雙語暢銷書·怦然心動 Chapter 07　伙計，放松點兒

Chapter 07

伙計，放松點兒

沒過多長時間，我就意識到，我和朱莉安娜·貝克之間的老問題已經(jīng)完全轉(zhuǎn)化成一系列新問題。從很遠的地方我都能感覺到她的怒氣。

讓她生我的氣，比她糾纏著我還要更糟。為什么？因為這完全賴我自己，就這么簡單。是我把雞蛋的事暴露了，把責(zé)任推給她家的院子也無濟于事。她無視我，或者說，高調(diào)地躲著我的方式，就像是大聲提醒著我是個渾蛋。一個假惺惺的渾蛋。

一天放學(xué)后，我跟加利特分開后走在回家的路上，朱莉站在她家院子里，正在修剪一叢灌木。她狠狠地抽打著，枝條飛濺在她的肩膀上，隔著一條街，我清楚地聽到她一個人念念叨叨：“不……你……不要！你可以來……找……不管喜歡還是……不喜歡！”

這讓我覺得舒服嗎？不，朋友，我一點兒也不舒服。沒錯，她家的院子是一團糟，也確實是時候應(yīng)該有人出來做點什么了，但是拜托——她爸爸呢？馬特和麥克在哪兒？為什么偏偏是朱莉？

我讓她覺得尷尬了，這就是原因。我從來沒感覺這么糟過。

我悄悄溜進屋里，試圖忽略掉這個事實：在我的書桌、我的窗戶正對面，朱莉正在抽打一叢灌木。可我沒法集中精力。根本不行。我一點兒也做不下去功課。

第二天，我在學(xué)校試圖鼓起勇氣跟她說話，可是完全沒有機會?？礃幼铀粫屛铱拷?/p>

回家的路上，我想出一個主意。一開始我被這個想法嚇了一跳，但我想得越深，就越覺得可行，沒錯，幫她整理院子將會一舉改變我在她心目中渾蛋的形象。假設(shè)她不會把我指揮得團團轉(zhuǎn)，也不會像一塊橡皮糖一樣黏著我。不，我要勇敢地走上去，對她說，我不想給她留下一個渾蛋的印象，我愿意幫她割草、修枝作為補償，就是這樣。如果我這樣做了，而她還生我的氣，那我也沒辦法，那就是她的問題了。

而我的問題在于，我根本找不到機會。我辛辛苦苦地從校車站跑回家，卻發(fā)現(xiàn)已經(jīng)有人在替我做好事了——我外公。

我真的被嚇到了。一時間，我陷入了迷茫。外公根本不打理院子。至少他從來不在我打理院子的時候幫忙。而且外公常年穿著室內(nèi)拖鞋——他從哪兒弄來了一雙工作靴？還有牛仔褲和法蘭絨襯衫——這是怎么回事？

我躲在一戶鄰居家的樹籬下面看著他倆，十到十五分鐘的光景，好吧，我越看越生氣。幾分鐘之內(nèi)，我外公跟她說的話已經(jīng)超過了這一年半以來住在這里和我說話的總和。他跟朱莉安娜·貝克有什么關(guān)系？

爬過兩道圍欄、踢開鄰居家傻乎乎的小梗犬，我悄悄潛回家里，不過這一切都是值得的，起碼讓我避開了街對面那場庭院派對。

我又一次沒做家庭作業(yè)。看得越多，我越生氣。當(dāng)朱莉跟外公一起發(fā)出笑聲的時候，我仍然是個假惺惺的渾蛋。我什么時候看見他笑過？真正的微笑？我根本想不起來！可是現(xiàn)在，他站在及膝的雜草中間，哈哈大笑。

吃晚飯的時候，他出現(xiàn)了，換回平時穿的衣服和室內(nèi)拖鞋，可是他的樣子完全變了。就像有人給他充了電，打開了開關(guān)。

“晚上好，”他說，就像他終于發(fā)現(xiàn)了我們的存在，“哦，佩西，看上去很好吃！”

“嗯，爸爸，”媽媽笑著說，“看來在對街做的運動對你很有好處嘛?！?/p>

“是的，”爸爸說，“佩西告訴我，你一下午都在那兒。如果你想搞個家庭改造運動，完全可以告訴我們啊?！?/p>

爸爸只是開了個玩笑，可我覺得外公把它當(dāng)真了。他盛了一勺奶酪釀土豆，說：“可以把鹽遞給我嗎，布萊斯？”

好吧，爸爸和外公之間確實有種奇怪的緊張感，可是我猜爸爸如果馬上轉(zhuǎn)變話題，氣氛也就隨之改變了。

但是爸爸沒有放棄。他反而繼續(xù)問下去：“那一家終于有人跳出來給院子做點修整了，為什么是那個姑娘呢？”

外公小心翼翼地給土豆撒上鹽，然后注視著餐桌這一頭的我。啊哦，我想，被揭穿了。電光石火之間，我知道我再也藏不住那些愚蠢的雞蛋了。整整兩年，我偷偷把它們?nèi)舆M垃圾桶，我避免提起朱莉、她的雞蛋、她的小雞，還有她每天早晨的造訪，這都是為了什么？現(xiàn)在外公全知道了，我能從他眼睛里看出來。他馬上就要揭穿我了，那時候我就有得熬了。

