老爸老媽的浪漫史第四季07

[00:01.15]I am not impressed with the talent in here tonight.
[00:01.15]我對今晚這兒的美女沒啥興趣
[00:04.22]And the more I drink, the less attractive they get.
[00:04.22]我喝的越多 她們越沒吸引力
[00:06.79]I'm one scotch and soda away from the Cantina scene in Star Wars.
[00:06.79]我是一杯遠離了星戰(zhàn)里的Cantina酒吧 的威士忌蘇打
[00:10.66]What about those girls over there? They're hot.
[00:10.66]那邊的女孩咋樣? 她們很辣
[00:12.95]They're not hot.
[00:12.95]她們一點也不辣
[00:13.80]Are you kidding?
[00:13.80]你開玩笑吧?
[00:14.84]I hated their guts the second I saw them.
[00:14.84]看她們第一眼我就極度厭惡
[00:17.14]Which means they're hot.
[00:17.14]這就說明她們很辣
[00:18.48]In fact, I hated them almost as much as I hated Robin when I first met her.
[00:18.48]事實上 和我第一眼看到Robin時一樣厭惡
[00:22.57]- You hated me? - A lot.
[00:22.57]- 你厭惡我? - 非常
[00:26.73]Barney, they're hot.
[00:26.73]Barney 她們很辣
[00:28.90]Oh, there is so much to teach you all.
[00:28.90]我要好好教教你們幾個
[00:31.44]You have just become victims of...
[00:31.44]你們只是拉拉隊效應的...
[00:34.47]The Cheerleader Effect.
[00:34.47]受害者
[00:35.98]Glad you asked.
[00:35.98]很高興你問我
[00:36.73]The Cheerleader Effect is when a group of women seems hot but only as a group.
[00:36.73]拉拉隊效應就是 一幫女人只有從整體看才辣
[00:42.02]Just like with cheerleaders.
[00:42.02]就像拉拉隊一樣
[00:43.23]They seem hot, but take each one of them individually?
[00:43.23]她們似乎很辣 但單獨看她們中的一個
[00:46.93]Sled dogs.
[00:46.93]雪橇狗而已
[00:48.56]That's insane.
[00:48.56]太荒謬了
[00:49.98]Take a good, hard look at each one of those girls. Individually.
[00:49.98]好好看看她們中的每一個 單獨地
[01:12.54]I don't know. The one on the end is kind of cute.
[01:12.54]說不好 最后一個還有點可愛
[01:15.49]Yeah, she really is.
[01:15.49]恩 確實是
[01:17.72]And that, my friends, is "The Cheerleader Effect."
[01:17.72]所以 伙計們 這就是拉拉隊效應
[01:20.22]Also known as the Bridesmaid Paradox, Sorority Girl Syndrome,
[01:20.22]也稱為伴娘悖論 或者聯(lián)誼會女生綜合癥
[01:24.52]and for a brief window in the mid -'90s,
[01:24.52]還有90年代中期很紅的
[01:26.51]the Spice Girls Conspiracy.
[01:26.51]辣妹組合效應
[01:28.70]Scary Spice indeed.
[01:28.70]她們可辣的我受不了啊
[01:34.89]Barney Stinson.
[01:34.89]Barney Stinson
[01:39.33]Okay. Got it.
[01:39.33]好 知道了
[01:42.49]Great, we'll be in touch.
[01:42.49]太好了 我們再聯(lián)系
[01:46.92]What?
[01:46.92]什么?
[01:48.72]Apparently, I'm gonna be a dad.
[01:48.72]看樣子我要做爸爸了
[02:03.46]How I Met Your Mother Season04 Episode07
[02:03.46]老爸老媽浪漫史 第四季 第7集
[02:05.46]What do you mean you're gonna be a dad?
[02:05.46]你要做爸爸了是什么意思?
[02:07.05]How did, how did this happen?
[02:07.05]怎么 怎么會?
[02:08.50]It was just some girl I hooked up with a few weeks back.
[02:08.50]是我前幾個星期上過的妞
[02:11.70]She's not sure. She's gonna go to the doctor in the morning.
[02:11.70]她不確定 早上要去看了醫(yī)生才知道
[02:14.06]Maybe it's a false alarm. Maybe she's not pregnant.
[02:14.06]可能搞錯了 可能她沒懷孕
[02:16.97]Lily, no part of Barney Stinson does anything less than 110%.
[02:16.97]Lily 無論是Barney Stinson哪個部分 他的成功率都不會少于110%
[02:21.59]If one of my little Michael Phelpses got loose,
[02:21.59]如果我的一個極速小精子殺出了重圍
[02:23.61]he's swimming for the gold.
[02:23.61]他就會游向黃金之地
[02:25.59]Oh, this is a nightmare. I don't want kids.
[02:25.59]這是噩夢 我不想要小孩
[02:28.20]Who in their right mind would ever want kids?
[02:28.20]哪個精神正常的人會要孩子?
[02:31.46]Now, when you turn 30 and you're in a couple, a strange thing happens.
[02:31.46]當你30歲了 結了婚 奇怪的事就發(fā)生了
[02:35.65]You start to see babies everywhere.
[02:35.65]你開始注意到到處都是孩子
[02:51.46]Oh, come on.
[02:51.46]饒了我吧
[02:53.37]Yes, Marshall and Lily were coming down with baby fever.
[02:53.37]是的 Marshall和Lily對孩子著了魔
[02:56.57]And their new neighbors weren't helping.
