感悟人生-Unit 18 成功交談的六大法寶
How to Talk to Anyone,Anytime,Anywhere
I never wanted to be anything but a broadcaster, a talker. And for 40 years, I"ve been doing just that. To me, the ability to talk well is one of the great pleasures in life and can bring with it some of life"s greatest rewards
I"m not saying it"s always easy. The vast majority of people would rather jump out of an airplane without a parachute than sit next to someone they"ve never met at a dinner party.
But the more you work at it, the easier it will be. To get you started, here are my six basic ingredients for learning how to talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere.
You Don’t Have to Be Quotable.
If you could have witnessed my first morning in broadcasting, you would have bet the ranch that I was the last guy who’d survive, much less succeed, as a professional talker.
It happened at WAER, a small radio station in Miami Beach, on the morning of May 1, 1957.1 had been hanging around there hoping to crash into my dream world of radio. The
station"s general manager liked my voice but didn"t have any openings.
I lived near the station and went by every day,watching the disc jockeys, the newscasters, the sports announcers. After three weeks the morning deejay quit. The manager told me I
had the job starting Monday morning.
I didn"t sleep that whole weekend. I kept rehearsing things to say. By Monday I was a basket case.
The manager called me into his office to wish me luck. And then I was on the air.
Picture me at 9 a.m. sitting in the studio with my new theme song, Les Elgart"s “Swingin" Down the Lane," cued up. I start the song. Then I fade the music down so T can talk. Only nothing comes out. My mouth feels like cotton.
So I bring the music up and fade it again. Still no words coming out of my mouth. It happens a third time. The only thing my listeners are hearing is a record going up and down in volume.
Finally, the exasperated manage kicks open the door to the control room and shouts,
" This is a communications business! "Then he turns ant leaves, slamming the door behind him.
In that instant, I leaned toward thc microphone and said: “Good morning This is my first day on the radio. I"ve been practicing all weekend. But my mouth is dry. I"m nervous. The general manager just kicked open the door and said, ‘This is a communication" business.’” I wasn"t exactly quotable that morning, but I was able to get some thing out by telling my listeners about the predicament I was in, and that gave me the confidence to continue. The rest of the show--as well as my career--went fine.
Attitude Counts.
After that fiasco in Miami, I made a commitment to keep talking even when it might not be comfortable--in other words, to work at it. The right attitude--the will to talk--is crucial to becoming a better talker.
I think one reason I"ve had a certain amount of success in broadcasting is that the audience can see I love what I"m doing. You can"t fake that. And if you try, you will fail.
Tommy Lasorda, the former manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers, once came on my radio show the night after his team suffered a crushing loss in the National League playoffs. From his enthusiasm you never would have guessed he was the losing manager.
When I asked him how he could be so exuberant, he said, "The best day of my life is when I manage a winning game. The second-best day of my life is when I manage a losing game." That enthusiasm and his willingness to share it have made him a successful manager and a very successful talker too.
Remember to Take Turns.
Careful listening makes you a better talker. Good follow-up questions are the mark of a good conversationalist. In fact, I have an important rule that I remind myself every morning:nothing I say this day will teach me anything; So if I"m going to learn, I have to do it by listening.
Broaden Your Horizons.
The best conversationalists are able to talk about issues and experiences beyond their own daily lives. You can expand your world through travel, but you can also do it without leaving your own back yard.
When I was a boy, my widowed mother got an elderly woman to care for us while Mom tried to scrape up money for food, clothing and to keep our little apartment. The helper"s father had fought in the Civil War, and as a child she had actually seen Abraham Lincoln. I was able to talk to her, so in a way my childhood was a window on another era in history.
The point is this: people with backgrounds different from your own can help broaden your conversational repertoire and your thinking.
Keep It Light.
One of my cardinal rules of conversation is never stay too serious too long. Similarly, a key quality I look for in a potential guest is a sense of humor, preferably self-deprecating. Frank Sinatra is one guest who"s never been afraid to make fun of himself.
During an interview with me, Sinatra recalled comedian Don Rickles coming over to his table at a Las Vegas restaurant to ask a favor. Rickles was dining with a friend.
“Would you mind saying hi to her, Frank?"
"Of course not," the singer replied. "Bring her over"
Then Rickles said that his friend would be even more impressed if Sinatra could come over to their table. So a short time later, Sinatra good-naturedly walked across the restaurant, slapped Rickles on the back and said how delighted he was to see him.
Whereupon Rickles said, "Beat it, Frank. This is personal."
What"s key to the story--and most appealing to the audience--is that Sinatra so obviously enjoys retelling this joke at his own expense.
Be the Genuine You.
Anybody I"ve ever talked to for more than a few minutes knows at least two things about me: I"m from Brooklyn. New York, and I"m Jewish. That"s because I"m deeply proud of both.
You should be as open and honest with your conversational partners as you"d want them to be with you, willing to reveal what your background is and what your likes and dislikes
are. That"s part of the give-and-take of conversation, part of getting to know people.
Talk-show hosts Regis Philbin and Kathie Lee Gifford come into our homes easily and naturally, and they"re not afraid to reveal their tastes or tell stories on themselves. Without making themselves the focus of their talk, they are themselves. If they--or a guest--tell a sad or joyful story, they are not afraid to show their feelings.
Mel Tillis, the successful country-and-western singer, is absolutely charming as an interview guest, even though he stutters. It doesn"t show up when he"s singing, but it does when he"s talking. Instead of letting it bother him, Mel is upfront about the problem, jokes about it, and is so completely at ease with himself that he puts you at ease too.
As for myself, I learned something critical after surviving that case of "mike fright" on my first day of broadcasting: be honest, and you won"t go wrong.
WHETHER YOU"RE TALKING to one person or a million, the rules are the same. It"s all about making a connection. Show empathy, enthusiasm and a willingness to listen, and you can"t help becoming" a master of talk.
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