可是奇跡出現(xiàn)了。在外公的凝視下，我一動都不敢動地坐了一分鐘，而他轉(zhuǎn)向我爸爸，說：“她就是想這么做了?！?/p>

我的額頭上汗如雨下，聽到爸爸說：“好吧，是該有人做點什么了。”外公把目光轉(zhuǎn)回來看著我，而我知道——他不會讓我輕易忘掉這些。我們剛剛經(jīng)歷了一次別樣的交談，這一次他絕不會放過我。

吃完晚飯，我回到房間，可是外公馬上跟了進來，關(guān)上門，坐在我床上。整個過程悄無聲息。門沒響、床沒響、聽不到呼吸聲……我發(fā)誓，他就像幽靈一樣潛入我的房間。

當(dāng)然，我驚得撞到了膝蓋，把鉛筆掉在地上，還打翻了一碗果凍。不過我努力保持平靜，說：“你好，外公。你是來查崗的嗎？”

他把兩片嘴唇閉得緊緊的，凝視著我。

我投降了：“好吧，外公，我知道我搞砸了。我應(yīng)該告訴她的，但我做不到。我一直以為它們不會再繼續(xù)下蛋了。我是說，一只雞能連續(xù)下多久的蛋？它們在我五年級那年就孵出來了！離現(xiàn)在都三年了！它們的產(chǎn)蛋期不會結(jié)束嗎？而且，我還能怎么做？告訴她我媽媽害怕沙門氏菌感染？還是告訴她我爸爸希望我跟她說我家對雞蛋過敏？拜托，誰會相信呢？所以我只好一直……嗯……扔掉它們。我不知道她在賣雞蛋。我以為它們只是多余的?！?/p>

他緩緩地點了點頭。

我嘆了口氣，接著說：“謝謝你吃晚飯的時候沒有說下去。我欠你一個人情?！?/p>

他拉開窗簾，朝對街望去，“一個人的性格是在童年時代養(yǎng)成的，孩子。你現(xiàn)在作出的選擇將會影響你的一生?！彼o靜地站了一會兒，放下窗簾說，“我不想看到你走得太遠，卻又無法收場?！?/p>

“是，長官?！?/p>

他皺起眉頭：“別對我說‘是，長官’，布萊斯?！彼咀×耍旨由弦痪?，“想想我說的話，下次面臨選擇的時候，作出正確的決定。從長遠來看，對所有人的傷害都是最小的決定?！?/p>

說完，他一陣風(fēng)似的走了。

第二天放學(xué)后，我去加利特家打籃球，他媽媽把我送回家的時候，外公甚至都沒注意。他正忙著在朱莉家的院子里充當(dāng)木匠呢。

我想在早餐臺上寫作業(yè)，可是媽媽下班回來了，在旁邊嘰嘰喳喳地說話，后來利奈特也來了，她們倆開始爭論，到底利奈特是不是把自己的妝化得活像一只受了傷的浣熊。

我保證利奈特絕對不會吸取教訓(xùn)。

我收拾東西逃回房間，當(dāng)然，這根本無濟于事。他們在對街開動電鋸，發(fā)出陣陣哀號聲，在電鋸切割的間隙，我還能聽到錘子乓乓乓的敲擊聲。

我從窗戶望出去，看到了朱莉，她從嘴里吐出釘子，把它們敲進正確的位置。沒錯。她把釘子排成一排叼在嘴里，就像一排鐵做的香煙，同時她掄圓了鐵錘，高高地揮過頭頂，把釘子打進木樁，就像插進奶油里一樣輕松。

有那么一瞬間，我覺得她的錘子仿佛敲在我的腦袋上，然后它像蛋殼一樣裂開了。我顫抖著放下窗簾，丟下作業(yè)，跑去看電視了。

他們干了整整一星期。每天晚上外公回家的時候總是兩頰通紅，胃口大開，并且盛贊媽媽的廚藝。然后到了星期六。當(dāng)外公在朱莉家院子里翻土植樹的時候，我絕不想待在家里。媽媽企圖說服我去整理自家的院子，可是，當(dāng)外公和朱莉在對街幫那里脫胎換骨的時候，我在這邊給草坪來個微調(diào)，豈不是很荒謬？

所以，我把自己反鎖在屋里，給加利特打電話。他不在家，我找過的任何一個人都有事要做。央求媽媽或者爸爸開車帶我去電影院或者商場肯定沒希望了。他們一定會說，我本來應(yīng)該去整理院子的。

我感覺自己被困住了。

結(jié)果，我不由自主地透過窗戶傻乎乎地望著朱莉和我外公。這實在很詭異，可我確實這么做了。

而且我還被人發(fā)現(xiàn)了，是外公發(fā)現(xiàn)的。當(dāng)然，他把我指給朱莉看，這讓我在她面前憑空又矮了一頭。我放下窗簾，撞開后門，跳過圍欄。我非要出去不可。