[02:56.57]他們的新鄰居更是助長了他們
[02:58.33]Did you lose a sock there, little dude?
[02:58.33]你把襪子丟這兒了嗎 小伙計?
[03:02.19]That is without a doubt the cutest little thing I've ever seen.
[03:02.19]毫無疑問這是我看到過的最可愛的東西了
[03:06.87]There's my little peanut.
[03:06.87]我的小寶貝
[03:08.63]That night they sat down to have a serious practical discussion about having kids.
[03:08.63]那天晚上 他們認真討論了要孩子的事
[03:12.59]So, if we have a baby,
[03:12.59]所以 如果我們要孩子
[03:14.46]do you think you could work fewer hours?
[03:14.46]你認為你的工作時間能短點嗎?
[03:16.87]Doesn't matter-- he's gonna be so cute,
[03:16.87]沒關系 他肯定可愛的不行了
[03:18.95]I'm gonna eat him up on the first day.
[03:18.95]第一天我就想把他吞下去
[03:22.17]Okay. But, but what about money? We're still in a ton of debt.
[03:22.17]好 但是錢怎么辦? 我們還有一屁股債
[03:25.88]Oh, well, we'll count our overdue bills on his teenie tiny fingers.
[03:25.88]我們用他的小手指數我們逾期未付的帳單
[03:31.01]Let's have a baby.
[03:31.01]讓我們生個娃吧
[03:36.96]Oh, oh, right now? Oh, okay.
[03:36.96]現(xiàn)在? 好吧
[03:40.38]There was just one thing in their way.
[03:40.38]但有個家伙妨礙了他們
[03:42.21]Scooch over. I TiVo'd The View.
[03:42.21]Scooch演完了 我把它錄下來了
[03:45.88]And that thing happened to be unemployed and sleeping on their couch.
[03:45.88]這家伙沒工作還睡在他們沙發(fā)上
[03:53.48]So, Robin, um, how's the job and apartment search going?
[03:53.48]Robin你工作和房子找的咋樣了?
[03:57.61]Oh, you didn't hear?
[03:57.61]你沒聽說嗎?
[03:58.67]I'm the lead anchor on CNN.
[03:58.67]我是CNN的主播
[04:00.33]And I got a penthouse overlooking Central Park made of gold.
[04:00.33]我有一套金子做的豪華公寓鳥瞰中央公園
[04:04.36]Get your head out of your ass, Marshall.
[04:04.36]你搞搞清楚 Marshall
[04:07.48]They realized if they were going to start a family
[04:07.48]他們意識到如果他們要開始家庭生活
[04:10.10]they had to plan ahead.
[04:10.10]他們不得不事先計劃
[04:11.27]So, Robin,would you mind crashing at Ted's tomorrow night?
[04:11.27]Robin 你介意明晚睡在Ted那兒嗎?
[04:15.27]I'm, uh, cooking Marshall a special dinner.
[04:15.27]我要給Marshall做一頓特別的晚餐
[04:18.64]Just dinner. That's it. Nothing else.
[04:18.64]就僅僅是晚餐 沒別的了
[04:21.31]Fine. But you'd better not be as uptight as these idiots about me shooting beer cans on the roof.
[04:21.31]好吧 但你最好別急躁到 逼我往屋頂上扔啤酒罐
[04:26.42]"Oh,it hurts my ears."
[04:26.42]弄痛我耳朵了
[04:28.90]"The neighbors called the cops. You almost hit me."
[04:28.90]鄰居叫警察了 你幾乎砸中我了
[04:32.51]Enjoy her, Ted. She's in a real good place right now.
[04:32.51]忍忍她吧 Ted 她現(xiàn)在是非常時期
[04:39.18]God? It's me. Barney. What up?
[04:39.18]上帝? 是我Barney 什么事?
[04:44.30]I know we don't talk much,
[04:44.30]我知道我們不咋地說話
[04:46.35]though a lot of girls call out your name because of me.
[04:46.35]雖然因為我的關系 許多女孩呼喚你的名字
[04:49.53]Awesome.
[04:49.53]棒極了
[04:51.29]But, God...
[04:51.29]但 上帝
[04:53.75]if you could get me out of this,
[04:53.75]如果你能使我擺脫這困境
[04:56.72]I swear I will never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever...
[04:56.72]我發(fā)誓我將永遠永遠永遠永遠永遠不...
[05:07.21]Ooh, hang on, bro. Go for Barney.
[05:07.21]等下哥們 我是Barney
[05:15.33]Really?
[05:15.33]真的?
[05:25.52]Marshall, great news! I'm not a father!
[05:25.52]Marshall 好消息! 我不是爸爸!
[05:28.85]Congratulations, buddy.
[05:28.85]恭喜你 哥們
[05:30.86]This is the happiest moment of my life, Marshall.
[05:30.86]這是我一生中最快樂的時刻 Marshall
[05:33.53]The way I feel about not having kids?
[05:33.53]沒有孩子的感覺?
[05:36.61]I never knew I could love something this much.
[05:36.61]我從不知道我會那么喜歡一樣東西
[05:39.23]That's why I'm creating a holiday.
[05:39.23]所以我要發(fā)明一個節(jié)日
[05:42.08]From now on, today will be known as "Not a Father's Day."
[05:42.08]從現(xiàn)在開始 今天將成為不是爸爸節(jié)
[05:46.65]You're creating a holiday?
[05:46.65]你發(fā)明了一個節(jié)日?
[05:48.13]Yeah, why not? Everyone else gets a day:
[05:48.13]恩 為啥不呢? 別人都有節(jié)日
[05:50.15]Mothers, Fathers, Bastilles.
