An Awareness of Self
To live an aware life, the individual must ‵begin|with an awareness of self. He ‵must conduct a running examination|and periodic reexaminations of the self — in language, the medium of farthest reaches, deepest diving, and most complicated windings. The ‵sorting might well begin|with the ordinary, everyday experience of life. A diary or journal|enables one to ‵examine|and evaluate experiences, as well as to come to ‵understand them|and their significance — or insignificance. Most of us ‵do this examination|and evaluation in moments of dreaming|or in that state of mental wandering|‵just before sleep. There is ‵some|(even great) advantage, however, in ‵subjecting ourselves to the discipline of written language, in which the ‵vague and the confusing|and the poorly defined give way to the specific, the ‵firm, and the clearly formulated.
For ‵writing|is discovery. The language that ‵never leaves our head|is like colorful yarn, which endlessly spins out multicolored threads|dropping into emptiness, momentarily compacted, entangled, fascinating, and elusive. We have glimpses that seem ‵brilliant|but quickly fade; we ‵catch sight of images|that tease us with connections and patterns|that ‵too-soon flow on;① we ‵hold in momentary view|a comprehensive arrangement|(insight) that dissolves rapidly and disappears.
Writing|that is ‵discovery|forces the capturing, the retrieving, and the bringing into focus|these stray and random thoughts. ‵Examining them|we form ideas|that are as much about the self| ‵as about language. Indeed, writing is ‵largely a process of|choosing among alternatives from the images|and ‵thoughts of the endless flow, and this ‵choosing|is the matter of making up one’s mind, and this ‵making up one’s mind|becomes in effect|the making up of one’s self. ‵In this way writing|that is honest and genuine|and ‵serious|constitutes the discovery|of the self.
寫作——認(rèn)識(shí)自我之捷徑
人要想明白地活著就必須從了解自己開始,他必須用語言這種影響最大、寓意最深、關(guān)系最復(fù)雜的媒介對(duì)自我進(jìn)行不斷的審視及定期的再審視。這項(xiàng)分析可開始于普通的日常生活。一本日記或記事錄可以使人檢查和評(píng)價(jià)自己的經(jīng)歷,也可以去了解它們以及它們的重要性或者不重要性。我們中的大多數(shù)是在臆想中或在睡前的思維漫步中進(jìn)行這項(xiàng)審視和評(píng)估。然而,用文字表述的某些好處(或最大的好處)在于可讓我們把摸糊的、含混不清的和未能很好地定義的東西變成具體的、明確的和定義清晰的東西。
因?yàn)閷懽骶褪前l(fā)現(xiàn)。未離開過頭腦的語言仿佛彩色的細(xì)絲,不斷紡出色彩繽紛的紗線,墜入渺渺虛境,只有短暫的聚合,而又糾結(jié)不清,令人迷戀卻又捉摸不定。我們常體驗(yàn)到輝煌燦爛的靈感,但它總是轉(zhuǎn)瞬即逝;我們??吹搅钊烁∠肼?lián)翩的影像,而它總是捉弄人般地飛速流逝;①我們也曾短暫地?fù)碛猩铄涞乃枷?,但它又每每消失得無影無蹤。
作為發(fā)現(xiàn)的寫作迫使人去捕獲、尋找,并專注于這種零散和隨意的想法。通過仔細(xì)思索,我們既形成對(duì)語言的構(gòu)想,也形成對(duì)自我的見解。的確,寫作在很大程度上是從不停流動(dòng)的影象和思維的多種形式中進(jìn)行選擇的過程,而這種選擇就是確定想法。而確定想法實(shí)際上也就是確定自我。這樣,誠實(shí)、真正而嚴(yán)肅的寫作就構(gòu)成了對(duì)自我的發(fā)現(xiàn)。