在孤獨(dú)的流行病期間，一些友誼會(huì)變得更牢固

在孤獨(dú)的流行病期間，一些友誼會(huì)變得更牢固

Marie Fiebach (left) and Kelly Schoeppner (right) found their friendship got deeper over the course of the pandemic.

瑪麗·菲巴赫(左)和凱利·肖普納(右)發(fā)現(xiàn)，她們的友誼隨著疫情的發(fā)展而加深。

For over a decade, Marie Fiebach and Kelly Schoeppner took weekly walks after dropping their kids off at school in Wichita, Kansas. The two women enjoyed the ritual, but each had four kids and busy lives, with family, work and plenty of other friends.

十多年來(lái)，瑪麗·菲巴赫和凱利·肖普納每周都會(huì)在送孩子到堪薩斯州威奇托市上學(xué)后散步。這兩位女士很享受這樣的儀式，但她們都有四個(gè)孩子，生活忙碌，有家庭、工作和許多其他朋友。

When the pandemic hit, that busyness receded, as did many friendships.

當(dāng)流行病來(lái)襲時(shí)，這種忙碌消失了，許多友誼也消失了。

Fiebach, 45, had always spent a lot of time chitchatting with pals at the gym, but it closed. Schoeppner's husband was furloughed, and their oldest daughter lost her job and moved home. As the shapes of their lives changed — got harder, got stranger — their friendship strengthened. Fiebach and Schoeppner's once-weekly walk became a weekly phone call, and the tenor of it changed.

菲巴赫今年45歲，以前經(jīng)常和朋友們?cè)诮∩矸块e聊，但健身房關(guān)門了。肖普納的丈夫被迫休假，他們的大女兒也失業(yè)了，搬回家住。隨著他們生活形態(tài)的改變——變得更加艱難，變得更加陌生——她們的友誼加深了。菲巴赫和肖普納每周一次的散步變成了每周一次的電話交談，談話的基調(diào)也改變了。

"We had a lot of conversations that were a lot deeper," Schoeppner, 47, said. "It was just a relief to know that she was there whenever I needed her to be."

“我們進(jìn)行了很多深入得多的對(duì)話，”47歲的肖普納說(shuō)。“當(dāng)我需要她的時(shí)候，她總是在我身邊，這讓我松了一口氣。”

"Kelly became my window to the world, and I became hers, even though our worlds were much, much smaller," Fiebach said.

菲巴赫說(shuō):“凱利成為了我通向世界的窗口，而我則成為了她的窗口，盡管我們的世界要小得多。”

Fewer but deeper friendships

更少但更深厚的友誼

Isolation is a common byproduct of Covid-19; adults are reporting significant declines in mental health since March.

隔離是Covid-19常見(jiàn)的副產(chǎn)品；據(jù)報(bào)道，自3月份以來(lái)，成年人的心理健康水平顯著下降。

But some people have found that as their worlds shrank, they also recalibrated, and a few things were simpler, and sometimes even better. Many women, especially those with jobs, young kids and frenetic schedules, found they had fewer friendships, but deeper ones. They replaced quantity with quality.

但有些人發(fā)現(xiàn)，隨著他們的世界縮小，他們也在重新調(diào)整，有些事情變得更簡(jiǎn)單，有時(shí)甚至更好。許多女性，尤其是那些有工作、有孩子、有瘋狂的日程安排的女性，發(fā)現(xiàn)她們的友誼更少，但更深厚。她們以質(zhì)量代替了數(shù)量。

"Loneliness is not usually from not knowing enough people," Shasta Nelson, an author and friendship expert, said. "It's from feeling known by a few people."

“孤獨(dú)通常不是因?yàn)檎J(rèn)識(shí)的人不夠多，”作家兼友誼專家沙斯塔·納爾遜說(shuō)。“這是少數(shù)人的感受。”

The pandemic is affecting friendship in a number of ways. Real friendship, Nelson said, is based on three things. Consistency: how often and reliably friends interact. Vulnerability: feeling seen and safe. And positivity: feeling good about the interactions. The pandemic knocked out a certain kind of casual friendship, one based more on consistency — running into people at school or sports or the market — than vulnerability and positivity.

這一流行病在許多方面影響著友誼。納爾遜說(shuō)，真正的友誼建立在三件事上。一致性：朋友互動(dòng)的頻率和可靠性。脆弱性：感覺(jué)被看見(jiàn)和安全。積極性：對(duì)互動(dòng)感覺(jué)良好。流行病摧毀了某種偶然的友誼，這種友誼更多的是建立在一致性的基礎(chǔ)上——在學(xué)校、運(yùn)動(dòng)會(huì)或市場(chǎng)上遇到的人——而不是建立在脆弱性和積極性上。

Some friendships are fracturing

一些友誼破裂了

Some friendships are fracturing beneath the strain of our time, not bringing enough positivity to continue. "A lot of relationships right now are struggling with how people are responding to the pandemic differently," Nelson said. "They feel judged, or they feel guilty, or they feel judgmental of the other person for not wearing masks or putting their kids in certain situations."

有些友誼在我們時(shí)代的壓力下破裂了，沒(méi)有帶來(lái)足夠的積極性使之繼續(xù)下去。” 納爾遜說(shuō)：“現(xiàn)在很多關(guān)系都在為人們對(duì)流行病的不同反應(yīng)而掙扎。”他們感到被人評(píng)判，或感到內(nèi)疚，或因?yàn)閷?duì)方?jīng)]有戴口罩或把孩子置于某些情況下而對(duì)他們進(jìn)行評(píng)判。“

Suddenly it wasn't weird to reach out to someone you missed and tell them you wanted to connect.

突然間，聯(lián)系上你想念的人并告訴他們你想聯(lián)系他們并不奇怪。