雅思寫作范文演示與獨家點評

Task 1：The two bar charts below show the percentages of male and female students in secondary education and higher education for four different regions of the world in 2000.

　　此次圖形出現(xiàn)的是兩幅柱狀圖，在新東方的課堂上，關(guān)于柱狀圖我們主要分兩種寫法：

　　1.如果橫軸有明顯的時間推移的話，烤鴨們應(yīng)連接柱子頂點，重在描述柱子的升降起伏，寫法類似于線狀圖。
　　2.如果無時間推移，則寫法和餅狀圖一樣。即按照各比較對象所占比例的高低寫，同時要注意4個地區(qū)男女生在中等教育和高等教育所占比例之間的比較。

　　可以用到的詞匯有：
　　1.表示“占多少”的動詞
　　Account for
　　Take up
　　Make up
　　Contribute to
　　Have
　　Represent

　　2.表示“最高級”和 “比較級”
　　第一/最小 the largest/biggest proportion of
　　第二 the second/next largest/expensive（+ 形容詞的最高級）
　　第三 followed closely by
　　最低/最小 the smallest percent of all

　　3.表示“相同比例”
　　即在餅狀圖中遇到了比例相同或者差不多的餅，如有A B兩個比較對象。
　　A accounts for the same percentage as B .
　　The proportion of A is as high as B
　　A and B contributed equally/evenly to (all )
　　Task 2 ：Nowadays more and more work can be done by machines instead of hands. Do you think its positive impact on the development outweighs its negative impact on individuals or society?
　　該文屬于雅思寫作18大領(lǐng)域中的科技類，該類的文章在雅思寫作中的考察主要集中于現(xiàn)代科技（如這里的機(jī)械化大生產(chǎn)）對人們生活方式所產(chǎn)生的影響，具體體現(xiàn)在3個方面：
　　1. 科技的發(fā)展的影響是正面的還是負(fù)面（如2006.1.14）；
　　2. 科技發(fā)展使我們的閑暇時間變得更多還是更少（如2005.2.19）；
　　3. 科技發(fā)展對我們的文化、思想、觀念和社區(qū)有什么影響（如2007.3.31）。

　　寫作示范
　　本文屬于第1點和第3點的組合型題目，典型的report 類題型，利用黃金對稱式寫法全文分四段展開。
　　首段交代背景，提出寫作目的，共③ 句話。
　?、買t is an indisputable fact that machinery poses a significant effect on modern society, either on an individual or social level.
　　語言點評：注意句型it is an indisputable fact that 短語：pose a significant effect on 和individual or social level.
　?、冖跦owever, when it comes to whether its positive effects outweigh the negative ones, opinions tend to vary. This essay aims to explore the issue from different perspectives and draw some suggestive conclusions.
　　語言點評：注意短語：explore sth from different perspectives, draw some suggestive conclusions.
　　主題1段： 交代機(jī)械化對個人和社會的正面影響。共⑤句話。
　　①No one can deny the fact that modern machinery brings tremendous convenience and benefits to our lives .
　　語言點評：該句此段的中心論點。注意雙重否定表肯定句型No one can deny the fact that 句式的使用；排山倒海結(jié)構(gòu) brings tremendous convenience and benefits 的使用。考試大－全國最大教育類網(wǎng)站(www．Examda。com)
　?、赪ith the advent of little gadgets such as computers and mobile phones, people can conduct their business without meeting each other face to face, thus improving working efficiency, saving time and energy and gaining more leisure time of their own.
　　語言點評：此句作為第一句的支持句，以computers and mobile phones 為例，指出電腦手機(jī)等通訊工具的發(fā)明使得人們極大地提高了自己的工作效率以及有了更多的閑暇時間可以支配。注意with以及thus improving等結(jié)構(gòu)引導(dǎo)的伴隨狀語表因果。由此得出啟示：表達(dá)因果不一定要用because 或者是so這樣的老熟人。
　　 ③Invention of the Internet triggers an even bigger revolution both in people's lifestyles and the developing pattern of the whole society. ④Because of E-banking, E-trading and on-line shopping, gone are the days when people had to obtain what they needed in some tangible supermarket or met their business partner in another city.⑤Moreover,telecommuters may sit comfortably at home as all the business can be performed on-line without going to the office, therefore reducing the potential risk of traffic congestion, urban air pollution and petrol use.
　　語言點評：③④⑤句利用排比的形式從因特網(wǎng)發(fā)明的角度說明其對個人工作以及社會發(fā)展方式的影響，注意E-banking, E-trading and on line-shopping, traffic congestion, urban air pollution and petrol use.等專有詞匯的使用；triggers an even bigger revolution, reducing the potential risk of 等短語的嫻熟使用以及gone are the days when句式的信手捏來都有可能構(gòu)成考生的潛在加分點。
　　主題2 段： 交代科技發(fā)展所帶來的消極影響，共⑥句話。
　　①At the same time,however, one must not fail to see the detrimental effects brought about by these modern tools.
　　語言點評：At the same time,however筆鋒一轉(zhuǎn)，讀者可以預(yù)料作者接下來會討論現(xiàn)代科技所帶來的負(fù)面影響，注意句型：one must not fail to see sth 以及短語the detrimental effects of sth brought about by sth的使用。
　?、贛obiles, for instance, become permanent public intruders as people tend to speak at an increased volume and cause enormous disturbance to others.③Moreover,some addicts seem to be more prone to certain type of cancers and motorists may suffer a higher risk of collisions and losing control of the vehicle when driving and talking on the phone simultaneously.
　　語言點評：接下來從手機(jī)帶來的負(fù)面影響入手，指出其所帶來的噪音污染，引發(fā)癌癥以及交通事故的潛在危險。 注意專有詞匯： addicts,motorists, collisions ,public intruders以及短語be prone to sth, suffer a higher risk of sth 的使用。
　　 ④Plus, Internet becomes another thief who steals people of the time to perform leisure and recreational activities, making people become socially isolated and suffer serious loss of vision, back pain and obesity. ⑤In addition, the overwhelming amount of information on line deprives them of the ability of think creatively ,as the only thing they need to do is absorb what is available on line, thus stooping to become passive receivers rather than active thinkers. ⑥Some on-line games and TV shows may even contain pornographic or violent elements which distracts teenagers away from their study and become potential criminals of our society.
　　語言點評：再次利用層層推進(jìn)的形式將常常被許多考生寫過的因特網(wǎng)弊端一網(wǎng)打盡，講得精講得透才不至于落入俗套，同時在語言上采用的各種修辭格如：擬人Internet becomes another thief who steals people of ,押韻：passive receivers rather than active thinkers.排比使得考生的英文功底在考官面前如“風(fēng)吹草低見牛羊”之姿態(tài)展開。
　　結(jié)尾段：總結(jié)全文，重申論點，共②句話。
　　 To conclude, modern machinery brings both positive and negative effect on people's living. However, as sensible individuals in this society, we need to harness the great convenience it brings and try to minimize the potential risks arising from this process.
　　語言點評：對于科技類的文章，科技為雙刃劍的結(jié)論雖然被奉為圭臬但是考生完全可以用不同的語言來表達(dá)這一結(jié)論， harness the great convenience it brings and try to minimize the potential risks arising from this process. 遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)要比：Technology is a double edged sword 或者是Every coin has two sides這樣的語言要好很多。