那天我恨不得走了十里路。我也不知道該生誰的氣——外公，朱莉，還是自己。我這是怎么了？如果我想跟朱莉和好，為什么不能直接走過去幫忙？是什么阻止了我？

我來到加利特家門口，上帝，我從來沒有那么高興見到誰。

讓加利特幫我忘掉這一切吧。

這正是這位老兄擅長的。我們打籃球、看電視、聊起今年夏天坐水滑梯的事。

當(dāng)我回到家，朱莉正在給院子灑水。

她看見我了，這也就算了，可是她既不跟我打招呼也沒有露出笑容，她什么也沒做，她只是轉(zhuǎn)開了目光。

假如是平時，我大概會假裝沒看見她，或者飛快地揮揮手，然后溜進屋里?？伤呀?jīng)生我的氣很久了。自從她撞見我扔雞蛋的那天起，就再也沒有跟我說過一個字。

幾天前的數(shù)學(xué)課上，我沖她微笑，想告訴她我很抱歉，可她徹底地?zé)o視我的存在。她沒有笑、沒有點頭、沒有任何反應(yīng)，只是轉(zhuǎn)過頭去，再也不看我一眼。

我甚至在教室外面等著跟她說幾句話，說什么都行，比如她整修院子的事，或者告訴她我有多難過，但她躲著我從另一個門出去了。在這之后，任何時候我只要一靠近，她就找機會從我旁邊溜掉。

現(xiàn)在，她在那里給院子灑水，讓我覺得自己像個渾蛋，我受夠了。我走上去對她說：“院子漂亮多了，朱莉。干得不錯?！?/p>

“謝謝，”她板著臉說，“大部分都是查特做的。”

查特？我思考著。查特？她是怎么想的，敢叫我外公的名字？

“聽著，朱莉，”我努力回到自己的本意，“對我做過的事，我感到非常抱歉?！?/p>

她看了我一會兒，然后轉(zhuǎn)過頭去繼續(xù)盯著水霧灑在土地上。

最后她終于開口了：“我還是不明白，布萊斯。你為什么就不能直接告訴我呢？”

“我……我不知道。沒法解釋。我應(yīng)該告訴你的，而且我不應(yīng)該說你家院子的壞話。那些話，你知道，真是太過分了?！?/p>

我感覺好多了，好了很多。只聽朱莉說道：“好吧，也許一切都會好起來的，”她用前腳掌跳了跳，就像原來一樣，“這里看上去怎么樣？查特教了我很多東西，太棒了。你真幸運，我的祖父母都不在了?！?/p>

“哦。”我不知道該說些什么。

“不過，我真為他難過。他肯定還在想念你的外婆?！比缓笏α?，搖搖頭說，“你能相信嗎？他說我讓他想起了你的外婆?！?/p>

“什么？”

“真的，”她又笑了，“就是這樣，不過他說得更婉轉(zhuǎn)?！?/p>

我看著朱莉，想象我八年級時外婆的樣子，這太難了。我是說，朱莉有一頭蓬松的棕色長發(fā)，一個長滿雀斑的鼻子，而我外婆總是以金發(fā)的形象示人，而且外婆以前擦粉。松軟的白色粉末，她擦在臉上，頭發(fā)上，還有鞋子和胸脯……所有的東西上面。

我想象不出朱莉擦上粉是什么樣子。好吧，也許可以沾些黑灰色的火藥粉末，但是白色的香粉……還是算了。

我想自己一定在盯著她看，因為朱莉說：“瞧，這不是我說的，是他說的。我只是挺高興聽他這么說?！?/p>

“是啊，管他呢。哦，祝你的草能活下來。我敢肯定它們會很茂盛的?！蔽艺f出來的話讓自己都吃了一驚，“我了解你，你連小雞都能孵出來?！蔽覜]有任何別的意思，只是說出我真實的想法。我笑了，她也笑了，我離開她家的時候也是一樣——給未來的草坪澆著水，面帶微笑。

我已經(jīng)好幾個星期沒這么高興過了。雞蛋事件終于被我拋在腦后。我有種如蒙大赦的感覺，解脫并快樂著。

晚餐時分，我花了幾分鐘的時間才意識到，我是唯一一個心情愉快的人。利奈特和平時一樣悶悶不樂，就不去管她了。而爸爸一上來就劈頭蓋臉地因為草坪的事罵了我一頓。

“沒問題，”我告訴他，“我明天一定去?！?/p>

這樣一來，我也變得滿面愁容。

媽媽對外公說：“爸爸，你今晚很累？”

他坐在那里安靜得像塊石頭，我?guī)缀鯖]注意到。

“是啊，”爸爸吃完他面前的飯菜，“那個姑娘讓你干了太多活兒？”

外公用餐巾擦了擦叉子，然后說道：“那個姑娘的名字叫朱莉，不，她不像你說的冷酷無情，‘讓我干太多活兒’?！?/p>

“冷酷無情？我？”爸爸笑了，“你現(xiàn)在對那個姑娘真是情有獨鐘啊，不是嗎？”

有那么一個瞬間，連利奈特似乎都不再噘著嘴了。這是挑釁，人人都看得出來。

媽媽用腳推著爸爸，可是這讓事情變得更糟。“不，佩西！我只想知道，為什么你爸爸連跟他自己的外孫玩玩棒球都做不到，卻有那么多精力和愿望跟陌生人交朋友！”

哦，是?。∥乙策@么認為。但我又記起來——我欠外公一個人情，欠他一個巨大的人情。

我想都沒想就脫口而出：“冷靜點兒，爸爸。朱莉只是讓外公想起了外婆。”

所有人都閉上嘴，朝我看過來。于是我看著外公說：“呃……是不是這樣，外公？”

