雙語(yǔ) ● The Importance of Conscience　我的好妹妹

The Importance of Conscience　我的好妹妹

◎ Elisha M. Webster

I was faced with a decision. While delivering laundry into the appropriate bedrooms, I stumbled upon my thirteen-year-old sister’s diary, a modern-day Pandora’s Box, suffused with temptation. What was I to do? I had always been jealous of my little sister. Her charming smile, endearing personality and many talents threatened my place as leading lady. I competed with her tacitly and grew to resent her natural abilities. I felt it necessary to shatter her shadow with achievements of my own. As a result, we seldom spoke. I sought opportunities to criticize her and relished surpassing her achievements. Her diary lay at my feet, and I didn’t think of the result of opening it. I considered not her privacy, the morality of my actions, nor her consequential pain. I merely savored the possibility of digging up enough dirt to soil my competitor’s spotless record. I reasoned my iniquity as sisterly duty. It was my responsibility to keep a check on her activities. It would be wrong of me not to.

我正面臨著一個(gè)抉擇。當(dāng)我把洗好的衣服分別放進(jìn)相應(yīng)的臥室時(shí)，我不經(jīng)意地看到了我那13歲妹妹的日記本，那就像一個(gè)現(xiàn)代的潘多拉盒子，深深地吸引著我。我該怎么做？我一直都嫉妒我的小妹妹。我嫉妒她迷人的微笑、可愛(ài)的個(gè)性，還有她的多才多藝，因?yàn)檫@些都挑戰(zhàn)著我的老大地位。我私底下偷偷地和她較勁，對(duì)她才能的憎恨更是與日俱增。我迫不及待地想把她的影子從我的個(gè)人成就上抹去。結(jié)果，我們平時(shí)很少說(shuō)話。我尋找任何可以批評(píng)她的機(jī)會(huì)，并且急切地想要?jiǎng)龠^(guò)她。現(xiàn)在，她的日記就躺在我腳邊，我根本沒(méi)有考慮過(guò)打開(kāi)它的后果。我在意的不是她的隱私，不是我的行為道德，也不是她可能會(huì)受到的傷害。我僅僅是想從日記中發(fā)現(xiàn)一些罪證，來(lái)打破我的競(jìng)爭(zhēng)者始終優(yōu)秀的可能性。我把自己的壞念頭歸咎為姐姐的職責(zé)：檢查她的行為舉止是我的責(zé)任。如果我沒(méi)有盡義務(wù)，這才是我的錯(cuò)誤。

I tentatively plucked the book from the floor and opened it, fanning through the pages, searching for my name, convinced that I would discover scheming and slander. As I read, the blood ran from my face. It was worse than I suspected. I felt faint and slouched to the floor. There was neither conspiracy nor defamation. There was a succinct description of herself, her goals and her dreams followed by a short portrayal of the person who has inspired her most. I started to cry.

我猶豫不決地?fù)芘藥状蔚匕迳系娜沼洷荆罱K打開(kāi)了它。我迅速翻著書(shū)頁(yè)，尋找著我的名字，確信一定能找到什么相應(yīng)的證據(jù)?？墒牵?dāng)我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己的名字時(shí)，臉一下子漲得通紅。這遠(yuǎn)比我想象得糟糕多了。我的腦袋一陣眩暈，癱坐在了地板上。既沒(méi)有陰謀也沒(méi)有誹謗，有的只是她對(duì)自己的簡(jiǎn)單陳述、她的人生目標(biāo)和夢(mèng)想，其中還有一個(gè)對(duì)她影響深遠(yuǎn)的人。我哭了起來(lái)。

I was her hero. She admired me for my personality, my achievements and ironically, my integrity. She wanted to be like me. She had been watching me for years, quietly marveling over my choices and actions. I ceased reading, struck with the crime I had committed. I had expended so much energy into pushing her away that I had missed out on her.

我就是她心目中的英雄。她欽佩我的個(gè)性、我的成就，更加諷刺的是，還有我的正直。她想成為像我這樣的人。原來(lái)，這些年來(lái)她一直默默地看著我，觀察著我的選擇和行為。我不再讀了，結(jié)束了我的罪行。我花了太多的精力把她從身邊推開(kāi)，我已經(jīng)失去她了。

I had wasted years resenting someone capable of magic—and now I had violated her trust. It was I who had lost something beautiful, and it was I who would never allow myself to do such a thing again.

這么多年來(lái)，我一直在浪費(fèi)時(shí)間憎恨一個(gè)有魔力的人——并且現(xiàn)在還辜負(fù)了她對(duì)我的信任。是我自己失去了這么美好的東西，也是我決心再也不允許自己犯這樣的錯(cuò)誤。

Reading the earnest words my sister had written seemed to melt an icy barrier around my heart, and I longed to know her again. I was finally able to put aside the petty insecurity that kept me from her. On that fateful afternoon, as I put aside the laundry and rose to my feet, I decided to go to her—this time to experience instead of to judge, to embrace instead of to fight. After all, she was my sister.

看了妹妹寫(xiě)在日記里真誠(chéng)的語(yǔ)言后，裹在我心上的冰已經(jīng)慢慢融化，我要重新去了解她。 最終，我拋棄了那種不信任，正是它造成了我們之間的隔閡。在那個(gè)意義深遠(yuǎn)的下午，我把洗好的衣服放在一邊，站起來(lái)準(zhǔn)備去找她——這一次是去感受而不是責(zé)難，去擁抱而不是爭(zhēng)執(zhí)。無(wú)論如何，她是我的妹妹。

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