艾倫脫口秀07 熊孩子上學了

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This is still our big season premiere week.And ... so we're back to work and kids are back at school.Do any of you have kids? Kids?And kids who just started college?Andbody?

今天仍是我們首映周 我們都上班了 孩子也上學了 你們誰有孩子呢 有沒有誰的孩子上大學呢

Yeah. You're the happy ones,huh?They're gone. They are gone.I just read an article about kids who started college this year.

最開心的是你們吧 他們終于走了 走了 我剛看到篇關(guān)于新生入學的文章

They are the class of 2017,which by the way is insance.The class of 2017.i graduated high school in 1976. And...thank you.

他們是2017屆 太讓人難以接受了 2017屆啊 我高中畢業(yè)的時候還是1976年呢 謝謝啊

I graduated college in the...I didn't.But that's not the point.Doesn't matter.

我大學畢業(yè)的時候也才 好像沒畢業(yè)過 但不是重點啦 可以忽略

Sometimes I don't think we realize how different our perspectives are from younger generations.These kids were born in 1995.

有時候我們都意識不到 這些熊孩子們的三觀和我們有多不同 他們1995年出生

And they're part of generation why.As in why you take so many pictures of yourselves.A question I have.

他們是“為啥”的一代 為啥一天到晚都在自拍 這是個我不能解的迷

Their world is so different than the world that I grew up in. You know, the news crawl, at the bottom of most of the news networks.They have never watched TV without that being there.

他們的世界和我成長的世界如此不同 就比如說在新聞臺下面的新聞滾條 打從他們看電視 這玩意兒就一直在

To put that in perspective, when I was growing up,the only thing that crawled along my TV was a dust bunny,I named Kyle and referred to as my soul mate.

相比而言 我小的時候 能滾過我家電視屏幕的唯有灰塵因子 灰塵因子凱爾 我的靈魂伴侶

Kids...I was lonely.Kids starting college have always had internet and email.And they've always had GPS.

而現(xiàn)在的孩子們 我當年還真是寂寞啊 孩子們上大學都有網(wǎng)絡(luò)和郵箱

SAnd they've always had GPS.Can you imagine that? They've always had GPS.So they've never had to pull into a gas station to ask for directions.How crazy is that?

而且他們?nèi)胧忠粋€定位系統(tǒng) 你敢想么 人手一只定位器 于是他們從不用去加油站問路 多瘋狂啊

I mean, if I never had to do that，I never would have met my first slim jim.Not the food.He was a drifter I met in Texaco.It was my first one.Means there were many.

真的 如果我也這樣的話 我就不會遇到我的第一只大麻 不是吃的啦 是我在加油站遇到的一個流浪哥 好吧 是我的第一支 說明以后有很多

And I just realized,if they were born in 1995.That means basically for their entire lives I've been gay.That's what I realize.So...it's crazy.

我突然意識到 如果他們是在95年出生 那打從他們記事起我就已經(jīng)出軌了 我剛剛意識到呢 所以 多無厘頭啊

They...they text, they tweet, they twerk,they have names like Twitch,who is my guest DJ today.So,I say it to you, Twitch,make me twerk.

他們發(fā)短信 推特 跳抖臀舞 還有諸如Twitch這樣神奇的名字 他是我今天的代班DJ 那么 Twitch 讓我扭起來吧