Hungry for Your Love 渴望你的愛
Hungry for Your Love 渴望你的愛
◎ Barbara DeAngelis, Ph.D.
It is cold, so bitter cold, on this dark, winter day in 1942. But it is not different from any other day in this Nazi concentration camp. I stand shiveringly in my thin rags, still in disbelief that this nightmare is happening. I am just a young boy. I should be playing with friends; I should be going to school; I should be looking forward to a future, to growing up and marrying, and having a family of my own. But those dreams are for the living, and I am no longer one of them. Instead, I am almost dead, surviving from day to day, from hour to hour, ever since I was taken from my home and brought here with tens of thousands of other Jews. Will I still be alive tomorrow? Will I be taken to the gas chamber tonight?
那是1942年冬季，一個(gè)寒冷陰暗的日子。但是在德國(guó)納粹集中營(yíng)內(nèi)，這與其他的日子并沒有什么不同。衣著單薄的我站在那里瑟瑟發(fā)抖，仍然不相信這場(chǎng)噩夢(mèng)的發(fā)生。那時(shí)我只是個(gè)小男孩。我本應(yīng)該同朋友們?cè)谝黄鹜鏄?，?yīng)該去上學(xué)，應(yīng)該展望我的未來，憧憬著長(zhǎng)大結(jié)婚，有一個(gè)自己的家庭。但是這些夢(mèng)想是屬于那些活著的人的，而我已經(jīng)不能算其中一個(gè)了。實(shí)際上，自從我從家里被人帶走，與成千上萬的猶太人一同被帶到這里之后，我?guī)缀蹙褪莻€(gè)死人了，每一天每一小時(shí)都在拼命與死神抗?fàn)幹?。明天我還會(huì)活著嗎？今晚我是不是就會(huì)被帶進(jìn)毒氣室？
Back and forth I walk next to the barbed wire fence, trying to keep my emaciated body warm. I am hungry, but I have been hungry for longer than I want to remember. I am always hungry. Edible food seems like a dream. Each day as more of us disappear, the happy past seems like a mere dream, and I sink deeper and deeper into despair. Suddenly, I notice a young girl walking past on the other side of the barbed wire. She stops and looks at me with sad eyes, eyes that seem to say that she understands. That she, too, cannot fathom why I am here. I want to look away, oddly ashamed for this stranger to see me like this, but I cannot tear my eyes from hers.
我沿著帶刺的鐵絲網(wǎng)來來回回地走著，試圖讓我單薄的身體暖和起來。我餓了，但我餓得太久了，我都不想去記有多長(zhǎng)時(shí)間了。我總是特別饑餓?？梢猿缘氖澄锞拖駛€(gè)夢(mèng)一樣。每天隨著我們當(dāng)中更多人的突然消失，往日的快樂就像是一場(chǎng)夢(mèng)境，而我也一天天地深陷絕望之中。突然，我發(fā)現(xiàn)一個(gè)小女孩從鐵絲網(wǎng)那邊走來。她停下腳步，用一種悲傷的眼神看著我，仿佛在告訴我說她能夠理解我。不過，即便是她，也同樣不明白我為什么會(huì)在這兒。我想移開我的視線，被一個(gè)陌生人這樣盯著，我覺得特別害臊，但我的眼睛卻無法從她身上挪開。
Then she reaches into her pocket, and pulls out a red apple. A beautiful, shiny red apple. Oh, how long it has been since I have seen one! She looks cautiously to the left and to the right, and then with a smile of triumph, quickly throws the apple over the fence. I run to pick it up, holding it in my trembling, frozen fingers. In my world of death, this apple is an expression of life, of love. I glance up in time to see the girl disappearing into the distance.
然后她把手伸進(jìn)口袋，掏出一個(gè)紅蘋果。這個(gè)紅蘋果多么鮮艷、多么美麗！噢，我都不記得上次見到這種蘋果是什么時(shí)候了！她小心翼翼地左右看了看，然后帶著勝利的微笑，迅速將蘋果拋過鐵絲網(wǎng)來。我跑過去撿起了它，用我那顫抖的、冰冷的手指緊握著它。在這到處充斥著死亡的世界里，這個(gè)蘋果就是生命和愛的象征。等我再次抬頭時(shí)，瞥見那女孩已經(jīng)消失在遠(yuǎn)處。
The next day, I cannot help myself——I am drawn at the same time to that spot near the fence. Am I crazy for hoping she will come again? Of course. But in here, I cling to any tiny scrap of hope. She has given me hope and I must hold tightly to it.
第二天，我情不自禁——我無法控制自己，又在同一時(shí)間來到鐵絲網(wǎng)那里。她還會(huì)再出現(xiàn)嗎，是我癡心妄想嗎？當(dāng)然。但是在這種地方，一丁點(diǎn)的希望我都要抓住。她給了我希望，我必須要牢牢抓住。
And again, she comes. And again, she brings me an apple, flinging it over the fence with that same sweet smile.
