英語(yǔ)如果沒(méi)學(xué)好，連笑話都看不懂！

1. A programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.

程序猿的老婆告訴他：“你去商店給老娘買(mǎi)一條面包。如果他們有雞蛋，你就帶1打回來(lái)。”結(jié)果，程序猿回家的時(shí)候，帶了12條長(zhǎng)面包。

Hint：程序猿都清楚IF語(yǔ)句。如果條件成立，那么怎么怎么樣。商店里面一定有雞蛋哈哈哈。

2. A mathematician wanders back home at 3a.m. and proceeds to get an earful from his wife.

“You’re late!” she yells. “You said you’d be home by 11:45!”

“Actually,” the mathematician replies coolly, “I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”

一個(gè)數(shù)學(xué)家在晚上3點(diǎn)時(shí)徘徊著回家，結(jié)果被老婆罵了一頓。

“你特么怎么這么晚!”她大喊道：“你說(shuō)你會(huì)11點(diǎn)45分前回來(lái)的!”

“事實(shí)上……”這位數(shù)學(xué)家蛋定地回復(fù)到：“我說(shuō)的是在‘12的四分之一’也就是3點(diǎn)回來(lái)”

Hint：a quarter是四分之一的意思，目測(cè)數(shù)學(xué)家今晚要跪搓衣板。

3. Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.

你聽(tīng)說(shuō)過(guò)誦讀困難者，不可知論失眠癥患者嗎?哦知道，他整完不睡覺(jué)都在想世界上到底有沒(méi)有“狗”的存在。

Hint：用一個(gè)很怪異的故事解釋了這三個(gè)詞的含義，典型的美式幽默，不正經(jīng)地說(shuō)一件正經(jīng)的事情。

4. You blew up your chemistry experiment? It’s OK, oxidants happen.

你做實(shí)驗(yàn)的時(shí)候炸了?沒(méi)事的，氧化總會(huì)發(fā)生。

Hint：其實(shí)意思是說(shuō)意外總會(huì)有的，英語(yǔ)中諧音oxidant=accident

5. Your momma is so mean… she has nostandard deviation.

你媽媽太吝嗇了……一點(diǎn)均方差都沒(méi)有。

Hint：mean另外一個(gè)意思是平均數(shù)，與standard deviation同為數(shù)學(xué)名詞，用了雙關(guān)

6. What’s the difference between anetymologist and an entomologist?… An etymologist knows the difference.

語(yǔ)源學(xué)者和昆蟲(chóng)學(xué)者中間的差別是什么?語(yǔ)源學(xué)者知道差別。

Hint：etymologist和entomologist 兩個(gè)單詞讀音非常接近但有不同，回答者雞智地說(shuō)研究詞語(yǔ)來(lái)源的語(yǔ)源學(xué)者知道這個(gè)不同點(diǎn)。

7. How many Marxists does it take to screwin a light bulb? None: the light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution

需要多少馬克思主義者才能擰“上”這個(gè)燈泡呢?一個(gè)都不需要：燈泡自己有革命的種子(指燈泡自己會(huì)轉(zhuǎn)進(jìn)去)。

Hint：諷刺那些空談家，自行百度Light bulb joke

8. The other day my friend was telling me that I didn’t understand what irony meant. Which is ironic, because we were standing at a bus stop.

有一天，我朋友正問(wèn)我irony什么意思，真是讓人啼笑皆非，因?yàn)槲覀儺?dāng)時(shí)就站在公交車(chē)站上!

Hint：irony有兩個(gè)意思，“諷刺冷嘲”和“鐵的”。

9. A man is talking to God. “God, how longis a million years?”

God answers, “To me, it’s about a minute.”

“God, how much is a million dollars?”

“To me, it’s a penny.”

“God, may I have a penny?”

“Wait a minute.”

一個(gè)人對(duì)上帝說(shuō)：“上帝啊，一百萬(wàn)年有多長(zhǎng)?”

“對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)，就像一分鐘那么短。”上帝回答道。

“那……上帝啊，一百萬(wàn)刀到底是多少啊?”

“對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)就差不多是一便士吧。”

“那上帝，能給我一便士嗎?”

“稍等一分鐘……”

Hint：哈哈哈哈哈，上帝說(shuō)的一分鐘可是一百萬(wàn)年啊……

10. A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies: “No, I’m travelling light.”

一個(gè)光子入駐酒店，行李搬運(yùn)工問(wèn)他是否有行李。光子說(shuō)：“沒(méi)有，我輕裝便行的。”

Hint：light是即指輕的，又指光。又是一次雙關(guān)。

11. How many programmers does it take to change a light-bulb? None, it’s a hardware problem.

需要多少程序猿能改裝這個(gè)燈泡?一個(gè)都不需要，因?yàn)檫@是個(gè)硬件問(wèn)題。

Hint：程序猿是搞軟件的，不是搞硬件的。諷刺那些空談家。

12. Pavlov is sitting at a bar, when all of the sudden the phone rings…Pavlov gasps, “Oh shit, I forgot to feed the dogs.”

巴甫洛夫坐在酒吧里，他的手機(jī)鈴聲突然響了。他喘著氣道：“我去，我忘喂狗了……”

Hint：巴甫洛夫經(jīng)典條件反射實(shí)驗(yàn)。

13. Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Do all of you want a drink?”

The first logician says, “I don’t know.”

The second logician says, “I don’t know.”

The third logician says, “Yes!”

3個(gè)邏輯學(xué)家走進(jìn)酒吧。吧臺(tái)員工問(wèn)道：“你們是各自都來(lái)一杯嗎?”

第一個(gè)邏輯學(xué)家說(shuō)道：“我不知道”

第二個(gè)邏輯學(xué)家說(shuō)道：“我不知道”

第三個(gè)邏輯學(xué)家說(shuō)道：“是的，都來(lái)一杯!”

Hint：前面兩人回答時(shí)其實(shí)都想來(lái)一杯(不然的話就直接說(shuō)No了)，但又不知道剩下的人要不要，到第三人是才確定都要來(lái)一杯。邏輯簡(jiǎn)直是細(xì)致恐懼啊!