雅思大作文點(diǎn)評(píng):學(xué)校只應(yīng)傳授知識(shí)？

 

　　Generally speaking, there are two opinions about school’s function, ( 這種錯(cuò)誤非常細(xì)小，但是一般也只有 Chinese English 中才看得到。逗號(hào)是不能連接句子和句子的?。?！漢語(yǔ)里可以，英語(yǔ)絕不可以 ) some people think school is a place for student （可數(shù)名詞除固定短語(yǔ)中，一般要么前面加冠詞要么本身是復(fù)數(shù)?。?to learn academic knowledge only while others hold the opposite view that school （同上，可數(shù)名詞不能這樣用?。?should teach students the ability （個(gè)人認(rèn)為能力是培養(yǎng)的而不是教的！動(dòng)賓搭配不當(dāng)！） to judge what is right or wrong as well. For my part, I’m more prone to the latter view （典型的 Chinese English! 去查一下字典 prone 怎么用的！當(dāng)然要查英英詞典 To be prone to something, usually something bad, means to have a tendency to be affected by it or to do it. ） .

 

　　結(jié)構(gòu)分析：典型的雅思大作文手段寫(xiě)法： 2+1’，即前兩句引題，最后一句表達(dá)自己的觀(guān)點(diǎn)。

 

　　語(yǔ)言分析：其實(shí)第 1 段讀下來(lái)還是比較通順的，意思表達(dá)也比較容易理解。只是，從更嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)?shù)膶用娣治觯€是在語(yǔ)言表達(dá)上存在著一些中文的痕跡。起評(píng)分： 6 分。

 

　　School （錯(cuò)誤與第 1 段相同，看來(lái)這位作者對(duì)可數(shù)名詞的用法掌握的不好，去查一下語(yǔ)法書(shū)吧：可數(shù)名詞除固定短語(yǔ)中，一般要么前面加冠詞要么本身是復(fù)數(shù)！ ） is, no doubt, a place to learn academic knowledge （表達(dá)方式與第 1 段一模一樣，能不能換個(gè)表達(dá)方式， native speaker 不喜歡經(jīng)常重復(fù)相同的內(nèi)容和表達(dá)） , from which we can get to know many new things and phenomena happened （這里應(yīng)該用 happening ?。?surrounding us with the help of teachers and good facilities.

 

　　結(jié)構(gòu)分析： 1 ’ +0 ！??！整段居然只有一句話(huà)，如果寫(xiě)得好也可以接受。但是，此段明顯在內(nèi)容上比較空洞！雅思作文不需要你侃侃而談，但是至少要有一定的內(nèi)容來(lái)支持你的觀(guān)點(diǎn)。如果缺少足夠的論證內(nèi)容，那么在內(nèi)容上會(huì)扣分。

 

　　語(yǔ)言分析：作者在語(yǔ)言方面還是比較穩(wěn)的，沒(méi)有大起大落，所犯的錯(cuò)誤也比較統(tǒng)一！呵呵。。。

 

　　However, I don’t think teaching academic knowledge is the only target of education. I believe other things such as integrity, the ability of judging good and evil, right and wrong are, if not far more important than, at least as important as academic knowledge. （這句話(huà)還可以的。用了一個(gè)句型： A is, if not better than, as good as B ） If these people who are good at mastering knowledge have an evil heart, they can’t make any contribution to our society; while on the contrary, a lot of harm could be done. （這句太有問(wèn)題了，首先和前半句的銜接處理地不好，其次， while 這里應(yīng)該是連詞啊！要么把前面的分號(hào)改成逗號(hào)！）

 

　　語(yǔ)言分析：作者的語(yǔ)言四平八穩(wěn)的，除了最后一句有些失水準(zhǔn)，段中還有一句比較好的句子。

 

　　內(nèi)容分析 : 作者給我的感覺(jué)是語(yǔ)言比較簡(jiǎn)練！但是，好像也太簡(jiǎn)練了，適當(dāng)再多一點(diǎn)論證的內(nèi)容。

 

　　On the other side （是 hand 吧， side 似乎也通，但是我比較保守） , we can never judge a person’s quality by how much knowledge he (she) knows just like （口語(yǔ)里面可以這樣用，但是在嚴(yán)格的書(shū)面語(yǔ)中還是用 just as 比較好） we can’t judge a book by its appearance （是 cover 啦！你前面寫(xiě)的是 book 不是 person ！） . Our society needs these people who （地道的說(shuō)法是 those who ） can serve it well. An all-around person with a noble heart as well as a profound understanding of academic knowledge is the most popular in this competitive society.

 

　　To put all into a nutshell, cultivating the students’ ability to judge right and wrong is the responsibility of our schools. Our school should pay more attention to this responsibility without ignoring the importance of academic knowledge. (263 words)

 

　　最后一段到寫(xiě)的不錯(cuò)。

 

　　總評(píng)：作者的語(yǔ)言水平還是不錯(cuò)的，一看至少有 6 分。但是亮點(diǎn)好像不夠，很難到 7-8 分，另外語(yǔ)言方面還不夠嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)，經(jīng)常有中文的痕跡。這個(gè)的確比較難提高，寫(xiě)作的確能衡量出一個(gè)人真實(shí)的英語(yǔ)能力！

 

　　總分： 6 分。