英語故事:Second Thoughts

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DAY ONE
Tuesday, June 15

     At high noon a large spaceship floated gently down out of a blue sky to land on the front lawn of the White House. It rested motionless for the next five hours while the White House hummed with activity. The President was evacuatedand then the military moved in with troops, tanks and helicopters. Stealth fighters roared overhead. Both Congress and the United Nations called emergency sessions as a frightened world held its breath.

     At exactly 5:00 p.m. eastern time, a small door opened in the side of the craft and a human-like creature stepped out.

     As beings go, it wasn't that alarming. About three feet tall, it had a large head atop a small body with two spindly legs. And there were feather-like appendagesgrowing from its head as well as from what could have been a tail if it were a bird. But it moved like a human and wore a one-piece uniform of a gold metallicmaterial that sparkled in the sun. Walking to the nearest soldier, it stopped short, its two unnaturallylarge eyes blinking twice. Then in perfect English with a high-pitched voice, it said, "Take me to your esteemedleader."

     After much military and political consternationbefore the President of the United States, who was seated at his desk in the oval office surrounded by half a dozen secret agents, the little being bowed. "President and Chief Commander, I humblycome to you as ambassador facilitator for an ancient and distinguishedrace. Please realize that you're dealingwith beings of such power that their purpose must be friendly or you'd have already been destroyed in my humbleestimation."

     It paused to scratch the base of a head feather. "I myself am Mooba. My kind are respected throughout the universe as the finest of translators. I must tell you that the Xxlepis ship has been mooredat the edge of your solar system for a year now while I've been studying your languages and customs on their behalf. I know all there is to know about all of you, in my humble opinion."

     The President smiled halfheartedly, "Should I find that comforting?"

     Mooba brightened, "Of course. Because I'm thorough I rarely make mistakes." He shruggedlifted at such a statement.

     Mooba continued, "For purposes of decorum, tomorrow I will teach you about the Xxlepis." His top feathers suddenly stiffenedbegan, "The first thing to do when introduced...is to bow. Some of your human cultures already practice that formality. And the second thing after bowing... is to do nothing." He paused for emphasis. "It's best, Sir President, to allow me to do all the talking, particularly in the beginning. The Xxlepis themselves rarely speak because words to them are sacred. They believe that by saying less, what is said increases in value. So speaking only at the end of a conversation is a sign of respect. Of course, in my humble opinion, that makes for very short conversations." It was hard to tell if Mooba was joking so no one laughed.

     The alien continued. "The Xxlepis find it difficult dealing with other cultures, so they take great care to insulate themselves. In addition to being their translator I serve as a filter to shield their refined sensibilities--but still I must be accurate and complete. Not an easy job, in my humble opinion. The Xxlepis are emotional, you see. Despite all their sophistication, they just want to be loved and they can't handle rejectionexcitedly. "Certainly." He stepped quickly across the room and to everyone's surprise gulpeddown a whole carafeof hot coffee. Then he grabbed several donuts. Returning to the front of the room, he noisily smackedhis lips. Powdered sugar from the donuts had somehow ended up on his chin. It was a comical sight that everyone politely ignored.

     "That was tasty," he said, "in my humble opinion. Now, let me explain more about the Xxlepis. Having mastered the mysteries of science and technology, they have returned to the arts, particularly their poetry. They are on a quest for new forms of expression. For example, the 20 ways an elephant calls to its young or the 59 words the Eskimos use for snow. Whether or not a language is written or spoken is of secondary importance. The Xxlepis take pleasure in converting all manner of creature communication into just the right word with a precise meaning and contextual flavor to be used in their poetry. So they traverse the universe in search of communication to define new words because, to them, only words have true value. Personally, I think it's because words convey emotions."

     "Speaking of value..." Mooba stopped mid-thought. "Ah... could I have more coffee?"

     "Sir, there's no more coffee," said one of the agents addressing the President.

     The President waved his hand. "Well then, please get another carafe. It'll only take a minute."

     The agent left the room. Through the door, which had not fullyclosed, squeezed a short, rotund Basset Hound. It went immediately to the President wagging its tail while casting side-glances at Mooba.

     "Hi there, Sally," the President gently stroked the dog's back. "Mooba, this is my dog. She just had puppies four weeks ago. What do you think of her?"

     Mooba was quite interested, particularly when Sally left the President to approach him, her tail still wagging. He bentover so that his face was almost level with the dog's and she licked the sugar off his chin. His head feathers danced wildly. "I like her," he said and then made a noise somewhere between a bark and a whineday, that hadn't stopped a huge crowd from forming. At two minutes to 12:00 the President and four secret agents walked slowly up the red carpet and stopped 20 feet from the craft.

     With the opening of a large door, a strange green mist emanatedfrom the craft. Then a long and gently sloped rampslid out upon which Mooba exited. The murmuring crowd hushed as three figures emerged from behind him. The figures were nearly seven feet tall, rather thin, and covered entirelyin grey-green flowing robes and hoodsfluidly and they appeared to pour across the 20 feet coming to rest alongside Mooba and in front of the President and the agents.

