卡梅倫首相質(zhì)詢歡樂得像德云社茶館……

昨天，是卡梅倫首相生涯的最后一天。

 

 

經(jīng)歷了人生最后一次首相質(zhì)詢（Prime Minister’s Questions, PMQ）。

 

 

 

然后去白金漢宮和女王正式提交辭呈，據(jù)說女王的反應(yīng)是“graciously pleased”（和藹而愉悅）。

不過，作為當(dāng)天的最大亮點(diǎn)，卡梅倫的最后一次質(zhì)詢氣氛超high，歡笑不斷，圍觀議員不停地發(fā)出Yayh[je?]~~~~的聲音，讓人想起德云社茶館里的“吁~~~”，就差沒喝茶嗑瓜子了。

外媒形容這次質(zhì)詢是：

an upbeat half-hour session packed with jokes and tributes 
充滿玩笑和致敬的歡樂半小時(shí)

 

 

 

在座議員很關(guān)心卡梅倫辭職后的就業(yè)問題，給他出了不少好點(diǎn)子，比如最新英格蘭足球教練，或者《瘋狂汽車秀(Top Gear)》的主持人，正好這兩個(gè)位子剛剛空出來。

卡梅倫的老對(duì)頭，工黨領(lǐng)袖科爾賓（Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn）難得地和善，還拉起家常……

貌似他在生活品味上得到了卡媽媽不少點(diǎn)撥……他說：

I’d like him to pass on to his mum my thanks on ties and suits and songs. 
希望他能替我向他母親表示感謝，謝謝她在領(lǐng)帶、西裝和音樂方面給的建議。

卡梅倫很高興地說：

I will certainly send his good wishes back to my mother. He seems to have taken her advice and is looking absolutely splendid today. 
我肯定會(huì)把他的好意轉(zhuǎn)達(dá)給母親的。他今天貌似就接受了我媽的建議，瞧他今天穿得多帥！

老頭大概心花怒放了……

 

 

 

現(xiàn)場(chǎng)還有各種爆料，卡梅倫給大家念了一封信，是2015年一個(gè)叫Judith的女孩寫給他的，各種出謀劃策，算計(jì)工黨：

Please, please keep dignity and not triumphalism in the first PMQs today with Jeremy Corbyn. Because Tom Watson who may oust Jeremy Corbyn is a very different kettle of fish, he's experienced, organised and far more dangerous in the long term. So sensible, sober, polite answers to Mr Corbyn - let him create his own party disunity. 
你馬上就要跟科爾賓進(jìn)行第一次PMQ首相質(zhì)詢了。 我請(qǐng)求你，在他面前保持尊嚴(yán)，不要表現(xiàn)得太優(yōu)越。因?yàn)門om Watson(工黨副黨魁)是完全不同的家伙，他也許會(huì)把科爾賓趕下臺(tái)。他老練、有頭腦，從長(zhǎng)遠(yuǎn)來說，對(duì)我們威脅更大！所以回答科爾賓的問題的時(shí)候，要理智、冷靜、禮貌。讓他們黨自己分裂吧。

這封信讓全場(chǎng)爆笑了……

卡梅倫和科爾賓的對(duì)口相聲說得也是極好的。

卡梅倫嘲笑工黨效率低，選個(gè)領(lǐng)導(dǎo)這么慢：

We’ve had resignation, nomination, competition and coronation. They haven’t even decided what the rules are yet. If they ever got into power it’d take them about a year to work out who would sit where. 
我們經(jīng)歷了首相辭職、首相提名、首相競(jìng)選、首相加冕。而工黨連該怎么選領(lǐng)導(dǎo)人的規(guī)則都還沒訂好喂！如果他們真的當(dāng)政了，得花一整年想明白誰(shuí)該坐哪兒吧。

科爾賓氣定神閑，說，雖然慢，但是自己很享受?。?/span>

Democracy is an exciting and splendid thing, and I’m enjoying every moment of it. 
民主制度是一個(gè)令人興奮的極好的事情，我享受它的每一分鐘。

卡梅倫還澄清了一些不實(shí)傳言，比如有報(bào)道說他不愛唐寧街10號(hào)的“內(nèi)閣首席捕鼠官”Larry……

他當(dāng)場(chǎng)出示鐵的證據(jù)：他和Larry的有愛合影……

 

 

 

他動(dòng)情地說：

“The rumour that I somehow don’t love Larry – I do and I have photographic evidence to prove it.” 
|有傳言說，不知怎么的我不愛Larry，才不是，我真心愛他，我還有照片為證！

Sadly I can’t take Larry with me, he belongs to the house and the staff love him very much - as do I. 
可惜我不能帶他一起走，他屬于首相府，那里的人們都愛他，和我一樣愛……

他還在twitter上發(fā)照片昭告天下，鐵證如山……

 

 

 

