(中英)現(xiàn)代散文:吹牛的妙用 The Wonderful Use of Boasting

The Wonderful Use of Boasting

吹牛的妙用

◎ Lu Yin

◎　廬　隱

Boasting is a kind of megalomania. Though moralists may call it a human failing, it does, however, serve extremely useful purposes in social intercourse. Without the capability for boasting, you will be looked down upon by even a rickshaw puller, to say nothing of finding a good job.

吹牛是一種夸大狂，在道德家看來(lái)，也許認(rèn)為是缺點(diǎn)①，可是在處世接物上卻是一種刮刮叫的妙用②。假使你這一生缺少了吹牛的本領(lǐng)，別說(shuō)好飯碗找不到，便連黃包車(chē)夫也不放你在眼里的。

Because of their earnest and down-to-earth approach to work, Westerners are, in the eyes of Chinese smarties, next door to idiotic. They are being laughed at by Chinese smarties for the tremendous amount of energy they put into their activities. While Westerners go about whatever work they do methodically and patiently, never dreaming of reaching great heights in one step, we Chinese are always given to seeking a shortcut and regard the ability to boast as the master key to it.

西洋人究竟近乎白癡③，什么事都只講究腳踏實(shí)地去作，這樣費(fèi)力氣的勾當(dāng)，我們聰明的中國(guó)人④，簡(jiǎn)直連牙齒都要笑掉了。西洋人什么事都講究按部就班的慢慢來(lái)，從來(lái)沒(méi)有平地登天的捷徑，而我們中國(guó)人專(zhuān)門(mén)走捷徑，而走捷徑的第一個(gè)法門(mén)，就是善吹牛。

Boasting is an essential art of life just as hyperbole is an indispensable rhetorical figure. The Tang poet Li Bai's famous lines "The Yellow River comes from the sky" and "My white hair of thirty thousand feet" are examples of hyperbole, which, to those who know little about the art of rhetoric, may sound like a gross exaggeration on the part of the poet.

吹牛是一件不可看輕的藝術(shù)，就如修辭學(xué)上不可缺少“張喻”一類(lèi)的東西一樣。像李太白什么⑤“黃河之水天上來(lái)”，又是什么“白發(fā)三千丈”，這在修辭學(xué)上就叫作“張喻”，而在不懂修辭學(xué)的人看來(lái)，就覺(jué)得李太白在吹牛了。

That boasting is of extremely great use to one is beyond doubt. Man is a queer animal. Suppose you tell someone the plain truth about a certain matter without holding anything back, he will probably laugh at you scornfully instead of returning a congenial response. On the other hand, suppose, penniless as you are, you brag unabashedly to somebody who knows little about you, "Minister So-and-So is a good friend of my father's," "Politician So-and-So is my grandpa's sworn brother," "I know a certain business tycoon very well," or "My wife is a nominally adoptive sister of a certain warlord's fifth concubine." The listener will adore you like a deity or may even, at an opportune moment, respectfully treat you to a big dinner featuring edible bird's nest!

而且實(shí)際上說(shuō)來(lái)，吹牛對(duì)于一個(gè)人的確有極大的妙用。人類(lèi)這個(gè)東西，就有這么奇怪，無(wú)論什么事，你若老老實(shí)實(shí)的把實(shí)話(huà)告訴他，不但不能激起他共鳴的情緒⑥，而且還要輕蔑你冷笑你，假使你見(jiàn)了那摸不清你根底的人，你不管你家里早飯的米是當(dāng)了被褥換來(lái)的⑦，你只要大言不慚的說(shuō)“某部長(zhǎng)是我父親的好朋友，某政客是我拜把子的叔公，我認(rèn)得某某巨商，我的太太同某軍閥的第五位太太是干姐妹”，吹起這一套法螺來(lái)，那摸不清你的人，便貼貼服服的向你合十頂禮，說(shuō)不定碰得巧還恭而且敬的請(qǐng)你大吃一頓燕菜席呢⑧！

People of every description, being aware of the usefulness of boasting, are doing all they can to put it into practice. But wait a minute! You've got to know enough about the person you are boasting to. Otherwise, you'll make a bungle of it and fail to touch a chord in his or her heart. Suppose you meet an unknown writer or a young student who worships men of letters and you want to pretend to be a senior, all you have to say is that Hu Shih is a close friend of yours or that Yu Dafu is your second self. And, what is better, you can try to find out by a roundabout way some trifling personal anecdotes about the two celebrities, such as what Hu Shih best likes to know and what Yu Dafu strongly dislikes, so that you can refer to them affectionately by their first names. Consequently, you'll end up becoming a personage on a par with both of them, and enjoying the respect of all.

