中級美語教程第10課

Lesson 108 NO free lunch

Hoping to get free contact lenses, Freddy goes to the optician.

F: Could you help me check my eyes. Please?

O: Sure. Please have a seat and put on these glasses. Now, tell me. Which letters seem clearer?

F: The ones on the right.

O: Ok. Can you read these price tags?

F: Yes. They're as clear as daylight.

O: Fine. Read out the highest amount.

F: US$100.

O: Right. That's what it'll cost you.

F: But I thought the contact lenses are free.

O: Yes. But you'll have to pay for our service.

F: No wonder they say, "there's no such thing as a free lunch."

 

Lesson 109 Adorable Koalas in Danger

Koalas are considered an Australian national icon. These adorable tree-hugging animals feed on eucalyptus tree leaves. The problem is on average a koala destroys 13 pounds of the leaves to eat 2 pounds a day. Because of this, 5,000 koalas soon face starvation on Kangaroo Island in the south of Australia.

The authorities are now considering shooting them to control the island's koala population explosion. However, animal activists suggest growing more trees. "There aren't too many koalas. There are too few trees." They argue. Neighboring provinces have even recommended relocating some of the koalas to them. Most Australians feel that the authorities must do all they can to avoid killing the koalas for to do so would be a national disgrace.

 

Lesson 110 Killing is No Solution

Two Australians, Mack and Jill, are camping on Kangaroo Island.

M: Look! There's a koala hugging a tree. They're really so cute. Jill, why are you crying?

J: The government's planning on killing them because they may starve to death soon.

M: What a stupid idea! They should try saving them instead.

J: I agree. Let's start a campaign to save them. If we can find 5,000 people to each take one home. The problem will be solved.

M: That's a good idea. You know, there're about 18 million people in Australia. Five thousand is only 0.027 percent of the population.

J: Let's do it then.

M: Killing as a solution to a problem is just not right.

J: You can say that again.

 

Lesson 111 I Want to Marry Your Wife

Strange people do strange things. Aging German millionaire Walter Thiele certainly fits the bill. Recently, he put advertisements in newspapers to find someone to "look after" his wife and his fortune after he dies. Needless to say, thousands of letters poured in from all over the world. Some young men even showed up at Walter's home. Once, when he opened the door, a young man said, "I want to marry your wife."

If you think that's funny,so does Walter. The problem is he isn't getting much sleep. So in order to get away for a while, he's taking his beautiful young wife on a round-the-world trip. Well, I guess it takes all kinds of people to make up the world.

 

Lesson 112 You've Got to Be Kidding!

Walter answers the door at his home. (S = stranger; W = Walter)

S: Hi!I'm from Russia. My name is Vodka. I want to marry your wife.

W: With a name like that, I'm not sure she'll want to marry you.

S: So, what kind of man does she like?

W: You need to be strong, handsome and have a good sense of humor.

S: No problem. I guess I qualify then.

W: You've got to be kidding! One look at you and my wife is bound to burst out laughing.

S: Where is she anyway? Can I meet her?

W: I'm afraid she might kick the bucket before me if she meets you. Goodbye!

S: What a jerk!

 

Lesson 113 Heavy and Chubby

Watch out, all you chubby guys out there! If you continue to overeat, you might be just like Michael Hebrank.

He's 43 years old. He can't walk. He can stand up for no more than 30 seconds at a time. He has to use an oxygen mask to help him breathe. And he weighs 1,000 pounds(455 kilograms). He once became seriously ill and couldn't get out of the house. In the end, he had to be forklifted out after the front wall of his house was torn down. Poor Michael says, "Once I start eating, I can't stop. "So if you're on the heavy side, take care lest you become another Michael.

 

Lesson 114 Muscular My Foot!

Jill is talking to her boyfriend, Mack.

    (J=Jill;M=Mack)

J: You'd better watch your diet, Mack. You're getting really fat!

