GRE寫作亮點(diǎn)句是練出來的

　　The following is taken from a memo from the advertising director of the Silver Screen Movie Production Company.

　　According to a recent report from our marketing department, fewer people attended movies produced by Silver Screen during the past year than in any other year.

　　And yet the percentage of generally favorable comments by movie reviewers about specific Silver Screen movies actually increased during this period.

　　Clearly, the contents of these reviews are not reaching enough of our prospective viewers; so the problem lies not with the quality of our movies but with the public's lack of awareness that movies of good quality are available.

　　Silver Screen should therefore spend more of its budget next year on reaching the public through advertising and less on producing new movies.

　　The argument presented above is relatively sound, however, the author fails to recognize all the elements necessary to evaluate his situation. 這句話也很摸版化，但是重點(diǎn)分析一下這里evaluate his situation，讀了后面幾段，我們會(huì)知道全是在考慮對(duì)外界的評(píng)估的。所以這一句話就指明了論證的核心，可以說統(tǒng)領(lǐng)全文。 The idea that more money be invested in advertising may be a helpful one, but perhaps not because people are unaware of the current reviews.'

　　這句話實(shí)際上是在進(jìn)行讓步，承認(rèn)了廣告還是有用的，但是原因不同。點(diǎn)明了論證主題句，下面幾段全是圍繞著讓廣告更有效這個(gè)主題來寫的，正如官方評(píng)語中就提到了本文有個(gè)明顯的中心句，就是本句。 To clarify, it may be necessary to advertise more in order to increase sales, however that could be due to many circumstances such as a decrease in the public's overall attendance, an increase in the cost of movies, or a lack of trust in the opinions of the reviewers.這句話是對(duì)主題句的補(bǔ)充，提供了幾種具體的他因的論證方向，更重要的作用是，把主題句給打拆開幾個(gè)小的分枝論點(diǎn)，從而方便下面的討論。

　　The advertising director first needs to determine the relative proportion of movie goers that choose to see Silver Screen films. 第一個(gè)需要對(duì)外界進(jìn)行的評(píng)估就是人群中選擇SS的比例。 That will help him to understand his market share.If the population in general is attending less, then he may still be out-profiting his competitors, despite his individual sales decrease.In fact, his relative sales could be increasing. 這幾句話是對(duì)分枝論點(diǎn)的三段式演繹，即總體人數(shù)減少，她有可能還有競爭力，只要他的相對(duì)份額更多，競爭能力強(qiáng)，有可能他掙的更多 Determining where he stands in his market will help him to create and implement an action plan.最終的an action plan不就是廣告嗎，在段末尾很明顯(盡管換了個(gè)詞)的點(diǎn)了一下題。

　　Another important thing to consder is the relative cost of attending movies to the current standard of living. 第二個(gè)需要考慮的就是當(dāng)前的人們平均生活水平。 If the standard of living is decreasing, it may contribute to an overall decrease in attendance.In that case, advertising could be very helpful, in that a clever campaign could emphasize the low cost of movies as compared to many other leisure activities.

　　This could offset financial anxieties of potential customers.這幾句話是環(huán)環(huán)相扣的，論證方法為加條件后討論，三段論式演繹，即人們生活水平降低==〉總體上看電影的人變少==〉廣告強(qiáng)調(diào)電影最低價(jià)會(huì)很有效==〉廣告這時(shí)是很有效的。經(jīng)過一番的推導(dǎo)，最終還是指向了中心觀點(diǎn)，就是廣告還是很有幫助的。這是又一次的很好的點(diǎn)題。我們仔細(xì)比較二三兩段就會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)，在論證結(jié)構(gòu)上有著很好的對(duì)應(yīng)，是非常工整的對(duì)仗。

　　Finally, it is important to remember that people rarely trust movie reviewers.第三個(gè)需要考慮的就是人們的信任問題。這里通過論證使得最后推導(dǎo)出中心觀點(diǎn)的后半句話，至此全文的邏輯鏈論證就比較完善了。

　　For that reason, it is important that the films appeal to the populus, and not critics alone.The best advertisement in many cases is word of mouth.No matter what critics say, people tend to take the opinions of friends more seriously.This supports continual funding to produce quality movies that will appeal to the average person.最后通過三段論的演繹，使得廣告效應(yīng)逐漸向拿出錢真正搞點(diǎn)好電影這個(gè)觀點(diǎn)上過渡。我認(rèn)為這是全文的亮點(diǎn)。觸及到了事物的本質(zhì)的改變才是最有意義的，使得在前兩段的論證的基礎(chǔ)上，通過本文的論證使得討論更加的深入，更加的務(wù)實(shí)。

　　There is no reason that silver screen should not spend more on advertisement, however, there is reason to continue to invest in diverse, quality films. 本文的滿分的另一個(gè)有利保障就是最后一段的精準(zhǔn)的概括，可以說，最后一段總結(jié)了全文的態(tài)度，使得考官看完最后一段能迅速找到全文的論證核心。這是有必要的 Furthermore, the company must consider carefully what it chooses to emphasize in its advertisement.這一段同時(shí)給出了建議改進(jìn)方案。最后，本文實(shí)在是相當(dāng)?shù)亩?，之所以這么短，是因?yàn)槭∪チ碎_頭復(fù)述原題，省去了單列一段質(zhì)疑讓步的假設(shè)，比如說這里的讓步是廣告是有用的，所以就要質(zhì)疑在什么時(shí)候是有用的，如果再加上這樣一段外加演繹的話就會(huì)更好。同樣，這篇文章語言十分的簡潔，基本上沒有廢話，沒有所謂的亮點(diǎn)詞句，這也許是給我們的啟發(fā)，告訴我們更應(yīng)該關(guān)注什么：立論點(diǎn)以及安排方式以及論證方式。這三個(gè)論點(diǎn)的安排是：市場規(guī)模==〉人民生活標(biāo)準(zhǔn)==〉人不相信評(píng)論家==〉人對(duì)于質(zhì)量的要求，順序是從外在條件到內(nèi)在條件。

　　COMMENTARY

　　Although the essay begins by stating that the argument "is relatively sound," it immediately goes on to develop a critique.

　　The essay identifies three major flaws in the argument and provides a careful and thorough analysis.

　　The main points discussed are that' ?

　　-- the fall-off in attendance might be industry wide

　　-- the general state of the economy might have affected movie attendance

　　-- movie goers "rarely trust movie reviewers"

　　Each of these points is developed; together they are presented within the context of a larger idea: that while spending more money on advertising may be helpful, the company should "continue to invest in diverse, quality films."

　　This is a smoothly written, well-developed analysis in which syntactic variety and the excellent use of transitions make for a virtually seamless essay.

　　This paper clearly merits a score of 6.