他點點頭，繼續(xù)擺弄叉子。

“讓你想起蕾妮？”爸爸看看媽媽，再看看外公，“不可能！”

外公閉上眼睛：“她的性格讓我想起蕾妮?！?/p>

“她的性格？”爸爸說。他就像在跟一個說謊的幼兒園小孩兒對話。

“沒錯，她的性格。”外公沉默了一會兒，問道，“你們知道貝克家為什么直到現(xiàn)在都沒有修整院子嗎？”

“為什么？這是明擺著的。他們?nèi)切U物，就是這樣。他們有一間破破爛爛的房子，兩輛破破爛爛的車和一個破破爛爛的院子?！?/p>

“他們不是廢物，瑞克。他們是好人，誠實的人，努力工作的人——”

“也是些對自己展現(xiàn)給他人的形象一點兒自豪感也沒有的人。他們住在我家對街已經(jīng)超過六年了，對于現(xiàn)在的狀況，他們找不到任何借口。”

“沒有嗎？”外公深吸一口氣，像是在心里權(quán)衡了一下，然后他說，“瑞克，告訴我。假如你有一個在心理或者生理上有嚴重缺陷的兄弟姐妹，或是子女，你會怎么做？”

就像外公在教堂里放了個屁一樣，爸爸的臉皺成一團，搖著頭，最后說道：“查特，這有什么關(guān)系嗎？”

外公盯著他看了很久，然后輕輕地說：“朱莉的爸爸有個智障的兄弟，而且——”

爸爸打斷了他，笑著說：“好吧，這很說明問題了，對不對?！?/p>

“很……說明問題？”外公輕聲地、冷靜地問道。

“當(dāng)然！這足夠說明那家人為什么像現(xiàn)在這樣！”他笑了，輪番看著我們。

“那是遺傳病?！?/p>

人人都看著他。利奈特露出驚訝的表情，她頭一次語塞了。媽媽說：“瑞克！”爸爸只能緊張地笑了笑：“我是在開玩笑！我是說，他們家一定有什么地方出了問題。哦，對不起，查特。我忘了，那個姑娘讓你想起了蕾妮。”

“瑞克！”媽媽再一次叫道，現(xiàn)在她真的生氣了。

“哦，佩西，拜托。你爸爸過分煽情了，他搬出一個不知道在哪里的弱智親戚，只是想讓我因為批評鄰居而感到內(nèi)疚。每個家庭都有每個家庭的問題，可他們還是會收拾好草坪。他們應(yīng)該對自己的產(chǎn)業(yè)有點責(zé)任感，哦，真讓人受不了！”

外公的臉因為激動而發(fā)紅，但他的聲音一直很平靜：“那所房子不是他們的產(chǎn)業(yè)，瑞克。房主本應(yīng)該負責(zé)房屋的清潔工作，但他沒有做到。由于朱莉的爸爸要對他的兄弟負責(zé)，所以他們?nèi)康氖杖攵加脕碚疹櫵男值芰耍@顯然要花很多錢?！?/p>

媽媽的聲音很輕很輕：“政府部門不管他嗎？”

“我不清楚細節(jié)，佩西。也許附近沒有這樣的政府救濟部門。也許他們覺得私人陪護對他更好?！?/p>

“還是一樣，”爸爸說，“政府有相應(yīng)的救濟措施，如果他們不去依靠，那是他們的選擇。他家有什么染色體變異的問題并不是我們的責(zé)任，我一點兒也不覺得內(nèi)疚——”

外公一拍桌子，幾乎站了起來：“這跟染色體沒有任何關(guān)系，瑞克！那是由出生時缺氧造成的?！彼诺土寺曇?，卻讓他的話聽上去更有說服力了。

“朱莉的叔叔出生時臍帶繞頸兩周。前一秒鐘他還是個完全正常的嬰兒，就像你兒子布萊斯一樣，后一秒鐘他就留下了永久性的創(chuàng)傷?！?/p>

媽媽忽然歇斯底里地爆發(fā)了。幾秒鐘之內(nèi)，她哭得淚如泉涌，爸爸摟著她，試圖讓她鎮(zhèn)靜下來，可是沒有用。她根本哭得無法自拔。

利奈特扔下餐巾嘟囔著“這個家簡直是個笑話”，然后走了。媽媽匆忙地離開房間，用手捂著臉，抽泣著，爸爸跟在她后面，臨走時扔給外公一個我從來沒見過的兇狠表情。

現(xiàn)在只剩外公和我對著一桌冷掉的食物?！巴?，”我終于開口，“我不知道這是怎么回事?！?/p>

“他們還沒有告訴你。”他對我說。

“什么意思？”

他像塊花崗巖一樣沉默著，然后靠在桌子上對我說：“你覺得是什么讓你媽媽這么難過？”

“我……我不知道，”我擠出一個勉強的笑容，“因為她是女人？”

他幾乎不動聲色地笑了笑：“不對。她很難過，是因為她知道自己差一點兒就跟貝克先生有一樣的遭遇。”

我認真地想了想，然后說道：“她的兄弟出生的時候也是臍帶繞頸？”

他搖搖頭。

“呃，那是……”

他靠得更近了，低聲對我說：“是你?！?/p>

“我？”

他點點頭：“繞頸兩周。”

“可是……”