她又來了。而且她又給我?guī)砹艘粋€(gè)蘋果，并且?guī)е瑯犹鹈鄣奈⑿Π阉鼟佭^了鐵絲網(wǎng)柵欄。
This time I catch it, and hold it up for her to see. Her eyes twinkle. Does she pity me? Perhaps. I do not care, though. I am just so happy to gaze at her. And for the first time in so long, I feel my heart move with emotion.
這次我接住了它，并且舉起來讓她看。她的眼睛在閃爍。她是在可憐我嗎？可能吧。我才不會(huì)在乎。能這樣注視著她我就很開心了。這么久以來，我第一次感覺到，我的心中涌動(dòng)著某種情感。
For seven months, we meet like this. Sometimes we exchange a few words. Sometimes, just an apple. But she is feeding more than my belly, this angel from heaven. She is feeding my soul. And somehow, I know I am feeding hers as well.
接下來的七個(gè)月里，我們就這樣相會(huì)。有時(shí)我們會(huì)交談幾句。有時(shí)只是一個(gè)蘋果。但是，她不只是安撫了我的胃，她就像天堂來的天使一樣，安撫了我的靈魂。而且，我知道我也同樣安撫了她。
One day, I hear frightening news: we are being shipped to another camp. This could mean the end for me. And it definitely means the end for me and my friend.
一天，我聽到一個(gè)可怕的消息：我們將被押往別的集中營(yíng)去。這對(duì)我來說就是末日來臨，這就意味著我和她將要永別了。
The next day when I greet her, my heart is breaking, and I can barely speak as I say what must be said. “Do not bring me an apple tomorrow,” I tell her. “I am being sent to another camp. We will never see each other again.” Turning before I lose all control, I run away from the fence. I cannot bear to look back. If I did, I know she would see me standing there, with tears streaming down my face.
第二天，當(dāng)我跟她打招呼時(shí)，我的心都碎了，我勉強(qiáng)對(duì)她說了我必須要說的話?！懊魈觳挥迷俳o我蘋果了?！蔽腋嬖V她說，“我即將被轉(zhuǎn)移到別的集中營(yíng)去。我們?cè)僖惨姴坏綄?duì)方了?！痹谖彝耆Э厍?，我轉(zhuǎn)身從鐵絲網(wǎng)旁邊跑開了。我忍不住想回頭看。但我不能回頭，我不能讓她看到我在這兒淚流滿面的樣子。
Months pass and the nightmare continues. But the memory of this girl sustains me through the terror, the pain, the hopelessness. Over and over in my mind, I see her face, her kind eyes, I hear her gentle words, and I taste those apples.
一晃又過了幾個(gè)月，噩夢(mèng)依然在繼續(xù)。但對(duì)這個(gè)女孩的美好回憶支撐著我度過了那段恐怖、痛苦和絕望的日子。在我的腦海中，我一遍又一遍地看到她的臉龐，看到她那雙善良的眼睛，聽到她溫柔的話語，品嘗到那些蘋果。
And then one day, just like that, the nightmare is over. The war has ended. Those of us who are still alive are freed. I have lost everything that was precious to me, including my family. But I still have the memory of this girl, a memory I carry in my heart and gives me the will to go on as I move to America to start a new life.
直到有一天，噩夢(mèng)突然之間就結(jié)束了。戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)結(jié)束了。我們這些幸存下來的人自由了。我已失去了所有珍貴的東西，包括我的家庭。但我仍然保留著對(duì)這個(gè)女孩的回憶，這記憶一直被放在心底里，它給了我繼續(xù)走下去的意志，在我移居美國(guó)后，依然激勵(lì)著我開始新的生活。
Years pass. It is 1957. I am living in New York City. A friend convinces me to go on a blind date with a lady friend of his. Reluctantly, I agree. But she is nice, this woman named Roma. And like me, she is an immigrant, so we have at least that in common.
歲月流逝，轉(zhuǎn)眼間就到了1957年。那時(shí)我住在紐約，一位朋友勸我和他的一位女性朋友去約會(huì)，盡管不太情愿，我還是答應(yīng)了。其實(shí)她還不錯(cuò)，叫羅瑪。同我一樣也是移民，因此至少我們之間還存在一個(gè)共同點(diǎn)。
“Where were you during the war?” Roma asks me gently, in that delicate way immigrants ask one another questions about those years.
“戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)期間你在哪兒？”羅瑪用移民們互相問及那段歲月所特有的微妙語調(diào)，小心翼翼地問我。
“I was in a concentration camp in Germany.” I reply.
“我當(dāng)時(shí)在德國(guó)的集中營(yíng)里?！蔽一卮?。
Roma gets a far away look in her eyes, as if she is remembering something painful yet sweet.
羅瑪?shù)难凵裣萑肓艘黄谙胫校路鸹貞浧鹆耸裁赐纯喽痔鹈鄣氖虑椤?
“What is it?” I ask.
“怎么了？”我問她。
“I am just thinking about something from my past, Herman,” Roma explains in a voice suddenly very soft. “You see, when I was a young girl, I lived near a concentration camp. There was a boy there, a prisoner, and for a long while, I used to visit him every day. I remember I used to bring him apples. I would throw the apple over the fence, and he would be so happy.”