[05:50.15]母親節(jié) 父親節(jié) 巴士底獄解放日
[05:52.63]Why can't there be a day for people who are single and like it that way?
[05:52.63]為啥不能有 喜歡單生生活的單身漢節(jié)日呢?
[05:55.85]Well, now you just sound like the chubby girl on Valentine's Day.
[05:55.85]現(xiàn)在你就像情人節(jié)里的花癡肥妞
[05:59.26]Hello, Stinson.
[05:59.26]你好 Stinson
[06:00.16]Hey, Nolan.How are the kids?
[06:00.16]你好 Nolan 孩子們咋樣?
[06:04.66]You ready for tonight, Eriksen? Big merger.
[06:04.66]你今晚作好準備 Eriksen 大動作的合并啊
[06:07.27]Well, that's between me and my wife, sir.
[06:07.27]那是我和我老婆的"合并"
[06:10.69]No. The meeting with Mr. Li. Tonight.
[06:10.69]不 我說的是今晚和李先生開會
[06:13.12]I thought, I thought that was a breakfast meeting.
[06:13.12]我想 我想那應該是早餐會議
[06:14.67]It is. Breakfast in China. We're teleconferencing with the Chinese. I'm counting on you, kid.
[06:14.67]是 中國的早餐 我們和中國人開電視會議 我就指望你了 孩子
[06:23.05]Marshall?
[06:23.05]Marshall?
[06:24.23]Hey, babe. It's breakfast time in China.
[06:24.23]嘿 親愛的 是中國的早餐時間了
[06:27.48]Yeah, it is.
[06:27.48]是的
[06:29.08]Not a euphemism. Look, I... Wait, what would that even mean?
[06:29.08]一點也不委婉 聽著 我 等下 那是啥意思?
[06:33.11]I don't know, hot buns, spicy pork? There's something there. You're not coming home tonight, are you?
[06:33.11]我不知道 熱辣臀部 香辣的豬肉? 反正有好東西 你今晚不回來了 是吧?
[06:41.67]Are you shaking your head "no?"
[06:41.67]你在搖頭說不嗎?
[06:45.42]I thought so.
[06:45.42]我想是的
[06:48.43]Oh, thank you, guys, for coming over so fast.
[06:48.43]謝謝你們來的那么快
[06:50.63]Are you all right? You sounded upset on the phone.
[06:50.63]你還好吧? 電話里你聽上去很不安
[06:53.25]Marshall and I made this big decision to have... dinner.
[06:53.25]Marshall和我 做了吃 "晚餐" 的重大決定
[06:58.70]And I thought I was ready to-to have... dinner.
[06:58.70]我想我準備好吃 "晚餐"了
[07:02.25]But then he called and canceled, and it got me thinking.
[07:02.25]但是他打電話給我說取消了 于是我就開始想
[07:05.37]Is it too early for us to have... dinner?
[07:05.37]我們是不是太早吃 "晚餐" 了?
[07:09.45]Well, I had an early lunch, so I'm ready for dinner.
[07:09.45]我午餐吃得蠻早 反正我是準備好吃晚餐了
[07:11.23]Dinner is a baby!
[07:11.23]晚餐是指孩子!
[07:12.36]Lily, that's horrible!
[07:12.36]Lily 太恐怖了!
[07:14.82]No, no, I, I need you guys to figure something out for me.
[07:14.82]不不 我要你們幫我解決件事
[07:18.27]What?
[07:18.27]什么事?
[07:20.14]Are Marshall and I ready to have a baby?
[07:20.14]Marshall和我做好要孩子的準備了嗎?
[07:27.27]Marshall and I ready to have a baby or not?
[07:27.27]Marshall和我是不是做好要孩子的準備了?
[07:30.60]Lily, we can't make this decision for you.It's huge.
[07:30.60]Lily 我們不能幫你做這個決定 它太重大了
[07:33.79]You know what else is huge? Marshall's head.
[07:33.79]你知道還有什么東西大嗎? Marshall的腦袋
[07:36.15]That thing's the size of a late August watermelon.
[07:36.15]足有八月底西瓜那么大
[07:38.63]Marshall's baby coming through there?
[07:38.63]Marshall的孩子從那里出來嗎?
[07:40.72]Yowza!
[07:40.72]真牛!
[07:43.05]What does Marshall think?
[07:43.05]Marshall咋想?
[07:44.13]Probably a lot in that 1950s space helmet of a head he's walking around with.
[07:44.13]他那顆好像頂著上世紀50年代 宇航員頭盔的腦袋里想的肯定不少
[07:48.95]Marshall's really excited.
[07:48.95]Marshall很興奮
[07:51.04]But I think he only sees what's cute about having a baby, not what's hard about it.
[07:51.04]但是我想他只看見了擁有孩子后 美好的一面 而沒看見艱難的一面
[07:55.62]Like the other day, while Marshall was playing with baby Jeremy,
[07:55.62]前幾天Marshall和寶寶Jeremy玩的時候
[07:58.39]I was talking to Jeremy's mom.
[07:58.39]我和Jeremy的媽媽在聊天
[08:00.22]Thanks so much for inviting us over.
[08:00.22]謝謝請我們過來
[08:01.76]I have not talked to another adult in, like, weeks.
[08:01.76]我已經好象幾個禮拜 沒和別的成年人說過話了
[08:03.96]Well, besides my husband. But "It's your turn to change him"
[08:03.96]包括我那口子 除了 "輪到你換尿布了"
[08:06.28]and "Make him shut up" really doesn't count as conversation.