     Mooba's high voice spokeinto the multitude of microphones set up by reporters and it sounded over the PA system. "Members of planet earth, I am pleased to introduce you to the Xxlepis. And, they in turn are very pleased to meet you." As he said this the three beings bowed deeply as did the President and his agents.

     Mooba continued, "SupremeCommander, President of the United States and all citizens of earth, I am pleased to inform you on behalf of the Xxlepis that today they would like you to accept this gift that they offer you without reservation." Withdrawing something from a hidden pocket, Mooba handed it to the President.

     Accepting the object, which fit into the palm of his hand, the President bowed again. "Thank you."

     Seeing the three Xxlepis nodding from beneath their hoods, Mooba added, "The Xxlepis thank you, too."

     The crowd roared their approval and the first meeting was over.

DAYS FOUR - TWENTY
Friday-Sunday, June 18-July 4

     When the gift was examined, scientists were astoundedwith living cells and went about curing deficiencies. The resulting good health was miraculousand the closest thing to a fountain-of-youth elixirthat humanity had ever experienced. Furthermore, the bacteria were easily reproduced.

     The President wished to reciprocatewith a gift of equal value and at Mooba's recommendation commissioned a compendiumof sacred writings to be compiled in their original languages. Mooba assured him that as a gift, this would be a delightfulsurprise for the Xxlepis. It was an ambitious project requiring scholars of every religion and the United Nations was appointed to coordinateit. All nations agreed that no amount of money or effort should be spared to have the gift ready for the next meeting with the Xxlepis.

     Mooba hadn't anticipated the effect the Xxlepis would have on their hosts. Mankind became like children at Christmas. While the Xxlepis's gift of health was reproduced en mass, that was just the beginning.

     Everything had to be Xxlepis-related. To accommodate the demand, manufacturers broke all records (nearly those of physics) to get out a plethoraof products. Overnight Gregorian monk's garbbecame the fashion craze, gray-green the most popular color until Monday when pastel-greens were introduced followed closely by polka dots. People were dressingtheir babies and pets in robes with cowls. Xxlepis gray-green began showing up on toys, dish wareXxlepis products had but one theme, life was better with Xxlepis whether you wore Xxlepis clothes or sat on Xxlepis furniture. The inference was, so long as you had Xxlepis you were a somebody with something. Unfortunately, the opposite inference was also true, for without Xxlepis you were considered a nobody with nothing.

     The ironywas not lost on Mooba who watched commercialism turn the Xxlepis, a race of beings who loved the nonmaterial, into the biggest name brand of all time.

DAY TWENTY-ONE
Monday, July 5

     When the President and his staff appeared at the spaceship on Monday noon it was before a vastly different-looking crowd. Although a hot July day, the majority was wearing hoodedrobes, waving signs and holding banners that said, "Xxlepis rocks!"

     This day, upon exiting the craft, the three Xxlepis did not immediately bow. Although their faces couldn't be seen, it appeared that from beneath the cowls they were turning their heads to examine the crowd. Watching them, Mooba's head feathers stiffened noticeably and he frowned.

     This time it was the President who came bearing a gift. The President proudly offered the huge book heavy with gold leafing that one of the Xxlepis gingerly accepted, grasping it with long fingers while the other two Xxlepis stretched forward for a closer look. Their grey-green robes cast a greenish hueover the book.

     "Please accept this gift from mankind," said the President, his voice trembling. "Over 300 of our finest scholars assembled it from our sacred writings."

     Translating, Mooba looked pleased.

     Caught up in the moment and almost as an afterthought, the President added, "Millions were spent. With its parchment and gold leafing, it's the most expensive book ever created."

     Mooba's head feathers quivered the moment the President said the most expensive book ever created. He didn't look pleased. He stopped translating and stared at the President. "Ah, Sir President, in my humble opinion..." he interrupted, but his warning went unheeded.

     "Go on. Tell them," the President urged and Mooba complied.

     The reaction was immediatehe turned and shrugged as though apologizing just before the metal door slammed shut with a thud.

     The President and crowd, indeed the whole nation and all of earth were stunnedChristmas morning to discover that their presents had been stolen.

     There was no further contact with the Xxlepis although vigorous attempts were made using a PA system as well as radio and television waves and banging on the spaceship doors. Now nobody anywhere talked about anything except the Xxlepis and why they had so abruptly left the gatheringsounds.

     The statement was so ridiculous the President had to laugh. "You mean a permanent vacation? Apparentlythey're never coming back."

     Mooba grinned knowingly as his head feathers twitched. "On the contrary. I've been with the Xxlepis 120 years and don't you think that if anybody should know what they're doing and why they're doing it, it would be I? That's my humble opinion. As for selecting your species, I've had second thoughts. But don't worry, Sir President, the Xxlepis will be back. Before their ship left I put a puppy on board."

     He popped another sour lemon candy.

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