考研英語作文考場(chǎng)范文批改及點(diǎn)評(píng)(1)

As is shown in the picture the humans (加who are)divided alone keep contact with each other by internet. Every one owns a computer ,which is their mainly(mainly為副詞，用來修飾動(dòng)詞;mean為名詞，需要用形容詞來修飾，可改為main) mean(改為way或means，mean為“平均值，意思”;而means為“手段，方法”) to contact out(改為with the outside world).In addition,there are spider net between everyone(改為it just like a spider net),which lead the people alone.The picture revealed(時(shí)態(tài)保持一致，改為reveals) a current social phenomenon that people dependent(改為depend，從句謂語部分應(yīng)用動(dòng)詞) extravagantly on the internet rather than the normal conversation. The spider net is a great metaphor of the soul-wall(改為the gap between two hearts),which alienate(改為alienates，保持主謂一致)us,meanwhile,it is a net relate(改為relate to) us. What’s more(加逗號(hào)) worrisome(改為the worrisome thing;worrisome為形容詞，不能做主語) is that they not only contact with strangers with(改為by，by表示“通過某種方式”) the net,but also families. It is a dangerous game! Maybe,it would make the families destruction(改為destructive,注意make sb./sth. + adj.的正確使用).In my opinion,though the association in internet itself gives little cause for criticism(句子表意不清，建議改為the internet itself should not give much criticism),people should use it in a proper way. Chatting with strangers or distant fellows by computer is OK,but it is indispensable for us to use it in(改為with) close friends. To have a good result,the society should encourage the people to focus more on the real world and the people themselves should enrich their lives and thoughts.

編輯點(diǎn)評(píng)

本篇文章存在一些簡(jiǎn)單的語法錯(cuò)誤，且說服力不夠強(qiáng)。作者在寫作完之后若可以花費(fèi)幾分鐘時(shí)間來回讀文章，并查字典或語法書，把自己不確定的都弄清楚，那么便會(huì)減少不必要的失分。不管什么問題，只有自己查了，才能更好地掌握，希望你在以后的寫作中能夠多注重基礎(chǔ)知識(shí)，比如句子的構(gòu)成。然后可以積累一些好的詞句，并將其運(yùn)用到自己的練習(xí)之中，為自己的文章增彩。

參考分?jǐn)?shù)：10分(滿分20分)