愛了那么多年才擁有你。在戰(zhàn)爭期間，我曾想要離開，忘了你，但我做不到，只好常?；貋?。戰(zhàn)爭結束后，我冒著被捕的危險跑回來，只是為了看看你。我非常嫉恨弗蘭克·肯尼迪，要不是他后來死了，我想我很可能已經把他殺了。我愛你，但又不能讓你知道。思嘉，你對那些愛你的人總是那么殘酷。你得到了他們的愛，卻把它像鞭子一樣舉在他們頭上。”

Out of it all only the fact that he loved her meant anything. At the faint echo of passion in his voice, pleasure and excitement crept back into her. She sat, hardly breathing, listening, waiting.

然而所有的這些話，只有他愛她這一點對她是有意義的。她從他的話語中隱隱約約嗅到了一絲熱情，這讓她既開心又興奮。她坐在那里，傾聽著，等待著，幾乎不能呼吸了。

"I knew you didn't love me when 1 married you. I knew about Ashley, you see. But, fool that I was, I thought I could make you care. Laugh, if you like, but I wanted to take care of you, to pet you, to give you everything you wanted. I wanted to marry you and protect you and give you a free rein in anything that would make you happy.—just as I did Bonnie. You' d had such a struggle, Scarlett. No one knew better than I what you'd gone through and I wanted you to stop fighting and let me fight for you. I wanted you to play, like a child—for you were a child, a brave, frightened, bull-headed child. I think you are still a child. No one but a child could be so headstrong and so insensitive." His voice was calm and tired but there was something in the quality of it that raised a ghost of memory in Scarlett.

“在我們結婚的時候我就知道你并不愛我。我知道艾希禮的事，這點你也明白。但我那時很傻，滿以為能讓你愛上我。你就笑吧，但那時，如果你愿意，我是真想照顧你，寵愛你的，給你任何你想要的東西。我想跟你結婚，保護你，讓你可以隨心所欲地做事……就像我對邦妮那樣。思嘉，你確實經歷了一段艱難的日子，我比誰都清楚。所以，我要你好好休息一下，讓我為你奮斗。我要你去玩，像個孩子似的—何況你本來就是個孩子，一個勇敢、時常擔驚受怕、剛強的孩子。我想你至今仍然是個孩子，因為只有孩子才會這般任性，這么遲鈍。”他的聲音疲憊而平靜，但其中有些東西卻勾起了思嘉模模糊糊的回憶。

She had heard a voice like this once before and at some other crisis of her life. Where had it been? The voice of a man facing himself and his world without feeling, without flinching，without hope.

她覺得這種聲音好像在哪里聽過，是在她面臨某個危機的時候。是哪里呢?這是一個男子面對自己，面對世界，毫無感情，沒有畏縮，沒有希望的聲音。

Why—why—it had been Ashley in the wintry, windswept orchard at Tara, talking of life and shadow shows with a tired calmness that had more finality in its timbre than any desperate bitterness could have revealed. Even as Ashley's voice then had turned her cold with dread of things he could not understand, so now Rhett's voice made her heart sink. His voice, his manner, more than the content of his words, disturbed her, made her realize that her pleasurable excitement of a few moments ago had been untimely. Something was wrong, badly wrong.

為什么……為什么……是艾希禮，在塔拉農場寒風凜冽的果園里，用一種疲憊而平靜的聲音談論人生和影子戲，那最后決判般的口氣比絕望還讓人痛苦。那時艾希禮的聲音曾使她對一些無法理解的事物懼怕得不寒而栗，而現(xiàn)在瑞德的聲音使她的心沉了下來。他的聲音，他的態(tài)度，比他說話的內容更令她不安，讓她明白她剛才那開心興奮的心情是為時過早了。她覺得事情有些不妙，非常不妙。

What it was she did not know but she listened desperately, her eyes on his brown face, hoping to hear words that would dissipate her fears.

