給15A座乘客的一封信

Want to get even with an annoying fellow airline passenger? Forget Twitter. After all, 140 characters won’t get you very far when you have a lot to complain about. Do like 24-year-old Munyee Lau did after a recent nightmarish eight-hour AirAsia flight from Singapore to Sydney. Write a 550-word manifesto to the passenger in seat 15A who made you crazy all night long.

想要報(bào)復(fù)飛機(jī)上令你抓狂的同行乘客?用Twitter?算了吧。在你有很多抱怨時(shí)，140字并不能滿足你。 像24歲的劉敏儀(音譯Munyee Lau)那樣做吧!她經(jīng)歷亞航從新加坡到悉尼八個(gè)小時(shí)噩夢(mèng)般的飛行后，寫了封550字的公開(kāi)信給坐在15A座的乘客，該名乘客讓她整夜崩潰。

The Malaysia-based writer posted her scathing — and hilarious — missive on the Singapore humor site SGAG. It has gone viral.

這名馬來(lái)西亞姑娘將她的長(zhǎng)信發(fā)布在新加坡幽默網(wǎng)站SGAG上，信件內(nèi)容立刻遭瘋轉(zhuǎn)。

Here’s the full text of Lau’s letter:

下面是信的全文：

Dear passenger 15A,

親愛(ài)的15A座乘客，

You do not know me but I was seated in front of you during the flight from Singapore to Sydney on April 12th.

您不認(rèn)識(shí)我，我是在4月12號(hào)從新加坡飛向悉尼的航班上坐在您前面的乘客。

What I had initially thought to be a routine flight turned out to be a once in a lifetime experience – and it was all because of you.

起初我覺(jué)得這只是一次普通的飛行，但因?yàn)槟?，這成了我終身難忘的經(jīng)歷。

I am writing this letter to thank you personally.

寫這信的目的就是為了表達(dá)對(duì)您的感謝。

Being the cheapskate that I am, I did not pay extra for a seat next to the emergency exit.

我承認(rèn)我小氣，我沒(méi)有額外加錢坐上緊急出口旁邊的座位。

Though it offered more legroom, I couldn’t be bothered to read the special safety procedures. The last thing I would want is to compromise the lives of all the innocent passengers because I do not know how to open the airplane door.

即使那個(gè)位置的空間更大，但我也沒(méi)耐心去讀特殊情況安全守則。而且我不能置全艙人性命于不顧，因?yàn)槲掖_實(shí)不知道怎樣打開(kāi)機(jī)門。

Despite my common economy seat, you offered me a full back massage by repeatedly kicking the back of chair. To date, I have yet to regain full mobility of the lower half of my body. But since I am single, I suppose I don’t have much use for it anyway.

我坐的是經(jīng)濟(jì)艙卻享受了全套背部按摩，因?yàn)槟恢辈粩嘣谔呶业囊伪?。到現(xiàn)在我下肢部分還不能恢復(fù)正常活動(dòng)。但反正我單身，也不怎么需要用到下半身。

I did not pay for the in-flight entertainment package and I was worried that I might get bored. But my concerns were unnecessary. You were talking so loudly, as if your friend was seated in the cargo hold rather than right next to you.

我也沒(méi)有購(gòu)買航班娛樂(lè)大禮包，起初我還擔(dān)心會(huì)無(wú)聊，但是這種擔(dān)心很多余。您講話如此大聲，你的朋友是坐在貨倉(cāng)而你旁邊吧?

Perhaps she’s hard of hearing? This might strike you as odd but for the first time in my life, I wished I had a hearing impairment too.

或者，她有點(diǎn)聽(tīng)力障礙?你可能有點(diǎn)吃驚，但這真的是我平生第一次希望自己也有聽(tīng)力障礙。

Also, could you tell me where you bought those obnoxious snacks? I assume that they must have been delicious cause you rip one open every 30 minutes.

還有，您能告訴我你從哪帶來(lái)這些討厭的零食嗎?它們肯定很好吃，因?yàn)槟忝?0分鐘就會(huì)撕開(kāi)一包。

Thanks for the loud rustling and chewing ambient sounds!

我聽(tīng)得到包裝袋撕開(kāi)的聲音和咀嚼環(huán)繞音!

At this point, I thought, ‘It can’t get any better than this.’ But immediately, my nose was assaulted by a putrid smell of death and decay.

那時(shí)，我覺(jué)得自己真是受夠了。但是不久后，我的鼻子又被一股如同死尸腐爛的味道“強(qiáng)奸”了。

The stench was so strong that I turned to check if the old lady seated next to me was still breathing.

臭味如此之強(qiáng)烈我忍不住檢查了下坐我旁邊的年老的女士是否還有呼吸。

It was so nice of you to take off your shoes and put your feet between my seat and the plane window. It must have taken considerable effort – it was a small space but you stuck it as close to my face as you possibly could.

您能把脫掉鞋并把腳放在我座位和飛機(jī)玻璃之間真是太厲害了，您肯定費(fèi)了不少勁吧——這地方那么小，您還能把腳伸在離我臉最近的地方。

Did you know that you have made me a more religious person?

您知道嗎，是您讓我成為一個(gè)更虔誠(chéng)的人。

I have said more prayers in that eight-hour flight than I have in my entire life.

在這八小時(shí)我的禱告比我一生的還要多。

Thank you once again.

再次感謝您

Insincerely yours,

您親愛(ài)的

Passenger 14A

14A乘客

Vocabulary

manifesto 公開(kāi)信

cheapskate 小氣鬼

compromise 危害

hearing impairment 聽(tīng)力障礙