[08:06.28]和 "讓他別哭了" 這些算不上談話
[08:09.37]Sorry, I'm rambling. I haven't gotten laid in seven months. Oh, I just did it again!
[08:09.37]不好意思 我話多了點 我已經7個月 沒和他上過床了 我剛剛又說過頭了
[08:13.12]Sleep deprivation!
[08:13.12]睡眠被剝奪!
[08:15.92]Oh, wait, I'm not crying, am I? I usually am. I don't mean to complain.
[08:15.92]等下 我不是在哭 是吧? 通常我是... 我不是故意抱怨
[08:19.92]Oh, now I feel bad! Oh, there's my little peanut! Oh, I love you so much!
[08:19.92]我感覺很差! 我可愛的小花生 我太愛你了
[08:26.38]I'm going to be as strung out as Charlotte. Worse actually.
[08:26.38]我得像Charlotte那樣堅強 也許得更堅強一些
[08:30.28]At least her husband works from home.
[08:30.28]至少她那口子是在家工作
[08:32.39]I mean, he's a pot dealer, but he's a very involved parent.
[08:32.39]我的意思是 他是個賣鍋的 但他是個非常負責的家長
[08:35.78]Marshall will be a great dad.
[08:35.78]Marshall會是個好爸爸的
[08:37.41]Marshall's always at the office,
[08:37.41]Marshall總是在辦公室
[08:39.54]and, and I'm afraid that if we have a baby now,
[08:39.54]我怕如果我們現(xiàn)在有了孩子
[08:41.54]all the work will fall on me.
[08:41.54]那所有事情都要我來干
[08:43.60]You're just panicking and focusing on the downside.
[08:43.60]你只是有點慌亂 只看到消極的一面
[08:46.18]I think Lily's just being realistic.
[08:46.18]我覺得Lily很現(xiàn)實
[08:48.09]See, this is good. This is why I called you guys both over here.
[08:48.09]看吧 很好 所以我叫你們兩個都過來
[08:51.82]Ted, you're pro kids. Robin, you're against.
[08:51.82]Ted 你是正方 Robin 你是反方
[08:54.52]Counselors, opening statements.
[08:54.52]顧問們 開始陳述
[08:57.11]Okay, I know you're afraid that you're not ready.
[08:57.11]我知道你怕你沒準備好
[09:00.32]But no one ever thinks they're ready. You-you just have to take the leap.
[09:00.32]但是人們總覺得還準備不足 你放手去做就好了
[09:03.38]Parenthood will come naturally.
[09:03.38]自然而然的就變成了父母
[09:04.67]Well, of course you think it comes naturally.
[09:04.67]當然 你覺得是自然而然的
[09:06.65]You're basically a dad already.
[09:06.65]你基本上就是個老爸了
[09:08.42]You're a total dad.
[09:08.42]絕對的爸爸
[09:10.23]What are you talking about?
[09:10.23]你們在說啥?
[09:11.03]Ted,think about it.
[09:11.03]Ted 想想吧
[09:13.34]You tell super corny dad jokes.
[09:13.34]你說的那些超級庸俗的爸爸笑話
[09:16.10]Shredded tweet!
[09:16.10]碎掉的吱吱聲!
[09:17.77]Oh, man! Shredded tweet.
[09:17.77]伙計們! 碎掉的吱吱聲
[09:23.21]You lecture us. Like when we broke your stupid ship in a bottle.
[09:23.21]你教育我們 當我們打破你一個瓶子里爛船
[09:26.51]I'm not angry. I'm just disappointed.
[09:26.51]我沒有生氣 我只是對你們很失望
[09:30.16]- She did it! - Shut up!
[09:30.16]- 她干的! - 閉嘴!
[09:33.63]And you do that thing all dads do with waitresses.
[09:33.63]你干了所有爸爸都會對服務生做的事
[09:36.72]Hi, I'm Lori. I'll be your waitress this evening.
[09:36.72]你們好 我是Lori 我是你們今晚的服務生
[09:39.18]Hi, Lori, I'm Ted. I'll be your customer this evening.
[09:39.18]你好 Lori 我是Ted 我是你今晚的顧客
[09:43.48]Hey, Lori, before you go, tell me, what do you get when you cross a canary with a lawn mower?
[09:43.48]嘿 Lori 你走之前 告訴我 拿除草機從金絲雀身上碾過去會怎樣?
[09:47.31]No hints.No hints.
[09:47.31]不準提示 不準提示
[09:49.46]She's right. Ted, you maybe single and childless, but you're totally a dorky dad.
[09:49.46]她是對的 Ted 你單身沒有孩子 但你已經完全是個傻瓜爸爸了
[09:56.33]I don't think I like your tone, young lady.
[09:56.33]我不喜歡你的語氣 小姑娘
[10:00.06]Marshall, Not a Father's Day is a hit!
[10:00.06]Marshall 不是爸爸節(jié)
[10:02.75]Laraby and Finklestein are helping me celebrate. Check it.
[10:02.75]Laraby和Finklestein在幫我慶祝 看看
[10:05.60]World's Greatest Not A Dad mugs.
[10:05.60]世界第一不是爸爸馬克杯
[10:08.49]There's, uh... ha! Who's Not Your Daddy? T-shirts.
[10:08.49]這是 哈! "誰不是你爸爸"T恤
[10:11.79]Both available at Not A Father's Day.Com.
