友誼日：如何成為一個(gè)更好的朋友

友誼日：如何成為一個(gè)更好的朋友

Hallmark established Friendship Day in 1919 as the first Sunday in August. It was probably an attempt to sell more greeting cards, but there is real societal value in celebrating friends -- especially during these partisan times when we seem to be finding more enemies.

賀曼公司于1919年將友誼日定為8月的第一個(gè)星期日。這可能是為了銷售更多賀卡，但慶祝朋友有真正的社會(huì)價(jià)值——尤其是在這個(gè)黨派紛爭(zhēng)的時(shí)代，我們似乎發(fā)現(xiàn)了更多的敵人。

"Friends are there to offer us the support we need when we feel the world's against us. Also to celebrate with us when things are going well," said Suzanne Degges-White, chairwoman of the Department of Counseling and Higher Education at Northern Illinois University.

“當(dāng)我們感到全世界都在反對(duì)我們時(shí)，朋友會(huì)在那里給予我們所需的支持。也是為了和我們一起慶祝一切順利，”北伊利諾伊大學(xué)咨詢和高等教育系主任蘇珊娜·德格斯-懷特(Suzanne Degges-White)說(shuō)。

"If you have one person you can talk to and be yourself with, that will give you all the health benefits that you had if you talk with 12 people every day," Degges-White said.

戴格斯-懷特說(shuō):“如果你有一個(gè)人可以和你聊天，做你自己，那將會(huì)給你帶來(lái)你每天和12個(gè)人聊天所帶來(lái)的所有健康益處。”

You may have 3,000 friends on Facebook, but you'll be relieved to learn that it's impossible to actually be friends with all of them. Degges-White says the research shows that three to five good friends are about all we can manage in our lives.

你可能在Facebook上有3000個(gè)好友，但當(dāng)你知道不可能和所有人都成為好友時(shí)，你會(huì)松一口氣。戴格斯-懷特說(shuō)，研究表明，在我們的生活中，只有三到五個(gè)好朋友是我們所能掌控的。

"There's only so much energy we can invest in a relationship, because we are not bottomless pits of compassion."

“我們?cè)谝欢侮P(guān)系中只能投入這么多精力，因?yàn)槲覀儾⒉皇菦](méi)有同情心的深淵。”

What is a friend?

什么是朋友?

Friendships are formed with those we have a sense of belonging with, people who mirror who we are. That may mean shared activities, shared interests and proximity -- someone "we can express ourselves to safely," Degges-White said.

友誼是與我們有歸屬感的人建立的，他們反映出我們是誰(shuí)。這可能意味著共同的活動(dòng)、共同的興趣和親近度——“我們可以安全地向某人表達(dá)自己，”德吉斯-懷特說(shuō)。

Psychologists speak about different levels of friendships: best friends, close friends, casual friends and acquaintances (we can have a million of the latter, Degges-White says).

心理學(xué)家談?wù)摬煌瑢哟蔚挠颜x:最好的朋友、親密的朋友、普通的朋友和熟人(德吉斯-懷特說(shuō)，我們可以有100萬(wàn)個(gè)熟人)。

5 things you can do to be a better friend

Be authentic: This is hard for a lot of people, because in order to be yourself around someone, you have to trust others. "Be willing to engage in self-disclosure. If you can't bring your whole authentic self to a relationship, the relationship will be built on misleading false presentations," she said.

做真實(shí)的自己:這對(duì)很多人來(lái)說(shuō)很難，因?yàn)橐趧e人面前做真實(shí)的自己，你必須信任別人。“愿意進(jìn)行自我表露。如果你不能在一段關(guān)系中展現(xiàn)真實(shí)的自我，那么這段關(guān)系就會(huì)建立在誤導(dǎo)性的虛假陳述之上。”

Be reciprocal: Don't ask something of your friend that you would not do for them. "If you're not going to answer their call at 2 a.m., don't expect them to," Degges-White said.

互惠:不要問(wèn)你的朋友一些你不會(huì)為他們做的事情。如果你不打算在凌晨2點(diǎn)接他們的電話，不要期望他們回這樣做。德格斯-懷特說(shuō)。

Be consoling, but also celebrate wins: Being a good friend means being willing to celebrate when your friend wins the lottery. Some friends just love hearing when you're miserable, she says. Part of that is jealousy, of course. You want to be a friend people call when they're excited and things are going right.

安慰自己，但也要慶祝勝利:做一個(gè)好朋友意味著當(dāng)你的朋友中了彩票時(shí)，你愿意去慶祝。她說(shuō)，有些朋友就是喜歡在你難過(guò)的時(shí)候聽(tīng)你傾訴。當(dāng)然，部分原因是嫉妒。你想成為一個(gè)當(dāng)他們興奮和事情進(jìn)展順利時(shí)會(huì)打電話給你的朋友。

Don't hoard your friends: Don't be afraid to introduce your friends to each other. It's a common problem. "They're scared other friends might become better friends with them." Many of us bring insecurity to relationships, which is tied up in feeling that we're not enough. We need to learn to love ourselves and get over it. Life is meant to be a party, Degges-White said.

不要囤積你的朋友:不要害怕互相介紹你的朋友。這是一個(gè)普遍的問(wèn)題。“他們害怕其他朋友可能會(huì)和他們成為更好的朋友。”我們中的許多人給人際關(guān)系帶來(lái)不安全感，這種不安全感與我們覺(jué)得自己不夠緊密相連。我們需要學(xué)會(huì)愛(ài)自己并克服它。德格斯-懷特說(shuō)，生活就是一場(chǎng)派對(duì)。

Be OK with disagreement: Our friends don't have to think exactly like we think. It's how you deal with the disagreement that really matters. Be willing to talk about it when something is bothering you. "Don't let things go on too long." Degges-White suggests that we shouldn't be too hard on the people who are there for us and have proved that they are, time and again.

接受不同意見(jiàn):我們的朋友不必和我們想的完全一樣。真正重要的是你如何處理分歧。當(dāng)有事情困擾你的時(shí)候，愿意談?wù)撍?ldquo;不要讓事情發(fā)展得太久。”戴格斯-懷特建議，我們不應(yīng)該對(duì)那些支持我們的人太苛刻，他們已經(jīng)一次又一次地證明了這一點(diǎn)。

Health benefits of friendship
友誼對(duì)健康的益處

Studies show a connection between good health and strong relationships. Our bodies produce more oxytocin -- a hormone that can create a feeling of calmness -- when we get a hug, Degges-White said.

研究表明，健康的身體和牢固的人際關(guān)系之間存在聯(lián)系。Degges-White說(shuō)，當(dāng)我們擁抱時(shí)，我們的身體會(huì)產(chǎn)生更多的催產(chǎn)素——一種能產(chǎn)生平靜感覺(jué)的荷爾蒙。