“給你接生的醫(yī)生很能干，而且臍帶繞得不算太緊，所以他能夠在你出生的時候把它松開。你沒有在出生的時候被自己勒死，但悲劇很可能就這樣發(fā)生了?！?/p>

如果早幾年，甚至早幾個星期有人告訴我出生的時候可能被勒死，我一定會拿來開開玩笑，而且我大概會說，是啊，這很好，但是現(xiàn)在，我根本不想跟誰討論這件事。

但是經(jīng)歷了這么多，我已經(jīng)接近崩潰了，我的腦子里不能自已地徘徊著一個問題。如果情況不同，我會怎么樣？他們會怎樣對待我？聽爸爸的意思，他不會花太多心思在我身上，這是肯定的。他會把我放在某個精神病院，或其他什么地方，然后忘記我的存在。但我又想，不！我是他兒子，他不會那么做……

他真的不會嗎？

我環(huán)顧家里的一切——大房子，白色的地毯，古董和藝術(shù)品，諸如此類。他們會為了讓我過上更好的生活而放棄這一切嗎？

我很懷疑，非常懷疑。我會是個讓他們難堪的東西，是他們極力想忘掉的東西。我的父母一向看重事物的外在，尤其是爸爸。

外公輕輕地說：“不要去設(shè)想沒有發(fā)生的事，布萊斯。”他仿佛能看到我的想法，又加了一句，“為了他沒做的事而譴責(zé)他，是不公平的?！?/p>

我點了點頭，試圖平靜下來，卻仍然思緒萬千。他說：“對了，謝謝你剛才幫我說話。”

“什么？”我問，喉嚨里感到一陣抽搐和腫脹。

“關(guān)于你的外婆。你怎么知道的？”

我搖搖頭：“朱莉告訴我了。”

“哦？你終于跟她說話了？”

“是的。實際上，我去跟她道歉了?！?/p>

“哦！”

“這讓我感覺好多了，不過現(xiàn)在……上帝，我覺得自己又變成渾蛋了?！?/p>

“別這樣。你道歉了，這才是最重要的。”他站起來說，“我想出去走走。你要跟我一起去嗎？”

出去走走？我現(xiàn)在只想回到房間，鎖上門，一個人待著。

“我覺得這有助于清空頭腦。”他說。我發(fā)現(xiàn)這不僅僅是出去走走——而是邀請我和他一起去做點什么。

我站了起來：“好，我們出去吧?！?/p>

外公從一個只會對我說“把鹽遞過來”的人，變成了一個真正健談的朋友。我們在附近越走越遠，我發(fā)現(xiàn)外公不只懂得很多，還是個有趣的人。這很微妙。不僅是他所談及的東西，還有他講話的方式。我想，這種感覺真的很酷。

在回家的路上，我們經(jīng)過無花果樹曾經(jīng)屹立的地方，那里現(xiàn)在是一所房子。外公停下來望著夜空，說：“那里一定曾有過壯觀的景色?！?/p>

我也把頭抬起來，頭一次發(fā)現(xiàn)這里的夜晚能看到星星?！澳阋娺^她爬上去嗎？”我問他。

“有一次開車經(jīng)過這里的時候，你媽媽曾指給我看過。她爬得那么高，把我嚇了一跳，不過，讀了那篇新聞，我明白她為什么要這么做?！彼麚u搖頭，“樹被砍掉了，可是她仍然保留著那棵樹給她帶來的快樂和感動。你明白我的意思嗎？”

我很高興自己不用回答這個問題。他只是笑了笑，接著說道：“有人住高樓，有人在深溝。有人光萬丈，有人一身銹。世人萬千種，浮云莫去求。斯人若彩虹，遇上方知有?！?/p>

走到我家的門廊，外公把手放在我的肩膀上：“很高興跟你一起散步，布萊斯。我很開心?！?/p>

“我也是。”我告訴他。然后我們一起走進屋子。

我們馬上意識到，走進了一個戰(zhàn)場。雖然沒有人叫喊哭泣，但從父母的表情我就能看出來，我和外公出門的時候，這里經(jīng)歷了一次重大危機。

外公悄悄地對我說：“我想，我得去修修這道‘圍欄’了?！彼呦蚩蛷d，去和爸爸媽媽談一談。

我對眼前的氣氛束手無策。我直接回到房間，關(guān)上門，撲倒在床上，陷入一片黑暗。

躺在那兒，我在心里回放著晚餐時的爭執(zhí)。心煩意亂之間，我坐起來，望著窗外。貝克家的房子里亮著燈，街燈亮得刺眼，可是夜幕仍然是一片厚重的黑色。似乎比平時還要暗，也許更沉重。

我靠近窗戶，仰望天空，但是看不到一顆星星。

我不知道朱莉有沒有在夜里爬上無花果樹，坐在滿天星斗中間。

我搖搖頭。平庸，華麗，或是燦爛。那又怎么樣？對我來說，朱莉安娜·貝克從來都是平淡而枯燥的。

我打開臺燈，從抽屜里翻出報道朱莉的那份報紙。

和我想的一樣——他們恨不得把朱莉?qū)懗珊葱l(wèi)國會山的斗士。他們管她叫“來自都市荒原的強大呼聲”以及“一座光芒四射的燈塔，闡明了我們的需求：遏制對我們曾經(jīng)古雅安寧的社區(qū)的過度開發(fā)”。