[10:11.79]都在不是爸爸節(jié).com上買得到
[10:14.51]Oh, check out the greeting cards.
[10:14.51]看看這賀卡
[10:19.61]"For everything you do for yourself,For all the scotch upon your shelf,"
[10:19.61]為了每件你為自己做的事 為了所有你酒柜上的威士忌
[10:24.37]"Your Porsche Carrera rules the freeway,Here's wishing you an all night three-way."
[10:24.37]你的保時捷Carrera主宰著高速公路 祝愿你擁有美好的"三人行"之夜
[10:29.48]Happy Not a Father's Day."
[10:29.48]不是爸爸節(jié)快樂
[10:31.47]Check out the illustration. No, no.
[10:31.47]看看插圖 不不
[10:37.26]It appears to be some sort of Asian hooker.
[10:37.26]看起來跟個亞裔妓女一樣
[10:39.94]Yes. Because on Not a Father's Day,
[10:39.94]沒錯 為了慶祝不是爸爸節(jié)
[10:42.59]you get a Thai you'd actually wear.
[10:42.59]泰國舞女如影隨形啦
[10:44.80]Wordplay five!
[10:44.80]俏皮話大闖關!
[10:47.63]She's really kicking your ass here, Mosby.
[10:47.63]她可是一拳擊中你要害咯 Mosby
[10:50.17]Your only hope is to go negative.
[10:50.17]我看你得采用駁倒對方的方式反擊了
[10:52.30]Okay.
[10:52.30]好吧
[10:53.34]I'll tell you why my opponent is saying all this.
[10:53.34]我來告訴你為什么我的對手會有如此論斷
[10:56.40]Three words: scared of babies.
[10:56.40]三個字:恐娃癥
[10:59.95]What? That is crazy.I am not.
[10:59.95]什么? 太荒謬了 我才沒有呢
[11:03.23]Oh, yeah?
[11:03.23]哦 真的?
[11:04.23]Remember that time you met my cousin and her kid?
[11:04.23]記得你遇到我表姐和她的寶寶的那次嗎?
[11:06.26]Oh, she is so cute!
[11:06.26]哦 她真可愛啊!
[11:08.96]Oh, do you want to hold her?
[11:08.96]哦 你想抱抱嗎?
[11:14.83]Or the baby shower Lily threw for her friend Erika?
[11:14.83]還有Lily給她朋友Erika辦的新生兒派對?
[11:20.12]Are you leing that baby sniff you?
[11:20.12]你在讓寶寶聞你的手嗎?
[11:21.97]I don't want to get bitten.
[11:21.97]我可不想她咬我
[11:24.86]And don't forget about...
[11:24.86]還有別忘了...
[11:30.51]- Talking baby commercial? - Talking baby commercial.
[11:30.51]- 寶寶脫口秀廣告? - 寶寶脫口秀廣告
[11:34.79]But you're not like that, Lily.
[11:34.79]但你不同 Lily
[11:35.89]You love kids and they love you.
[11:35.89]你愛孩子 孩子也愛你
[11:37.90]Yes, I'm loveable, pretty and wise, but is it enough?
[11:37.90]沒錯 我確實討人喜歡 既漂亮又聰明 光這些有什么用啊?
[11:41.85]Look, it all comes down to one word: you.
[11:41.85]瞧 實際上這只關于一個人:你
[11:45.12]Are you ready to put your own dreams on the back burner?
[11:45.12]你打算放棄自己的夢想了?
[11:47.57]Grad school, teaching art at the college level?
[11:47.57]去美術研究院 或者教大學生級別的美術?
[11:50.16]Look, you need to focus on Project Lily before you can start Project Baby.
[11:50.16]瞧 Lily 在你開始寶貝計劃之前 首先得有自己的Lily計劃
[11:54.68]If you don't, you'll always regret it.
[11:54.68]如果不是這樣的話 你會經常反悔的
[11:56.80]And that wouldn't be fair to you or the baby.
[11:56.80]那樣對你和孩子都是不公平的
[12:01.36]What's that?
[12:01.36]這是啥啊?
[12:03.30]It's Jeremy's sock.
[12:03.30]這是Jeremy的小襪子
[12:07.05]I'm having a baby.
[12:07.05]我要生寶寶
[12:09.35]But what about all the things I just said?
[12:09.35]但我剛才說的那些話你聽進去了嗎?
[12:11.58]But, but sock.
[12:11.58]但是 但是 小襪子耶
[12:13.66]But what about Marshall working all the time?
[12:13.66]那么Marshall整天工作的事呢?
[12:15.91]But sock.
[12:15.91]但是 小襪子耶
[12:17.14]But, but Project Lily!
[12:17.14]但是 Lily你自己的計劃呢!
[12:19.49]Little fishies on it.
[12:19.49]上面還有小魚耶
[12:21.71]We made all of these arguments,
[12:21.71]我們做這番爭論
[12:23.58]and a sock is what makes your decision for you?
[12:23.58]還抵不過一只襪子 它讓你做出決定?
[12:27.30]I guess that was the sock-out punch, huh, Robin?
[12:27.30]我想這就是襪子沖擊波的威力吧 對吧 Robin?
[12:30.67]Shut up, Dad.
[12:30.67]閉嘴 老爹
[12:32.16]You shut up, baby hater.
[12:32.16]你才閉嘴 恐娃癥的
[12:33.70]Babies are scary, okay?
[12:33.70]寶寶很恐怖的 好吧?
[12:35.60]They have giant eyes.
[12:35.60]他們老睜著大眼睛
[12:36.74]And then, come on, the soft spot?
