父母該如何保護(hù)孩子免遭性侵？
公共官員、名人、教練、醫(yī)生、老師，這些被控性侵未成年人的，都是有權(quán)威地位的成年人。很多案例中，案犯是孩子們非常熟悉的人，他們常常覺得難以啟齒。
Parents may have a sense of panic that the problem is getting worse. But in fact, some of the cases now making news aren’t new at all: Some of the accusations against Roy Moore, the Republican running for Senate in Alabama, stem from the 1970s.
對于這個問題日漸惡化，家長們可能會有一種恐慌感。但實(shí)際上，一些在當(dāng)下成為新聞的案例一點(diǎn)都不新鮮：對在亞拉巴馬州競選參議員的共和黨人羅伊·摩爾(Roy Moore)的部分指控源自70年代。
Over the past 25 years, the overall rate of reported cases of sexual abuse of children in the United States has actually declined by 65 percent, according to research conducted by David Finkelhor, director of the Crimes Against Children Research Center and professor of sociology at the University of New Hampshire. Dr. Finkelhor attributes the decline to several factors, not the least of which are a growing awareness of the problem and an increase in education and training surrounding the identification and prevention of sexual assault.
據(jù)涉童犯罪研究中心(Crimes Against Children Research Center)主任、新罕布什爾大學(xué)(University of New Hampshire)社會學(xué)教授戴維·芬克霍爾(David Finkelhor)介紹，過去25年，美國報(bào)案的性虐兒童案件總體比率實(shí)際下降了65%。芬克霍爾將其歸功于多個因素，尤其是對這個問題的認(rèn)識逐漸增強(qiáng)，以及圍繞發(fā)現(xiàn)和防范性侵犯的教育和培訓(xùn)增加。
“It’s not like we are having a new epidemic, but it looks like this new awareness is resulting in some improvement of the situation,” Dr. Finkelhor said.
“不是說我們面臨一個泛濫成災(zāi)的新問題，而是這種新的認(rèn)識令情況得到了一定的改善，”芬克霍爾說。
An estimated 90 percent of the perpetrators of child sexual abuse are people the child knows, with 30 percent being family members. Just 10 percent are strangers.
據(jù)估計(jì)，90%的兒童性虐待案犯是熟人，其中30%是家人。陌生人僅占10%。
What can parents do to help keep their kids as safe as possible?
父母怎么才能幫助讓孩子盡可能安全?
Teach Body Awareness Early
盡早進(jìn)行身體意識的教育
As your child is learning to talk, use the real names of body parts and genitals during diaper changes or bath time — and let them know that no one should touch their private parts other than a parent, caregiver or doctor. Further, in those instances, explain that the touch should be brief, and in the case of a doctor visit, a parent or other adult should be present.
在孩子咿呀學(xué)步時，就要在換尿布或洗澡時使用身體部位和生殖器的真實(shí)名稱，并讓他們知道，除了父母、私人看護(hù)和醫(yī)生外，誰都不能觸碰他們的私密部位。還要進(jìn)一步解釋，父母、私人看護(hù)和醫(yī)生的觸碰應(yīng)該是短暫的，并且如果是看醫(yī)生，應(yīng)該有父母或其他成年人在場。
“It’s never too early to teach children that their body belongs to them,” said Debby Herbenick, a professor of public health at Indiana University and a fellow at the Kinsey Institute. For instance, when you tickle your kids and they tell you to stop, you stop. The same applies to physical affection. “Sometimes parents think they have to make their kids hug or kiss relatives, but they don’t. You can suggest it but if the child says ‘no,’ just leave it at that, which teaches kids that how they give affection is their choice to make and not something they have to do to make somebody else feel good or happy — or do out of obligation,” Dr. Herbenick said.
“越早教孩子他們的身體屬于他們自己越好，”印第安納大學(xué)(Indiana University)公共衛(wèi)生教授、金賽研究所(Kinsey Institute)研究員黛比·赫爾貝尼克(Debby Herbenick)說。比如，當(dāng)你胳肢孩子，孩子讓你住手時，就住手。這一點(diǎn)同樣適用于用身體表達(dá)愛意。“有時候，家長覺得必須讓孩子擁抱或親吻親戚，但孩子不愿意。你可以提出建議，但如果孩子拒絕就算了。這會教孩子明白，如何表達(dá)喜愛由他們自己決定，不是為了讓其他人感到舒服或高興，或是出于義務(wù)而不得不做的事情，” 赫爾貝尼克博士說。
Once your child requests privacy in the bathroom or while changing, grant it, said Wendy Mogel, a psychologist and author. “This communicates the concept of dignity, enables children to discern what’s appropriate and what’s not, and it teaches them independence and agency over their own bodies,” she said.