“我只是在想從前的一些事情，赫爾曼，”羅瑪突然用一種輕柔的語氣向我解釋道?！澳阒溃菚r(shí)我還是個(gè)小女孩，就住在一所集中營(yíng)附近。那兒有一個(gè)男孩——一個(gè)小囚犯被關(guān)在營(yíng)里，有很長(zhǎng)一段時(shí)間我天天都去看他。我記得我給他帶去蘋果。我把蘋果從鐵絲網(wǎng)上扔過去，他就特別開心?！?
Roma sighs heavily and continues. “It is hard to describe how we felt about each other——after all, we were young, and we only exchanged a few words when we could——but I can tell you, there was much love there. I assume he was killed like so many others. But I cannot bear to think that, and so I try to remember him as he was for those months we were given together.”
羅瑪重重地嘆了一口氣，接著說道：“很難描述出我們當(dāng)時(shí)對(duì)彼此的感覺——畢竟，我們那時(shí)還很小，有機(jī)會(huì)時(shí)我們也只是談過幾句話——但我可以告訴你，我和他之間包含著很多愛。我猜他可能和其他人一樣被殺了。但我無法去那樣想，所以我總是記起我們?cè)谝黄鹣嗵幍臅r(shí)光，記起那幾個(gè)月里他的樣子?！?
With my heart pounding so loudly I think it wil1 explode, I look directly at Roma and ask, “And did that boy say to you one day, ‘Do not bring me an apple tomorrow. I am being sent to another camp’?”
我的心猛地狂跳起來，我想它快爆炸了。我盯著她的眼睛問道，“是不是那男孩有一天對(duì)你說，‘明天不用給我?guī)O果了，我將被轉(zhuǎn)移到別的集中營(yíng)去了’？”
“Why, yes,” Roma responds, her voice trembling.
“哎？是啊，”羅瑪顫抖著嗓音回答道。
“But, Herman, how on earth could you possibly know that?”
“但是，赫爾曼，你怎么會(huì)知道這個(gè)？”
I take her hands in mine and answer, “Because I was that young boy, Roma.”
我握起她的手，答道：“因?yàn)槲揖褪悄莻€(gè)小男孩，羅瑪?！?
For many moments, there is only silence. We cannot take our eyes from each other, and as the veils of time lift, we recognize the soul behind the eyes, the dear friend we once loved so much, whom we have never stopped loving, whom we have never stopped remembering.
長(zhǎng)久的靜默。隨著時(shí)間的面紗被揭開，我們?cè)僖矡o法將眼光從彼此身上移開，我們認(rèn)出了隱藏在眼光后面的那顆心，我們?cè)钌類蹜僦鴮?duì)方，我們從未停止過相愛，我們從未停止過那段思念。
Finally, I speak, “Look, Roma, I was separated from you once, and I don’t ever want to be separated from you again. Now, I am free, and I want to be together with you forever. Dear, will you marry me?”
最后，我說：“你看，羅瑪，我與你分離過，但我再也不想與你分離了。現(xiàn)在，我自由了，我想和你永遠(yuǎn)在一起。親愛的，你愿意嫁給我嗎？”
I see that same twinkle in her eyes that I used to see as Roma says, “Yes, I will marry you.” and we embrace, the embrace we longed to share for so many months, but barbed wire came between us. Now, nothing ever will again.
在她的眼里，我又一次看到了過去的那種光芒。羅瑪回答我說：“愿意，我愿意嫁給你。”我們擁抱在一起，這是多少年前我們?cè)释膿肀?，只是?dāng)時(shí)被鐵絲網(wǎng)擋住了?，F(xiàn)在，這種事情再也不會(huì)發(fā)生了。
Almost forty years have passed since that day when I found my Roma again. Destiny brought us together the first time during the war to show me a promise of hope, and now it has reunited us to fulfill that promise.
我和羅瑪?shù)闹胤瓴畈欢?0年過去了。在戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)年代，命運(yùn)第一次讓我們相聚，給了我希望的承諾，而如今它又和我們團(tuán)聚來履行這一承諾。
Valentine’s Day, 1996. I bring Roma to the Oprah Winfrey Show to honor her on national television. I want to tell her in front of millions of people what I feel in my heart every day:
1996年的情人節(jié)。我?guī)е_瑪去參加奧普拉·溫弗里脫口秀，在這個(gè)全國(guó)性電視節(jié)目中我向她表達(dá)了愛意。我想在億萬觀眾面前告訴她，每一天我心里一直想說的話：
“Darling, you fed me in the concentration camp when I was hungry. And I am still hungry, for something I will never get enough of: I am only hungry for your love.”
“親愛的，當(dāng)我在集中營(yíng)里非常饑餓時(shí)，是你給我送來了食物。但現(xiàn)在我仍然很饑餓，因?yàn)橛行〇|西我永遠(yuǎn)也不會(huì)滿足：我只渴望你的愛?！?