饒了我吧。我是說，一個人為了在自己的土地上蓋房子而砍掉一棵樹，這有什么不對呢？那是他的土地，他的樹，他的決定，就是這樣。這篇文章讓我想吐。

除了文中引用的朱莉自己的話。也許是為了和記者的觀點作個對比，但是有關(guān)朱莉的部分并不像我想象的那樣自傷自憐。我不知道該怎么說，它們看起來……呃，很深刻。坐在樹上讓她變得非常富有哲理。

奇怪的是，她的話我完全能夠理解。她講述了坐在樹上的感覺，還說那不僅僅是空間上的區(qū)別?！斑h離地面，被風(fēng)吹拂著，”她說，“就像你的心被美撞了一下?！蹦阏J識的哪個初中生能說出這種話？反正我的朋友里一個都沒有。

不只是這些，她還說了什么整體可以遠遠大于組成它的各部分之和，以及人們?yōu)槭裁葱枰承〇|西帶著他們抽離日常生活，讓他們感受到生命的奇跡。

我把關(guān)于她的部分讀了一遍又一遍，想知道她什么時候開始思考這些東西。我是說，不開玩笑，朱莉安娜·貝克很聰明，但這些東西已經(jīng)遠遠超過了功課全A的范疇。

如果我一個月前讀到這篇文章，我會把它當(dāng)成垃圾丟進垃圾箱，但是不知為何，它現(xiàn)在對我有了新的意義。非常有意義。

一個月以前，我也絕對不會注意朱莉的照片，但現(xiàn)在我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己正在盯著它看。不是那幅全景照片——那上面的緊急救援裝備占的地方比朱莉還大。是另外一張照片，在下半個版面。攝影師大概用了長焦鏡頭，你能看到她在樹上，但只露出肩膀以上的部分。她望著遠方，風(fēng)把頭發(fā)吹向背后，仿佛她正開著一條船，駛向太陽。

這么多年，我一直躲著朱莉安娜·貝克，從來沒有好好看過她的樣子，而現(xiàn)在，我忽然無法自拔地凝視著她。這種奇怪的感覺漸漸充斥了我的胃，我不喜歡這樣。一點兒也不喜歡。說實話，這種感覺把我嚇得夠嗆。

我把報紙塞在枕頭底下，試圖提醒自己朱莉安娜·貝克曾經(jīng)給我?guī)淼耐纯唷?/p>

可是我的思緒很快就飄向別的地方，沒過多久，我又把這份愚蠢的報紙從枕頭底下掏出來。

這太瘋狂了！我在干什么？

我強迫自己關(guān)上燈，躺在床上。心情漸漸平復(fù)，好吧，是時候該放松點兒了。

Chapter 07

Get a Grip, Man

BRYCE

It didn't take long for me to realize that I'd traded in my old problems with Juli Baker for a whole new set of problems with Juli Baker. I could feel her anger a mile away.

It was actually worse having her mad at me than having her harass me. Why? Because I'd screwed up, that's why. I had egg all over my face, and blaming it on her yard had done nothing to wash it off. The way she ignored me, or so obviously avoided me, was a screaming loud reminder to me that I'd been a jerk. A royal cluck-faced jerk.

Then one day I'm coming home from hanging out with Garrett after school, and there's Juli in her front yard, hacking at a shrub. She is thrashing on the thing. Branches are flying over her shoulder, and clear across the street I can hear her grunting and growling and saying stuff like, "No... you... don't! You are coming... off... whether you like it or... not!"

Did I feel good about this? No, my friend, I did not. Yeah, their yard was a mess, and it was about time someone did something about it, but c'mon — where's the dad? What about Matt and Mike? Why Juli?

Because I'd embarrassed her into it, that's why. I felt worse than ever.

So I snuck inside and tried to ignore the fact that here's my desk and here's my window, and right across the street from me is Juli, beating up a bush. Not conducive to concentration. No siree, Bob. I got all of zero homework done.

The next day at school I was trying to get up the nerve to say something to her, but I never even got the chance. She wouldn't let me get anywhere near her.

Then on the ride home I had this thought. It kind of freaked me out at first, but the more I played with it, the more I figured that, yeah, helping her with the yard would make up for my having been such a jerk. Assuming she didn't boss me too much, and assuming she didn't decide to get all gooey-eyed or something stupid like that. No, I'd go up and just tell her that I felt bad for being a jerk and I wanted to make it up to her by helping her cut back some bushes. Period. End of story. And if she still wanted to be mad at me after that, then fine. That was her problem.

My problem was, I never got the chance. I came trekking down from the bus stop to find my grandfather doing my good deed.

Now, jump back. This was not something I could immediately absorb. My grandfather did not do yard work. At least, he'd never offered to help me out. My grandfather lived in house slippers —where'd he get those work boots? And those jeans and that flannel shirt —what was up with those?

I crouched behind a neighbor's hedge and watched them for ten or fifteen minutes, and man, the longer I watched, the madder I got. My grandfather had already said more to her in this little slice of time than he'd said to me the whole year and a half he'd been living with us. What was his deal with Juli Baker?

I took the back way home, which involved climbing two fences and kicking off the neighbor's stupid little terrier, but it was worth it, considering I avoided the garden party across the street.

Again I got no homework done. The more I watched them, the madder I got. I was still a cluck-faced jerk, while Juli was laughing it up with my grandfather. Had I ever seen him smile? Really smile? I don't think so! But now he was knee-high in nettles, laughing.