吹牛有了如許的好處，于是無(wú)論那一類(lèi)的人，都各盡其力的大吹其牛了。但是且慢！吹牛也要認(rèn)清對(duì)手方面的。不然的話(huà)必難打動(dòng)他或她的心弦，那么就失掉吹牛的功效了。比如說(shuō)你見(jiàn)了一個(gè)仰慕文人的無(wú)名作家或?qū)W生時(shí)，而你自己要自充老前輩時(shí)，你不用說(shuō)別的，只要說(shuō)胡適是我極熟的朋友，郁達(dá)夫是我最好的知己⑨，最妙你再轉(zhuǎn)彎抹角的去探聽(tīng)一些關(guān)于胡適郁達(dá)夫瑣碎的佚事，比如說(shuō)胡適最喜聽(tīng)什么，郁達(dá)夫最討厭什么，于是便可以親親切切的叫著“適之怎樣怎樣，達(dá)夫怎樣怎樣”，這樣一來(lái)，你便也就成了胡適郁達(dá)夫同等的人物，而被人所尊敬了。

When you meet a girl who is vain, just tell her that you have toured to various countries, such as Turkey and South Africa, ... and at your own expense into the bargain! That suffices to prove you are not only a man of much learning and experience but also well-to-do. And you will thereby win her heart instantly.

如果你遇見(jiàn)一個(gè)好虛榮的女子呢，你就可以說(shuō)你周游過(guò)列國(guó)，到過(guò)土耳其南非洲！并且還是自費(fèi)去的⑩，這樣一來(lái)就可以證明你不但學(xué)識(shí)閱歷豐富，并且還是資產(chǎn)階級(jí)?。于是乎你的戀愛(ài)便立刻成功了?。

When you meet a businessman, bureaucrat, politician or warlord, you can, after gathering each and every mood of them, start boasting wildly to cater to their likes. To sum up, you should brag about women to those who are fond of women, about money to those who are money-mad, about fame to those who are desirous of personal fame, and about power to those who hanker after a position of great influence. Like combating poison with poison, this trick will always work wonders.

他如遇見(jiàn)商賈、官僚、政客、軍閥，都不妨察言觀(guān)色?，投其所好，大吹而特吹之，總而言之，好色者以色吹之，好利者以利吹之，好名者以名吹之，好權(quán)勢(shì)者以權(quán)勢(shì)吹之，此所謂以毒攻毒之法，無(wú)往而不利。

Yes, bragging is of great use, but you need to be very skillful in the performance of it, otherwise you'll give away the show and end up in a complete fiasco.

或曰吹牛妙用雖大，但也要善吹，否則揭穿西洋鏡，便沒(méi)有戲可唱了。

And to be good at bragging, you also need a considerable amount of training. You should first of all be thick-skinned. For instance, although you have never authored a single book, you can nevertheless brazenly declare, "I've published a great many books, but unfortunately they've all been destroyed by a big fire!" When you are entertaining some stylish guests at dinner, you can, for appearances' sake, refer to the table set you have just bought for the occasion by saying, "We've been using it for as long as ten years." When your friends invite you to join them in a mahjong game, you, though worth only one silver dollar in your pocket, can tell them, "All my money is in a bank. I've no time today to go there to draw money." If your wife happens to complain you're sort of good for nothing, you can tell her that the eldest daughter of a certain Zhang family has been admiring you for the excellent poems you write and the daughter-in-law of a certain Wang family has been admiring you for being handsome and manly. That will make your wife instantly redouble her love for you.

這當(dāng)然是實(shí)話(huà)，并且吹牛也要有相當(dāng)?shù)挠?xùn)練，第一要不紅臉，你雖從來(lái)沒(méi)有著過(guò)一本半本的書(shū)，但不妨咬緊牙根?說(shuō)：“我的著作等身，只可恨被一把野火燒掉了！”你家里因?yàn)橐?qǐng)幾個(gè)漂亮的客人吃飯，現(xiàn)買(mǎi)了一副碗碟，你便可以說(shuō)：“這些東西十年前就有了，”以表示你并不因?yàn)檎?qǐng)客受窘?。假如你荷包里只剩下一塊大洋?，朋友要邀你坐下來(lái)入圈，你就可以說(shuō)：“我的錢(qián)都放在銀行里，今天竟勻不出工夫去?。　奔偃缒翘炷愕奶杏X(jué)你沒(méi)多大出息?時(shí)，你就可以說(shuō)張家大小姐說(shuō)我的詩(shī)作的好，王家少奶奶說(shuō)我臉子漂亮而有丈夫氣，這樣一來(lái)太太便立刻加倍的愛(ài)你了。

I could thus go on and on enumerating various manifestations of self-praise!

這一些吹牛經(jīng)，說(shuō)不勝說(shuō)。

《吹牛的妙用》是廬隱的后期作品，選自她的《東京小品》（散文、短篇小說(shuō)、雜文合集，1935年版）。廬隱的雜文短小精悍、直爽坦率、筆鋒銳利，此文也有反映。吹牛往往是為了兜售“偽劣”。作者在半個(gè)多世紀(jì)以前以揶揄的口氣所鞭撻的社會(huì)痼疾，今仍隨處可見(jiàn)，知識(shí)界也不例外。