幸福感取決于跟誰(shuí)在一起

According to Moran Cerf, a neuroscientist at Northwestern University who has been studying decision-making for over a decade, the surest way to maximise happiness has nothing to do with experiences, material goods, or personal philosophy.

如何最大程度地提升幸福感?靠體驗(yàn)?靠物質(zhì)?靠人生哲學(xué)?都不是。十幾年來，美國(guó)西北大學(xué)的神經(jīng)學(xué)家Moran Cerf一直在研究決策。

It's all about who you decide to spend time with. But "it's not just advice to choose your friends carefully," Cerf told Business Insider.

他告訴我們，提升幸福感的關(guān)鍵在于你決定和哪些人共度時(shí)光。

There are two premises that lead Cerf to believe personal company is the most important factor for long-term satisfaction.

他認(rèn)為，人際陪伴是長(zhǎng)期幸福感的最重要因素，這點(diǎn)存在兩個(gè)前提原因。

The first is that decision-making is tiring. A great deal of research has found that humans have a limited amount of mental energy to devote to making choices.

第一，決策很耗神。大量研究表明，人類用于決策的心理資源有限

Picking our clothes, where to eat, what to eat when we get there, what music to listen to, whether it should actually be a podcast, and what to do in our free time all demand our brains to exert that energy on a daily basis.

穿什么、吃什么、去哪里吃、聽哪首歌、周末干什么……我們的大腦每天都需要耗費(fèi)資源思考這些問題。

The second premise is that humans falsely believe they are in full control of their happiness by making those choices. So long as we make the right choices, the thinking goes, we'll put ourselves on a path toward life satisfaction.

第二，人們錯(cuò)誤地認(rèn)為，他們能夠通過做決策來掌控自己的幸福感——只要我們作出正確的決策，就會(huì)變得越來越幸福。

Cerf rejects that idea. The truth is, decision-making is fraught with biases that cloud our judgment. People misremember bad experiences as good, and vice versa; they let their emotions turn a rational choice into an irrational one; and they use social cues, even subconsciously, to make choices they'd otherwise avoid.

然而，人們的決策充滿了偏見，人們的記憶存在偏差，會(huì)混淆美好的體驗(yàn)和糟糕的體驗(yàn)。人們會(huì)任由情緒將理性決策轉(zhuǎn)變?yōu)榉抢硇詻Q策。人們會(huì)無意識(shí)地借助社會(huì)線索作出決策。

But as Cerf tells his students, that last factor can be harnessed for good.

Cerf表示，我們可以巧妙地利用最后一個(gè)因素。

His neuroscience research has found that when two people are in each other's company, their brain waves will begin to look nearly identical. One study of moviegoers, for instance, found the most engaging trailers all produced similar patterns in people's brains.

許多神經(jīng)學(xué)研究發(fā)現(xiàn)：當(dāng)兩個(gè)人待在一起時(shí)，他們的腦波會(huì)變得近似同步。舉例而言，引人入勝的電影預(yù)告片會(huì)在人們的大腦里激起類似的腦波模式。

"This means the people you hang out with actually have an impact on your engagement with reality beyond what you can explain. And one of the effects is you become alike."

這意味著，經(jīng)常相處的對(duì)象會(huì)影響你對(duì)現(xiàn)實(shí)的感知——盡管你無法解釋其中的原因。久而久之，你們會(huì)變得彼此相似。

It's apparent in people's behaviour, too. Buzzkills bring people's moods down; fast-talkers cause the pace of conversation to pick up; comedians get people feeling light, or funny.

這點(diǎn)很明顯地反映在人們的行為中——掃興者拉低你的情緒，滔滔不絕者會(huì)加快談話速度，風(fēng)趣者使你覺得輕松愉快。

From those two premises, Cerf's conclusion is that if people want to maximise happiness and minimise stress, they should build a life that requires fewer decisions by surrounding themselves with people who embody the traits they prefer.

綜上所述，Cerf認(rèn)為，若想最大程度地提升幸福感和減少壓力，就應(yīng)該多和自己欣賞的人相處，同時(shí)減少?zèng)Q策數(shù)量。

Over time, they will naturally pick up those desirable attitudes and behaviours. At the same time, they can avoid the mentally taxing low-level decisions that sap the energy needed for higher-stakes decisions.

久而久之，你會(huì)自然而然地采取自己所欣賞的態(tài)度和行為。與此同時(shí)，你可以減少不必要的低級(jí)決策，節(jié)約認(rèn)知資源，留給高級(jí)決策。

Following Cerf's restaurant policy, he said he also likes to avoid picking the restaurant. Instead, he prefers to make one decision — who to eat with — and pick someone whom he trusts. Chances are that person will pick a place Cerf enjoys, which means the second special option is also more likely to leave him feeling satisfied.

erf甚至?xí)苊馓暨x餐廳，他只做一個(gè)決策——和誰(shuí)吃飯。他會(huì)挑選一個(gè)自己信任的人，任由對(duì)方?jīng)Q定去哪家餐廳。通常，對(duì)方選擇的餐廳也令他滿意。

In other words, he avoids making two smaller decisions by making one larger one.

此外，他規(guī)定自己每次吃飯都點(diǎn)菜單上的第二道菜，以節(jié)約決策資源。

The same can apply for people who want to exercise more, watch less TV, take up a musical instrument, or become more sociable. In all cases, Cerf said, the most important decision is who you surround yourself with.

想健身?想少看電視?想學(xué)習(xí)樂器?想變得擅長(zhǎng)社交?道理同上。Cerf表示，最重要的決策是選擇和誰(shuí)在一起。