GRE寫作滿分范文五十

"It is unfortunate that today's educators place so much emphasis on finding out what students want to include in the curriculum and then giving it to them.  It is the educators' duty to determine the curriculum and the students' duty to study what is presented to them."  

In today's society, there is too much emphasis placed on students desires rather than their needs.  The students of today should have to study what is presented to them, rather than what is desired by them.  Students are searching for the easy way out, and educators' are supplying them with that.  Students should not only be presented with mandatory curriculum, but the educators should strive to insure that each individual student truly gains from their education, rather than just breezing through it. 

It is vital to the continued success and expansion of the United States, that the young people be challenged in their curriculum and be encouraged to succeed in all that they do.  The educators should determine a more strenuous curriculum, and enforce it at an earlier age.  Thus, the young people of today will expect to be challenged, rather than avoiding it.  Students have the easy way out, and they are not truly giving all that they can.  There is so much potential that is just waiting to flourish, but it is the educators' reponsibility to tap into that potential. 

In conclusion, it is the educators responsibility to enforce curriculum and than raquesting it.  Students should be challenged and expect curriculum that will eventually lead them to a path of success. 

COMMENTARY 

This brief essay is flawed by its generalities, repetition, and limited development.  The central thesis -- that it is the burden of educators to teach what they believe is necessary and that our educational system should not allow students to "breeze through" the educational system -- is not adequately supported.  The middle of the essay merely repeats much of what was said in the introduction.  The writer discusses the concepts of students' potential and educators' responsibilities in only the most general terms. 

The two-sentence conclusion simply repeats earlier discussion and does not sufficiently tie together and comment upon the earlier discussion.  To earn a score of 4, this essay would need to provide specific reasons and examples that more adequately develop its main points. 

Also, the phrasing is often vague ("giving all that they can" and "path of success"), and the syntax is at times poorly controlled ("young people of today will expect to be challenged, rather than avoiding it.")  Still, the problems are not severe or frequent.  For all of these reasons, this essay received a 3.