馬斯克和傻瓜億萬(wàn)富豪俱樂部

Is there anything sillier than a billionaire? Thanks to a billionaire, a red sports car is now pootling about outer space. Elon Musk — PayPal tycoon, visionary loon — whooshed it up there on a rocket. “It’s kind of silly,” he says. Yes it is. It is also kind of an ad for Tesla Motors. He is not that silly. Either way, he has made us all look a little ridiculous. When aliens discover a sexy red sports car off-roading through the cosmos they are going to think Earth is having a midlife crisis.

這世上還有什么比億萬(wàn)富翁更愚蠢的嗎?多虧一位億萬(wàn)富翁，如今才有一輛紅色跑車在外太空漫游。埃隆•馬斯克(Elon Musk)——創(chuàng)立了PayPal的大亨、有遠(yuǎn)見的傻子——用一枚火箭嗖地把這輛跑車送上了天。“這有點(diǎn)兒傻，”他說(shuō)。沒錯(cuò)，是傻。這也算是給特斯拉汽車(Tesla Motors)打的廣告。他可沒那么傻。不管怎樣，他倒讓我們看起來(lái)都有點(diǎn)可笑。當(dāng)外星人發(fā)現(xiàn)一輛性感的紅色跑車在宇宙中穿梭時(shí)，他們會(huì)認(rèn)為地球正在經(jīng)歷中年危機(jī)。

We are. One hundred and forty-five people became billionaires last year, according to UBS. Data gathered by the Bloomberg Billionaires Index reveal that in 2017 the world’s richest 500 people became $1tn richer. That is more than three times the GDP of Denmark. According to the Institute for Policy Studies, the three richest men in the US own more wealth than the entire bottom half of the country’s population.

我們確實(shí)如此。據(jù)瑞銀(UBS)統(tǒng)計(jì)，去年有145人成為億萬(wàn)富翁。彭博億萬(wàn)富翁指數(shù)(Bloomberg's Billionaires Index)收集的數(shù)據(jù)顯示，2017年，全球最富有的500人的財(cái)富增加了1萬(wàn)億美元。這個(gè)數(shù)字是丹麥國(guó)內(nèi)生產(chǎn)總值(GDP)的三倍多。根據(jù)美國(guó)智庫(kù)政策研究所(IPS)的數(shù)據(jù)，美國(guó)最富有的三個(gè)男人所擁有的財(cái)富，比美國(guó)財(cái)富排名后一半的人口擁有的財(cái)富還要多。

Fortunately, for us all, Musk is building a city next. On Mars. By the 2060s. You can go but it will probably cost you $200,000 to get there. Musk is not the only billionaire with a fruity idea about building a city and the cash to do it. Peter Thiel — who co-founded PayPal with Musk — seed-funded a floating city that the Seasteading Institute is building off the coast of French Polynesia. Google billionaire Larry Page has a subsidiary of Alphabet Inc working on how to build a city from scratch.

對(duì)我們大家來(lái)說(shuō)，幸運(yùn)的是，馬斯克接下來(lái)要建設(shè)一座城市。建在火星上。會(huì)在2060年代建成。到時(shí)你可以去那里，但花費(fèi)很可能將高達(dá)20萬(wàn)美元。除了馬斯克，其他億萬(wàn)富豪也有建造城市的瘋狂念頭和所需的現(xiàn)金。與馬斯克共同創(chuàng)立PayPal的彼得•蒂爾(Peter Thiel)，為海上家園研究所(Seasteading Institute)在法屬波利尼西亞的海上建造一座漂浮城市的項(xiàng)目提供了種子資金。谷歌(Google)的億萬(wàn)富翁拉里•佩奇(Larry page)讓Alphabet公司的一個(gè)子公司研究如何從零開始建造一座城市。

Some billionaires build, others redecorate. Oil and gas tycoon Timothy Headington is remodelling downtown Dallas as if it were his front room. He has opened hotels, restaurants and plonked a gigantic sculpture of a bloodshot eyeball city-centre.

有些億萬(wàn)富翁在建設(shè)，有人則在翻修。石油和天然氣巨頭蒂莫西•黑丁頓(Timothy Headington)正重建達(dá)拉斯市中心城區(qū)，好像那是他的客廳一樣。他開了酒店、餐館，并在市中心放置了一座布滿血絲的眼球形狀的巨型雕塑。

If I were a silly billionaire — a silly billy — I’d consider renovating my own front room, Washington DC. I wouldn’t bother with gigantic eyeballs though. I’d borrow Donald Trump’s hair-do and run it up the White House flagpole. For fun. Or tourism. Or art. Donald wouldn’t mind. He’d say Mar-a-La-Go-for-it. We’d be close. Imaginary billionaires love other imaginary billionaires.

如果我是一個(gè)愚蠢的億萬(wàn)富翁，一個(gè)傻瓜，我會(huì)考慮翻新我自己的客廳——華盛頓特區(qū)。不過(guò)，我不會(huì)使用巨大的眼球。我要借用唐納德•特朗普(Donald Trump)的發(fā)型，把它裝在白宮的旗桿上。為了好玩。或?yàn)榱寺糜螛I(yè)。或是藝術(shù)。唐納德不會(huì)介意的。他會(huì)說(shuō)，海湖莊園加油。我們會(huì)很親密。富有想象力的億萬(wàn)富翁們喜歡別的富有想象力的億萬(wàn)富翁。

I’d do construction work. I’d erect a handful of statues to stir things up. Then I’d tear them down to stir things up some more. I’d be the one to finally build everyone an actual mall on the National Mall so people could shop in my stores during inauguration speeches. Then I’d build a Hexagon next to the Pentagon.

