THE FALSE COLLAR
There was once a fine gentleman, all of whose moveables were a boot-jack and a
hair-comb: but he had the finest false collars in the world; and it is about
one of these collars that we are now to hear a story.
It was so old, that it began to think of marriage; and it happened that it
came to be washed in company with a garter.
"Nay!" said the collar. "I never did see anything so slender and so fine, so
soft and so neat. May I not ask your name?"
"That I shall not tell you!" said the garter.
"Where do you live?" asked the collar.
But the garter was so bashful, so modest, and thought it was a strange
question to answer.
"You are certainly a girdle," said the collar; "that is to say an inside
girdle. I see well that you are both for use and ornament, my dear young
lady."
"I will thank you not to speak to me," said the garter. "I think I have not
given the least occasion for it."
"Yes! When one is as handsome as you," said the collar, "that is occasion
enough."
"Don't come so near me, I beg of you!" said the garter. "You look so much like
those men-folks."
"I am also a fine gentleman," said the collar. "I have a bootjack and a
hair-comb."
But that was not true, for it was his master who had them: but he boasted.
"Don't come so near me," said the garter: "I am not accustomed to it."
"Prude!" exclaimed the collar; and then it was taken out of the washing-tub.
It was starched, hung over the back of a chair in the sunshine, and was then
laid on the ironing-blanket; then came the warm box-iron. "Dear lady!" said
the collar. "Dear widow-lady! I feel quite hot. I am quite changed. I begin to
unfold myself. You will burn a hole in me. Oh! I offer you my hand."
"Rag!" said the box-iron; and went proudly over the collar: for she fancied
she was a steam-engine, that would go on the railroad and draw the waggons.
"Rag!" said the box-iron.
The collar was a little jagged at the edge, and so came the long scissors to
cut off the jagged part. "Oh!" said the collar. "You are certainly the first
opera dancer. How well you can stretch your legs out! It is the most graceful
performance I have ever seen. No one can imitate you."
"I know it," said the scissors.
"You deserve to be a baroness," said the collar. "All that I have is a fine
gentleman, a boot-jack, and a hair-comb. If I only had the barony!"
"Do you seek my hand?" said the scissors; for she was angry; and without more
ado, she CUT HIM, and then he was condemned.
"I shall now be obliged to ask the hair-comb. It is surprising how well you
preserve your teeth, Miss," said the collar. "Have you never thought of being
betrothed?"
"Yes, of course! you may be sure of that," said the hair-comb. "I AM
betrothed--to the boot-jack!"
"Betrothed!" exclaimed the collar. Now there was no other to court, and so he
despised it.
A long time passed away, then the collar came into the rag chest at the paper
mill; there was a large company of rags, the fine by themselves, and the
coarse by themselves, just as it should be. They all had much to say, but the
collar the most; for he was a real boaster.
"I have had such an immense number of sweethearts!" said the collar. "I could
not be in peace! It is true, I was always a fine starched-up gentleman! I had
both a boot-jack and a hair-comb, which I never used! You should have seen me
then, you should have seen me when I lay down! I shall never forget MY FIRST
LOVE--she was a girdle, so fine, so soft, and so charming, she threw herself
into a tub of water for my sake! There was also a widow, who became glowing
hot, but I left her standing till she got black again; there was also the
first opera dancer, she gave me that cut which I now go with, she was so
ferocious! My own hair-comb was in love with me, she lost all her teeth from
the heart-ache; yes, I have lived to see much of that sort of thing;
but I am extremely sorry for the garter--I mean the girdle--that went into the
water-tub. I have much on my conscience, I want to become white paper!"
And it became so, all the rags were turned into white paper; but the collar
came to be just this very piece of white paper we here see, and on which the
story is printed; and that was because it boasted so terribly afterwards of
what had never happened to it. It would be well for us to beware, that we may
not act in a similar manner, for we can never know if we may not, in the
course of time, also come into the rag chest, and be made into white paper,
and then have our whole life's history printed on it, even the most secret,
and be obliged to run about and tell it ourselves, just like this collar.
襯衫領(lǐng)子
從前有一位漂亮的紳士;他所有的動(dòng)產(chǎn)只是一個(gè)脫靴器和一把梳子。但他有一個(gè)世界上最好的襯衫領(lǐng)子。
我們現(xiàn)在所要聽到的就是關(guān)于這個(gè)領(lǐng)子的故事。
襯衫領(lǐng)子的年紀(jì)已經(jīng)很大,足夠考慮結(jié)婚的問題。事又湊巧,他和襪帶在一塊兒混在水里洗。
"我的天!"襯衫領(lǐng)子說,"我從來沒有看到過這么苗條和細(xì)嫩、這么迷人和溫柔的人兒。請(qǐng)問你尊姓大名?"
"這個(gè)我可不能告訴你!"襪帶說。
"你府上在什么地方?"襯衫領(lǐng)子問。
不過襪帶是非常害羞的。要回答這樣一個(gè)問題,她覺得非常困難。
"我想你是一根腰帶吧?"襯衫領(lǐng)子說——"一種內(nèi)衣的腰帶!親愛的小姐,我可以看出,你既有用,又可以做裝飾品!"
"你不應(yīng)該跟我講話!"襪帶說。"我想,我沒有給你任何理由這樣做!"
"咳,一個(gè)長得像你這樣美麗的人兒,"襯衫領(lǐng)子說,"就是足夠的理由了。"
"請(qǐng)不要走得離我太近!"襪帶說,"你很像一個(gè)男人!"
"我還是一個(gè)漂亮的紳士呢!"襯衫領(lǐng)子說。"我有一個(gè)脫靴器和一把梳子!"