At dinner that night he'd showered and changed back into his regular clothes and house slippers, but he didn't look the same. It was like someone had plugged him in and turned on the light.

Good evening, he said as he sat down with the rest of us. "Oh, Patsy, that looks delicious!"

Well, Dad, my mom said with a laugh, "your excursion across the street seems to have done you a world of good."

Yeah, my father said. "Patsy tells me you've been over there all afternoon. If you were in the mood for home improvement projects, why didn't you just say so?"

My father was just joking around, but I don't think my grandfather took it that way. He helped himself to a cheese-stuffed potato and said, "Pass the salt, won't you, Bryce?"

So there was this definite tension between my father and my grandfather, but I think if Dad had dropped the subject right then, the vibe would've vanished.

Dad didn't drop it, though. Instead, he said, "So why's the girl the one who's finally doing something about their place?"

My grandfather salted his potato very carefully, then looked across the table at me. Ah-oh, I thought. Ah-oh. In a flash I knew those stupid eggs were not behind me. Two years of sneaking them in the trash, two years of avoiding discussion of Juli and her eggs and her chickens and her early-morning visits, and for what? Granddad knew, I could see it in his eyes. In a matter of seconds he'd crack open the truth, and I'd be as good as fried.

Enter a miracle. My grandfather petrified me for a minute with his eyes but then turned to my father and said, "She wants to, is all."

A raging river of sweat ran down my temples, and as my father said, "Well, it's about time someone did," my grandfather looked back at me and I knew — he was not going to let me forget this. We'd just had another conversation, only this time I was definitely not dismissed.

After the dishes were cleared, I retreated to my room, but my grandfather came right in, closed the door behind him, and then sat on my bed. He did this all without making a sound. No squeaking, no clanking, no scraping, no breathing ... I swear, the guy moved through my room like a ghost.

And of course I'm banging my knee and dropping my pencil and deteriorating into a pathetic pool of Jell-O. But I tried my best to sound cool as I said, "Hello, Granddad. Come to check out the digs?"

He pinched his lips together and looked at nothing but me.

I cracked. "Look, Granddad, I know I messed up. I should've just told her, but I couldn't. And I kept thinking they'd stop. I mean, how long can a chicken lay eggs? Those thing shatched in the fifth grade! That was like, three years ago! Don't they eventually run out? And what was I supposed to do? Tell her Mom was afraid of salmonella poisoning? And Dad wanted me to tell her we were allergic — c'mon, who's going to buy that? So I just kept, you know, throwing them out. I didn't know she could've sold them. I thought they were just extras."

He was nodding, but very slowly.

I sighed and said, "Thank you for not saying anything about it at dinner. I owe you."

He pulled my curtain aside and looked across the street. "One's character is set at an early age, son. The choices you make now will affect you for the rest of your life." He was quiet for a minute, then dropped the curtain and said, "I hate to see you swim out so far you can't swim back."

Yes, sir.

He frowned and said, "Don't yes-sir me, Bryce." Then he stood and added, "Just think about what I've said, and the next time you're faced with a choice, do the right thing. It hurts everyone less in the long run."

With that, poof, he was gone.

The next day I went to shoot some hoops at Garrett's after school, and when his mom dropped me off later that afternoon, my granddad didn't even notice. He was too busy being Joe Carpenter in Juli's front yard.

I tried to do my homework at the breakfast bar, but my mom came home from work and started being all chatty, and then Lynetta appeared and the two of them started fighting about whether Lynetta's makeup made her look like a wounded raccoon.

Lynetta. I swear she'll never learn.

I packed up my stuff and escaped to my room, which, of course, was a total waste. They've got a saw revving and wailing across the street, and in between cuts I can hear the whack, whack, whack! whack, whack, whack! of a hammer. I look out the window and there's Juli, spitting out nails and slamming them in place. No kidding. She's got nails lined up between her lips like steel cigarettes, and she's swinging that hammer full-arc, way above her head, driving nails into pickets like they're going into butter.

For a split second there, I saw my head as the recipient of her hammer, cracking open like Humpty Dumpty. I shuddered and dropped the curtain, ditched the homework, and headed for the TV.

They handymanned all week. And every night Granddad would come in with rosy cheeks and a huge appetite and compliment my mom on what a great cook she was. Then Saturday happened. And the last thing I wanted was to spend the day at home while my grandfather churned up dirt and helped plant Juli's yard. Mom tried to get me to do our own yard, but I would have felt ridiculous micromowing our grass with Granddad and Juli making real changes right across the street.

So I locked myself in my room and called Garrett. He wasn't home, and everybody else I called had stuff they had to do. And hitting up Mom or Dad for a ride to the movies or the mall was hopeless. They'd tell me I was supposed to be doing the yard.

What I was, was stuck.

And what I wound up doing was looking out the stupid window at Juli and my grandfather. It was a totally lame thing to do, but that's what I did.

I got nailed doing it, too. By my grandfather. And he, of course, had to point me out to Juli, which made me feel another two inches shorter. I dropped the curtain and blasted out the back door and over the fence. I had to get out of there.

I swear I walked ten miles that day. And I don't know who I was madder at — my grandfather, Juli, or me. What was wrong with me? If I wanted to make it up to Juli, why didn't I just go over there and help? What was stopping me?

