社會學(xué)家給畢業(yè)生們的忠告：不要擔(dān)心夢想

Happy Graduation, Seniors! Congratulations! What’s next? Below is some sociologically-inspired, out-of-the-box advice on work, love, family, friendship, and the meaning of life. For new grads from the two of us!

恭喜畢業(yè)，畢業(yè)生們!祝賀你們!接下來呢?下面就是我們二人給剛畢業(yè)的你們的建議，這些建議有關(guān)工作、愛情、家庭、友誼以及生活意義，既不落俗套，又具有社會學(xué)啟發(fā)性!

1. Don’t Worry About Making Your Dreams Come True

不要擔(dān)心實現(xiàn)夢想

College graduates are often told: “follow your passion,” do “what you love,” what you were “meant to do,” or “make your dreams come true.” Two-thirds think they’re going find a job that allows them to change the world, half within five years. Yikes.

畢業(yè)生們總被告誡要“跟隨激情”、“做自己熱愛的事情”、“做自己想做的事情”，或者“讓夢想成為現(xiàn)實”。2/3的畢業(yè)生以為，五年之內(nèi)，自己要干一份能夠改變世界的工作。乖乖!

This sets young people up to fail. The truth is that the vast majority of us will not be employed in a job that is both our lifelong passion and a world-changer; that’s just not the way our global economy is. So it’s ok to set your sights just a tad below occupationalecstasy. Just find a job that you like. Use that job to help you have a full life with lots of good things and pleasure and helping others and stuff. A great life is pretty good, even if it’s not perfect.

這種年輕人注定要失敗。事實上，大部分人做的工作既無關(guān)乎人生激情，也不可能改變整個世界;因為全球經(jīng)濟不是這么玩的。所以，你可以將職業(yè)目標(biāo)稍微調(diào)低一些。只要找份自己喜歡的工作就行了。然后好好利用這份工作，讓自己的生活充滿美好的事情、開心快樂并助人為樂。就算不完美，充實的人生也會相當(dāng)美滿。

2. Make Friends

交朋友

Americans put a lot of emphasis on finding Mr. or Ms. Right and getting married. We think this will bring us happiness. In fact, however, both psychological well-being and health are more strongly related to friendship. If you have good friends, you’ll be less likely to get the common cold, less likely to die from cancer, recover better from the loss of a spouse, and keep your mental acuity as you age.

美國人總是過于強調(diào)找個“白馬王子”或“真命女神”來結(jié)婚。我們以為這樣就能幸福。其實，心理健康更大程度上取決于友誼。如果有很好的朋友，你就不太容易感冒或死于癌癥，而且更容易從喪偶中恢復(fù)過來，并且隨著年紀(jì)增長依舊能保持敏銳。

You’ll also feel more capable of facing life’s challenges, be less likely to feed depressed, and be happier in old age. Having happy friends increases your chance of being happy as much as an extra $145,500 a year does. So, make friends!

你也會在面對生活挑戰(zhàn)時更堅強，不太會容易感到沮喪，晚年也會更快樂。擁有樂天派朋友能夠讓你感染快樂，這可是一年多掙145,500美元才能達到的效果!所以，請多交朋友吧!

3. Don’t Worry about Being Single

不要為單身發(fā)愁

Single people, especially women, are stigmatized in our society: we’re all familiar with the image of a sad, lonely woman eating ice cream with her cats in her pajamas on Saturday night. But about 45% of U.S. adults aren’t married and around 1 in 7 lives alone.

單身人士，尤其是剩女，在這個社會是受到歧視的：我們應(yīng)該都很熟悉那個孤獨悲傷的剩女，在周六晚上穿著睡衣，和貓咪分享一個冰激凌的樣子吧。但是，美國有45%的成年人未婚，而且將近1/7的人獨居。

This might be you. Research shows that young people’s expectations about their marital status (e.g., the desire to be married by 30 and have kids by 32) have little or no relationship to what actually happens to people. So, go with the flow.

你可能就是其中一員。研究表明，人們對自己婚姻狀態(tài)的期望(即30歲結(jié)婚32歲生小孩)，很少跟自身經(jīng)歷扯上關(guān)系。所以，順其自然吧。

And, if you’re single, you’re in good company. Single people spend more time with friends, volunteer more, and are more involved in their communities than married people. Never-married and divorced women are happier, on average, than married women. So, don’t buy into the myth of the miserable singleton.

何況，如果你還單身，或許身邊不缺朋友。較之于已婚人士而言，單身人士花更多時間跟朋友呆在一起，經(jīng)常參加志愿活動，也更熱衷于社區(qū)事務(wù)?；旧?，從未結(jié)婚或離婚女人要比已婚女人更快樂。所以，不要去相信那種“單身可悲可憐”的鬼話!

