過(guò)自己想要的生活

Occasionally, life can be undeniably, impossibly difficult. We are faced with challenges and events that can seem overwhelming, life-destroying to the point where it may be hard to decide whether to keep going. But you always have a choice. Jessica Heslop shares her powerful, inspiring journey from the worst times in her life to the new life she has created for herself:　　生活有時(shí)候困難得難以置信，但又不容置疑。我們面臨的挑戰(zhàn)與困境似乎無(wú)法抵御，試圖毀滅我們生活，甚至使你猶疑是否繼續(xù)走下去。但是你總有選擇的余地。從人生低谷走向新生活的杰西卡·赫斯樂(lè)普，在這里與我們分享她啟迪心靈、充滿震撼力的生活之旅。

In 2012 I had the worst year of my life.

2012年是我生活中最艱難的一年。

I worked in a finance job that I hated and I lived in a concrete jungle city with littlegreenery. I occupied my time with meaningless relationships and spent copious quantities of money on superficialities. I was searching for happiness and had no idea where to find it.

我做著討厭的財(cái)務(wù)工作，住在難尋綠色的高樓林立的城市。我忙于無(wú)意義的交往，在一些膚淺表面的東西上大筆開(kāi)銷。我尋找快樂(lè)，卻又不知道它在哪里。

Then I fell ill with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and became virtually bed bound. I had to quit my job and subsequently was left with no income. I lived with my boyfriend of then only 3 months who financially supported me and our relationship was put under great pressure. I eventually regained my physical health, but not long after that I got a call from my family at home to say that my father’s cancer had fiercely progressed and that he had been admitted to a hospice.

然后我患上了慢性疲勞綜合癥，幾乎到了臥床不起的地步。我不得不辭掉工作，同時(shí)也就斷了財(cái)源。我和那時(shí)僅相處了3個(gè)月的男友住在一起，經(jīng)濟(jì)上完全依賴于他，我們的關(guān)系承受著巨大壓力。終于我恢復(fù)健康，但不久，我接到家里的電話，父親的癌癥急劇惡化，已經(jīng)住進(jìn)了臨終關(guān)懷中心。

I left the city and I went home to be with him.

我離開(kāi)了城市，回家陪父親。

He died 6 months later.

6個(gè)月之后，他去世了。

My father was a complete inspiration to me. He was always so strong that, for a minute after he drew his last breath, I honestly thought he would come back to life. I couldn’t believe I would never again cuddle into his big warm chest and feel safe no matter what.

父親的事讓我徹底清醒。他一直很強(qiáng)壯，在他咽氣之后一分鐘里，我真的認(rèn)為，他會(huì)活過(guò)來(lái)。我不能相信，我再也不能依偎在他溫暖的懷抱里，享受他寬大的胸懷帶給我的安全感。

The grief that followed was intense for all of us 5 children and our mother, but we had each other.

母親和我們5個(gè)兄弟姐妹極為難過(guò)，但至少我們還擁有彼此。

But my oldest sister at that time complained of a bad back. It got so bad after 2 months that she too was admitted to hospital.

但是，那時(shí)我大姐開(kāi)始抱怨著背痛，2個(gè)月后，因疼痛加劇也住進(jìn)了醫(yī)院。

They discovered that she had highly advanced cancer in her bones and that there was nothing that they could do.

醫(yī)生們檢查發(fā)現(xiàn)，她已是骨癌晚期，對(duì)此他們已無(wú)能為力。

She died 1 month later.

1個(gè)月之后，她也走了。

I could never put into words the loss of my sister in my life.

大姐的逝去讓我陷入難以形容的痛苦之中。

She was a walking, talking angel and my favourite person in the whole world. If someone could have asked me the worst thing that could ever happen, it would have been losing her.

在這個(gè)世界上，她是一個(gè)能走路、會(huì)說(shuō)話的天使，我最喜歡的人。如果有人問(wèn)我，世界上發(fā)生的最壞的事情是什么，那就是失去她。

She was my soul-mate and I never thought I would journey this lifetime without her.

她是我的靈魂伴侶，我從來(lái)沒(méi)有想過(guò)，我會(huì)走過(guò)沒(méi)有她陪伴的生命旅程。

The Moment Of Deliberate Choice

抉擇時(shí)刻

The shock and extreme heart break brought me to my knees. The pain was so great and my world just looked desolate. I had no real home, no money, no job, and no friends that cared. Not one person had even sent me a sympathy card for my loss.