[12:36.74]還有 拜托 腦袋后面所謂不能碰的"軟點"?
[12:38.51]If there's gonna be a self-destruct button,
[12:38.51]如果這是自毀按鈕
[12:40.71]at least hide it somewhere it won't accidentally get pressed.
[12:40.71]至少也長點什么蓋著 不那么容易被碰到嘛
[12:45.71]Where's Lily?
[12:45.71] Lily哪去了?
[12:49.06]Hey, did you drink any of this?
[12:49.06]嘿 你喝了這個嗎?
[12:50.45]- Not a drop. - Me, neither.
[12:50.45]- 一滴未喝 - 我也沒喝
[12:55.38]Eriksen, meeting in five minutes.
[12:55.38]Eriksen 五分鐘會開會
[12:57.14]And you'd better bring your A-game for Mr. Li.
[12:57.14]你最好把你A策劃拿給李先生看看
[12:59.87]That guy haunts my nightmares.
[12:59.87]那家伙就是我的噩夢啊
[13:02.05]Anyway, have fun out there, kid.
[13:02.05]不管怎么說 去倒騰吧 小子
[13:08.06]Put a baby in me, Marshall. I'm ready.
[13:08.06]給我播種吧 Marshall 我準備好了
[13:17.40]Lily... Lily, what are you doing here?
[13:17.40]Lily... Lily 你在這干嘛啊?
[13:19.61]I'm ready, Marshall. Tonight's the night.
[13:19.61]我準備好了 Marshall 就是今晚了
[13:22.08]Put your melon-headed spawn in my belly.
[13:22.08]把你那西瓜頭的種子 產到我肚子里去吧
[13:25.58]What?
[13:25.58]什么?
[13:26.24]Yeah!Come on, right now. Baby me. I'm ready. Oh, hey, look.
[13:26.24]耶! 來嘛 趁現(xiàn)在啊 讓我生孩子吧 我準備好了 嘿 看啊
[13:31.58]The guys in the next building are waving at me.
[13:31.58]隔壁樓的那些家伙們向我揮手呢
[13:34.65]Hello, gentlemen!
[13:34.65]先生們 大家好!
[13:36.68]We're going to make a baby!
[13:36.68]我們要開始造人啦!
[13:41.01]I can't believe we lost her.
[13:41.01]我真不敢相信 竟然跟丟她了
[13:42.66]See, this is exactly why I'm never having kids.
[13:42.66]瞧 這就是為什么我決不生小孩
[13:44.69]You can't let them out of your sight for even a second.
[13:44.69]你一秒鐘不盯著他們都不行
[13:46.97]I can't find my file.
[13:46.97]我找不到我的文件了
[13:48.82]I pulled out "A" through "G."
[13:48.82]我把A到G都找出來了
[13:55.85]They just sit there with their stupid bottles.
[13:55.85]他們只會坐在那里抱著奶瓶
[14:01.44]They cry.
[14:01.44]他們還哭鬧
[14:11.54]They spit up.
[14:11.54]他們還嘔吐
[14:16.41]And that's why kids suck.
[14:16.41]這就是孩子讓人討厭的原因
[14:18.48]Wow, it is a good thing we broke up.
[14:18.48]哇 看來我們分手了還真是好事啊
[14:19.97]I forgot how totally psycho you are on the kids thing.
[14:19.97]我都忘了 一談起孩子你就神經質了
[14:22.59]I'm psycho?
[14:22.59]我神經質?
[14:23.96]Any time you even hear the word "kids,"
[14:23.96]每次你聽到"孩子"這個詞啊
[14:26.62]you get two little lactation stains on your shirt.
[14:26.62]你好像都時刻準備著要做奶爸一樣
[14:29.81]Thank God you're not a mom.
[14:29.81]老天爺啊 多虧你沒有孩子
[14:31.40]You are such an ice queen.
[14:31.40]你就是個冷血師太啊
[14:32.56]Any baby nursing from you would get brain freeze.
[14:32.56]被你養(yǎng)大的孩子啊 估計也都是腦殘
[14:35.62]Look, don't paint me as some sort of a freak for wanting to remain independent.
[14:35.62]瞧 別想把我損成特立獨行怪胎
[14:39.01]There are plenty of normal people out there who don't want to have kids.
[14:39.01]石階上有許多不想要孩子的正常人
[14:41.59]Brother, lay your hand on this box of condoms and repeat after me.
[14:41.59]伙計 把你的手放在這避孕套盒子上 跟著我起誓
[14:46.12]I, state the fake name you give to women.
[14:46.12]我 然后說你給娘們介紹自己時用的化名
[14:48.79]I, Johnny Banana.
[14:48.79]我 Johnny Banana
[14:51.54]Vow to always choose wet T-shirts over wet diapers. Vow to always...
[14:51.54]發(fā)誓 將永遠選擇濕的T-恤勝于濕的尿布 發(fā)誓 永遠...
[14:55.97]Yeah, you're in great company there.
[14:55.97]對哇 你們陣容強大啊
[14:59.20]I'm gonna look for Lily in the bathroom.
[14:59.20]我去洗手間看看Lily在不在
[15:01.05]While I'm in there, I'll grab you a tampon.
[15:01.05]到時給你帶個內置棉條回來吧
[15:02.93]Great.Great, and when you're done shaking off at the urinal,
[15:02.93]不錯 不錯 那么你在小便池上抖擻完了后
[15:05.07]maybe you could ask the wizard to give you a heart.