心理學(xué)家兼作家溫迪·莫格爾(Wendy Mogel)說，一旦孩子在洗澡或換衣服時提出隱私要求，就答應(yīng)他們。“這表達(dá)了一種尊重的概念，讓孩子能夠區(qū)分什么合適，什么不合適，并教會他們，他們的身體是獨(dú)立的，由他們自己掌控，”她說。
Help Kids Listen to Their Intuition and Act on It
幫助孩子聽從自己的直覺并依其行事
“We tend to emphasize manners to kids, but when they are in a situation where they’re starting to feel uncomfortable, they often don’t feel they have the power to be rude and leave,” Dr. Mogel said.
“我們往往會向孩子強(qiáng)調(diào)禮儀，但在他們開始覺得不舒服的情況下，他們往往會覺得自己不可以表現(xiàn)得無禮或者離開，”莫格爾博士說。
So she suggests role-playing with your kids — pretend to be a neighbor with a litter of kittens to show them. “I’d remind them that they didn’t have to be polite or even answer if a situation felt wrong to them. They could simply run and report to a safe adult.”
因此，她建議和孩子玩角色扮演，假裝是拿一窩小貓給孩子們看的鄰居。“我會提醒他們，如果覺得情況不對，他們不用保持禮貌，甚至不用答話。他們可以盡管跑開并告訴可靠的成年人。”
Role-playing helps give children a script for awkward conversations, Dr. Finkelhor said. “Kids can find it hard to articulate, ‘I need to go home’ or ‘You can’t touch me that way,’ and having practiced saying those strong messages makes them more likely to be able to do it when needed.”
角色扮演有助于給孩子提供一個應(yīng)對令人尷尬對話的劇本，芬克霍爾博士說。“孩子可能會覺得‘我要回家’或‘你不能那樣摸我’難以說出口，練習(xí)說這些強(qiáng)硬的話可以增加他們在需要的時候能夠說出來的可能性。”
Dr. Finkelhor added that it’s necessary to talk with young people not only about the possibility of becoming victims but also about becoming offenders because population surveys have found that about half of sexual abuse offenders are juveniles.
芬克霍爾博士還表示，有必要不僅和孩子討論成為受害者的可能性，還要和他們討論成為施害者的可能，因?yàn)槿丝谡{(diào)查發(fā)現(xiàn)，約一半的性侵犯的施予方是青少年。
Another thing parents can do: Assure your kids that their feelings are valid. “We live in a culture in which girls and boys tend to put down each other’s feelings,” said Rachel Simmons, co-founder of Girls Leadership. “It’s up to us to say, ‘I believe your feelings and you should too,’ because self advocacy can only happen when you authorize your own feelings.”
家長還可以做的另一件事是向孩子保證，他們的感覺是正確的。“我們生活在一種男孩女孩都傾向于壓抑對方感受的文化中，”《女孩領(lǐng)導(dǎo)力》(Girls Leadership)的聯(lián)合創(chuàng)始人蕾切爾·西蒙斯(Rachel Simmons)說。“我們應(yīng)該對他們說，‘我相信你的感覺，你也應(yīng)該相信’，因?yàn)橹挥挟?dāng)你認(rèn)可自己的感受時，才能維護(hù)自己的權(quán)益。”
Make Clear You’re There for Support
讓孩子知道你的支持
It’s crucial to tell your child that if somebody makes her uncomfortable or touches her inappropriately, she can tell you and she won’t be in trouble. Often children have been told by the perpetrator that nobody will believe them if they tell, they will lose their social status, they will be blamed or that they will give up what may seem like a special relationship with the offender, said Dr. Tara Harris, medical director of the Pediatric Center of Hope at Riley Hospital for Children at Indiana University Health.
這一點(diǎn)很重要：告訴孩子，如果有人讓她不舒服或碰了不該碰的地方，她是可以告訴你的，她不會因此有麻煩。侵犯者往往會跟孩子說，如果他們說出去，沒人會相信他們，他們會被社會看不起、會受到責(zé)備，將放棄他們與侵犯者之間這種看似特殊的關(guān)系，美國印第安納大學(xué)醫(yī)學(xué)院賴?yán)麅和t(yī)院(Riley Hospital for Children at Indiana University Health)兒童性侵害診所“希望兒科中心”(Pediatric Center of Hope)的塔拉·哈里斯(Tara Harris)博士說道。
Explain to your children that they can talk to you and you will not judge or blame them and will do all you can to protect them. And get a medical exam, both to help take care of the child and to record any evidence.