M: It's alright. I'm not fat. I'm muscular.

J: Muscular my foot! You're flabby. Do you want to be another Michael Hebrank?

M: Are you kidding? That guy weighed 1,000 pounds. He was a couch potato.

J: Well, you're not far from that.

M: Come on! I'm a big guy.

J: Well, either you lose weight or I'm out of here.

M: Gee, don't you know that the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach?

J: Yes. But in your case, there's so much fat around your stomach, I'll never make it to your heart.

 

Lesson 115 A Very Special Juice

A Very Special Juice and the Golden Fountain are the titles of two books. They have sold hundreds of thousands of copies. Can you guess what they are about? They are guides to urine therapy. Don't laugh! Urine is big business these days. There's an annual market of US$500 million for products made from urine.

 

 "It's a great aftershave," says one consumer. It's even used in many skin creams and perfumes. Besides, it is widely used as a kind of medicine. Believe it or not, a lady in America says she drinks a glass of urine a day. At this point, you must excuse me; I have to go to the restroom.

 

Lesson 116 I Prefer My Own Brand

Jenny and Frank are at a coffee shop.

    (F=Frank; J=Jenny)

F: Did you read about the "special juice," Jenny?

J: Yeah. Isn't it disgusting?

F: Well, what gets me is how come so many people are using it.

J: It's incredible, isn't it?

F: Mind you, though, there might be some truth in the matter.

J: What? I can't believe what I'm hearing. Are you that naive?

F: I'm not so sure. It might really work.

J: Gee, don't tell me you're interested in trying it.

F: Why not?

J: Tell you what, I've been drinking coffee all morning. I'll do you a favor...

F: Thanks, but I prefer my own brand.

    (They break out laughing.)

 

Lesson 117 Cheer Up!

Grouchy people are always complaining for no reason. Do you have a husband or boyfriend like that? Is he driving you crazy with his complaints? Don't worry. Cheer up. There's still some hope. A recent medical report says that doctors have found a cure. They say that some men are grouchy because they have a physical problem.In other words, they are sick. They need medical help.

So the next time your better half is grouchy, don't just sit there. Take him to the doctor's. There's one strange thing about the report, though. It doesn't say anything about grouchy girlfriends or wives.

 

Lesson 118 What a Grouch!

Barny and Sally are husband and wife. They're having dinner.

    (B=Barny; S=Sally)

B: These water dumplings taste like tennis balls.

S: But they're your favorite dish!

B: Not the way you cook them.

S: Why are you so grouchy?

B: Why shouldn't I be? I've got a wife who can't cook, my kids are naughty and...

S: Hold it a minute. Maybe you are the problem!

B: Huh? How could that be?

S: There might be something wrong with you. You should see a doctor.

B: Huh? No way!

S: Why not?

B: Waiting in doctors' offices makes me grouchy.

 

Lesson 119 Where's the toilet?

You're walking along the street. You need to go to the washroom desss...perately. What do you do? If you can't control yourself, you could be embarrassed to no end.

Don't worry. Someone in San Francisco has invented a self-cleaning public toilet. The toilet cleans itself. The seat goes back into the wall where it is washed and blow-dried. Even the floors are washed automatically. You must be quick,though. You've only got 20 minutes to "do your business." Then, there's a 2-minute warning before the door opens. When it does, you'd better be ready or your face will be red!

 

Lesson 120 It's Too Late

A mother and her child are walking along the street.

(C=child; M=mother; W=waiter in a restaurant)

C: Mom, I need to go to the washroom.

M: Uh-oh! Can't you wait?

C: I can't stand it anymore.

M: OK, let's go into this restaurant. Excuse me, but can my son use your toilet?

W: Of course not. This is a restaurant, not a public toilet.

M: You're so mean.

W: Oh, OK. But it'll cost you US$5.

M: What? That's highway robbery.

C: Mom, never mind. It's too late.

W: Hey, come back here and mop the floor.