這到底是怎么回事，她還不清楚，只能絕望地聽著，凝望著他黝黑的面孔，但愿能聽到使這擔憂最終消釋的下文。

"It was so obvious that we were meant for each other. So obvious that I was the only man of your acquaintance who could love you after knowing you as you really are—hard and greedy and unscrupulous, like me. I loved you and I took the chance. I thought Ashley would fade out of your mind. But,"he shrugged, "I tried everything I knew and nothing worked. And I loved you so, Scarlett. If you had only let me, I could have loved you as gently and as tenderly as ever a man loved a woman. But I couldn’t let you know, for I knew you’d think me weak and try to use my love against me. And always—always there was Ashley. It drove me crazy. I couldn't sit across the table from you every night, knowing you wished Ashley was sitting there in my place. And I couldn't hold you in my arms at night and know that—well, it doesn't matter now. I wonder, now, why it hurt. That's what drove me to BeIle.There is a certain swinish comfort in being with a woman who loves you utterly and respects you for being a fine gentleman—even if she is an illiterate whore. It soothed my vanity. You've never been very soothing, my dear."

“很明顯，我們倆真可謂是天生的一對。我是唯一一個既了解你的底細還可以愛你的人。我知道你殘酷、貪婪、無恥，這跟我一樣。我愛你，所以決定冒這個險。我想艾希禮會從你心中慢慢消失的。但，”他聳了聳肩，“我用盡了所有我知道的辦法，但都毫無結果，而我依然那么愛你，思嘉。如果我有這個機會，我就會像一個男人愛一個女人那樣竭盡所能，親切而溫柔地愛著你。但我不能讓你知道，因為你知道了便會輕看我，會用我的愛來對付我。而且，一直……艾希禮一直都在那里。這逼得我快發(fā)瘋了。我不能每天晚上和你面對面坐著吃飯，因為知道你心里希望坐在我位置上的是艾希禮。同樣，在晚上我也無法抱著你睡覺，因為我知道……算了，沒什么意義了?，F(xiàn)在我在想，為什么要自討苦吃呢。這樣一來，我就只好到貝爾那兒去了。在那里可以得到某種低賤的慰藉，因為總歸是跟一個女人在一起，而她又那樣死心塌地愛著我，尊敬我，把我當做一位高貴的紳士……盡管她只是個沒有文化的妓女，可她大大滿足了我的虛榮心。而你卻從不會安慰人，親愛的。”

"Oh, Rhett..." she began, miserable at the very mention of Belle's name, but he waved her to silence and went on.

“哦，瑞德……”思嘉一聽到貝爾的名字就惱怒了，忍不住插嘴，但瑞德擺擺手制止了她，自己繼續(xù)說。

"And then, that night when I carried you upstairs—I thought—I hoped—I hoped so much I was afraid to face you the next morning, for fear I'd been mistaken and you didn't love me. I was so afraid you' d laugh at me I went off and got drunk. And when I came back, I was shaking in my boots and if you had come even halfway to meet me, had given me some sign, I think I’d have kissed your feet. But you didn't."

“然后，那天晚上，我把你抱上樓的時候……我想……我希望……我多么希望，但我害怕第二天早晨不敢面對你，害怕其實只是我自己弄錯了，你并不愛我。我十分擔心你會笑話我，就跑到外面，喝醉了。我回來的時候，渾身都在顫抖，但那時如果你出來迎接一下，哪怕給我一點表示，我想我是會去吻你的腳的，但你沒有。”

"Oh, but Rhett, I did want you then but you were so nasty! I did want you! I think—yes, that must have been when I first knew I cared about you. Ashley—I never was happy about Ashley after that, but you were so nasty that I—”

“哦，但是，瑞德，我那時確實是需要你的，但你卻那么別扭!我真需要你!我想……是的，當我第一次知道自己愛你的時候，這就是自然而然的事啊。至于艾希禮—從那以后我就再也不在意、不牽掛他了。可你真的很別扭，所以我……”

"Oh, well," he said. "It seems we've been at cross purposes, doesn't it? But it doesn't matter now. I’m only telling you, so you won't ever wonder about it all. When you were sick and it was all my fault, I stood outside your door, hoping you’d call for me, but you didn't, and then I knew what a fool I’d been and that it was all over."