I wound up at Garrett's house, and man, I'd never been so glad to see anyone in my life. Leave it to Garrett to get your mind off anything important. That dude's the master. We went out back and shot hoops,watched the tube, and talked about hitting the water slides this summer.

And when I got home, there was Juli, sprinkling the yard.

She saw me, all right, but she didn't wave or smile or anything. She just looked away.

Normally what I'd do in that situation is maybe pretend like I hadn't seen her, or give a quick wave and charge inside. But she'd been mad at me for what seemed like ages. She hadn't said word one to me since the morning of the eggs. She'd completely dissed me in math a couple days before when I'd smiled at her, trying to tell her I was sorry. She didn't smile back or nod or anything. She just turned away and never looked back.

I even waited for her outside the classroom to say something, anything, about her fixing up the yard and how bad I felt, but she ditched me out the other door, and after that anytime I got anywhere near her, she'd find some way to skate around me.

So there she was, watering the yard, making me feel like a jerk, and I'd had enough of it. I went up to her and said, "It's looking real good, Juli. Nice job."

Thanks, she said without smiling. "Chet did most of it."

Chet? I thought. Chet? What was she doing, calling my grandfather by his first name? "Look, Juli," I said, trying to get on with why I was there. "I'm sorry for what I did."

She looked at me for a second, then went back to watching the water spray across the dirt. Finally she said, "I still don't get it, Bryce.Why didn't you just tell me?"

I... I don't know. It was dumb. I should have. And I shouldn't have said anything about the yard, either. It was, you know, out of line.

I was already feeling better. A lot better. Then Juli says, "Well, maybe it's all for the better," and starts bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet, acting more like her old self. "Doesn't it look great? I learned so much from Chet it's amazing. You are so lucky. I don't even have grandparents anymore."

Oh, I said, not knowing what to say.

I do feel sorry for him, though. He sure misses your grandmother. Then she laughs and shakes her head, saying, "Can you believe it? He says I remind him of her."

What?

Yeah, she laughs again. "That's what I said. But he meant it in a nice way."

I looked at Juli and tried to picture my grandmother as an eighth grader. It was hopeless. I mean, Juli's got long, fluffy brown hair and a nose full of freckles, where my grandmother had always been some variety of blond. And my grandmother had used powder. Puffy white powder. She'd put it on her face and in her hair, in her slippers and on her chest... That woman powdered everything.

I could not see Juli coated in powder. Okay, maybe gun powder, but the white perfume stuff? Forget it.

I guess I was staring, because Juli says, "Look, I didn't say it, he did. I just thought it was nice, that's all."

Yeah, whatever. Well, good luck with the grass. I'm sure it'll come up great. Then I totally surprised myself by saying, "Knowing you, you'll get 'em all to hatch." I didn't say it mean or anything, I really meant it. I laughed, and then she laughed, and that's how I left her — sprinkling her soon-to-be sod, smiling.

I hadn't been in such a good mood in weeks. The eggs were finally behind me. I was absolved. Relieved. Happy.

It took me a few minutes at the dinner table to realize that I was the only one who was. Lynetta had on her usual pout, so that wasn't it. But my father's idea of saying hello was to lay into me about the lawn.

No sweat, I told him. "I'll do it tomorrow."

All that got me was a scowl.

Then Mom says to my granddad, "You tired tonight, Dad?"

I hadn't even noticed him sitting there like a stone.

Yeah, my father tosses down the table at him. "That girl working you too hard?"

My grandfather straightens his fork on his napkin and says, "'That girl' is named Juli, and no, she isn't 'working me too hard,' as you so callously put it."

Callous? Me? My dad laughs and says, "Developed quite a soft spot for that girl, haven't you?"

Even Lynetta let her pout go for a minute. These were fighting words and everyone knew it. Mom nudged Dad with her foot, but that only made things worse. "No, Patsy! I want to know why your father has the energy and inclination to befriend a complete stranger when he's never done so much as toss a baseball around with his own grandson!"

Well, yeah! I thought. But then I remembered — I owed my grandfather. Owed him big-time. Without thinking, I said, "Take it easy, Dad. Juli just reminds him of Grandma."

Everyone clammed up and stared at me. So I looked at my grandfather and said, "Uh... isn't that right, Granddad?"

He nodded and rearranged his fork some more.

Of Renée? My father looked at my mother and then at Granddad. "She can't possibly!"

My granddad closed his eyes and said, "It's her spirit that reminds me of Renée."

Her spirit, my father says. Like he's talking to a lying kindergartner.

Yes, her spirit. My grandfather's quiet for a minute, then asks, "Do you know why the Bakers haven't fixed up the yard until now?"

Why? Sure. They're trash, that's why. They've got a beat-up house, two beat-up cars, and a beat-up yard.

They are not trash, Rick. They are good, honest, hardworking people —

Who have absolutely no pride in how they present themselves to the rest of the world. We've lived across the street from those people for over six years, and there is no excuse for the state they're in.

No? My grandfather takes a deep breath and seems to weigh things in his mind for a few seconds. Then he says, "Tell me this, Rick. If you had a brother or sister or child who had a severe mental or physical handicap, what would you do?"

It was like my granddad had passed gas in church. My father's face pinched, his head shook, and finally he said, "Chet, what does t