最后，卡相以一番深情的演講結(jié)束質(zhì)詢。他說，

“I was the future once.” 
我曾經(jīng)也是未來。

I will watch these exchanges from the back benches, I will miss the roar of the crowd, I will miss the barbs from the Opposition... but I will be willing all of you on. 
今后，我會(huì)坐在后座普通議員的位置看大家交流。我會(huì)想念這里的歡呼聲，也會(huì)想念對(duì)手對(duì)我的冷嘲熱諷，但我會(huì)支持你們每一個(gè)人。

Because people come here with huge passion for the issues they care about, they come here with great love for the constituencies that they represent. 
因?yàn)榇蠹叶际菐е薮蟮臒岢篮完P(guān)心的問題來到這里，每個(gè)人都是帶著對(duì)自己代表的選民的熱愛而來。

And also willing on this place, because yes we can be pretty tough and test and challenge our leaders, perhaps more than some other countries, but that is something we should be proud of and we should keep at it and I hope you will all keep at it and I will will you on as you do. 
我也會(huì)繼續(xù)支持這個(gè)地方，是的，可能和別的國(guó)家相比，我們對(duì)領(lǐng)袖更加嚴(yán)苛，充滿考驗(yàn)和挑戰(zhàn)，但這是我們必須為之驕傲、為之堅(jiān)持的事情。我希望你們繼續(xù)保持，我會(huì)和你們一起加油。

The last thing I’d say is that you can achieve a lot of things in politics, you can get a lot of things done. And that in the end, the public service, the national interest, that is what it is all about. 
最后我想說的是，你可以從政治生涯中獲得很多，完成很多事情。但到最后，所有的這些為的都是服務(wù)大眾、國(guó)家利益。

Nothing is really impossible if you put your mind to it. After all, as I once said, I was the future once. 
只要努力，沒有什么是不可能的。畢竟，像我曾說過的那樣，我曾經(jīng)也是未來。

卡梅倫經(jīng)典段子盤點(diǎn)

卡梅倫說過的段子何止這點(diǎn)。從過招工黨黨魁，到嘲諷影子大臣，卡梅倫人走了，段子必將永存。為紀(jì)念這位即將卸任的段子手，我們總結(jié)了他的五個(gè)經(jīng)典段子。

'Knifing' foreign secretaries

2011年，英國(guó)向特種兵派出特種兵，結(jié)果外交大臣威廉·黑格搞砸了任務(wù)，犧牲了不少英國(guó)生命。工黨黨魁米利班德質(zhì)疑起卡梅倫的班底?？穫愖プ∶桌嗟庐?dāng)初戰(zhàn)勝自己擔(dān)任外交大臣的哥哥贏得黨魁的事，迅速反擊道：

There's only one person I can remember round here knifing a foreign secretary - I think I'm looking at him! 
我記得這兒只有一位對(duì)外交大臣動(dòng)手的“劊子手”——這個(gè)人我正看著他。

'Calm down dear'

2011年，卡梅倫在一次質(zhì)詢中對(duì)工黨女議員伊格爾說道“冷靜點(diǎn)親”，被認(rèn)為很不紳士?？穫惖陌l(fā)言人表示，這不過是在搞笑而已。

'Put on a proper suit!'

工黨議員科爾賓批評(píng)卡梅倫母親在反對(duì)削減開支的請(qǐng)?jiān)干虾灻穫悪C(jī)智回?fù)簦?/span>

I think I know what my mother would say. I think she'd look across the Despatch Box say 'put on a proper suit, do up your tie and sing the national anthem! 
我想我知道我母親會(huì)怎么說。她會(huì)在講臺(tái)那側(cè)邊看邊說，“穿好你的衣服，打好你的領(lǐng)帶，唱好你的國(guó)歌吧！”

'Maso-sadism'?

經(jīng)常開嘴炮，哪有不失口？有次攻擊米利班德時(shí)，卡梅倫被自己的段子繞暈，錯(cuò)把masochism（受虐狂）說成了masosadism。

The shadow chancellor said he would be tough on the deficit and tough on the causes of the deficit. He is one of the causes of the deficit. I think we've all found one of the first ever examples of political masosadism. 
影子大臣說他要對(duì)赤字毫不手軟，明察赤字起因，我看他就是赤字的起因?？磥砦覀兪前l(fā)現(xiàn)了有史以來第一個(gè)政治“受”虐狂。

The 'muttering idiot'

工黨議員鮑爾斯經(jīng)常指責(zé)卡梅倫發(fā)言冗長(zhǎng)，卡梅倫抓住機(jī)會(huì)反擊對(duì)方是個(gè)muttering idiot 愛發(fā)牢騷的笨蛋

他嘲諷鮑爾斯的段子還有：

I may be alone in finding him the most annoying person in modern politics. 
可能就我一個(gè)人發(fā)現(xiàn)他是現(xiàn)代政壇最煩人的家伙。

Mr Miliband should not need it to be Christmas to realise he was 'sitting next to a Turkey'. 
米利班德先生用不著等到圣誕節(jié)就會(huì)意識(shí)到自己“坐在一只火雞”旁邊。