這完全不是真話,因?yàn)檫@兩件東西是屬于他的主人的。他不過是在吹牛罷了。
"請(qǐng)不要走得離我太近!"襪帶說,"我不習(xí)慣于這種行為。"
"這簡直是在裝腔作勢(shì)!"襯衫領(lǐng)子說。這時(shí)他們就從水里被取出來,上了漿,掛在一張椅子上曬,最后就被拿到一個(gè)熨斗板上。現(xiàn)在一個(gè)滾熱的熨斗來了。
"太太!"襯衫領(lǐng)子說,"親愛的寡婦太太,我現(xiàn)在頗感到有些熱了。我現(xiàn)在變成了另外一個(gè)人;我的皺紋全沒有了。你燙穿了我的身體,噢,我要向你求婚!"
"你這個(gè)老破爛!"熨斗說,同時(shí)很驕傲地在襯衫領(lǐng)子上走過去,因?yàn)樗胂笞约菏且患芑疖囶^,拖著一長串列車,在鐵軌上馳過去"你這個(gè)老破爛!"
襯衫領(lǐng)子的邊緣上有些破損。因此有一把剪紙的剪刀就來把這些破損的地方剪平。
"哎喲!"襯衫領(lǐng)子說,"你一定是一個(gè)芭蕾舞舞蹈家!你的腿子伸得那么直?。∥覐膩頉]有看見過這樣美麗的姿態(tài)!世界上沒有任何人能模仿你!"
"這一點(diǎn)我知道!"剪刀說。
"你配得上做一個(gè)伯爵夫人!"襯衫領(lǐng)子說。"我全部的財(cái)產(chǎn)是一位漂亮紳士,一個(gè)脫靴器和一把梳子。我只是希望再有一個(gè)伯爵的頭銜!"
"難道他還想求婚不成?"剪刀說。她生氣起來,結(jié)結(jié)實(shí)實(shí)地把他剪了一下,弄得他一直復(fù)元不了。
"我還是向梳子求婚的好!"襯衫領(lǐng)子說。"親愛的姑娘!你看你把牙齒(注:即梳子齒。)保護(hù)得多么好,這真了不起。你從來沒有想過訂婚的問題嗎?"
"當(dāng)然想到過,你已經(jīng)知道,"梳子說,"我已經(jīng)跟脫靴器訂婚了!"
"訂婚了!"襯衫領(lǐng)子說。
現(xiàn)在他再也沒有求婚的機(jī)會(huì)了。因此他瞧不起愛情這種東西。
很久一段時(shí)間過去了。襯衫領(lǐng)子來到一個(gè)造紙廠的箱子里。周圍是一堆爛布朋友:細(xì)致的跟細(xì)致的人在一起,粗魯?shù)母拄數(shù)娜嗽谝黄?,真是物以類聚。他們要講的事情可真多,但是襯衫領(lǐng)子要講的事情最多,因?yàn)樗且粋€(gè)可怕的牛皮大王。
"我曾經(jīng)有過一大堆情人!"襯衫領(lǐng)子說。"我連半點(diǎn)鐘的安靜都沒有!我又是一個(gè)漂亮紳士,一個(gè)上了漿的人。我既有脫靴器,又有梳子,但是我從來不用!你們應(yīng)該看看我那時(shí)的樣子,看看我那時(shí)不理人的神情!我永遠(yuǎn)也不能忘記我的初戀——那是一根腰帶。她是那么細(xì)嫩,那么溫柔,那么迷人!她為了我,自己投到一個(gè)水盆里去!后來又有一個(gè)寡婦,她變得火熱起來,不過我沒有理她,直到她變得滿臉青黑為止!接著來了芭蕾舞舞蹈家。她給了我一個(gè)創(chuàng)傷,至今還沒有好——她的脾氣真壞!我的那把梳子倒是鐘情于我,她因?yàn)槭侔蜒例X都弄得脫落了。是的,像這類的事兒,我真是一個(gè)過來人!不過那根襪帶子使我感到最難過——我的意思是說那根腰帶,她為我跳進(jìn)水盆里去,我的良心上感到非常不安。我情愿變成一張白紙!"
事實(shí)也是如此,所有的爛布都變成了白紙,而襯衫領(lǐng)子卻成了我們所看到的這張紙——這個(gè)故事就是在這張紙上——被印出來的。事情要這么辦,完全是因?yàn)樗矚g把從來沒有過的事情瞎吹一通的緣故。這一點(diǎn)我們必須記清楚,免得我們干出同樣的事情,因?yàn)槲覀儾恢?,有一天我們也?huì)來到一個(gè)爛布箱里,被制成白紙,在這紙上,我們?nèi)康臍v史,甚至最秘密的事情也會(huì)被印出來,結(jié)果我們就不得不像這襯衫領(lǐng)子一樣,到處講這個(gè)故事。
?。ǎ保福矗改辏?/p>
這篇故事發(fā)表于1848年哥本哈根出版的《新的童話》里。它是根據(jù)現(xiàn)實(shí)生活寫成的,安徒生說,一位朋友和他談起一位破落的紳士。此人所有的財(cái)產(chǎn)只剩下一個(gè)擦鞋器和一把梳子,但是他的架子卻還放不下來,一直吹噓自己過去的"光榮"。事實(shí)上,在一個(gè)階級(jí)社會(huì)里,沒有了財(cái)產(chǎn)就沒有了特權(quán),何況襯衫領(lǐng)子本身已經(jīng)破爛了。最后它只有"來到一個(gè)造紙廠的箱子里。周圍是一堆破爛的朋友:細(xì)致的跟細(xì)致的人在一起,粗魯?shù)母拄數(shù)娜嗽谝黄?,真是物以類聚?quot;"它已經(jīng)成了造紙的原料了,最后變成紙,這個(gè)故事就是在這張紙上被印出來的。"這是一起含蓄的諷刺小品。