偶像勵志英語演講 48:讓父母為你驕傲(8)
And along with all my other exterior choices, I worked on, what actors call, my interioradjustment. I adjusted my natural temperament which tends to be slightly bossy, a littleopinionated, loud, a little loud full of pronouncements and high spirits, and I willfully cultivatedsoftness, agreeableness, a breezy, natural sort of sweetness, even shyness if you will, whichwas very, very, very effective on the boys. But the girls didn't buy it. They didn't like me; theysniffed it out, the acting. And they were probably right, but I was committed. This wasabsolutely not a cynical exercise; this was a vestigial survival courtship skill. I wasdeveloping. And I reached a point senior year, when my adjustment felt like me. I had actuallyconvinced myself that I was this person, pretty, talented, but not stuck-up. You know, a girlwho laughed a lot at every stupid thing every boy said and who lowered her eyes at the rightmoment and deferred, who learned to defer when the boys took over the conversation. Ireally remember this so clearly and I could tell it was working, I was much less annoying to theguys than I had been. They liked me better and I like that. That was conscious but it was atthe same time motivated and fully felt. This was real, real acting.
在我對外部事物不斷做出選擇的時候，我也致力于調(diào)整內(nèi)部狀態(tài)，這一點也是演員們經(jīng)常提及的。我開始調(diào)整我的內(nèi)在個性，改變原來的跋扈、固執(zhí)、大聲講話、喜歡下命令、訓(xùn)斥和心高氣傲的個性，逐漸培養(yǎng)自己輕柔、親和、語音甜美自然甚至害羞的小女生氣質(zhì)。這一招，如果你愿意用的話，對男孩子很奏效。但是女孩卻不買賬，她們不喜歡我，對我的嬌柔做作嗤之以鼻，說我是在演戲。也許她們是對的，但我覺得我應(yīng)該這么做。這不是開玩笑，我是在練習(xí)已經(jīng)退化了的情場生存技巧。隨著時光的流逝，我不斷改變自己。到了高三，我真的成了我想象中的那個女孩，我說服自己相信我就是那個漂亮、聰明、平易近人的女孩。她在男生講各種蠢笑話時咯咯地笑，適時低下眼睛假裝害羞;在男生高談闊論的時候表現(xiàn)出順從。這些事情仍記憶猶新，事實上，這個方法真的很有效。那些男生都因此更喜歡我，包括原來那些不喜歡我的，而我也樂得繼續(xù)假裝下去。這些都是有意識的假裝，但是同時，我卻被此激勵鼓舞，并且感覺這確實是完全真實的表演。