告訴你的孩子，他們可以和你說，你不會評判或責(zé)怪他們，而是會盡你一切所能去保護(hù)他們。并且要做一次體檢，這既是為了愛護(hù)孩子，也是為了記錄證據(jù)。
Reporting abuse can be particularly difficult for a child when the perpetrator is an admired member of the community (like a teacher or a coach) who may appear to have power over a child’s future.
對孩子來說，如果侵犯者是社會上受尊敬的人(如教師或教練)——這些似乎能掌控孩子未來的人，要報(bào)告侵害則尤其困難。
“This is an opportunity for parents to say that I’m going to stand with you — and that no success and no opportunity is worth the violations that you’re experiencing,” Ms. Simmons said.
“這是父母發(fā)聲的機(jī)會：我會和你站在一起——不論是什么成功，什么機(jī)會，都不值得用你現(xiàn)在所承受的侵犯去換取。”西蒙斯說道。
Be Aware of Your Child’s Behavior 留意孩子的行為
“The nature of the newsfeed has made the probabilities of danger seem wildly skewed in parents’ minds and they imagine that if they let their child out of their sight for one second without implanting a GPS tracker in their head, they’re going to be assaulted, molested or abducted that day — and that is highly unlikely,” Dr. Mogel said.
“新聞推送的性質(zhì)極度扭曲了父母眼中危險出現(xiàn)的概率。如果孩子身上沒有植入GPS定位跟蹤器，離開視線一秒，父母都會去想孩子今天是不是會被侵犯、騷擾或被綁架——這幾乎不大可能，”莫格爾博士說。
Still, within reason, keep tabs on your child’s life. “I encourage parents to have the rule that phones and electronic devices stay in the parents’ room at night,” Dr. Harris said. “Kids should be sleeping, not playing on their phone at night; and that’s usually when people text kids in inappropriate ways.” Monitoring late-night communications can be a way to prevent questionable relationships from developing.
然而，在合理范圍內(nèi)，孩子的生活需要得到密切關(guān)注。“我鼓勵父母立下這個規(guī)定：晚上要把手機(jī)和電子設(shè)備放在父母房間，”哈里斯博士說。“孩子晚上應(yīng)該睡覺，而不是玩手機(jī);人們通常在晚上給孩子發(fā)不適當(dāng)?shù)膬?nèi)容。”監(jiān)視夜間交流是預(yù)防可疑關(guān)系發(fā)展的一種方法。
Also, find out what policies your child’s school or camp has regarding sexual assault. And urge kids to follow a buddy system. “There shouldn’t be one adult taking a child to a bathroom alone and there’s no reason your child can’t grab a friend to come along,” Dr. Harris said. “Let your school or camp know that your family follows this buddy system, which puts the organization on notice that you talk about body safety and your child knows about these things — and that’s an extra barrier that may slow someone down who might have targeted that child.”
此外，了解孩子所在的學(xué)?；驙I地對性侵犯有什么政策。并督促孩子遵守結(jié)伴制度。“不該由一個成年人單獨(dú)帶一個小孩去衛(wèi)生間的情況，也沒理由不讓孩子拉上一個朋友一起，”哈里斯博士說。“讓孩子的學(xué)?；驙I地知道你們家遵守著這種結(jié)伴制度，這就是在提醒機(jī)構(gòu)，你是講過身體安全的，孩子也是知道這些事情的——這條額外的防線或許能阻攔某個盯上了這個孩子的人。”
If you do notice signs of distress in your child, take it seriously. “If your child suddenly becomes more withdrawn or is spending more time alone in their room, talk with them about it,” Dr. Herbenick said. “Let them know, ‘I’m noticing this about you and I want to make sure you’re O.K.’”
如果你注意到孩子確有不適，請認(rèn)真對待。“如果孩子突然比以往自閉，或一個人在房內(nèi)獨(dú)處的時間更多，請與他們談?wù)劊?rdquo;赫本尼克博士說。“讓他們知道，‘我注意到你的問題了，我想確保你沒事’。”
If your child discloses an assault, don’t dismiss it. “One of the biggest factors in how a child recovers from what happened is the reaction they get when they tell an adult,” Dr. Harris said.
如果你的孩子透露受到了侵犯，請不要不予理會。“孩子從發(fā)生的事情中恢復(fù)得如何，最重要的因素之一是他們在告訴大人之后，他們從大人身上得到的反應(yīng)，”哈里斯博士說。