我將實(shí)施建筑工程。我要豎起幾尊雕像來(lái)攪動(dòng)氣氛。然后我會(huì)拆除它們，再次攪動(dòng)氣氛。我將成為終于在國(guó)家廣場(chǎng)(National Mall)上為所有人建一個(gè)真正的購(gòu)物廣場(chǎng)的人，這樣人們就可以一邊聽就職演說(shuō)，一邊在我的商店里購(gòu)物。然后，我將在五角大樓旁邊建一座六角大樓。

I’d serve the public good. I’d replace the traffic lights on Independence Avenue with chandeliers so the masses could enjoy luxury road crossings. I’d install underfloor heating in the sidewalks to keep the homeless warm in winter. I’d build a library for underprivileged children. And I’d build it out of money. To show I was serious.

我將為公眾利益服務(wù)。我會(huì)把獨(dú)立大道(Independence Avenue)上的交通燈換成枝形吊燈，這樣大眾就能享受豪華的十字路口。我會(huì)在人行道上安裝地暖設(shè)施，讓無(wú)家可歸的人在冬天里取暖。我會(huì)為貧困兒童建一座圖書館。我會(huì)用金錢來(lái)建造它，證明我是認(rèn)真的。

I’d entertain the masses. I’d acquire a Washington sports team. I’d acquire the most cut-throat, hungry-for-the-spotlight, blood sport team in the history of turf. I’d acquire the House of Representatives. I’d make them play ball. If they so much as contemplated shutting down the federal government over a budget deal, I’d AstroTurf the United States Botanic Garden and make them legislate doing star jumps.

我將娛樂大眾。我會(huì)收購(gòu)華盛頓的一只運(yùn)動(dòng)隊(duì)。我會(huì)收購(gòu)歷史上最兇殘、最愛表現(xiàn)的狩獵運(yùn)動(dòng)隊(duì)。我會(huì)收購(gòu)眾議院。我會(huì)讓他們打球。如果他們竟想因?yàn)轭A(yù)算協(xié)議讓聯(lián)邦政府停擺，我就會(huì)在美國(guó)國(guó)家植物園(United States Botanic Garden)里鋪上阿斯特羅特夫尼龍人造草皮(AstroTurf)，讓他們一邊做流星式撲救一邊立法。

I’d endow institutions. I’d endow the National Portrait Gallery. They’d hang a large portrait of me in the foyer, titled “Anonymous” — for modesty. I’d endow The Ronald Reagan Institute of Emergency Medicine and offer to perform surgery on any patients who couldn’t afford healthcare. I’d endow Georgetown University with so much filthy lucre it would let me rename one of its buildings after my family’s dead dogs: the Romeo, Babe and Bilbo Baggins Institute for Quantum Physics.

我將資助機(jī)構(gòu)。我會(huì)資助國(guó)立肖像館(National Portrait Gallery)。他們會(huì)在門廳里掛上一幅我的大幅肖像，為表謙虛，給它取名叫“無(wú)名氏”。我會(huì)資助羅納德•里根急診醫(yī)學(xué)研究所(Ronald Reagan Institute of Emergency Medicine)，讓他們給那些沒錢看病的患者做手術(shù)。我會(huì)把很多不義之財(cái)捐給喬治城大學(xué)(Georgetown University)，讓我用我家死去的幾條狗為它的一座建筑重新命名：羅密歐、巴貝和比爾博•巴金斯量子物理研究所(Romeo, Babe and Bilbo Baggins Institute for Quantum Physics)。

I’d have the Midas touch. I’d touch the Washington Monument. It would turn to solid gold. Then I’d touch the Lincoln Memorial, but just Abe’s bow tie — to keep him honest. Everything I touched would be so golden it would make my buddy Trump’s taste look silver. Donald wouldn’t mind because he is, like, a really smart person.

我將擁有點(diǎn)石成金的本領(lǐng)。我會(huì)觸摸華盛頓紀(jì)念碑(Washington Monument)。它會(huì)變成純金的。然后我就去摸林肯紀(jì)念堂(Lincoln Memorial)，但只摸亞伯(Abe)的蝶形領(lǐng)結(jié)——讓他保持誠(chéng)實(shí)。我碰觸過(guò)的每一件東西都將變得如此金燦燦，這會(huì)讓我的朋友特朗普的品味看起來(lái)銀亮亮。唐納德不會(huì)介意，因?yàn)樗袷且粋€(gè)非常聰明的人。

I’d use my money as wisely as any billionaire. Which is to say I wouldn’t. Because I probably shouldn’t be a billionaire. No one should be. So Musk and 173 others of the world’s wealthiest have signed Warren Buffett’s Giving Pledge; a promise to give the majority of their riches to philanthropic causes. Nothing silly about that. It is romantic to build utopias; it is moral to fix what is broken. We don’t need billionaires. We need their billions back. For the cities that already exist. For the people in them. For goodness’ sake.

我會(huì)像任何億萬(wàn)富翁那樣明智地花錢。也就是說(shuō)我不會(huì)明智地花錢。因?yàn)槲液芸赡懿辉摮蔀閮|萬(wàn)富翁。誰(shuí)也不該。因此，馬斯克和其他173個(gè)世界上最富有的人在沃倫•巴菲特(Warren Buffett)發(fā)起的“捐贈(zèng)誓約”(Giving Pledge)上簽了字;承諾將他們的大多數(shù)財(cái)富捐獻(xiàn)給慈善事業(yè)。這么做一點(diǎn)兒也不愚蠢。建立烏托邦是浪漫的;修補(bǔ)破損的東西是道德的。我們不需要億萬(wàn)富翁。我們需要他們把億萬(wàn)財(cái)富回饋大眾。用于已存在的城市。用于這些城市里的居民。看在上帝的份上。

Jenny Lee is an imaginary billionaire

珍妮•李是一名虛構(gòu)的億萬(wàn)富翁。