4. Don’t Take Your Ideas about Gender and Marriage Too Seriously

不要將性別與婚姻看得太死板

If you do get married, be both principled and flexible. Relationship satisfaction, financial security, and happy kids are more strongly related to the ability to adapt in the face of life’s challenges than any particular way of organizing families. The most functional families are ones that can bend. So partnering with someone who thinks that one partner should support their families and the other should take responsibility for the house and children is a recipe for disaster. So is being equally rigid about non-traditional divisions of labor. It’s okay to have ideas about how to organize your family – and, for the love of god, please talk about both your ideals and fallback positions on this – but your best bet for happiness is to be flexible.

如果你已經(jīng)結(jié)婚，那么既應(yīng)該有所原則，又需要靈活應(yīng)變。關(guān)系和諧、經(jīng)濟保障、子女快樂等，更大程度上依賴于適應(yīng)生活挑戰(zhàn)的能力，而非死抓著原則不放。最和諧的家庭是能夠靈活應(yīng)變的家庭。如果伴侶覺得，一個人應(yīng)該負(fù)責(zé)養(yǎng)家糊口，另一個人應(yīng)該看家?guī)Ш⒆拥脑?，那簡直太可怕了。家?wù)活分配方面的刻板觀念同樣如此。當(dāng)然，在組織家庭方面有點想法無可厚非，而且，看在彼此相愛的份上，還是商量一下兩個人的想法和底線為好。不過，最后只有靈活應(yīng)變才能真正幸福。

5. Think Hard About Whether to Buy a House

認(rèn)真考慮要不要買房

Our current image of the American Dream revolves around homeownership, and buying a home is often taken for granted as a stage on the path to full-fledge adulthood. But the ideal of universal home ownership was born in the 1950s. It’s a rather new idea.

現(xiàn)在我們對美國夢的闡釋依舊圍繞著“有房有家”，買房被理所當(dāng)然認(rèn)為是通往完滿成年階段的一個步驟。不過，20世紀(jì)50年代誕生了通用置業(yè)的觀念。這個觀念相當(dāng)新奇。

With such a short history, it’s funny that people often insist that buying a house is a fool-proof investment and the best way to secure retirement. In fact, buying a house may not be the best choice for you. The mortgage may be less than rent, but there are also taxes, insurance, and the increasingly common Home Owners Association (HOA) fees. You may someday sell the house for more than you bought it but, if you paid interest on a mortgage, you also paid far more than the sale price. You have freedom from a landlord, but may discover your HOA is just as controlling, or worse. And then there’s the headache: renting relieves you from the stress of being responsible for repairs. It also offers a freedom of movement that you might cherish.

有意思的是，在短時間內(nèi)，人們就堅持認(rèn)為買房是安心退休的最保本投資、最好的方法。其實，買房或許并不是你最好的選擇。房貸或許比房租低，但你還得支付稅費、保險費，以及日益增長的業(yè)主協(xié)會(HOA)會費?；蛟S將來你會高價賣掉房子，可是，如果你為房貸付利息，那么你的支出也遠遠超過賣房收入了。你可能不再受房東的氣，可你會發(fā)現(xiàn)HOA也很煩人，甚至比房東還討厭。還有頭疼的事呢：如果租房子的話，你不用負(fù)責(zé)維修事宜;而且，你可以說搬就搬了。

So, think carefully about whether buying or renting is a better fit for your finances, lifestyle, and future goals. This New York Times rent vs. buy calculator is a good start.

所以請考慮清楚，自己的經(jīng)濟條件、生活方式以及未來目標(biāo)，到底適合買房還是租房。不妨先看看《紐約時報》上針對租房和買房的投票吧。

6. Think Even Harder about Having Kids

慎重考慮要不要小孩

One father had this to say about children: “They’re a huge source of joy, but they turn every other source of joy to shit.” In fact, having children correlates with both an increased sense of purpose in life and a long-lasting decrease in individual and marital happiness. Having kids means spending a lot of your short life and limited income on one source of joy.

有個爸爸是這么說小孩的：“小孩是巨大的快樂之源，但他們也把其他的快樂之源全毀了。” 其實，有了小孩之后，一方面會使生活目標(biāo)更明確，但另一方面，也會使個人及婚姻幸福感持續(xù)不斷下降。養(yǎng)育小孩即意味著把你短暫的人生和有限的收入全部奉獻在這唯一的快樂之源上。

It’s not a bad decision. But it’s also not the only good decision you can make. We want to think we can “have it all” but, in fact, it’s a zero sum game. You have only so much time and money and there are lots of ways to find satisfaction, pleasure, and meaning in this life. Consider all your options.

這雖然不是什么壞決定，但也不是唯一的好決定。我們也希望可以“擁有一切”，可現(xiàn)實是，到頭來只會“一場空”。你的時間與金錢很有限，而能夠獲得滿足感、快樂及生活意義的方式則太多了。好好考慮一下自己的選擇吧。