Learning From Failure 從失敗中學習

Learning From Failure 從失敗中學習

Why are so many people so afraid of failure? Quite simply because no one tells us how to fail so that failure becomes an experience that will lead to growth. We forget that failure is part of the human condition and that every person has the fight to fail.

為什么這么多人都害怕失敗呢？原因很簡單，從沒有人告訴我們?nèi)绾问?，以至于大家都認為失敗是成長過程必須經(jīng)歷的。我們忘了，失敗是人類生存條件的一部分，每個人都有與失敗斗爭的經(jīng)歷。

Most parents work hard at either preventing failure or protecting their children from the knowledge that they have failed. One way is to lower standards. A mother describes her child's hastily made table as "Perfect"! Even though it wobbles on uneven legs. Another way is to shift blame, If John fails science, his teacher is unfair or stupid.

許多父母都努力工作，或許是為了避免失敗，或許是為了不讓自己的孩子知道他們曾經(jīng)失敗過。有一種辦法是降低標準。一位母親說自己孩子匆匆做成的桌子是“完美的”，哪怕這張桌子由于不均衡桌腳的支撐正搖搖欲墜。另一種辦法是“嫁禍”，如果約翰考試沒過，那他父母就會認為他的老師是不公平的或愚蠢的。

The trouble with failure-prevention devices that they leave a child unequipped for life in the real world. The young need to learn that no one can be best at everything, no one can win all the time—and that it's possible to enjoy a game even when you don't win. A child who's not invited to a birthday party, who doesn't make the honor roll or the baseball team, feels terrible, of course. But parents should not offer a quick consolation prize or say, "It doesn't matter" because it does. The young should be allowed to experience disappointment—and be helped to master it.

這些防止失敗的策略所帶來的麻煩事，他們沒能使孩子在這個真實的世界里做好獨立生活的準備。年輕人需要知道，沒有誰能在各方面都做到最好，沒有誰總能獲勝——即使你沒有獲勝，你也可以享受這場比賽。一個沒有受到生日宴會邀請，沒有上光榮榜或進入棒球隊的孩子，必然會感到很沮喪。父母不應該給他們一個快速安慰獎勵，或者是在事實上并不是沒關系的情況下說“這都沒關系的”。應該允許年輕人經(jīng)歷失望，并且讓他們在幫助下學會控制它。

Failure is never pleasurable. It hurts adults and children alike. But it can make a positive contribution to your life once you learn to use it. Step one is to ask "Why did I fail?" Resist the natural impulse to blame someone else. Ask yourself what you did wrong, how you can improve. If someone else can help, don't be shy about inquiring. Success, which encourages repetition of old behavior, is not nearly as good a teacher as failure. You can learn from a disastrous party how to give a good one, from an ill-chosen first house what to look for in a second. Even a failure that seems definitive can prompt fresh thinking, a change of direction. After 12 years of studying ballet a friend of mine auditioned for a professional company. She was turned down. "Would further training help?" she asked. The ballet master shook his head. "You will never be a dancer," he said, "You haven't the body for it."

失敗不可能使人愉快。它會傷害到成年人，同樣也會傷害到孩子。但是，一旦你學會運用它，它就能對你的生活有積極的貢獻。第一步是問：“為什么我會失??？”不要受到本性沖動的影響去責備別人。問問自己到底做錯了什么，如何才能改進。如果有人幫助你，就不要羞于請教。成功，會激發(fā)人們重復自己的行為，根本不會比失敗更讓人受益良多。你可以從一場糟糕的宴會上學會如何辦一場成功的宴會。從第一次失敗的選房經(jīng)歷中學會如何尋找第二個。明確的失敗甚至能夠使人涌現(xiàn)出新的想法，改變方向。我的一個朋友在學了12年芭蕾舞之后去了一家專業(yè)公司進行面試。她被拒絕了。“我還需要進一步接受培訓嗎？”她問。芭蕾舞教練搖了搖頭。“你不可能成為一名舞蹈演員，”他說，“你不是塊跳芭蕾的材料。”

In such cases, the way to use failure is to take stock courageously, asking "What have I left? What else can I do?" My friend put away her toe shoes and moved into dance therapy, a field where she's both competent and useful. Failure frees one to take risks because there's less to lose. Often there's a resurgence of energy—an awareness of new possibilities.

在這樣的情況下，利用失敗的方法是勇敢地進行自我總結，問問：“我還剩下什么？我還可以做什么？”我的朋友收好了她的芭蕾舞鞋，然后轉而從事舞蹈治療，這是一個對她來說很在行也很實用的領域。失敗可以讓人不必再去冒險，因為失敗的人幾乎沒有什么再可以失去的了。通常，失敗還會讓人的精力復蘇，認知到一些新的可能性。

失敗，幫你否定了一條錯的路，那擺在你面前的、通往成功的選擇就又少了一項，成功幾率又大了一成，難道不值得感恩嗎？