[15:05.07]也許你可以叫巫師給你安個心臟
[15:07.94]You know what? Maybe I should find somewhere else to stay this weekend.
[15:07.94]你知道嗎? 我看我這周得找別的地方住了
[15:11.00]- No argument here. - Fine.
[15:11.00]- 我沒異議 - 很好
[15:12.16]Great.
[15:12.16]很好
[15:13.51]Welcome to our fraternity of non-paternity.
[15:13.51]歡迎加入我們不為人父兄弟會
[15:18.11]He is one of us.
[15:18.11]他也是我們的一員了
[15:22.55]Gentlemen, Mr. Li,
[15:22.55]先生們 李先生
[15:25.32]if you would all please open to page five of your merger documents. I think the...
[15:25.32]請你們打開手頭文件的第五頁 我想說...
[15:34.47]What is it, Eriksen?
[15:34.47]怎么啦 Eriksen?
[15:35.81]Nothing. I just think that you look... very nice today.
[15:35.81]沒事 我只是覺得你今天看起來...很不錯
[15:52.12]What are you looking at?
[15:52.12]你瞧什么呢?
[15:54.23]I am looking at the future...
[15:54.23]我瞧見我們的未來宏圖...
[15:58.06]of our two companies, and it looks very... naked.
[15:58.06]我們兩家公司的未來 看起來非常...顯露無"衣"
[16:04.27]Would you excuse me just for a brief second?
[16:04.27]抱歉 我出去小會 好嗎?
[16:10.85]Did anyone else see the drunk chick?
[16:10.85]你們都沒瞧見那個醉酒小妞嗎?
[16:15.13]Hey, you guys didn't have to...
[16:15.13]嘿 你們不需這么客氣...
[16:17.43]It's a picture of me with no kids.
[16:17.43]是我的照片 無孩子版的
[16:20.01]And there's macaroni glued on the frame.
[16:20.01]相框邊上還貼著通心粉哎
[16:22.23]Guys, I love it.
[16:22.23]伙計們 我愛死它了
[16:24.39]Well, Lily's not in there.
[16:24.39]嗯 Lily不在那
[16:26.31]Your phone rang. I answered it. I hope you don't mind.
[16:26.31]剛你電話響了 我接了 希望你別介意
[16:28.89]Marshall's got Lily.She's fine.
[16:28.89]Marshall找到Lily了 她沒事
[16:30.19]Oh, thank God.
[16:30.19]哦 謝天謝地
[16:33.82]What?
[16:33.82]什么?
[16:35.97]When I was putting your phone back, and, uh, I found something in your bag.
[16:35.97]當我把你手機放回的時候 在你的包里找到了些東東
[16:38.92]I have a permit for that.
[16:38.92]我保證 那可不違法
[16:40.21]And the other thing was a gift.
[16:40.21]另外那個...只是個禮物
[16:41.56]No. This.
[16:41.56]不是的 是這個
[16:46.35]You stole Jeremy's sock.
[16:46.35]你偷偷拿走了Jeremy小襪子
[16:48.03]No, I didn't.
[16:48.03]不 我才沒有
[16:49.32]I don't know how that got in there. It must've fallen in. Weird!
[16:49.32]我也不知道這怎么來的 可能剛好掉進包里的吧 白癡!
[16:53.69]Fallen in?
[16:53.69]掉進包里的?
[16:54.59]Or Lily put it in there as a joke. That bitch be drunk.
[16:54.59]或者是Lily跟我開玩笑放進去的吧 那婊子喝醉了
[17:00.12]Okay, I took it. It's just... so cute.
[17:00.12]好吧 是我拿的 它真的是...很可愛
[17:06.12]Sock.
[17:06.12]小襪子耶
[17:08.32]Robin Scherbatsky, are you warming to the idea of having children?
[17:08.32]Robin Scherbatsky 你那不生孩子的鐵心開始溶化啦?
[17:12.33]No. I don't know. Maybe someday.
[17:12.33]沒有 我不知道 以后也許吧
[17:17.14]When I'm, like, 70. Science will catch up.
[17:17.14]當我 70歲那天 科技會讓我無所不能
[17:21.28]Look, I'm just... I'm confused lately. I'm unemployed. I'm living on a couch.
[17:21.28]瞧 我只是... 我最近很迷茫啊 我失業(yè)了 我寄居沙發(fā)一角
[17:27.23]Yeah. It's been a rough couple of months for both of us.
[17:27.23]沒錯 我們這幾個月都不好過呢
[17:33.29]Hey, I have a spare bedroom.
[17:33.29]嘿 我還有間空房
[17:35.18]Why don't you stay with me while you look for a place?
[17:35.18]既然找房 為什么不搬來跟我住?
[17:38.03]- Really? - Yeah.
[17:38.03]- 真的? - 沒錯
[17:40.07]Thanks, Ted. I already have some leads, so it'll be one week, two weeks tops.
[17:40.07]謝謝你 Ted 我已經在著手找了 可能打擾你一周 最多兩周
[17:44.52]And that's how your Aunt Robin moved in with me.
[17:44.52]這就是你們的Robin阿姨 搬來和我住的全過程啦
[17:49.50]I'm bored. Let's go dancing.
[17:49.50]好無聊哦 我們來跳舞吧
[17:52.24]Oh, let's rob a liquor store!
[17:52.24]哦 咱去打劫煙酒店吧!
[17:54.68]Lily, we're not going anywhere, okay?
[17:54.68]Lily 我們哪兒也不去 好嗎?