我被打擊和極度的心痛擊挎了。強(qiáng)烈的痛苦使世界在我眼中變得如此凄涼。我沒(méi)有真正意義上的家，沒(méi)有錢，沒(méi)有工作，也沒(méi)有關(guān)心我的朋友。沒(méi)有一個(gè)人因我失去親人而寄給我慰問(wèn)卡。

I made an attempt of my own life and I ended up in hospital.

我嘗試著活下去，結(jié)果住進(jìn)了醫(yī)院。

I remember lying in the hospital bed, looking up at the ceiling and seeing my sister’s beautiful face. She stayed with me all night long.

我記得，躺在病床上，看著天花板，看到姐姐美麗的面龐。她整夜守候著我。

I realised during that night that I had a choice. I could choose to end my life or I could choose to live it.

那天晚上，我意識(shí)到我可以選擇。要么結(jié)束生命，要么活下去。

I looked in my sister’s eyes and I made a decision not to go with her just yet. That I would stay and complete my journey here.

望著姐姐的眼睛，我決定不跟她走。我要留下來(lái)，走完我的生命旅程。

I also made the decision that, I wouldn’t just live any life. I would live the life that I absolutely LOVE and nothing less.

同時(shí)，我還決定，不只為生活而生活，我要完全以自己想要的方式生活。

In that moment, the clarity that descended around me was like a light shining in a dark room for the first time. As if the earth’s plates had shifted under my feet and everything suddenly looked real for the first time.

在那一刻，這一想法第一次清晰得如同一盞在黑暗閃爍的明燈。好像腳下的地球版塊變換了，每一樣?xùn)|西在我眼前都真實(shí)得前所未有。

The Blossoms Of My Newly Chosen Life

我的生活之花重新綻放了

Since then I have begun to shape the most beautiful life for myself.

從那時(shí)起，我開(kāi)始為自己塑造最美麗的生活。

I now live in an adorable stone cottage in a stunningly green, luscious region of the UK amongst woodlands and lakes.

現(xiàn)在，我住在英國(guó)一棟迷人的小石屋里，綠樹掩映，與湖為伴，景色美麗宜人。

I have a deeply harmonious, joyful relationship with my amazing boyfriend, who’s gone through all this with me and we are very happy together.

我的男友很好，我們的關(guān)系和諧美好，他曾伴我度過(guò)那段艱難時(shí)期，現(xiàn)在我們一起分享著快樂(lè)。

I write a blog that inspires others to live the life that they love. It is what I know I was born to do and it truly makes my heart sing.

我寫博客，激勵(lì)他人過(guò)他們喜歡的生活。我知道這是我生來(lái)要做的事情，它真正使我感受到發(fā)自內(nèi)心的快樂(lè)。

I am making new friends with beautiful souls all around the world.

我和世界上有著美好心靈的人交朋友。

I practise gratitude for my life every single day and I feel the abundance in everything I have now.

每一天，我滿懷對(duì)生活的感激之情，我滿足于我現(xiàn)在擁有的一切。

I spend quality time with the rest of my precious family and cherish every moment I have with them.

我與心愛(ài)的家人共度快樂(lè)時(shí)光，珍惜與他們相處的每一刻。

I have written a bucket list and am already manifesting so much of which I have always dreamed.

我列出愿望清單，它很大程度上體現(xiàn)了我一直以來(lái)夢(mèng)想。

I connect with my heart often to ensure that I am always following my joy.

我時(shí)常與心交流，確保做著喜歡的事。

I love myself more deeply every day.

我一天比一天更愛(ài)自己。

I live authentically now.

現(xiàn)在我真正地活著。

Waking Up

清醒

It took something powerfully transformative in my life to make me wake up. Wake up to some fundamental truths of life.This life is a gift if you want to accept it. No matter what the obstacle, you can make your life abundant with joy and you can live authentically.

生活中一些重大變化使我清醒，使我意識(shí)到生活的基本真理。如果你愿意接受生活，它就是禮物。無(wú)論遭遇任何困難，你總能讓生活充滿快樂(lè)，真正地生活。

Not a day goes by when I don’t miss my father’s huge character or my beloved sister’s gentle brown eyes, but I know that I will be with them one day for an eternity. What I have now is so precious and so fleeting that I must grasp the joy in every moment I can, and treat it as the gift that it is.

沒(méi)有哪一天，我不思念父親溫暖的懷抱或至愛(ài)的姐姐溫柔的棕色眼睛，但是，我知道，終有一天我會(huì)與他們相聚。我現(xiàn)在擁有的是如此珍貴、如此易逝，我必須盡情享受每一刻的歡愉，將其視為上帝的饋贈(zèng)。

You choose life every day. But do you choose the life that you love every day?

每一天，你選擇生活。但是，你是否每一天都過(guò)著想要的生活?