“哦，好了，”瑞德說，“看來我們的看法是完全相反的，不是嗎?不過現(xiàn)在已經不重要了。我只想告訴你，免得你胡思亂想。你生病的那次，我站在你的房門口，希望你可以叫我，但你沒有，這倒完全是我的錯了，我覺得自己真像個傻瓜，但還好，現(xiàn)在一切都結束了。”

He stopped and looked through her and beyond her, even as Ashley had often done, seeing something he could not see. And she could only stare speechless at his brooding face.

他停了停，眼神越過她，看著遠方，就像艾希禮時常做的那樣，仿佛遠處有他看不見的東西。而她只是望著他那憂郁沉默的臉，默不作聲。

"But then，there was Bonnie and I saw that everything wasn't over, after all. I liked to think that Bonnie was you, a little girl again, before the war and poverty had done things to you. She was so like you, so willful, so brave and gay and full of high spirits, and I could pet her and spoil her—just as I wanted to pet you. But she wasn't like you—she loved me. It was a blessing that I could take the love you didn't want and give it to her... When she went, she took everything."

“不過，那時，邦妮還在，我覺得事情畢竟還是有希望的。我喜歡把邦妮當作你，好像你又成了那個沒有受過戰(zhàn)爭和貧困折磨的小姑娘。她很像你，任性，勇敢，快樂，對什么都興致盎然的樣子，我寵愛她，嬌慣她—就像我想寵你的那樣。但她跟你有一點不同—她愛我，所以我滿懷欣慰地把你不稀罕的愛都拿來給她……現(xiàn)在她走了，把我們的一切都帶走了。”

Suddenly she was sorry for him，sorry with a completeness that wiped out her own grief and her fear of what his words might mean. It was the first time in her life she had been sorry for anyone without feeling contemptuous as well, because it was the first time she had ever approached understanding any other human being. And she could understand his shrewd caginess, so like her own, his obstinate pride that kept him from admitting his love for fear of a rebuff.

思嘉突然很難過，難過得連她自己的悲傷，和因不明白他這席話的用意而產生的恐懼全都忘了。這是她生平第一次為別人感到難過，而不是輕視這個人，因為這是她第一次嘗試著去理解別人。她能夠看懂他的精明狡詐，這和她自己很像，還有他那因為生怕碰壁而不肯承認自己的愛的一種頑固的自尊心。

"Ah, darling,"she said coming forward, hoping he would put out his arms and draw her to his knees. "Darling，I'm so sorry but I’II make it all up to you! We can be so happy, now that we know the truth and—Rhett—look at me, Rhett! There— there can be other babies—not like Bonnie but—”

“哦，親愛的，”她邊說邊走向前去。此刻，她多么希望他能伸出雙臂，把她拉過去抱在膝上。“親愛的，真的對不起，我一定會加倍愛你的!我們會很幸福的，因為我們已經彼此了解，而且，瑞德……看著我，瑞德!我們一定還會有其他孩子的……不像邦妮，而是……

"Thank you, no,”said Rhett, as if he were refusing a piece of bread.

“不必了，謝謝。”瑞德說著，像是拒絕一片面包一般。

作者介紹:

瑪格麗特·米切爾(1900-1949)出生于美國佐治亞州亞特蘭大市的一個律師家庭。米切爾一生只發(fā)表了《飄》這一部長篇巨著?！讹h》從1926年開始創(chuàng)作，歷經十年終在1936年出版。該書在1937年獲普利策獎;1938年拍成電影《亂世佳人》又獲奧斯卡獎，電影和小說都成為經典作品，并傳遍全球。 1949年8月11日，瑪格麗特·米切爾死于車禍。

故事開始于美國南北關系非常緊張的1861年。原來任性的思嘉隨著戰(zhàn)事的吃緊經歷著人生的轉折?？嚯y的生活磨煉著思嘉，但也使她變得冷酷無情，不擇手段。當她明白她的真愛就在她身邊時，為時已晚。瑞德已經決定棄家出走，永遠地離開她。而此刻，對于思嘉來說，生活中的一切光亮都消失了。她只有回到塔拉莊園這一條出路。她太累了，再也承受不了這些壓力了。