雅思作文權(quán)威點(diǎn)評(píng)：養(yǎng)寵物的利弊
There are numerous reasons that more and more people,with the city developing,pet some animals like dogs.I finally think this phenomenon is worth to be admited and I cannot skip it.(30words)
結(jié)構(gòu)點(diǎn)評(píng)：第1段是1+1’的模式，即第1句介紹題目背景，第2句提出作者的觀點(diǎn)。
巧妙之處：第1段的內(nèi)容比較簡(jiǎn)單清晰，沒有任何廢話，句型尚可，不是很刻板的那種(就是100個(gè)人會(huì)60人用的那種)，避免了考官的審美疲勞!
語言方面：看了第1段，我的感覺并不好，我的預(yù)判是頂多6分(要注意，考官也會(huì)有預(yù)判的，他們都是批了n百份卷子的人，看了一些內(nèi)容就能大致預(yù)判的出作者的水平的，所以第1段應(yīng)該盡量減少錯(cuò)誤，留個(gè)好印象。first impressions last forever!).藍(lán)色出為語言錯(cuò)誤的地方!!!應(yīng)改為there are numerous reasons why... I think... worth admitting(這個(gè)內(nèi)容上很莫名!)
The point on the top of my list for my propensity is that pet can spend people's leisure time.Most of the animals have their own nature,for instance,a dog need to walk like a man need to eat.So we have to supply their need, of course,they will cost us a lot of time.But if we had free time,we would go out with them,by the way, for their nature.This also is an entertainment.(71words)
結(jié)構(gòu)點(diǎn)評(píng)：此段是1’+4模式，即第1句是主體句，后接4句支持句!!!
語言方面：紅色出為采用的套句。作者選擇用套句引出主題句(這種方式在雅思考試中的確比較實(shí)用)。但是這句表達(dá)的不夠好(果然作文不是我教，呵呵)。應(yīng)改為：The point on top of the list for my propensity is that petting animals may require a spate of spare time. 此外：a dog needs to ... a man needs to...最后兩句不知道作者想說什么，內(nèi)容上有些重復(fù)和空洞，表達(dá)的不清楚!!!
Another factor we cannot neglect is that a part of pet can be the right hands and left of the person who has a bodily disfigurement.For example,the dog can help the blind cross a street and others which they can't do by themselves.If there were no these pets in the world,they would not live alone. Actually,they are very useful,aren't they?Why not to pet them?(64 words)
點(diǎn)評(píng)：由于寫的很差，所以就簡(jiǎn)單的評(píng)幾句?？戳苏亩蔚?段，我大致已經(jīng)了解了作者的水平了。在具體舉例說明和分析自己分論點(diǎn)的時(shí)候，作者表現(xiàn)出了語言功底的不足!!!套句以外的句子都寫的很空洞，沒有具體內(nèi)容(可能是因?yàn)榫唧w的內(nèi)容不知道用英語怎么表達(dá))。即使寫出來得句子，也含有很多語法錯(cuò)誤!!!詞匯也很單一。以下是大致按照作者的意義改寫而成的：
Another factor we cannot neglect is that some pets are indipensible under special circumstances. Take, as an example, a guide-dog. It can not only be a loyal companion to the blind but also assist them in crossing the road. An excellent guide-dog is, if not better than, as good as the eyes of the blind in that it lets the owner feel loved and relieved.
自我點(diǎn)評(píng)：寫的時(shí)候感覺內(nèi)容很難寫，這可能也是同學(xué)們會(huì)遇到的問題。所以平時(shí)即使懶得寫作文，至少也 要對(duì)找些題目來構(gòu)思一下(brainstorming)，免得考試的時(shí)候由于構(gòu)思太長(zhǎng)而來不及答題!!!
Also, it is sagacious to general citizens can get mental satisfaction from pets.That is to say,it is a striking fact that every amenity city for a citizen boasts not only of its advanced establishment but also of its mental satisfaction.And this just can shows that our city is a fit place for heroes to live in.
點(diǎn)評(píng)：1’+2的模式，這種模式我說過是高手用的。因?yàn)?，句?shù)那么少就必須運(yùn)用長(zhǎng)句來彌補(bǔ)詞數(shù)的不足。而且語法功底不好的人，一寫長(zhǎng)句不僅會(huì)犯錯(cuò)，而且嚴(yán)重的時(shí)候會(huì)導(dǎo)致句子本身根本無法理解!!!所以，要量力而行啊!!!(不是牛牛的學(xué)生，就不要打腫臉冒充牛!!!呵呵)
語言方面：第1句印象極差!!!犯了如此嚴(yán)重的錯(cuò)誤，最多5分了(一個(gè)句子竟然有兩個(gè)謂語動(dòng)詞!!!)。以下是改寫的段落：
Also, it is apparent that the owners can gain mental satisfaction from their pets. In other words, a prosperous city with amenities provides the residents with advanced facilities and an environment in which the pets together with their owerns can enjoy life as well.
自我點(diǎn)評(píng)：按照作者的原意，自己也不知道在說些什么，只能把語言寫的稍微順一點(diǎn)。有時(shí)候碰到冷門的題目時(shí)，的確構(gòu)思都比較難。大家要當(dāng)心，越是碰到這種情況，越是要挑些容易發(fā)揮的內(nèi)容寫。像本篇作者就是在自找麻煩(我也跟著麻煩)。
To put all into a nutshell,there are so many benefits on petting animals.From what I have presented above, we can safely draw the conclusion that it is advisable to allow petting animals.
最后一段由于大量使用了套句，所以也沒什么好說的了。基礎(chǔ)上表達(dá)是沒有問題的!!!
總的點(diǎn)評(píng)：很清楚地看到，作者除了使用套句的地方還像個(gè)樣，其他地方由于受到語言功底的限制，內(nèi)容空洞，錯(cuò)誤較多。這是許多低分作文都有的毛病。在這里我還是要強(qiáng)調(diào)語言的正確性，它永遠(yuǎn)是寫作第1個(gè)要關(guān)注的事情，語言差，作文一定得低分!語言好，內(nèi)容平凡，照樣能夠得高分!!!
綜合指數(shù)：5分。