[17:56.46]Whenever we go somewhere when you're drunk,
[17:56.46]每次你酒醉時 無論我們想去哪
[17:57.73]you always fall asleep as soon as we get in the...
[17:57.73]只要我們一坐進... 你立馬倒頭大睡
[18:01.47]We're going dancing!
[18:01.47]我們去跳舞啦!
[18:03.93]We're gonna party all night long!
[18:03.93]我們整晚都在晚會上瘋
[18:09.76]Hey, can you circle the block a couple times just to make sure she's really down?
[18:09.76]嘿 你能不能就繞著街道轉幾圈 讓我確定她睡過去了?
[18:14.73]Sure thing.
[18:14.73]沒問題
[18:17.87]Latest Not A Father's Day brainstorm:
[18:17.87]最新的不是爸爸節(jié)快樂的頭腦風暴來啦:
[18:20.33]a pregnancy test, but instead of a little, blue line,
[18:20.33]早孕測試棒 不用藍線表示的
[18:23.69]there's a little, blue Barney going like this.
[18:23.69]而是做成小小的藍色的Barney頭像 就像這樣
[18:26.74]Barney, Not A Father's Day is lame.
[18:26.74]Barney 不是爸爸節(jié)是個狗P節(jié)日
[18:29.52]It's a holiday for losers.
[18:29.52]專為失敗者準備的節(jié)日
[18:30.98]What are you...? What're you talking about?
[18:30.98]你這是...? 你這是什么意思?
[18:32.71]That's a great group of bros.
[18:32.71]我們那快活的弟兄們多著呢
[18:34.46]Barney, it's the Cheerleader Effect.
[18:34.46]Barney 這就是拉拉隊效應
[18:36.37]Uh, no, Ted.
[18:36.37]呣 不是的 Ted
[18:37.75]That only works for chicks.
[18:37.75]那只對小妞們管用
[18:39.40]Take a good look at each one of those guys individually.
[18:39.40]你好好的觀察下他們每一個人 單獨的
[18:58.51]These geniuses are not childless by choice, my friend.
[18:58.51]那些家伙并不是甘愿不要孩子的 伙計
[19:02.74]- Good night, Barney. - Good night.
[19:02.74]- 晚安 Barney - 晚安
[19:13.36]Sock.
[19:13.36]襪子
[19:18.88]Do I smell chocolate chip pancakes?
[19:18.88]有巧克力片薄餅的味道?
[19:20.59]No, you smell "Chocolate chip I'm sorry I was such a drunk idiot" pancakes.
[19:20.59]不是 你該聞到"巧克力片我很抱歉 我是個白癡酒鬼"薄餅的味道
[19:26.54]Oh, is there any "Wish I hadn't puked on your shirt" bacon?
[19:26.54]哦 是否還有一絲 "希望我沒吐到你衣服上"的培根味道啊?
[19:28.92]There sure is.
[19:28.92]當然有啊
[19:31.02]Baby...
[19:31.02]寶貝...
[19:32.36]I'm so sorry about last night. I know I was a mess.
[19:32.36]昨晚的事 我很抱歉 我知道我惹事了
[19:35.80]I... I just started freaking out about whether we're ready to be parents.
[19:35.80]我... 我只是不知道我們是否準備好了為人父母而抓狂
[19:41.42]But you took such good care of me.
[19:41.42]但是你那么照顧我
[19:43.85]I know you're gonna be a great dad.
[19:43.85]我知道你肯定會是個好爸爸
[19:45.71]- I don't want to be a dad right now. - What?
[19:45.71]- 我現(xiàn)在不想當爸爸 - 什么?
[19:49.32]Last night, it was just... Between balancing work and drunk Baby Lily,
[19:49.32]昨晚上 在兼顧工作與照顧酒醉Lily嬰兒之間
[19:53.93]it was too much.
[19:53.93]就夠我受得了
[19:55.82]I'm just getting started at this job,
[19:55.82]我才剛工作
[19:57.50]and I'm working such long hours, I mean...
[19:57.50]我工作時間那么長 我的意思是...
[20:00.61]Look, I love you.
[20:00.61]瞧 我愛你
[20:02.01]And I absolutely want to have kids someday.
[20:02.01]我也很想哪天能有孩子
[20:04.54]I just... I want to be ready for it.
[20:04.54]我只是... 我想為這天做好準備
[20:09.41]Me, too.
[20:09.41]我也是
[20:10.97]And whenever we are ready,
[20:10.97]到我們都準備好的時候
[20:14.24]I know you're going to be amazing.
[20:14.24]我知道你一定會很棒的
[20:17.30]You, too.
[20:17.30]你也是
[20:21.64]Hey, do you want to go have completely protected sex right now?
[20:21.64]嘿 想不想來場安全措施做足的性愛啊?
[20:26.33]I do.
[20:26.33]當然
[20:27.47]Do you want to finish your bacon first?
[20:27.47]你想先吃完培根嗎?
[20:31.74]You are the perfect woman.
[20:31.74]你真是個完美太太
[20:40.68]And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
[20:40.68]*搖籃里的貓咪和銀湯匙啊*
[20:44.14]Little Boy Blue and the Man on the Moon
[20:44.14]*小男孩好傷心 爸爸去得那么遠*
[20:47.22]When you comin' home, Dad? "I don't know when"
[20:47.22]*爸爸 你何時歸哦? "不知歸期"*
[20:50.65]We'll get together then, son
[20:50.65]*我們定會重逢 兒子*
[20:53.43]I'll know we'll have a good time then.
[20:53.43]*從此幸?？鞓返纳?